She’ll Only Go Out In Groups Instead Of Alone On Dates With Me

Why a woman will go out on group dates & not one-on-one & what you can do to change it.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has a female co-worker who always wants his time and attention. He thought she liked him romantically. However, she will only go out on group dates with other coworkers and refuses to go on one-on-one dates with him. She views him as a friend only. He declined the friendship but she still seems to seek his attention.

He wonders if she’s wasting his time. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, that’s how you stay stuck in friend-zone and a woman keeps any hanky-panky from happening.

So this particular video is from a guy who kind of has become infatuated with his female co-worker who seemed to initially like him, but she’ll only go out, hang out and do group things. When he asks her to go out one-on-one, she says, “Well, I just think of you as a friend.” So he’s declined the friendship and he backed off, yet she engages in the office and then he tries to ask her out again and she won’t do it.

So it looks like at this point, he’s kind of become one of her male orbiters whenever she wants attention and validation that a man is interested in her. Maybe when she hasn’t heard from Chad Thundercock in a while, that’s when she strolls by this guy’s office and is like, “Hey, what are you doing?” She gets her fill of attention, he gets blue balls, and then she goes back to what she’s doing.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

Hope all is well!

I have read the book about three times (I know that number needs to have a zero added to it after the number three) and I have watched your videos everyday. Nonetheless, I keep doing stupid things, and for that I have apologized to myself because I am only cheating myself out of a great life with my stupidity.

Well, it’s learning to deal with your emotions and not be run by them, to exercise emotional self-control.

This is why I tell guys you got to read the book 10 to 15 times, so you know it backwards and forwards so well, you could teach a class on it. That way when you’re dating somebody that knocks your socks off and you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, you don’t let your emotions run your life. Most importantly, you don’t let it run your actions and fall under the illusion of action that I talk about in the book. It enables you just to hang back and be present with your emotions, because when you do that enough and you lean on the book enough and what it teaches, even though inside you might be feeling like you want to jump out of your skin, over time you’ll notice that the women act exactly the way I described in the book.

The more you see that in your own life with the women that you’re dating and interacting with, sleeping with, having a relationship with, whatever happens to be, over time you start to calm down because you realize that women really are as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west once you understand how they operate and why they do what they do,

I have a lot of women that come to me, hit on me, ask for my number, want sex more than I do, all this thanks to your book.

Well, it’s easy when you don’t really give a shit about those girls, but when you have somebody you’re dating that you really like, especially if that’s the only girl you’re talking to and you don’t have a practice squad going yet, it’s really hard to do more things right than wrong, especially when you’re just now trying to learn the book.

Nonetheless, the one I truly want seems to be not into me, a co-worker of many years.

What’s happening is you treat that co-worker differently than all these other girls you don’t really give a shit about that are all over you. I used to do the same thing. The key is to realize that you got to treat them all the same, because women like it more if they have to work hard to get your attention and your interest. They like a guy that is a challenge.

Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. She’s going to like you way more if she thinks that she’s more into you than you are into her, but clearly, this guy’s communicated his interest too much and he’s not backed off when she wasn’t open to his advances.

Only recently the last 2-3 months have we started hanging out more often. At work, she always every day wants to take two or three coffee breaks with me, she would come by my office and just sit and talk. She would ask me to go to her office when she had too much work and couldn’t come.

Well, I wouldn’t be leaving my office to go sit with her and be her emotional tampon, which is what you’re doing. Which is what the Harry Honda does, the guy that’s too nice. He does all those things.

A man who loves and values himself and he wants sex and romance is not going to go and keep hanging out like one of her gay male girlfriends in her office all the time. Every time she says, “Oh, come by my office for a coffee.” “Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! She’s excited to see me! I gotta go!”

…Some dog hair flying around here. It’s like they have really light hairs. Like, as soon as they move or anything, I can really see them in this light.

She asks for my opinion and help, but when it comes to going out, she always wants to go out in groups.

That’s how she cock-blocks you, or the clam slam if it’s a bunch of girls. If a girl really likes you, she’ll hang out one-on-one. If she doesn’t, it’ll always be a group thing.

It happened a couple of months ago that we were left alone after all the friends left. We saw a old couple argue. She said is this how we will argue when we are married. At that point, I threw my arm around her and we walked that way, but I should have gone for the kiss (What an idiot). Anyways, we keep going out in groups, and when I asked her to go out alone after that she refused, she said she only sees me as a friend. I told her, “We can never be just friends.” I want her, so we will just remain colleagues. If she changes her mind she can reach out to me. She said, “OK.” Some time passed and she started coming again to my office inviting me to coffee breaks again. I assumed she was interested…

Well, if she’s coming by, asking you to come to coffee breaks after she friend-zone you, I would just say after that, “Well, have you changed your mind, or are you interested in going out on dates? Because we can do that, but if you’re just interested in something platonic, I’m going to pass. Let’s just keep it professional,” and decline her offer, but you were like, “She changed her mind. She’s ready.”

…So I asked her out again and she again said no. From that moment on, I have been doing my best not to communicate much not to be around her, to treat her kindly but cold. She talks to a colleague of mine (A girl) who tells me that she was saying, “Why did he cut all communication? Why didn’t he try and make me fall for him and see him as more as just friends?”

So what that tells me is that you’re involving the other women in the office in your desire to date this woman, and that’s fucking stupid. Operational security. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. Nobody in the office should know that you’re interested in her, but you’ve probably expressed this woman your frustrations, and you’re thinking, “Oh, if tell her all the problems I’m having and I’m stuck in friend-zone, then she’ll put a good word in for me and help me get her,” and all you end up doing is making yourself look like a bitch. Keep it to yourself.

So she comes and starts talking about that, just say, “Yeah, we’re just professional work colleagues. There’s obviously not much there. There’s no chemistry or spark between us.” Say something like that to her if she asks.

Some time after this, we had an argument because she was disrespectful and I told her I do not tolerate it, (I made the mistake of getting angry at the time ). She in her anger said she does not care about me and has completely cut ties with me. So I said, “OK. Delete my phone number and social media.” She said, “No, why would i do that?” So I did it myself and removed her. Either way, from that moment, we have been cordial to each other, but that’s all.

I don’t know, Coach. I do not know what to do. Have I ruined it?

Well again, everything in her and every interaction is platonic. So what you have to do is you’re kind of in no-contact while you’re in the office. So if you see her and you make eye contact, smile and wave and then go about your business. If she asks you to come by her office for coffee, just say, “No, thank you. I’d be up for a drink you and me later if you’re up for that, but I’m not interested in anything platonic as I’ve told you in the past.”

Will she never be mine?

Not the way you’re thinking.

I have sent you another email before about this, hopefully I am not bothering you. I will not send another if you don’t answer this because I do not want to bother you with it anymore. I know you are a busy man.

God bless! Thank you for your help!

Bob

So at this point, I mean you have to assume you’re totally cemented in friendship just because you’ve worked with her a long time and you weren’t able to transition it from casual friendship to dating, even when you were hanging out together that night and you put your arm around her. It’s just the way you did it. I just see that it looks like something that it’s like a teenager. He’s at a movie and he’s trying to slyly put his arm around the girl. That’s the image that I got in my mind when you described it. So it was weird and awkward, and the way you did it just made her feel like this guy doesn’t have any game, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but with the woman you don’t care about, you’re probably not putting your arm around her. Maybe you just would have gone for the kiss, but you’re acting completely different with this girl than you do the other one that you’re not that into.

The idea is you’ve got to treat all women the same. So in the office, you’re going to give attention to other women in the office, talk to them, joke with them, flirt with them, tease them and be playful, and don’t give his woman any attention. If she wants you to come by for coffee, just say, “No, thank you.” If she wants to come in and hang out, just be like, “What’s up?” “Oh, I came by to see how you’re doing.” I would be like, “Oh, I’m doing great. What’s on your mind?” “Well, I just want to talk and catch up.” “Well, like I told you previously, at work we should just keep it professional, but if you wanted something more than that, you know you can. You got my number. You can hit me up. We can meet out for a drink, but I just like to keep it professional at work going forward, but you got my number.” That’s what I would do.

What she’ll do is she’ll try 10 different ways to pull you back in to coming by for coffee and other things to see if you’re soft enough to comply with that. If any of the other co-workers are like, “Hey, what’s going on with you and so-and-so?” Or “I heard you’re a little mad at her,” I would be like, “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just work colleagues. That’s it. There’s nothing going on between us.” Then change the subject and don’t say anything.

Next time, don’t involve your co-workers, especially the female co-workers in your office, enlisting their help and try to put a good word in, because all that does is make you look like a beta male, because Chad Thundercock ain’t doing that. He’s just asking the girl out and plowing her strawberry fields. That’s what he’s doing.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.