She’s Constantly On My Mind

Apr 19, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

What do you do when it’s been several months since you broke up with your ex-girlfriend, and even though you are dating and sleeping with several new women, your ex is constantly on your mind? The more emotionally intense a relationship was, the harder it is going to be to let go of it once it ends. There is a line in an old Eagles song titled “the new kid in town” that says, “they will never forget you till somebody new comes along.” I have found that in between relationships there is always a time that is necessary to heal and to learn so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future. Let’s face it. Getting laid and meeting lots of new women is fun. However, meeting a woman who is better than your last girlfriend is not something that is going to happen everyday. The world is full of beautiful women. However, you’re not going to have chemistry with every single one of them. Repetition is the mother of skill. When you’ve made mistakes that lead to rejection or a breakup, you simply need to learn from them so you can get better. As you get better, the quality of women you are able to attract and seduce will dramatically improve. The following is an e-mail from a reader who is dating and sleeping with several new women after his recent breakup. However, he complains that his ex is constantly on his mind. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hey Corey,

I’m about to lose my mind. My story is long but I’ll get to the point and try to condense my story. Then, I’ll let you know the whole story later. But for now I cannot sleep without dreaming about my ex. She is constantly on my mind. I stopped pursuing her after she told me she had a new man and how perfect he seemed to be. She said her relationship with him is better than what she had with me. That comment from her was fucked up because she knew my situation coming into our relationship. After she told me she moved on, I stopped all communication with her. (Good for you. Never try to keep someone who does not want to keep you.) Then one day I picked up your book, listened to your videos and got an eye opener. Even though during the pursuing part I was looking at your videos, and not really following it 100% cause I was still trying to force her to do something out of her own free will. (That is why you got rejected.)

But as I mentioned, I can’t sleep without dreaming of her. Seconds, minutes and hours of the day she’s on my mind. Since she told me she moved on, I was quick to move on myself. (Now you’re talkin!) I have two women I am seeing and I am meeting and dating as many as I can get into my schedule, but it’s just a temporary fix because when they are gone and I’m alone, my ex haunts my every thought. My ex and I texted each other after she broke it off with me from December 2011 until the last week in January 2012, that’s when she told me she met someone. I didn’t hear from her again until March 2012 when she emailed me on my birthday. She made it a point to let me know she was trying to wish me a so called happy birthday. She emailed 2 of my email accounts saying, “I know things haven’t happened perfect, but I wish you have a wonderful BIRTHDAY!!!!” I received these the morning of my birthday. I didn’t reply until later on that evening in which I had a date with a new girl I was meeting for the first time. (Good job stud!) My reply to her was something I learned from you by keeping it funny, friendly, upbeat, acting like I forgot about being dumped and leaving the door open for her to come back so I replied,”Hey boo, how you doing?” (That was charming and sweet.) “You could have texted me happy birthday. It’s not like I’m gonna blow up your phone, lol, or you deleted my number. In case you did hear it, call me if ever you feel like it. (Translation: “Please contact me your highness.” You started off good, but the rest of your text was approval seeking and weak. I would have texted back, “Hey boo, I bet you’re planning to come over and get naked as my birthday present? I look forward to unwrapping you again baby.”)

After that I got a text from her within the hour saying the same words she said in the email. I made it a point not to respond so quickly and wasn’t going to respond for about an hour. 45 minutes later I got a text from her saying “Hello” to which I then replied back with “hello” and then I said thank you.” She then said “you’re welcome.” Later that night I checked my Facebook account and got a message from her saying that she did text it to me and I did not reply back and haven’t heard from her for over a month. My thing is why text me happy birthday in the first place and then stop communicating for weeks? (Maybe she was just fishing around to see if you were still available if she wants to dump the other dude. Women do things like that. If you hear from her again, you simply want to invite her over to your place and cook for her like the other women you are hooking up with. You should treat all women the same.) Now a month has gone by. Since reading your book I have been working on myself, updating my wardrobe, learning how to cook different meals, etc. The women I am seeing say they love my cooking. (Stud.) I’m going on dates, involved with 2 women now in a physical sense. I’m on 2 dating sites. My luck has changed from December to now. In December through January I was concentrating and harping over her. Since February I have been out with 3 women. Sleeping with 2. My cell phone has 11 new women, and my 2 dating sites have a total of about 20 women interested in meeting me. So as you can tell I have no problem in the women department, but no matter what I do, who I see, or how many I sleep with I can’t get her out my mind. (You simply have not met a woman… yet… who is just as hot, desirable, fun and interesting as your ex. Relax, it’s in the bag. It’s simply a matter of time. It’s a marathon, so take your time and HAVE FUN!!! You’re simply stepping up your game for the total 10 you’re going to meet next. Why? “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without preparation there is sure to be failure.” ~ Confucius.) Do you have any advice? (Get specific about the perfect type of woman you want to attract. Then modify your online dating profile so it matches. This will improve your targeting and bring you women to date who are more ideal for you.) I had to get this part of the story to you, there is way more but I’m still trying to figure out how to present it to you without it being a book. I guess I’ll send it in sections like a movie in time. (That’s ok, you told me enough. Let’s focus on creating something new, not staying stuck in the past.)

Your book is the best thing I have read since the Bible and I thank you for sharing your experiences. (Thanks! You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)

Thanks!

James

Take your time as you create the life and lifestyle of your dreams. If you’ve got really really really big dreams like I do, then you have to learn to practice infinite patience. Why? Success at building big things takes time. Most people quit because they choose to do something they are not passionate about. That billion dollar company you dream about starting? It may take you two decades to pull it off. Steve Jobs bought Pixar from George Lucas in 1985. 6 years later after continually losing money on Pixar, Steve fired most of Pixar’s employees, pivoted the company’s direction to a new business model of making cutting edge, 100% computer generated full length feature films. They partnered with Disney to make “Toy Story” which was released in 1995. Just days later, Pixar went public and raised 100 million. Steve Jobs lost money for a decade until he figured out a profitable business model. In 2006, Disney bought Pixar for $7.4 Billion! That’s 21 years folks! Making your dreams come true can take decades! You absolutely MUST choose something you are passionate about. Why? You’ll quit along the way before you succeed when it gets hard. Why? It’s really a hard and long journey to create the life of your dreams. You have to find a way to enjoy the journey. Most people give up. Your passion is the only thing that will keep you going when you feel like giving up, but can’t because your heart compels you to. You got to let all of your failures, rejections, pain, heartache and limiting beliefs go. It’s all in the past. Just let it go. The past doesn’t matter. You did the best you could yesterday, the day before, etc. Cry if you need to, but today, right now, is a new moment. You can start becoming anything you want. Turn up your speakers as you click play on U2’s YouTube Video “Bad” from “Live Aid” back in 1985 below and LISTEN TO THE WORDS:

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“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ~ Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Published on April 19, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hey Coach!
    I will get right down to it. I’ve been friends with this girl for about 7 years. We always have been an affectionate type of friends, where everyone thinks we are dating or at least should be. Our relationship has always ebb and flowed, we’d be really close for months at a time and then not speak for months at a time. We’d see and date other people but eventually it’s always back to her (us). We’d take trips together, constantly hangout, fool around a bit you know like we’re an actual couple. Needless to say, I’ve loved this girl pretty much since we met but she never really wanted to commit to anyone, myself included. It’s clear now that that’s the reason of our yoyo type relationship, I’d fall head over heals and then get frustrated that nothing would come of it so I’d walk away. I would slowly torture myself because I love this girl and would hold on to the hope that she’d finally come around, but never would. Until she finally did.

    At that time, I was dating this other girl who was/is incredible but there was just no spark or deep emotional connection so we parted ways, amicably. After a couple of months of trying out online dating sights and having moderate success, she comes back into my life. Asking me to hangout and do stuff, like things we have always gone and done before. This time she says she wants to date me, I’m hesitant at first, asking Why Now? She says that she’s ready for a serious commitment. She even goes on to tell me that she loves me and wants to be the mother of our my children one day. This made me putty in her hands damn near. Anyways, about two months into our relationship I find out that I needed to go away for a year for work. A few weeks later this supposed “future mother of my children” dumps me. She said “we will see how we feel when you get back”. Not a huge surprise given our history, but it was heartbreaking knowing that i wasn’t even worth any effort during that period of time. She cut me out of her life once again. She’s best friends with my cousin which is another issue, because it seems like she will always be in my life, knowing what’s going on with me, because me and my cousin are really close too.

    I don’t know what to do or how to act about this. She’s always on my mind, I mean a year is a long time but it’s not forever. I understand why she left but I thought after all these years that I meant more to her than absolutely no effort! Things are different now that we actually dated and had made future plans with one another, at least for me, how can I trust her now? I know she’s back living life as she knows it but clearly I have always been expendable.

    Do I just go on with my life like we never dated or took that next step and try and rekindle things later? It definitely was a open-ended type of breakup and seems like everything is back to that type of ebb and flow torture I put myself in. I don’t know what to do because I know she will always be there in some fashion. I struggle with how I feel about this, do I hold on hope for the chance to get my girl back or do I just cut her out of my life completely. Today, I’m torn. There’s has been absolutely no contact for over a month.

    Any advice would be welcomed Coach,

    Andre

  2. Hey Coarey:

    I am coming from a similar place in my life as the guy in the text above. Just wanted to say thank you for your words of wisdom. I will try to put these words to practice, and that is truly the hard part. Letting go of the fear of becoming a changed man, under the mis-belief that you will never be able to be as happy as you were with her. This is a thought which must be eradicated.

    Cheers

    J

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