I have a small problem I need help with. I am dating a great woman, but she wants to date other men also, she hasn’t dated in a long time and wants to see what’s out there. She says she is only sleeping with me. How do I get her to forget about dating the other guys, and just date me?
Thanks for any help you can give.
Here is my response to his email:
This is an interesting situation. Usually when I get questions like this, it’s usually the guy wanting to date multiple women and keep his options open. Let’s look at interest level first. Interest level cuts everything. If her interest level is in the 80% – 90% level, (see pages 120-130 in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man“), this is when she will start trying to tie you down into an exclusive relationship. So it would appear that her interest level may be somewhere in the 70% range. It’s always better to underrate her interest level in you. This is a great problem to have!
An alpha male sees himself as a catch. If a woman rejects him, he sees it as her loss and he really feels that way. In your mind, you should take comfort in knowing that she is not going to find a guy who is better with women than you. Let her try and find someone. Most men are too weak to do anything to improve this area of their lives. They would rather fail over and over again than admit they needed help with women, or at the very least recognize that their current approach is not working. My point is that most guys will not read my book, like you have, and email a life and peak performance coach like myself to help them get better. You have the edge over most guys. You have the advantage of having knowledge most men will NEVER KNOW about women.
So what should you do? Flip the script. Tell her if that’s what she really wants, then you are okay with it. Tell her to go and have all the fun she can with other guys, and if she finds someone better than you, then to go for it. You want her to be happy. However, you want to date other women as well. Tell her you want the both of you to be happy, even if that means you both end up in relationships with other people. It’s called an open relationship. As you know from my book, the purpose of all relationships is that you go there to give. You two will still date and have fun like you have been, but you both will be free to explore possibilities with other people. If you start dating other women, it will put you in a non-hungry state and make it even easier to do the right thing. See yourself as the prize. She should have to earn your love and attention too. At this point, her interest level is not high enough for her to want to be exclusive. Trying to force it will only push her away. Women are going to do what they want… when they want… and with whom they want. So unless she brings up being exclusive, just have fun with her and enjoy the other possibilities out there. A lot of guys would DO ANYTHING to be in your situation, so take advantage of it while you can. If her interest level goes high enough, she will try to MAKE you her boyfriend. Then you can either say yes if/when that happens, or no that you want to continue to date other people.
You are the guy. YOU are in the driver seat. Have fun and be grateful you are dating a girl that is cool and mature like this! Now get busy getting some other phone numbers and dates with some other pretty girls.
From my heart to yours,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur