Lately I have been getting a lot of questions from guys who are looking to hookup sexually with their female friends. Most of the time it’s a guy who became friends with a woman he liked in hopes that once she got to know him, she would want to be in a relationship with him. Women either find you at least 51% attractive or more on a scale of 0 to 100% regarding their level of romantic interest in you, or if it’s below 51%, you ain’t got a chance. If it’s above 51%, then you can raise it.
Attraction is not a choice. You either qualify, or you don’t. Even if you qualify, if you do the wrong things, you will disqualify yourself from having any romantic chances. Here’s how to tell the difference between a girl “friend” who will sleep with you, and one who only sees you as a friend.
The biggest mistake most men make when they are trying to convert their girl “friend” into a girl friend, is getting all serious and hung up on relationship and exclusivity labels. They totally get in the way of just letting things happen. Women fall in love slowly over time. It all starts with physical attraction. You either qualify, or you don’t. If you do, then you need to remain focused on simply having a good time when you are hanging out with your girl “friend”. As a woman senses and sees through your actions that you are not going to try and force things, but instead just go with the flow and see what happens, and as long as she has at least 51% or more interest level in you, she will become bolder and physically touch and be close to you. This is her subtle invitation that she is ready to be more affectionate. You simply reciprocate slowly. If she pauses and backs up, then you need to back off a little bit. If you touch too much and move too quickly, she will back off. You need to notice this. It’s extremely important. If she backs off, and you do not, but instead keep touching her, she will shut down and slowly push you away because you are making her feel uncomfortable. This is were sensory acuity comes in. Learning to recognize moment by moment how a woman feels about you romantically. Women are like cats. They come and go as they please. When they take off, you have to let them go and trust that they will come back. If their interest level is above 51%, they’ll be back eventually. So just be patient. It’s a difficult dance and balancing act. It requires you to pay attention.
The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. His girl “friend” has flat out told him she is open to having sex without any attachments. However, she is hesitant because she is worried he is going to make the situation awkward and uncomfortable by wanting more than just a “friends with benefits” type of casual friendship/sexual relationship. My comments (are in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I read your article on Understanding Relationships. I enjoyed it and you seem to know more in this area than other’s I have seen, but not consulted. I am hoping you can help me in maybe deciphering my whole situation. I have known this female since childhood. We started talking again in 2005, and I eventually fell in love with who she was. I moved to a different state, and even with communication over the phone, I can’t help but to adore her, but I can’t really explain why. We do argue a lot, usually over nonsense just like we would when we would hung out in a group of friends. (Men who understand women do not argue with them. They communicate with them in a loving way. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man.) I have of course told her how I felt (see my article friends, or friends with benefits?), and the responses every week I get from her just confuse me more.
At one point, she had said she found me to be attractive, but not in a sexual way. (Translation: When she said it, she meant she found you attractive, but not attractive enough to want to sleep with you.) She of course says that we are just friends, and I agree. But she uses the term “as of now we are friends,” (Translation: “Right now we are just friends. However, on the off chance you figure things out in the future with what we women really want, maybe we’ll be more. But right now, I ain’t feelin it.”) but before that just flat out said that was all we were going to be. (Women say and do things based upon how they feel in the moment. Therefore, its a true statement of how they feel about you in the moment. A woman’s emotions and feelings change with the wind. You can’t take it personally.) As many times as we try to go our separate ways, we end up communicating through texts and at times, phone calls. The thing is, she always initiates sexting, always at late night early morning. (Maybe she does this when she feels horny and sexually wound up. When she does start doing this, tell her to grab a bottle of wine and come on over and seduce you. When she brings sex up, tell her to come over and do it to you. After texting for 3 or 4 texts, if she still won’t come over and act upon her texts, then tell her “I gotta run, but text me if you change your mind.” Simple strategy. She brings it up, you invite her to act upon it. She’ll either act upon it, or stall and make excuses. When she stalls or makes excuses, then leave the conversation and tell her to call/text you if she changes her mind. Don’t pursue or text this girl at all from now on. You’ve got a good case of blue balls now. Get busy applying what I teach on other women you like so you can improve your skills, grow your confidence and so you can start hooking up. This will give you SWAGGER and make you more attractive to other women. The more women perceive you to be a catch, the harder they will work to make you theirs. This will give you choice with women and plenty of options. Unlike what you have now, which is a girl who is giving you blue balls.)
She then says that she would want to sleep with me and try new things, but I am not to get the wrong idea, or try to move to a next level. (Pay attention!!!!! Translation: “I would sleep with you, but I think you will just get hung up on me and start making unreasonable demands that I be your girlfriend, in a relationship, etc.” She does not think you can just go with the flow and have a casual sexual relationship with her. If you are hanging out and hooking up by creating one romantic and fun-filled opportunity for sex to happen after another, eventually, most women will down the road, ask you to become exclusive with them. So forget about all the boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship/etc. talk. Women will decide when you’ve passed enough of their tests, that they want to be exclusive with you.) I don’t understand what she is really saying behind all this, or how she really feels. Any help or thoughts on this matter?? I do appreciate your time. (It would appear your girl “friend” is open to sleeping with you and hooking up to explore new things. However, she is hesitant because you are making her feel uncomfortable by always bringing up serious talk of relationships and exclusivity labels. LOVE IS PLAYFUL AND FUN, NOT SERIOUS!!! You are bringing up subjects that are feminine by nature. You in essence are acting like a woman around her. She therefore acts like men used to act when women brought up the subject of commitment. It’s inappropriate and out of sequence. Act like a man, and women will talk you into letting them seduce you. A woman’s texts, emails, calls, way she dresses, perfume, etc. are all meant to get your attention to let you know she is open to you creating a romantic fun-filled opportunity for sex to happen. WOMEN DECIDE when they want to let you in to penetrate them emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. You simply have to learn to recognize this behavior so you can facilitate things successfully concluding in the bedroom.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.”-Oprah