She’s Canceling Dates On Me

How to determine if you should reschedule dates with women who cancel them or delete their number.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 30 year old viewer from London. He has read 3% Man, 6 times now. He recently had a woman cancel a first date 2 hours before they were supposed to meet. She asked to reschedule, and they met a few days later. It went well with a heavy make out session at the end. She also canceled the 2nd date, but asked to reschedule. However, he deleted her number because it turned him off. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be She’s Canceling Dates On Me. Well, this particular email is interesting. It’s from a 30 year old guy from London. He says He’s now read 3%, Man, six times.

So he originally found my work after he went on a date, went sideways. And once he read the book he was like, wow, I really screwed up a lot. No wonder it didn’t work out. And so, he recently went on a date with a new girl that he met, had a definite date.

I guess he set it on a Monday. They were supposed to get together Wednesday and two whole hours before the date she canceled, saying she had a stomach bug, felt sick, but she offered to reschedule and he said, yeah, no problem, we can do it some other time. She said, I’m available Friday. And so he scheduled it for Friday. They went on a date, seemed to go well. They were French kissing at the end of the date.

So it was like she says, Hey, call text me when you get home. Before he even got home, she was texting him. And then the following week he texted her, set up a second date. She agreed, and then a couple days before the date, she’s like, aw shucks, I got a photo shoot. Darn it, going to have to reschedule. She did mention rescheduling, but, he was just like, pfft. And so, this brings up an important point because us guys, we tend to project our high interest. We tend to project our fantasy onto women that we want and we often completely ignore that it’s just not reciprocated.

I did an email a couple of days ago with a guy that had been dating a girl and hooking up with her for six months and he texted her to make the next date and she just completely ghosted him. And he was all in love and dopey, and it was obvious she didn’t really give a shit. And I even saw him in the comments on that particular video. It was a couple of days ago. I can’t remember the name off the top of my head, but he admitted he’s like, yeah, I got real dopey and I was kind of bullshitting myself. And I ignored all the signs that she just wasn’t that into it.

And the idea with going through this and looking at date cancellations is you’re trying to make sure of a few things, when you’re going to spend the most valuable resource that you have, which is your time with somebody because it’s limited, and your life has gone whoosh.

It’s like the battery on your iPhone. It’s just slowly, well, hopefully slowly, hopefully it’s not going zoom. Hopefully you don’t have a bad battery on your iPhone and it’s running out of juice, but you get the idea is that your time is limited here, and you want to make sure you’re spending it with women who are like, Hell yeah, I’d love to see you, that’d be great.

When a woman cancels two hours before the day of. I’m just feeling kind of sick. I mean, if she was sick earlier in the day, somebody doesn’t just get sick two hours for the day typically. But I mean, it just shows a lack of respect, lack for valuing your time, and then to cancel both your first and second date. And then, granted, like I talked about in the book, she’s mentioning rescheduling the first time.

He says, Yeah, let’s do it another time. And she says, how I’m available Friday. So that showed at least then she was enthusiastic about going out on Friday, but he used the same response, yeah, we’ll do it, no problem, we’ll do it some other time. And she didn’t didn’t mention, hey, I’m free this day or that day. And then he got pissed and he’s like, I deleted her number and he’s like, Did I do the right thing?

And what you’re trying to do is make sure you’re going out with a girl who also has mutual high interest and she respects and values your time. So something that’s important to understand with women and I talk about this a lot, dating is like tennis. And you want to make sure that she’s into you, and she makes a mutual effort.

And so, you always want to give women the opportunity to follow through on what they plan, in other words, to honor their commitment, whether that’s a commitment to keep a date, or a commitment where she’s going to get back to you and you have to have enough self control that you’ll let her get back to you. Instead of, hey, you know, I’ll get back to you when I figure out my schedule, oh, hey, sounds great.

A man who has lots of choices and options and has a healthy self esteem is going to know that if she really wants to see him, she’s going to get back to him and say, Hey, I’m available on these days, or at least reach out and go, Heyyy. But a woman that doesn’t care, will just never get back to you. And that’s what you want.

You want to give them the opportunity to follow through on what they promise you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. Because you don’t want to waste your time chasing after somebody that’s just not reciprocating. And unfortunately, way too many guys do. Way too many guys have this one itis, like, I’ve got to get her to notice me, I’ve got to get her to pick me. How do I get her to like me? And they’re so focused on that mindset.

Whereas women have the opposite mindset when they’re going out on their first few dates. They’re like, Is this guy good for me? Do I like him? Are we a good match? And it’s like, Hey, let’s just go out and see what happens. Whereas guys are mostly focused on how do I get her to choose me over all the other guys? How do I get that particular girl?

Meanwhile, she’s jerking them around and cancelling dates and throwing around the f word for friend. And I think of you as a friend. And then they continue to stay engaged with her. And so, we’re trying to avoid that.

And we want to make sure you spend your time with women who say what they mean and mean what they say, because the more flakier they are, the more difficult it’s going to be in a relationship. And the other thing you’ve got to keep in mind is the book, The Rules that don’t know, 20 years ago or 30 years ago. I can’t remember how long ago that book was written, but it tells women to do this. It tells women to cancel dates at the last minute. If you really want to get a guy hooked on you, cancel dates on them at the last minute for no reason. Just do it because it’ll make them like you more.

And number one, that’s what structured women do. And number two, it’s just it’s rude. It’s unnecessary. And for the beta males that don’t know any better. Yeah, it will work, it will hook them. Rejection breeds obsession. But 3% Men, men who have healthy self esteem, men who love and value themselves and have choices and options. When they notice this flaky behavior, it’s like, they’ll hit the ball over the net. Especially if you cancel two dates in a row, like two hours before. I mean, she did mention another day, so that was that was a good thing.

But the fact that she canceled the second one, oh, I got a photo shoot that came out. I was like. You’d rather go take pictures; get pictures taken of yourself then keep our date? Well, what if that was Tom Brady? What if that was Justin Bieber or Brad Pitt? You think she’s going to be like, Oh, sorry, Justin, I can’t make it. I got a photo shoot that came up at the last minute. I’m so important. Yeah, right. She’s going to tell that photo shoot. Hey, I’m going out with Justin Bieber. I can’t make it. But a guy she got low interest in, she don’t really care about. She’s like, Oh, yeah, I got a photo shoot. Can’t make it. No, thanks.

Hi Coach,

I am 30 years old from London.

After going on that date with the girl from my drama class, I now have read How To Be A 3% Man six times, and have realized how much I messed up on my last date.

I have a new story to tell.

I started talking to this girl on a dating app and she was really interested.

Or at least she seemed really interested.

It was a Monday and I had a definite date for the following Wednesday and she agreed. Wednesday came and two hours before the date she said that she wasn’t feeling very well and she had a stomach bug. I kind of saw this as a red flag.

Yeah, because it’s rude and disrespectful. And if she really had a stomach bug and was feeling sick all day, she would have called you or texted you earlier, not wait two hours before. Because two hours before you’re probably getting ready at that point, you got to drive across town or whatever. You’re trying to make sure you’re on time because you’ve got an appointment. Because you respect and value other people’s time. And yet she waits. Just goes, I can’t make it, I’ve got a stomach bug. That’s just rude.

But I didn’t get worked up and said don’t worry, we can just do another time.

And that’s one of the lines out of my book, which quite frankly, is very effective because again, it gives the woman the opportunity to follow through on what she means and what she says. Or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. So when somebody does that two hours before and they mention rescheduling.

She said that she was available on Friday so I set a definite date for then.

So he says, Yeah, we can do it another time. She goes, Oh, I can meet Friday basically, or I have Friday available. So it looks like maybe she really legitimately does have a stomach bug, but two hours before it’s still rude as hell. So maybe we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. Things happen. Maybe we’re overreacting. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. Plus she did offer a day, because if she was really just trying to flake out, she’d be like when he said, oh, we can just do it another time? Then she was like, okay, great. And then you’ll never hear from her again.

Friday came and I took her for a meal. I let her do most of the talking and I did less talking and more listening. She seemed very into me because I was watching for the signs that you mentioned in your book. She was leaning forward when she was talking and was playing with her hair.

So she’s showing obvious signs of attraction

To cut a long story short, I had called the waiter to pay the bill and I said to her let’s go for a walk in the park and she agreed. We went for a walk in the park and then we walked back to her car. I said to her good night and she gave me a good night hug which turned into a goodnight “tongue down my throat.”

That’s always nice. A nice way to end the evening. A little kissy poo, a little French kiss in action.

We were kissing for about five minutes and she said good night please text me when you’re home. Before I got home, she had already text me telling me that she got home safe.

That sounds good. I mean, that looks good. You’re thinking good recoveries, enthusiastic, signs of interest in the date, making out with you. She did give you a hug first, but maybe he didn’t go for the kiss. Or maybe she just grabbed him and hugged him. I don’t know what happened. But the point being is they made out for five minutes

And her saying, Hey, call me when you get home or let me know when you’re home. And she doesn’t even wait. And she reaches out to let him know that she got home. That shows enthusiasm, at least at that moment in time. So in that particular moment, I’d be going, okay, we’ll see what happens in the next state. After she had texted him that he’d got home safe.

I didn’t respond to her until Saturday morning saying I had a really good night and it was a pleasure to meet you.
She replied: yes, it was great to meet you too.

So you’re thinking it looks good. If that was me and and she behaved that way, like, All right, I’ll give this girl a chance. But its moment by moment. Let’s see what happens when you try to set the next date up because you’re looking for consistency.

So after that message, I didn’t message her until the following Wednesday.

So, he says, had a great time. They went out Friday. Saturday. He texted her back after the late night text, her telling that she got home. And three, four days later, on a Wednesday, he messaged her.

When I messaged her I said “Hey how are you? When are you free to meet up?” And she said “hey how are you? I’m free to meet up next Friday” so I set the date and didn’t message her. It is now the following Wednesday a week later after I had set the date and she messaged me saying can we reschedule because she had a photo shoot and it just came up out of nowhere.

So you’re thinking, does that sound like somebody that’s like, hell, yeah, I’d love to see. Oh, my God, I had such a good time. I’m feeling butterflies. I can’t wait to see what happens next. This guy’s so mysterious. Can’t wait to see him. Or is it like, ahh there’s a photo shoot, ahh. Really? You rather go on a photo shoot then keep our date for Friday after you already cancelled the very first date, and it was looking so good for you.

So, maybe the photo shoot is legit. Maybe she’s just following the book, the rules, figuring I got to jerk this guy around a bunch to get him hooked on me. We’re trying to avoid structured women, and women are following a set of rules, especially a book called “The Rules,” because it’s just rude. I don’t want a robot. Don’t want to date a robot. And you shouldn’t either.

So I said yeah that’s fine we can do another time

She did mention reschedule. But the fact she’s like, Oh, yeah, I got a photo shoot just came up out of nowhere. Just shows your time is not that important to her. And plus, she’s done it two times in a row. I mean, if you’d have gone out in the first date and there never been any rescheduling and that date would have happened. And she’s like, Oh, it’s a really big opportunity with a photographer. I’ve been waiting, for a long time to get an appointment with, and this is really super important to my career, but I know I made plans with you, and I need to honor my commitment, but this would be great. But it’s up to you. I’ll either put off that photographer and do it another time with him because I really want to see you. He’d be like, You know what? If it’s that important to you or your career or whatever, then great, go do it. But when it’s like, Oh, a photo shoot, pffft, whatever.

But to be honest with you I deleted her number straight after that because it turned me off of her.

I was like, I don’t blame you.

What do you think I did wrong in this situation? Should have I messaged her more?

Bob

I don’t think you did anything wrong dude. I think you did pretty good. I think you maintained your composure well. You didn’t get upset. You didn’t get butt hurt. You know, she seemed to recover after the initial cancellation on that first date. But then just to jerk you around. Oh, I got a photo shoot. I’m going to go do that instead. It’s like, you want somebody. It’s like, Hell yeah, I’d love to see you again. Like I was saying earlier, do you think if she had a date set with Tom Brady or Justin Bieber or Brad Pitt, that she’s going to be blowing those going, Oh yeah, I think I have a photo shoot, I’m going to go do that. Yeah, right. So, it just shows low interest or her interest isn’t high enough. So, you did the right thing. If it was me, I’d be looking at that.

Because, I mean, you guys have read The Book. It’s a night and day difference when a woman is super into you. She keeps her word. She clears her schedule. Even if a photo shoot comes up, she’s like, Oh, I can’t Friday, but when else can we do it? She’s not going to blow off a date with a guy that she really likes for a photo shoot. She’s going to blow off a guy she doesn’t really care that much about and she’s not that into to go do a photo shoot. And that’s just the facts of life. And so you want a woman that will say what she means, and mean what she says. Just like I said earlier in the video, you want to give women the opportunity to honor their commitments and follow through on the plans you have with them, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever.

So, the only way I would personally give this girl another chance. Because if you notice the first time he’s like, Yeah, we can do it another time. She suggested Friday. This time when he said that she didn’t say anything, she didn’t suggest any other days. That was like the end of it. So, there could be an ex in the picture. You don’t really know. But the bottom line is she blew you off and treated you like you really weren’t that important. And so, it’s justifiable to match and mirror those actions. And so, again, you’re making it easy for her to flake out and disappear from your life forever, because you want excitement, you want her excited to be there, and what you’re getting is lukewarm eh, oh, hey, go spend $100-$150 taking me to a nice dinner, and then, eh, I got a photo shoot instead. I don’t think so.

But the only way I would ever go out with this girl again is if she contacts you first and says, Hey, how are you? What’s going on? I’d be like, Hey, what’s up? How are you? What’s happening? What’s new? Oh, and don’t even bring up getting together. Let her bring it up first. Hey, you know, I wanted to make it up to you and reschedule that date. Really sorry about that photo shoot, but it was really important to my career or whatever, and I want to make it up to you. Or something along those lines.

In other words, if she reaches out the only way, if it was me, the only way I would set a date with her, and give her another chance, is if she brings it up first. But if she just calls, or more likely she’s just texting in this case. But if she just texts you like, Hey, how are you? And doesn’t bring up getting together; I would answer her text and then I would just be like, Hey, it’s nice hearing from you, I got to run, talk to you later. And I wouldn’t bring up getting together. Because, you’re trying to create the conditions where she’ll follow through on her commitments, or flake out and disappear from your life forever. And so, if she brings up getting together, I would go ahead and make another date with her.

But if she just calls and is like, Hey and sends a bunch of nonsense texts or a meme or whatever back and forth, lol laugh at it, you know, heart the image or whatever, then just say, Hey, I got to run, talk to you later; about to step into a meeting or something like that/ about to step out for dinner with a friend, talk to you later. And I wouldn’t bring up getting together, unless she brings up getting together. And if she brings up getting together, and asks you or tells you that she’d like to meet, then I would make the date. Because there’s a nine out of ten chance she’ll keep that date. But unless she brings it up first, I wouldn’t do it.

So, other than that, dude, you did great. Pat yourself on the back. This is what indifference is. Indifference makes the difference. Because you’re communicating through your actions with somebody who wastes your time. You’re like, if you’ve got plenty of other choices and other options and girls are excited to see you, and have enthusiasm for you, then you’re going to spend your time with them. You’re not going to really give a shit about women that behave this way. You’re like eh.

Now guy who’s desperate, and has got nothing else going on in his life, he’s going to jump all over this, and probably call her in a few days, and then try to make dates with her. And then, he’ll keep getting this kind of flaky behavior. You got to make sure women reciprocate. And if not, they can get the gift of missing you permanently.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.