She’s In Love… But Unsure?

Mar 11, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

Here’s why men get irritated and snap at their girlfriends for being clingy, and what to do instead so he acts sweet again. This is an email I got from a woman whose boyfriend says she acts clingy sometimes. She also says that he snaps at her. Recently, his ex girlfriend has been blowing up his phone. As you can imagine, she feels very uncomfortable about the situation, even though they live together and are in love. This gives an interesting perspective on how a woman acts when she is unsure of where she stands with him, especially when she’s worried about potentially losing him to his ex-girlfriend. She is unsure of what she should do and how she should go about handling the situation. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of her e-mail:

Hi Corey,

I don’t know if you still do this sort of topic… (About 10% of my clients and readers are women.) but I was reading a post you had about trusting the guy you’re dating, and if he misses his ex. I’m dating and in complete love with a guy who says he loves me too. I can tell most of the time that he does. We live together and I also have a baby with someone who is not in the picture. I know with all my heart he loves her too. But he complains that I’m clingy… and I try so hard not to be. (This usually happens when you are seeking to know where you stand with him, instead of loving and giving to him unconditionally. You’re looking for validation he still loves you because of your fear you may lose him to another. All women in relationships have a natural fear of losing “their protector” to another woman, and often get suspicious of other women; for good reasons mostly.) I think I’m doing really good, but then if I do one thing wrong, I get snapped at. (Next time he snaps at you say this: “I would appreciate it if you would talk to me in a loving and sweet tone, instead of being mean to me; especially in front of my daughter. I don’t want to teach her that it’s ok for men to be mean and snappy with her. If I have done something to upset you, or if you feel there is something you are not getting from me, tell me! I love you and want to make you happy. However, if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you, how can I give you what you really need? Just ask me in a sweet and loving tone when you want me to do things differently. Tell me specifically what you want, but BE KIND!” You could also use the humorous approach. You could say next time he snaps at you: “Honey, what’s wrong? You sound a little tense. I’m going to relive your tension!” Then, take off his pants, and give him a great blow job with a happy finish! No sex, just make him sit back and relax. Then afterwards, when he’s got that glassy-eyed satisfied look in his eyes say: “Talk to me baby, why were you snapping at me?” Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s just pissed off at the world or frustrated. The only way to find out is to ask, and then give him what he says he needs from you. That may include giving him some space and time to be by himself in his man-cave. We men work out our problems through contemplation and introspection in our man-cave BY OURSELVES. As you know, you ladies tend to work out your problems and come to your own solutions by TALKING about them. We men are always torn between wanting to be one with you, and our desire for FREEDOM so we can chase our dreams and purpose, hang in our man-caves contemplating our next move and with our ladies supporting us and being our biggest cheerleaders. Sometimes you just need to let your man have time to himself. If you don’t give that to him, he will feel like he will lose his freedom. Men fear losing their freedom to be themselves and pursue their dreams when they are in a relationship. If you try to make him spend time with you when he needs space, he will choose freedom over you eventually… and leave the relationship.) His ex and him were together for two years, and he admitted recently he misses her, but he says that he and I are better for each other, and he doesn’t want to leave me. (Ask him what he misses about her. Tell him to be specific WITHOUT GETTING JEALOUS, ANGRY OR HURT! You simply want to satisfy him in the ways he likes. It’s about you giving to him and fulfilling his needs in the ways he needs them to be fulfilled. Then he has nothing to miss about the ex.) However, she has been blowing his phone up. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that at one point he missed her. (You’re living with him and sleeping with him. She’s not.) I don’t want my daughter and I to get heartbroken, but I don’t know what to do to feel secure in our relationship. Please help! (It’s all COMMUNICATION. The quality of your relationship will be equal to the quality of the questions you consistently ask each other in your mutual pursuit to meet each others needs. It takes two! Ask him specifically what he wants from you, what he wants you to do to him and to let you know when he needs you to give him space to hang in his man cave. When he needs man-cave time, go hang with your girlfriends and be busy enjoying your life with your friends and family. Just ask him how much man-cave time he thinks he needs and give it to him. Another great article you should read of mine is Rate Me Baby! You should also get a copy of my book. Even though I wrote it for guys, there’s a lot of relationship wisdom in there that will help you understand him better… and yourself. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE.)

Mia

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Published on March 11, 2012

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