In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has recently started talking to a woman he used to hook up with until things fizzled out about a year ago. When she is around him, she always seems to be preoccupied with texting other people and mostly seems indifferent towards him. Recently, he became tired of this and ended up sitting next to another woman and chatting her up instead. Later that afternoon, the woman who has been indifferent towards him, texted him to inquire as to why he sat with someone else. He then tried to set up a date. Her response seemed to be a little vague and up in the air. It’s obvious to me that he does not know my book very well and was not prepared for her answer. He writes in asking me what he should do differently to turn things around so she starts paying more attention to him and enthusiastically accepts his future date requests.
You are the man! I am a college student who has been very successful with women in the past. However, over the past year or two I ran into some trouble. Mainly, I started to realize that I had no idea what I was doing to be successful. Once I started thinking about it, my sex life went out the window. I came across your coaching videos about a week ago on YouTube, and have been assimilating the information into my daily life. I’ve already started practicing approaching girls and getting numbers, which has worked well. (Congratulations. Repetition is the mother of skill.)
I’m sending this email because of a situation I am in with a girl I like. Over a year ago, we met at a party, and we ended up hanging out and hooking up regularly. Things fizzled out for a while, but a couple months ago, she texted me and asked me if I was knew of any Psychology courses that were easy. Psychology is my major, which she knew, so I told her about a course that I was taking, which she ended up enrolling in with me. We have been in the class for a couple weeks now, and we were sitting together, but she kept texting other people and I felt like she didn’t respect me as a man. (You had not bothered to ask her out.) I remembered what you said about creating distance, and today I sat with another girl. Low and behold, when I got home I had a text from her, which hadn’t happened for months, asking if I didn’t save her a seat on purpose and all that. I avoided the question and asked if she was free anytime soon. I was assuming she would say yeah, sometime on the weekend, but she said “Maybe a little later. I’m not going out tonight.” (You need to read my book 10-15 times and learn the fundamentals on how to reach out properly. Think about what you say before you say it.) When I asked originally I meant in a couple days, but instead of saying “I didn’t mean tonight” I asked if she wanted to come over. She said, “I’m going to an event, I’ll text you when I get out,” but I feel like she’s bullshitting me. I don’t know what the deal is. (You are not prepared and don’t know the fundamentals. You put your foot in your mouth here.) I can’t tell if she thinks of me as tool, if she likes me a little, or a lot. I do like her. She is cute and has a good heart, but I feel like it can’t be good that she texts other people when we’re together, and I don’t know what to say when she says “I’ll text you after blank.” (Your job as a man is to be direct, decisive, and to make a definite date. Respect yourself, and don’t put up with this bullshit. Try to get her to commit to definite plans.) I feel like it goes back to what you talk about when you say, “she has all the time in the world to text you, but for some reason she can’t find the time of day to see you in person” thing. (She’s used to jerking you around, and you never got around to asking her out, so you are continually acting like her gay male girlfriend. That’s why she’s interacting with other guys) So I guess my question is, how do you deal with girls who text other people when you’re together? (Go sit with other girls. When people value your time and appreciate you, they will give you their undivided attention.) And how do you answer a girl who says, “Let me text you after blank?” (Let her know you are really busy and say, “Why don’t you figure out your schedule and get back to me when you know you’re definitely available.”)
Thanks a lot,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When people are ignoring you or they are indifferent towards you, and you keep trying to be around them or keep them in your life, you are inviting them to continue taking you for granted and treating you like a second class citizen. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. Therefore, if you want to get someone’s attention who seems to be ignoring you, or who is indifferent towards you, you should remove your attention and place it elsewhere with people who value and appreciate you. Never try to stick around or be around people who don’t want you around.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne