She’s Flakey, Unpredictable & Difficult To Make Dates With. What Can I Do?

What you can do if she’s flakey, unpredictable & difficult to make dates with.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 32 year old viewer who has read 3% Man, 6 times so far. He met a girl through Instagram. They exchanged a few messages. Then she ghosted him for a week. He made a definite date when she finally reached out, but she canceled only 30 minutes before they were to meet. They eventually rescheduled and had a good first date. However, he’s having the same problems scheduling date number 2 with her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She’s Flakey, Unpredictable & Difficult To Make Dates With. What Can I Do?”

Well, something the late great Doc Love used to say is, “Each woman gets one chance with you per lifetime if she ever does the cardinal sin of canceling a date at the very last minute for a BS reason, she’s out.” Doc Love was like, she’s out. That’s it. One chance per girl, per lifetime. In other words, his contention was if she does that, she’s disrespectful, doesn’t respect men, and there’ll be other things that she’ll just continue to do. And women like that are extremely difficult to date.

So that often is true. But as a Coach, my job is to help people get what they want. And when somebody’s emotions are involved, they’re like, “I don’t care, Coach. I really like this one. You don’t understand. I haven’t felt this way in forever, or ever.” So I can encourage them to choose somebody else. But at the end of the day, my job as a Coach is to help you get what you want. That’s what you guys have hired me for. That’s why you’re here.

And I’m not here to be your judge or your priest. I’m just here to give you tools and techniques and information to help you make an intelligent, informed decision. Because at the end of the day, it’s your life and you got to live with the consequences of your choices and your actions. So this particular email, this guy is 32. He claims to have read 3% Man six times so far. And he met this girl through Instagram. So she’s probably very pretty, has a lot of attention. That’s pretty clear.

So she’s got lots of options. And what you got to understand is when they have that many options, they’re going to have a short attention span, and they’re going to test the shit out of every single guy that’s coming onto them, because they’re only going to go to whoever is the most masculine and makes them feel something for these guys. And so this kind of behavior is going to be normal with a woman that’s really hot.

That’s got a lot of choices, and lots of options because she’s basically got an “all you can eat dick buffet”, if you will. She has her pick of Baskin-Robbins, and so she’s got ten dudes sliding into her DMs and she finds them all attractive, how is she going to determine who she should go out with? She’s going to jerk them around and see which guys blow their top and which guys are calm, because masculinity is calm. Which guys are indifferent? Which guys are mysterious? Which guys are kind of hard to figure out?

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so she jerks you around, or she takes extra long to reach back out to you. Typically, these are the things that will happen in the first several weeks of dating. But once you start hooking up and bumping uglies, usually that tends to subside. But again, you got to remember what Doc Love said.

And it’s for good reason, because a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, doesn’t jerk you around, respects you, respects your time, they typically respect their Father. A woman who makes a date with you and then blows you off 30 minutes beforehand typically doesn’t respect the Dad, or you’ve acted like a bitch so much, she just doesn’t respect you and doesn’t care. So let’s see what’s going on.

Because eventually they rescheduled their date and went out on it and had a good first date. But now he’s been trying to set the second date. He’s got the same exact problem. “Oh, works crazy. Uh.” Just in other words, she’s not easygoing, easy to get along with and make dates with. So that tells me her interest really isn’t that high.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Thank you for all you do! Your material really has changed my dating game for the better.

Well, it only changes it if you actually apply it. If you cherry pick, like one of the things you’ll see here is that he’s trying to make a movie date with her. And one of the things I’ll point out is he’s only read The Book six times. And so what happens is, is you only read The Book six times, there are things you’re going to confuse and you’re going to mix up just because you haven’t been through it enough.

One of the things we know is that when you first start dating a girl, you don’t do a movie date, because how can you create rapport if you’re sitting there watching a screen? You can’t. The idea is you’re trying to create an opportunity for sex to happen. And if you go sit in a movie theater for 2 or 3 hours, you’re not doing anything to build rapport. You’re just sitting there watching a movie, both of you, in a trance, basically. And then once you leave the movie, most guys just take the girl home and you really haven’t done anything.

You picked her up, you went to a movie, you didn’t talk the whole time you’re watching the movie, and then you take her home. You don’t really know her any better than you did before. And so a movie is something that’s good to do after you’re already hooking up after your boyfriend girlfriend, but not when, like the first couple of dates, even if she suggests it. And so what happens here is she suggests a movie and he thinks, “Oh, well, she suggested it, so let’s go to a movie.”

Because he only went through The Book six times. He’s probably confusing seeing her more with, “Oh, it’s okay to go to a movie because she suggested it.” And so if a girl is reaching out to you and suggesting getting together or she’s pursuing you, then it’s her idea. And so again, this is what happens, he’s just got kind of got a foggy, hazy understanding of The Book because he only went through it six times. And so he’s confusing things from different parts to apply to a movie.

And so he’s trying to make a movie date when The Book says, this is exactly what you don’t do, you don’t ever make your first date a movie date because you want to have the conditions where you can talk and interact and create rapport, make her feel safe and comfortable. Get her to open up to you. And for those of you guys that are pretty experienced with my book, you go to usually 2 or 3 different places on a first date and you spend about 4 or 5 hours with a girl. If you’ve done everything right and your game is tight, most of the time she’ll end up sleeping with you on that first date.

That’s when you get really good. It’ll pretty much always be that way. And so my goal as a Coach is to put you. In other words, it’s to stack the deck of cards in your favor so you can get what you want as quickly as possible and make sure you’re not getting your time wasted because there are women that will waste your time and they enjoy you filling their belly up with an expensive meal and expensive drink. And then you get a peck on the cheek, because girls will go out with you when they have no intention of dating or sleeping with you, because it’s better than doing nothing or staying at home.

Looking at the four walls. And especially this day and age, things are expensive, especially with the inflation Biden-economics that we’ve had the last four years and the fact that they doubled the money supply within a couple of years because of all the tyrannical Covid lockdowns. Well, that’s something we all got to contend with. And I know not everybody does as well as I do. And so taking a girl out and blowing $100 or $200 on a dinner, it’s like you want to make sure if you’re taking a girl out and you’re going to spend that kind of money and have a good time with her, that she’s really into you, and not just wasting your time and appreciative of the free meal.

I have read your book 6 times so far. I am a 32 year old male. I met this girl through Instagram, and we exchanged a couple messages before she went quiet for over a week.

So that’s kind of normal. You’ll text back and forth. More than likely, the messages back and forth were boring, and then she just left him hanging, which is understandable. And so dating is like tennis. So if she stops replying, well then you don’t reach out. You just wait to hear from her. So a full week goes by. That’s kind of par for the course when you’re dealing with somebody like this. Because a week goes by, there’s ten other dudes slide into her DMs and then she’s wondering, “Oh, whatever happened with that dude from last week?” Because most guys don’t do that. They keep messaging and texting because they don’t know any better, trying to get her attention.

She is really pretty and likely gets a lot of messages. Then, out of the blue, she responded again, and we set up a definite dinner and movie date (the movie was her suggestion).

Well, ideally something you should do, especially if you’re trying to mitigate your financial risk on a date, is you could do a coffee date at a nice place that has some ambiance. Not like a Starbucks, like some kind of nice place where you can go have a coffee, maybe a dessert or something like that. Or if you’re a drinker, you could go to a wine bar and you know, you’ve got a couple glasses of wine and some nice music. Usually they have jazz or something like that playing there.

And then if the wine and the environment is good and the conversation is good, then maybe you can go to dinner afterwards. But if the date sucks, then you can say, “Hey, well, it was nice meeting you. You know, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” And then you’re out of the date after only having bought a couple glasses of wine, or some nice coffee and a dessert or something like that. But if the conversation goes well and it feels like you click and you’re noticing she’s playing with her hair and touching your arm and laughing at your jokes, and really seems to be excited to hang out with you.

Then you, “Oh, there’s a great place down the street we can go have some dinner. There’s a great they got a great surf and turf.” Then you can take her to dinner. And then at the dinner goes really well. You can say, “Hey, let’s go to Top Golf.” Or you could go to Top Golf for the dinner because you can eat. And what’s nice about a place like Top Golf is that facilitates, especially if she doesn’t know how to swing a Golf club like most girls kind of don’t.

Gives you a reason to touch and interact with each other physically so it can facilitate touching, petting, kissing, and when you’re making out and all over each other, you can say, “Hey, why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine or champagne or whatever, or hop in the Jacuzzi and watch the boats go by or whatever happens to be.”

And so you kind of want to play it by ear because the more places you go, just like I talk about in The Book, each time you get into and out of a car or in and out of a taxi or an Uber or a bus or a train, because most guys go on a date, take a girl somewhere, and then they take her home. And so when you go to like three different places, it’s like going on three different dates in the evening. And it kind of gives the woman experience of having had 2 or 3 dates.

And since most women will sleep with a guy in the West after the second or third date, it speeds up the process by having multiple places to go. It’s like the whole evening becomes an adventure and the formula is hang out, have fun, and hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced.

So it makes it really easy, really natural. And again, most women, if you’re going to end up sleeping with them on the first date, you typically got to spend at least usually about 4 to 5 hours before they’re warmed up and they’re ready and they feel safe and comfortable with you and they’re down to fuck, basically. So it’s like everything is laid out because again, The Book is designed to stack the cards in your favor, but if you start violating principles, you’re basically cock blocking yourself and shooting yourself in the foot and making things harder than they need to be. So here’s where it goes sideways.

Thirty minutes before the date, she canceled, saying she didn’t feel well after a dental appointment.

30 minutes before. That’s just fucking rude. I mean, if she’s 20 minutes away, you might have already been getting in your car to drive to go meet her or pick her up or whatever, or meet at the place. That’s again, it’s just disrespectful. Probably a girl who wasn’t raised right. And the fact that she’s got lots of attention on social media, because now you’re competing against everybody else that slid into her DMs, versus a girl that comes from a good family that maybe occasionally posts something. But she’s not posting thirst traps.

She’s not posting shots of the camel toe. She’s not doing anything like that. Maybe a pictures of her and her family on vacation every couple of months. And other than that, they never post anything. You’re not going to be sliding into a girl’s DMs, something like that, just because the pictures don’t invite that. But the girl is constantly bending over and doing beaver shots. And yeah, you’re just one of dozens of dudes that are sliding into the DMs and hoping to slide into her sweet Bologna curtains.

She suggested rescheduling for the next day or Wednesday, so I proposed a specific time for the next day. She replied with uncertainty and saying she needs to check her schedule.

It’s like, notice that she suggested the next day and he’s like, “Okay, how about this time?” “Oh, well, I gotta check my schedule.” So what does that tell you? She’s jerking him around on purpose.

So I did the takeaway and suggested, “let’s do it another day that you can for sure do it”.

So she probably didn’t reply.

A few days later, she proposed meeting next week, and we agreed on a definite date and time.

So another reason why women do this is they’re trying to see, “Is this guy going to blow his top on me? Is he going to freak out and get pissed off? Because if you do, you’re out.” If you show that you can’t keep it together and you have no emotional self-control, you’re going to scare her and you’re going to freak her out. And oftentimes, girls that are exclusively meeting dudes online because they don’t have a solid social network or friendship group, they’re going to do things like this. So if that’s how you’re going to be meeting chicks, you should expect this kind of behavior.

The date went really well. We were touchy, kissed, and spent hours together across two spots. She even suggested going to the movie we originally planned for the upcoming Saturday. Since it was her idea, I asked her what time she’d be free.

Again. I wouldn’t be trying to make a movie date. Now say she spent the night. Say you got together and you went out on a date Friday night, she stayed the night. You ended up hooking up, and things were going so well and you guys clicked so much. She stays over. When you wake up in the morning, you give her an extra toothbrush and say, “Hey, let’s go get some brunch, and then maybe we’ll go check that movie out.”

That would be the only way that I would go to a movie that early on in the courtship process. If she stayed the night and we hooked up the night before, then the next day if she’s staying over, because that’s what kind of happens. She stays Friday night. You’re having so much fun. You wake up Saturday morning. What are you doing? You’re having morning sex. Because you got morning wood, and you don’t want to let that go to waste. Obviously, you beat up her pelvis. Now you need some fuel. So you go to brunch. Maybe you come back to your house after brunch. You bump uglies again.

But you could. If she keeps insisting on the movie, take her to a movie after she spent the night the next day. Because then it could turn into you. Go to the movie, and then maybe she hangs out and you guys then come back home and make some dinner together, and she ends up staying the whole weekend. That’s just kind of how, if you’re having a really good time together, she’s not going to want it to end, and neither are you. And especially if you’re fucking each other’s brains out, it’s, you know, that can turn into a whole weekend. So you just kind of play it by ear.

We settled on 11 a.m. for brunch and the movie when we parted.

Again. I would not be doing it this way. The only way I’d be doing brunch or lunch is if she stayed the night the night before. This is where he’s violating principles in The Book. And he’s thinking, “Well, she suggested a movie, so that’s okay.” That’s not what The Book says. But this is what happens when you only read it six times. Things are vague and not really clear. Because you’re only retaining maybe 8% of it each time you go through it.

Normally, I would just do one date per week like you said but since it was her idea, I was trying to plan another date for Saturday. 

Again The Book says no movie dates until your boyfriend and girlfriend, but this is what happens when you don’t know The Book well enough.

After the date, she texted me when she got home, and I thanked her, saying I’d find us a brunch place the next day. When I suggested a time and place the following morning, she responded that she might have a workout class and needed to double-check.

So what that is, is what’s called a “Stall Tactic.” She’s trying to see what her girlfriends are doing and what the other guys are doing that are in her Rolodex or that have been sliding into her DMs to see if the guy she really, really liked, is up for getting together. And so you’re a backup plan. And so what’s happening is you’re agreeing to be a backup plan by saying, “Okay, I’ll just wait to hear from you.” But he does the smart thing.

I did another takeaway, saying we could pick a day when she’s definitely free instead. I know I might not have left room for her to wonder and immediately said I would find us a brunch place and that turned her off, but I am also a little confused since it was her idea so I thought it would be okay.

Again, I say read The Book 10 to 15 times for a reason, Dude. So you’re confused and you’re mixing things up because you really didn’t take the time to learn the material and understand why things are laid out the way they are in The Book. And this is why. It’s to prevent girls like this from jerking you around.

And confirming a plan for Saturday on Thursday is reasonable in my opinion. 

Well, the idea is she wasn’t willing to make definite plans. She’s basically, “You’re a backup to her.”

I didn’t hear anything back after the takeaway on Thursday and didn’t hear back until Sunday.

So that’s kind of normal. You’re going to get together maybe on a Saturday, just like, “Oh, let me check my schedule.” When a girl says that and just kind of leaves you hanging. Of course, the time where you were talking about getting together is going to come and go. And they do that on purpose, again to see if you freak out and blow your top. Because if you do, then you’re out.

But if you’re indifferent to it, you can advance things. And it’s also possible that this is one of those girls that’s read The Book called “The Rules”, because The Book called “The Rules”, tells women to cancel dates at the last minute on purpose and jerk a guy around like she’s doing to this guy, because this is what will get a man really hooked to you.

She texted, “What are you up to this week?” I told her my availability and mentioned I’d love to see her, asking when she’s free. It’s been a day, and she hasn’t replied.

I’m shocked.

But she still watches and likes my stories on Instagram. What do you think is going on here?

She’s not that into you and you’re proposing movie dates, which you shouldn’t be doing. Other than that, it’s like low interest. She cancelled a date, so she’s just not that into you. That’s what you got to understand. You’re kind of like a backup. It looks obvious that there’s probably some other guy or guys that she likes more. And that’s why you keep taking a back seat. Because you literally are a backup. You’re the “Hey. If I got nothing else going on, well, I’ll go hang out with this schmuck from Instagram that slid into my DMs.”

I’d really appreciate your advice on how to handle this moving forward.

Thanks for all you do, Coach.

All the best, 

Bob

So again, this is normal behavior. Doc love would have been like, “Ah, she’s out. Don’t waste your time.” But you clearly like the girl and he probably doesn’t have anything else going on. Which is another reason why you should get some other choices and some other options, instead of getting hung up on one chick that’s jerking you around. Because if you had 2 or 3 other girls that you were dating and hooking up with, this wouldn’t bother you so much. When you get really good and you’ve dated and slept with enough girls, it’s like, this shit’s not going to bother you. You’re just like, you’re gonna be amused.

You’re like, “Ah, this is fun. I’ve seen this movie before. She’ll be back.” It’ll be your attitude. So more than likely, this is just the way she operates. So I would expect in a few days she’ll reach out. Don’t do a movie. Don’t do a daytime date. Don’t do a fucking brunch, Dude. The only way you do brunch and a movie is if she spent the night the night before, and you guys get up and you have morning sex because you got morning wood, and then you can go to brunch afterwards to fuel up again, maybe go back home, have another session of the Indoor Olympics, and then do something in the afternoon.

I wouldn’t do a movie because you’re trying to continue to create rapport and get you guys to be closer and a movie just kind of gets in the way of that. But it’s not the end of the world. If you if she stayed the night before you hooked up, you go to brunch, then you check out the movie. That would be okay in my Book. And that would be the only reason this early on in the courtship process, that you would go to a movie again. If you’d read The Book 10 to 15 times, he’d have been a lot smoother and been a lot clearer and would have made a date in the evening. Because guys that want to hook up, they’re making dates in the evening, they’re not doing lunches and stuff like that.

That’s how you get stuck in friend zone and you waste a lot of time and a lot of money. So I’d wait to hear from her and, you know, assume that she’s going to keep doing this. This will die down and stop once you start actually sleeping with her and having sex and hopefully giving given our lots of happy finishes. Then when you make a date with her, she’ll keep it. She’ll be excited to see you or interests will go up. She’ll start blowing off the other guys that are in the background and spending more time with you. But you really need to read The Book, Man. You’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap because your game is kind of choppy and sloppy.

And you’re mixing things up from different parts of The Book that don’t really apply in this situation, i.e. making a date to go to a movie as your first date. Which again, just because she suggested it doesn’t mean you agree to do that again. This is all laid out in The Book and why you don’t do these things, but you only went through it six times, so he just is missing the little subtle nuances that you need when you really take this stuff seriously. So you clean up your game so these things just don’t happen. So I’d wait to hear from her, when you do, make the next date and then get off the phone.

But do something in the evening so you can go to 2 or 3 places, maybe like a Top Golf or throwing some axes, go karts, a Dave & Busters type thing. You know, anything that’s a physical activity where you can bump and interact with each other physically, should be like the last place that you go, because then it makes it easy to kiss and make out. And when you’re all over each other, then you can start using the trial close. Which is to invite her to come back to your place to have a bottle of wine or champagne, or hop in the jacuzzi, or go in the pool, or skinny dipping, or whatever your process happens to be for how you go about seducing women at your homestead.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.