How to know if a woman really wasn’t interested in you, or if she was just playing games to make you want her more.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares his success story of how he met, attracted and has kept his dream woman over the past three years. Initially, when he approached and asked her to join him for a drink, she told him she wasn’t interested. He shares what he did and said to cause her to change her mind.
He also shares several situations where she appeared to be playing games, trying to jerk him around and canceling or changing plans at the last minute, and what he did to outsmart her and cause her to fall head over heels in love with him, despite the fact she told him she wasn’t interested when they first met. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I just wanted to share my success story with you, as I feel you were a big part in helping me achieve it. Four years ago, I considered myself a loser. I had no motivation in life to be a successful man and believed it to be out of my reach. I now know that I just didn’t have the tools or know how to go about changing my life for the better.
(In other words, your life strategy for your personal and professional life wasn’t adequate, but you found my work, learned the fundamentals and obviously got results.)
Like most men, I thought that you were just meant to be a good guy and good things would come my way. What an idiot, ha-ha.
(Most people just don’t have great strategies to accomplish what they want in their personal and professional life. My first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” will give you the strategies you need and want for your personal life. The second book, “Mastering Yourself,” will help you get what you need in your professional life as well.)
I was able to fake confidence and easily get girls’ numbers, but always had a hard time from there. After having trouble with a particular girl that I fell for in the first 5 minutes of meeting, I turned to your work. I would push her away with needy, stalkerish behavior, and pull her closer with your work.
(You felt like a loser and unworthy. You didn’t feel good enough. Deep down, you thought if she really got to know you, she’d be gone, so you tried to make up for it. You tried to force things because you were terrified of losing her. So what happened? You came across as needy and stalkerish, which will cause a woman to feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Then she’ll back away and test.
The average guy who doesn’t know any better tries to force even more, because he’s totally driven by fear. It’s really about how he perceives himself and what his value is. If you think you’re a loser, you’re going to communicate that in your body language, in your words and in the tone of your voice.)
In the beginning, I kept making the same mistakes. Old habits die hard.
(When you’re really emotionally invested in something, it’s hard to do the right thing, especially if it’s against everything you think and feel you should do. But the reality is, if what you’ve been doing was working, you wouldn’t be watching this video in the first place.)
But one thing was different. I knew I was making them, and I started to identify what mistakes I was making and how to make less. It was a slow process, but unlike before, I knew I needed practice, so I started to practice on more and more girls, leaving behind the myth of the “one.”
(Yeah, if you’re attached to “the one,” it’s easy to get caught up and attached to one particular girl. Dating is like tennis. I use this analogy a lot. What you’re looking for is a good tennis partner. When you hit the ball over the net, she’s going to hit it back. A girl who’s actually interested in you will hit the ball back, and one that’s not will talk a bunch of shit, and she’ll never really follow through on what she says she’s going to do.)
But what do you know Corey, this girl really started to chase me and blow up my phone like never before. Not just that, but I also started going to the gym and moved companies, chasing a more fulfilled work-life balance.
(So you got focused on the right things. You got focused on bettering yourself. If you get a better work-life balance, that’s going to make you incrementally happier. And the happier you are, the more attractive you’re going to be to ladies, new friends and new clients.)
The new me knew what he wanted and deserved, so I got a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I wanted and didn’t want in a woman. The first thing I realized is, the girl I had been chasing for the past year, who was now talking about “where are we going with this?” was now not even on my radar. I ended it with her and moved on overnight.
(Isn’t that interesting? A year prior you were like, “I’ve got to have this one girl.” Then a year later, you were like, “I can do better than this.” But she prepared you. Had you not been involved with that girl, you never would have had a reason to seek out my work.)
About 3 weeks later, I was in a bar with a few friends when my perfect 10 walked in the door, tall curvy and cute. Within 10 minutes, she had about 4 guys begging to buy a drink for her. My friends feel I’m a solid 7, but I felt like a 10, so I ditched my friends and went over to her to tell her that I found her incredibly sexy, and that we should go somewhere quiet to talk.
(You were brutally honest, and you were extending your invitation to join you. Why wouldn’t she want to join you? You’re fucking awesome. You have to perceive yourself being this way. Guys who really believe this way will act that way.)
She responded with a smirk and told me that she wasn’t interested. I replied with, “No problem. I’ll be over there when you change your mind,” and I turned around and walked away. A few hours had gone by, and I guess this perfect 10 had seen me during the night with a few other girls, because as she was leaving, she stopped past me and my friends and gave me her number.
(You hit the ball over the net, she said “I don’t want to play with you,” and you said, “Alright. I’ll be over here if you want to play.” Then what happened? She beamed you with a tennis ball. Obviously, she was interested. Plus, she got social proof by watching you interacting with other people, especially other women. Women can tell, guys that are good can talk to anybody. Confident people engage with other human beings, because they value themselves.)
I called her a couple of days later and arranged to meet up that Friday night. She messaged me on the Thursday night and said that she couldn’t make it to our date. She didn’t give a reason and didn’t organize another time. I replied the next day with “No worries. Give me a call when you work out your schedule, as I’d really like to get to know you better.”
(She just treated you like a low priority, so you treated her the same way. You weren’t a dick about it, and you weren’t upset like most guys would be. You communicated to her that you’re not overly emotional and sensitive like a little fucking beta.)
Two weeks later, I got a call from her apologizing for her being MIA. I said it was no problem and organized a date with her that Saturday night. I turned up at the location, and she messaged me to say she was running 40 minutes late. I replied with, “No biggie. I’m making friends.” In the time I was waiting, I had struck up a few conversions and had been pulled into a group of friends. When she turned up, I was surrounded with fun people, having great conversation. She apologized, and I took her to a quiet place.
(You were totally unattached like you didn’t give a fuck one way or another. If she shows up, great. If not, whatever. She wasn’t worth your time anyway. Plus, on top of that she’s fucking rude. What you were communicating with your behavior is, you’re not getting butt hurt and mad. You had plans to have fun that evening, so you were focusing on your outcome.
It doesn’t matter if she shows up or not. You gave the greatest gift you can give anybody, which is the gift of your time. You know your time is valuable, and if she doesn’t appreciate it, somebody else will.)
We had great conversation, and I had her smiling and giggling a good portion of the time. After 45 minutes, she said she needed to go, Lol. I knew it was games, as the whole time she was touching my arms and playing with her hair. I said no problem and that I would go back to my new friends. I walked her outside and went in for the kiss! She pulled away at the last second and said that I would have to buy her dinner before a kiss. I said I planned on it, and that I would see her soon, going back into my new friends.
(What does the book say about getting the cheek or getting refused a kiss? You want someone who’s receptive, ready, willing, able and open to giving you what you want and participating with you in the way you want. But she’s purposely rejecting you. She’s screwing around with you. So you reward bad behavior with the gift of missing you permanently, and you reward good behavior with the greatest gift, the gift of your time.)
A week went by, I knew the impression I left on her was a good one and that she wouldn’t be able to resist. The old me would have started blowing up her phone to organize another date, but I held true and waited.
(She disrespected you and didn’t kiss you back. You don’t call a girl to ask her out when she turns her cheek. If she calls you later, then you can ask her out, but you don’t chase after somebody that rejects you like that.)
About 2 weeks went by, when she called me, and I organized another date. This time, I invited her over to my house, and I would be making her dinner, which she initially agreed with and seemed excited for, but at the last minute, she messaged me to try and change the location. I said to her that I had already organized a delicious dinner and a possible dessert if she was lucky, and that I would be at home if she changed her mind. She never replied, and I ended up eating by myself.
(That’s rude, but it’s kind of soon to be bringing her back to your place. As I talk about in my book, you bring her back to your place when things are going well on the date, when you’re all over each other, making out and can’t keep your hands off each other.)
The next week, she messaged me and told me that she was really sorry and it was a shit thing for her to do. I said it was no problem and organized her coming over to my place the next night.
(You were holding fast to your purpose. She disrespected you several times, and you weren’t going out of your way. If she wants to see you, she has to come to your place.)
She countered with offering to cook me dinner at her place, and I accepted.
(I personally would have had her come to my place. I wouldn’t have gone to her.)
I arrived on time, and she greeted me at the door with an appetizer. She is an amazing cook. I couldn’t believe how amazing she was looking! I told her she was looking gorgeous and proceeded to help her finish cooking dinner. We ended up passionately kissing before we could dish up the food. She basically blew up my phone from that moment, and after about 3 months, we were officially dating at her request.
I have now been with this girl for almost 3 years. We are expecting our first baby and life is amazing. We have a caring two-way relationship, and we both go out of our way to do nice things for each other and make sure they are happy. I couldn’t have done this without you, and for that I owe you a great debt.
(It’s a great success story. You did a great job and I’m very proud of you.)
Thank you Corey.
A spreader of your work to all,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A non-attached attitude and demeanor is one of the greatest tools you can use to raise the quality of people in your personal and professional life and get what you really want. People who are used to getting what they want never really have to go out of their way to convince others of their value. Their value is self-evident. People who are not used to getting what they want, try too hard to force things to happen for them, instead of letting them happen. Go where you’re wanted and celebrated, not simply tolerated.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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