She Was Very Affectionate On 2 Dates. She Declined A 3rd Date. Why?

Why a woman will seemingly be affectionate on dates & then suddenly reject you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had two dates that went well with a woman he met on Hinge. She was affectionate and touchy towards him. He thought he was making progress. When he tried to setup a third date he got rejected with her saying she didn’t think they were a match.

He’s confused as to why and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who thought he had two dates that went well. There was kissy-poo at the end of it. He met this girl on Hinge and he felt she was affectionate and touchy towards him. He thought, “Hey, I’m making progress,” but when he tried to set up the third date, he got rejected and she said basically they didn’t think they were a match or she didn’t think they were a match. He asked her why she gave him an explanation that just kind of confused him. So he writes in detailing what happened.

So let’s go through his email and see what’s going on.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I wrote to you in a previous email titled, Pursuing 50% Leads To Loss Of Attraction, Respect & Elicits Platonic Feelings or something like that.

So right off the bat, we know that he tends to pursue too much. He tends to be too nice. As we all know, nice guys finish last. Women like a guy that’s got confidence and he goes for what he wants.

Since that email I have gone through your physical copy of 3% Man five times and the audio-book several times (I’ve lost count). This is not a success story, but I will keep this short so the details will be brief. 

I am a 28-year-old law student in Boston and I recently went on a few dates with a girl I met off Hinge who is a 27-year-old professional. We were both Jewish, which is something that is becoming more important to me.

Well, especially with the woke left and the woke right, you look at like Candace Owens, Myron Gaines, and the rest of those fucking retards.

I thought the first two dates went very well. I did not get a third and I would like your help to understand why. 

If you’re confused about her interests, it means her interest is low.

On the first date, I invited her out to a bar in Fenway that had pool tables and an arcade upstairs.

Well remember, as the book says, you should take a woman to three places, especially if you’re doing online dating, something like a wine bar, especially you guys are on a budget, you basically only have to commit to a glass of wine. If you don’t really feel chemistry or spark, you can say, “Hey, it was really great meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your evening!” If it goes well, then you can have a place to go to dinner that’s maybe nearby that’s a quick cab ride, Uber ride, quick bus ride,or quick train ride away. Then you can have a nice little dinner, or ideally you can walk somewhere, especially if you live in like a downtown area where there’s lots of cool places to hang out. Then if the dinner goes well, then I would suggest someplace with pool tables and an arcade, that kind of thing. Most women take about four or five hours before they’re going to be warmed up enough and ready to do the horizontal bop.

So most guys go to a take a girl to one place, they go to dinner or whatever, and then they go home. So by getting in a car or traveling to different places, it gives them an experience of three individual dates in one night, so it can help speed up the seduction process. So right off the bat, that’s the first thing I would have done differently. The Fenway Park, the bar with the pool table and the arcade, that would have been the third place you should have taken her to, because that facilitates physical interaction. In the first two places, lots of good, deep conversation, lots of you listening and opening her up, joking around and teasing her. Then by the time you get to the arcade and the physical activity, she’s already open and probably going to be bumping into you and touching you.

The first hour of the date or so we spent the time just chatting and getting to know one another. I made a point to ask questions and to make sure she talked more than me (I try to be cognizant of that as sometimes I can talk too much).

Well, as the book says, ideally 70%, 80%, 90% should be done by her. That helps you remain mysterious. So she’ll have to work to get to know you. Especially if you’re the type of guy that tends to talk too much, there’s also something to consider that. Probably there’s things you did and said on the date that turned her off, just because you have a history of that. As you say, you’ve got a history of talking too much. You have a history of pursuing too much. When it’s 50/50, it elicits platonic feelings. Women like you more if they think they’re way more into you than you are into them.

As your book says, women feel connected by talking and they should be doing most of it.

Well, that’s what creates human rapport, is being a good listener and taking a sincere, authentic interest in other people.

Towards the end of the first date, we went upstairs to play air hockey at the arcade where she began touching me and teasing me. I thought this was a sign I was doing well. As it was getting late, I ended the date but offered to walk her to the subway.

Well again, as the book says, if that was the third place, and this is like five or six hours into the date and she’s touching you like that, you can make out and then you can just simply do the trial close, which is, “Hey, why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine?” And she says, “No, let’s stay here and have another drink,” then great. Hang out, have another drink. Maybe a little while later, take another run, make out. Making out leads to heavy petting. You can say, “Why don’t we get out and go back to my place and open that bottle of wine?” Then she might be like, “Yeah, let’s do that. Let’s get out of here.” If you follow what’s in the book, you’re just going to get to the Promised Land quicker. If you’re going to do it your way or just do a few things and in the date like that, it just takes you longer to get to where you want to be.

On the walk, I began to notice she was bumping into me, and actually quite aggressively.

Well, if a woman’s doing that, then when she’s touching you, breaking the touch barrier as the book says, reciprocate. Put your arm around her, grab her hand, pull her close, start making out with her. He didn’t do that. He kind of stood there like a statue.

To the point where I commented, “Geez, are you trying to knock me over?” Her response was, “Maybe I am trying to knock you over because I want you to hold my hand!”

So something that kind of jumped out at me the first time I was going through this, it’s also possible she was down to bang and you dithered and you hesitated so much. I mean, the girl’s bumping into you to the point where that’s her way of being obnoxious about like, “Hey, it’s time to escalate things physically here, dude.” If she was looking to get some strange and you’re dithering and hesitate and you’re going, “Why are you knocking me over?” And she’s like, “I want you to hold my hand, dummy,” at some point she starts to go “Ughh,” because you’re just not really advancing things. So my impression is she was down to hook up and maybe you didn’t expect it to go that well, but you didn’t really advance things.

So I did, and as we arrived I went for the kiss, and she reciprocated with several wet smooches. I thought the date went well. 

Again, your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen, and it doesn’t look like it at all that you were thinking about the logistics of sex. You had already decided ahead of time that it really wasn’t going to go anywhere, at least not on that date.

So again, as the book says, it teaches you to respond to women, how they’re showing up, and when a woman is being that physically aggressive, like I said, you’re in the date and there’s probably a good chance she would have gone home and smashed, but you were so clueless that it’s like she literally had to almost knock you over. Then she called you out like, “Hey dummy, I want you to hold my hand.” It’s like, duh!

Again, if a woman’s wanting to hook up and you’re taking too long and you’re dithering and hesitating, you just start to come off as a guy that doesn’t understand women, you can’t pick up on the clues, and she’s just going to go hang out with Chad Thundercock, or go home and call some guy she’s already sleeping with to come over and beat up her pelvis after you just spent all your money and time with her and acted like a statue.

The first date was on a Friday, and I reached out for a second date on Wednesday via text. I did not hear back. Looking back through the messages, I went through the chat history, and saw she told me that she was on a work trip that week. I took a chance and called her again when she was back (Not ideal, I know).

So you weren’t paying attention. You’re trying to set a date when she’s out of town. That can pop out at a woman like, “I told him I was out of town.” The fact that she just ignored you, I would have waited a couple of weeks at least and thought, “You know, maybe she’s in a different headspace,” but that should be your first clue that her interest wasn’t super high.

Like I said, based on her affection and the fact it seemed like she got annoyed that she had to go out of her way and then you were like, “Well, why do you keep bumping into me?” And she’s like, “I want you to hold my hand, dummy,” it’s like you weren’t picking up on the clues. Like I said, it, it looks like she was down to hook up and it just sailed right over your head. It’s like you had presupposed ahead of time that it wasn’t going to go any further than just a date and hanging out.

It went to voicemail, and I thought that was it, only to see her call me right back. I got her on the phone but could not set up a definite date as our schedules did not align. We agreed to hash it out over text. 

There was some back and forth, but I only used the phone for logistics.

Well, if you’re going, “When are you free to get together?” Then she tells you, and then you pick a time and a day when you guys are available. It just looks like you’re really sloppy, you don’t really know the book, or you’re just too afraid to apply it. A lot of guys that are new to my work have that experience. They’re afraid to do these things because it comes off as a little aggressive to them.

Again, when you’re on a date and a girl is bumping into you like that and you’re like, “Oh, why are you bumping into me?” And she’s like, “I want you to hold my hand, dummy,” then you call her for the next date and she doesn’t even call you back, it’s one of those things where she’s like, “This guy’s clueless. He doesn’t get it.” The fact that you reach back out after a couple weeks, when she was in town, she thought, “Alright well, I’ll give this guy one more chance to see if he figures it out, if he can advance the ball,” because gain, it looks like she was down to smash. DTB, down to bang.

Some of her responses were immediate, some a few hours, some took 24 hours (This might have been my clue, but the delayed responses were not too frequent).

It just sounds like a lot of talking and texting and not really getting anywhere. So there’s probably a lot of sloppiness happening in the texting as well. I mean, if a girl leaves you hanging for 24 hours, her interest is low. On top of that, you called her and she never called you back. So it looks like she was blowing you off, probably because she was hanging out with guys that were actually advancing the ball to the bedroom.

In any case, we had a second date with some bites followed by a board game cafe close to both of our places (Nothing happened as we both had early mornings).

Come on, man! I mean, seriously, you make a date when you have to get up early and she’s got to get up early, it’s like you’re not thinking ahead at all. The purpose of a date is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up. It’s right in the book. So you’re making dates when you got to get up early and she’s got to get up early, “Well, nothing happened because we both got an early morning.” It’s like, what are you thinking, dude?

Again she was touching me and at the end of the date, I went for the kiss, and again I was met with some wet smooches. I thought I did well. 

Well, maybe you weren’t a good kisser. Maybe you had bad breath.

When I called a week later for a third date, I basically got, “Hey Bob, I did not feel that we were a match, but I wish you the best of luck in law school.” I was really upset, I wanted to argue…

Well, he is a lawyer in training after all. Of course you wanted to argue.

…But I knew that would be fruitless (It could also make me look like an ass, and because odds are we knew people in common. The Jewish community in Boston is tightly knit). I basically responded by saying, “I am sorry to hear that, and I really enjoyed our time together. May I ask why you wanted to part ways?”

Like you’re going to get a straight answer out of her.

She responded saying some BS about communication not matching, but something that did stand out, “I felt our conversations were very stilted” (Meaning robotic and unnatural). 

So that tells me there’s things you were saying and doing that just didn’t come off as smooth. You acted a little bit like a robot. Again, she literally had to knock you over because you were so clueless. You weren’t picking up on the fact that she wanted to be touched and wanted affection, and she went out that first night.

Again, it just sounds like her being affectionate like that, she’s probably down to hook up. That’s why the real reason why she blew you off was because she kind of made her mind up, but she was in a different headspace when you did call. So she thought, “Alright, I’ll give this guy another chance.” So she goes out and again, you’re planning a date that’s got to end early because you have to get up early. It’s like you’re just not even thinking ahead.

So my question is, was her attraction just low?

It was definitely low, but again, if you look how she was at the end of that first date, you were just so clueless. You had no idea that she was ready to be physical. You even had to ask. When you ask like that, you just look like a guy that has no game and doesn’t understand women. Women don’t want to teach you how to be a man. They don’t want to teach you how to be aggressive and seduce them. They want you to know how to do this. So, quite frankly, you looked like an amateur. Again, if you listen to what was in the book and applied it instead of cherry-picking, you probably would have been boning her on the first night or the first date.

Physically she was all over me. I don’t think I over-pursued (Maybe aside from the follow up call), was there another dude in the picture?

Probably. I mean, she’s on Hinge. You’re not the only guy she’s talking to. So she goes out with Chad Thundercock and he’s laying the pipe. She’s going to prefer to hang out with him instead of you, because you’re constantly dithering and hesitating and you don’t look like you have any game.

Or do I actually suck at conversations and speak like a fucking robot?

Well, she’s the one that said it. That’s her feedback, you know? It sounds like you weren’t very good at a conversation, and maybe you just didn’t have a lot of connection conversationally. Like I said, if we look at how she was at the end of that first date, I don’t think that really mattered. It looked like she was down to hook up. Then when she realized you weren’t very good at conversations and you were kind of clueless as to the fact that she was definitely looking to hook up, that’s why she was like, “Yeah, I don’t really feel it.”

(I’ve had girls ask me out for second dates more than once, so I don’t know if that is totally true).

Well, you know, other girls were probably more into you, but at the end of the day, like I said, it looks like she was looking to hook up on that first night and it sailed over your head.

How could she be so into me during our dates, but then never want to see me again?

Bob

Because she kind of gave up on you and felt you were clueless. Again, the second date, you didn’t allow for any logistics of sex to happen, so that’s on you. I mean, the book is designed to help give you the best possible chance to seduce her, and you’re missing signs you’re not really following it. It just kind of looks like she decided to move on because you weren’t getting it. So do better. Apply what the book teaches, dude. It works for you. It’s been tried, tested, and perfected over many decades, and millions and millions of dudes have been applying it for the last 20 plus years. So if you want to reinvent the wheel and you want to make things more difficult on yourself, you’re going to lose what looks like at least a good opportunity to hook up.

If the sex would have been good, even if she felt the conversation was robotic, she would have gone out with you a second and a third time, and you’d have been bumping uglies. So you got to strike when the iron’s hot, because this girl is on dating apps, she’s on Hinge and she wants to go out with a guy that knows what he’s doing and leads her to the bedroom, and you just didn’t do that. You dithered and you hesitated too much, but it’s one chick. On to the next! It’s a good learning experience. Thanks for the email!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.