She’s Hot, Flaky & Unreliable. What Can I Do?

What you can do if your girlfriend is hot, flaky and unreliable.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer dating a woman who’s hot and exactly his type. However, she is flaky and unreliable. She has ADHD and Autism. She misses dates because she falls asleep and other lame excuses. He’s really tired of dealing with this behavior and asks what he can do.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This email is from a guy who really likes this girl for his potential. He’s 30, she’s 19, obviously she’s young. He said she’s got ADHD as well as autism. They had a date set up recently and she just fell asleep. He texted her. She didn’t reply because he’s like, “Hey, where are you? We’re supposed to be together.” Then he called her thinking, “Oh, is she OK? Something happened to her?” And he ended up waking her up and she’s like, “Oh, I’m really sorry. It happens with my medication. You got to be patient with me.”

So they’ve been dating for about two or three months, and this kind of stuff, this flakiness, even you’ll see he shares their text exchange. He’s trying to set a date. She’s kind of squirrelly, all over the ice, which women sometimes will do that when they have low interest, but when you’ve been dating somebody for two or three months, you realize that’s just kind of the way she is. So even though she’s 19, she’s young, she’s immature, and she’s kind of like a non-functioning woman. Can’t even get yourself ready, show up on time, do the things you say you’re going to do. That’s going to be really frustrating, but she’s really hot and the sex is great. So there’s that.

So this is like one of those cases because women do this a lot with guys. He’d be a great guy and, “If I could just fix this one thing, she’d be a great girlfriend.” If he could just fix this side of her, but it’s not your job to fix somebody, to save them or to improve their life. You got to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. He tends to see things better than it is, but he keeps coming up against the reality of her personality. Some women are just like this. So you could try to set a healthy boundary, but if she’s got medication she’s on that causes her to fall asleep, be extra sleepy, she’s tardy all the time and she still doesn’t respect the boundary, that’s just kind of the way she is. It’s the way she’s always been. Well, what are your choices? You can put up with it and say, “Well, it’s just the way she is,” or you can say, “You know what? It’s been great, but I want to find a happy, whole and complete woman.”

So this is like one of those emails where you could ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. If she’s not willing to get herself up, do enough self-care so she gets plenty of rest, take her medications consistently, whatever happens to be, in other words, if she’s not disciplined enough to take care of herself, a woman who neglects herself eventually will neglect you. That’s just a fact of life.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

First of all, thank you for all you do. I’m on the second read of your book and your wisdom is priceless. I’ve been approaching hundreds of beautiful women on the street and having experiences I’d scarcely dreamed of. I recently started seeing a girl who is everything I ever wanted, insanely hot and exactly my type. She’s 19, I’m 30, and we’ve been exclusive for two or three months now. Since I’ve been dating her, I can spend all day walking around a huge city and not see a single girl I desire more, which is insane to me.

She is just so sloppy with arrangements. She has ADHD and Autism, she frequently interrupts you in the middle of a sentence…

I hate it when people do that. I’m the type of person that if I got a thought, I’m trying to get out and somebody wants to interrupt me, it’s like I totally lose a thought and can’t get back back to it. That just sucks.

…For example, but I understand it’s hard for her to control. I set definite dates and she is always reluctant to settle, and often tries to reschedule at the last minute. We have interactions like this:

Me: “Let’s do something Friday or Sunday.”

Remember, the book says, “When are you free to get together?” So he’s only read it twice. I don’t know how long he’s been following me, but he needs to do better with learning the material because that will help him. However, as you’ll see, she’s not normal.

Her: “Sure, but we can also meet tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m busy tomorrow, but let’s do something on Friday.”

Her: “I’m not sure if I’m gonna be free, but yeah.”

Me: “You just said sure.”

Her: “Yeah, but I just looked at the calendar.”

Me: “OK and?”

Her: “And I’m not sure, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

The next day: “We can meet on Saturday.”

Remember, what did he offer her, “Friday or Sunday?” Told her his availability, but again, women are kind of a little scatterbrained like this. This is where being direct, decisive, getting to the point, nailing her down to an appointment, getting her to commit to a definite date, day, time and place, or you withdraw the offer and tell her to get back in touch when she knows her schedule.

Me: “I’ve got plans on Saturday. I can meet on Friday or Sunday. Which is good for you?”

Her: “Sunday then.”

Then she’ll ask me what I’m doing on Saturday and if I’m seeing someone else, she gets jealous.

Again, she’s 19. So if she’s just continually doing that, I did a video newsletter, was it last week? I think it was. This one was constantly accusing this guy of cheating, screwing around and accusing him of sleeping with a 60-year-old co-worker, and he’s like 30, and the co-worker was the one that set the two of them up. So sometimes he has lunch with her because she’s an older woman, she’s happily married, probably gives him advice and stuff, and she’s just adamant that he was cheating on her. However, she works as a waitress or bartender and she has a male friend who she had lied to him and said that he had a girlfriend the whole time. Well, it turns out the guy not only didn’t have a girlfriend, but she’d go and hang out and have drinks at three in the morning with him. Yet she’s constantly accusing him of cheating.

So when a woman continually does that over and over, it is a sign that she’s insecure, but when it’s really obnoxious, it oftentimes reveals that she’s projecting. In other words, she’s the one that’s doing bad things, and the way the cheaters and liars think, because I’ve coached some of them over the years, they’re absolutely convinced that everybody’s like that, given the right circumstances. They don’t believe anybody’s loyal. That’s part of their story that justifies their continued ratchet behavior. So that’s something to be aware of. Somebody constantly accusing you of lying and cheating, especially when it’s abnormally, it’s kind of ridiculous. They keep harping on it and you tell them to stop and they don’t, usually they’re projecting. So if you’re in a situation like that, pay attention.

Then she didn’t show. I wrote her…

In other words, he texted her.

…No reply. An hour later, I was genuinely worried so I called her. Turned out, she’d fallen asleep. She asked if I still wanted to meet but I said, “We’ll do something another day,” and wished her goodnight. She wrote, “Sorry I know you’re probably mad. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Sometimes my medication works like that. I can’t help it.”

Is this somebody that you want raising your kids? Somebody you can’t even count on to show up? You make dates, you make plans, maybe have a big event, family’s there like, “Where’s your girlfriend?” “I don’t know, I can’t get her on the phone. Maybe she fell asleep again.” Once or twice maybe, but when it’s just a constant reoccurring thing, there are women out there that are just flaky and an absolute mess.

Now she’s sulking because I said I was just tired this stuff.

Yeah, as I would tell her, he could be like, “Get your shit together. Figure out your medication. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. You need to show up on time. You need to follow through on things. I’m over this flaky behavior. If you can’t get it together, I’m not going to want to continue dating you. I just don’t want to deal with this. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I’m mature enough and disciplined enough to do it and follow through. If you want to act like a five-year-old, ‘Oh, I fell asleep. Oh, my medication does this,'” and she’s just not going to take care of herself, it’s not your job to be her daddy.

I mean, you want to be her daddy, but not where it’s like having another child you got to take care of. You’re looking for a teammate and an equal, not somebody that you’re fucking dragging across the finish line or pulling her across the finish line in her bed that’s on wheels in her case.

So I wait. She’ll probably write me first, but it’s a joke. She should be trying to make up for lost time.

It’s like she’s low interest, but for some reason wants to be in a long-term relationship, says she missed me when we see each other, tells me how hot I am, and the sex is incredible. She’s not gold-digging, she pays for me quite a bit too. I’ll take distance and she does reach out, but then she always finds a way to let me down and show me a lack of respect.

I have to take a stand, but it’s hard to point to anything specifically, it all seems so petty on it’s own, and a laundry list would be even worse. How can I date her without giving her all these opportunities to take me for a fool?

Thank You,

Bob

Well, you said yourself you got to take a stand. So you’re gonna have to draw a line in the sand because you clearly don’t like this behavior. I wouldn’t put up with it. I mean, yeah she’s hot, but there are women out there that are just a mess and they don’t have their lives together. I wrote about one of them in my book. This girl had posed for Playboy. I show up to pick her up. Come to find out, she still lives in a house with her ex-husband. They’re totally divorced. He was dating, she was dating, and they live in the house with their kids. A house, a fucking mess. I remember we were sitting, you know, I showed up and she’s not fucking ready. She’s like, “Oh, I didn’t think you were coming.” I was like, “Well, why don’t you just call me and make sure if you doubted that?”

So she’s finishing getting ready and I’m in a room with her hanging out, and then she locked her door and she’s got her kids outside the door banging and kicking the door, trying to get in. I’m just thinking, “The ex-husband’s in the other room.” He doesn’t say, “Hey kids, knock it off!” He just lets them continue banging and kicking the door and she does it, it’s like, what a mess! The girl was a total mess. After seeing her and the way she was with her kids and her family, she was so hot and so beautiful, but I was like, “Man, I don’t want I don’t get involved in that. Are you kidding me?” So I didn’t date her. I think I might have gone out with her one more time, if that, but I don’t want to deal with that. If you can’t get yourself together and get yourself ready, like I’m not here to motivate you. I’m a life coach, but I’m not going to be your life coach. You gotta take care of yourself.

As Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me.” So in this case, this girl’s not taking care of herself. So I would just sit down and say, “I really love you. You’re really awesome. Our our sex life is great. It’s very passionate. I have fun with you, but your flakiness and unreliability, I’m over it. So you got two choices. You can either get your shit together and show up on time, and no more of this ‘Medication made me tired and I fell asleep,’ or I’m just not going to want to date you anymore. I need a woman I can rely on, and you’re just not reliable.” If she wants to make excuses, say, “I don’t really care about the excuses. I’m sorry you have ADHD. I’m sorry you have Autism, but that can’t be the excuse for you treating me and disrespecting me like this. So it’s going to have to stop. You’re going to have to get your act together if you want to keep me. If you don’t, if you can’t, that’s fine, but you can find somebody else to date who maybe is more patient and will put up with that stuff because I don’t want to deal with it.” You’re going to have to have that conversation, but you got to be prepared.

If I’m a betting man, if I’m in Las Vegas, where do I put my money? I’m putting my money on the fact she’ll probably continue to be flaky because what does Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute say? “Current events form future trends.” So I’d have one more sit down with her and explain how things need to be if she wants to keep you around, and if she continually does this shit, then I would tap out and go find somebody else. I know it’s hard, but you found her, she’s almost everything you want. If she can’t get her shit together, then she’s not really your dream girl. Yeah, she looks great on the outside and the sex is great, but dealing with her and basically babysitting an adult? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t put up with it.

So I’d give her one final ultimatum to clean it up, get her act together, do whatever she’s got to do. She’ll either do it or she won’t. If she won’t, then you’re going to have to move on, man, because it’s not your job to fix her or be her mommy, hold her hand, tell her to get dressed. I wouldn’t want to deal with that, not in the least, but you do, you boo boo. Whatever floats your boat, man. I’m here for it. I’m here to support you as your coach. My job is to help you get what you want, but again, the book is not going to fix this woman. She’s going to have to fix herself, and she’ll either do it or she won’t. If she won’t, you either put up with it or you move on. Pretty simple.

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