She’s Not Really Your Girlfriend If She’s Affectionate Towards Her Male Friends

What it means when your girlfriend shows affection towards other men who are just a friend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about four years, but only cherry picks info from videos and has read 3% Man twice. He’s been back together with his girlfriend of one year for three months after a one month break, and now she no longer wants him to go on a friends only trip which includes a male orbiter she once briefly dated.

She is backing away again and he is clueless as to what’s really going on. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I’m not talking about just giving a hug. I’m talking about if she’s hanging out with a guy she used to date who’s just a “Friend,” and, “You don’t have to worry about him,” she’s got her head on his shoulder and they’re showing each other affection, they got their arms around each other and you’re watching shit like that. That’s not good.

So this particular email is from a viewer who says he’s been following my work for four years, but he’s another cherry picker, so he admits this. He only read 3% Man twice. He’s been back together with his girlfriend of one year for three months after a one month break, and now she no longer wants him to go on this friends only trip that she’s got planned, which includes a male orbiter that she briefly dated, the one that she’s very affectionate towards.

She’s backing away again, and he is clueless as to what’s really going on. What happened was before they split up, he was supposed to go on this trip with their friends, but I guess he’s done a friends trip with her before, and apparently her friends don’t like him because he’s kind of done some stupid things. So his game has been kind of sloppy and he hasn’t read the book and doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He’s clearly doing and saying things that are turning his girlfriend off, and I assume it was probably her that dumped him and for whatever reason they were able to get back together, but she doesn’t want him going on this trip. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t really respect him as a guy and her attraction is low and he doesn’t really notice it, but again, he hasn’t really read the book and taken that seriously. So that’s all on him.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you’re well!

I’ve been familiar with your work for about four years, but admittedly I have only read your book twice. I’ve also cherry picked a lot of your videos, which have offered valuable information, but not knowing the book front to back is probably why I’m reaching out now.

Yep! If you have been together with your girlfriend for a year and she wants to go on a friends only trip, she don’t want you there and she’d rather bring male orbiters with her on this trip, that shows that you’re really not that important to her. You’re not a priority, and the other people are. A good, loyal woman is like, “Of course my man is going. If you don’t want my man to go, then I’m not going on the trip with you guys.” That’s what a good, loyal woman is going to do who loves her man. She’s going to be proud of him. If her friends don’t like him or don’t want him around, she’ll be like, “Well, fuck them. I guess they’re not really my friends.”

I (28) and my girlfriend (29) of one year were planning a trip with her and her friends to Japan for September 2025. When she started planning I was invited, but we broke up for about a month, and I was removed from the trip group chat. We’ve been back together for three months and all was going smoothly until I asked her if she was wanting me to go on that trip again (She talks about it daily).

So I know you’re back together, but it sounds like your girlfriend is kind of looking for the exits. Especially if she doesn’t want you there, then you’re not really back together. You’re just a placeholder until things develop with another guy. I know that’s not what you want to hear after investing a year with this girl, but you didn’t read the book. You didn’t learn the material. You chose to be lazy and you chose to not participate in your own rescue.

A little context: I have met a few of the friends going, once while on a cruise together and I didn’t give them the best first impression.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

She got annoyed with me because of something I said that morning and I was excluded from spending the day with the group.

So your girlfriend left you on the ship and went with her friends? Bro…

Walking around by myself, I bought some Xanax in the Dominican Republic (It’s available OTC there).

Oh well, might as well just get fucked up by myself.

I told the group about it later, and it was understandably not OK with them.

It was like, whatever.

They said that I was risking their safety on the boat being associated with me.

Maybe you can’t bring that stuff on? I don’t know.

I completely understood, and apologized to each of them, as it was a stupid thing to do.

Because of my behavior, when I asked about the trip she said she would have to check with the group before including me again. The only person who had a problem with it is a guy she dated, “For a week” years ago in high school. I honestly would be fine if anyone else was uncomfortable, but the fact that it’s just her ex and she’s letting him make that decision is rubbing me the wrong way.

So if you’re in a committed, long term relationship with a woman of a year and you guys are regularly bumping uglies, and she’s going on a trip next year with all of her friends, including one and a guy that she dated, even though it was supposedly only a week, but you’re not invited, and the only person that doesn’t want you to go is this guy? What does that tell you? He’s hoping to fuck your girl and get her back and make sure you’re not there. So if your girlfriend thinks that that’s a good idea, “I’d rather go to Japan with some guy that tried to fuck me in high school and exclude my boyfriend of a year,” then you don’t have a girlfriend. You have a friends with benefits that’s kind of tenuous at best. She’s not really your girlfriend, and you’re not really that important to her.

I would say, “You know, we’ve been together for a year. I know we’ve only been back together for three months, but if you think that you’re going to go on this trip with your friends and your ex-boyfriend, and he’s the only one that doesn’t want me there, and you care more about what he thinks than me? Well, we’re not going to be together anymore. That tells me everything I need to know. That is absurd and it’s insulting. It’s like, why am I in a committed relationship with you? For you to propose something like that to me and think I’m going to be like, ‘Oh yeah, go hang out and do Japan with your ex-boyfriend, no problem. I’ll just sit at home by myself, and I’ll just trust that you’re going to be honest,’ especially seeing how affectionate you guys are towards one another.”

Since high school, he’s always been part of the friend group and a very good friend of hers, but on the cruise, I noticed they would often break the physical barrier by touching each other (Her laying on his shoulder, fake punches, etc) which she claims to do with all of her friends because she is just a touchy person.

It’s like, “Yeah honey, that’s not going to fly. If you’re my girlfriend, you’re not going to put your head on another man’s lap or on his shoulder like somebody you’re really close to. That’s not OK. If I was doing that with a hot single secretary from my office who’s been wanting to fuck me but hasn’t been able to because I have a girlfriend, and I’m going to go travel with her for a few weeks, and I’m going to be OK with her touching me and putting her head on my lap, and you’re just going to be like, ‘Sure honey, I trust you?’ That is absurd. So if you don’t want me to go on that trip, then this other guy is not going to go either. If he is going to go, then we’re just not going to stay together. You’re going to have to be a free agent for that to happen. I’m not going to stay in a relationship with a girlfriend that thinks that’s a good idea, to go on a trip with other friends and her ex-boyfriend, and I’m excluded because the ex-boyfriend doesn’t like me? I don’t think so.”

She assured me that nothing would ever happen with him…

Until, “Oops! I couldn’t say no. He just ended up inside me. I had too much to drink. Oops!”

…But I feel like I have reasons to doubt his intentions.

He clearly wants to fuck her. That’s ridiculous.

When they dated, she ended the relationship and obviously friend-zoned him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks he might have a shot with her. He does live four states away, so I’m not worried about him in the near future, but I know it will bother me when it’s time for the trip. If my ex was laying on my shoulder and touching me (Usually in the form of fake punches, etc), I would take that as a sign of attraction. I told her this, and she thinks it’s absurd.

Yeah, of course she thinks it’s absurd because you don’t have the same value system. I would say, “OK, so it’s OK for me to go get touchy-feely with other hot single girls that want to fuck me, and you’re going to be totally OK with that? Put my head on her lap, let her put her head on my lap, hold hands with her. You’re cool with that? OK.” So she thinks that it’s absurd.

I’m surprised that she won’t stick up for me…

Yeah, because she’s got low interest in you and she doesn’t respect you. She thinks you’re a bitch and you’ll just go along with it.

…Especially with the trip being over a year from now. I understand that he is a close friend from her perspective, but it seems quite disrespectful to our relationship.

It is absolutely disrespectful to your relationship. What is absurd is for her to think it’s OK to have her hands all over another man that she used to date and put her head on his shoulder like she would her boyfriend. That’s not OK, and if she thinks it’s OK, well you got a value conflict that you need to resolve.

Also, because the conversation made her upset, she added that in the future, she’ll plan trips that are strictly friend trips, and trips that are just for us as a couple.

I would be like, “Well again, if you want to plan friends only trips and exclude your boyfriend and take your ex-boyfriend with you, then I’m not going to be your boyfriend anymore. That tells me everything I need to know. So you need to decide. You’re either in or you’re out.”

Again, this just shows me her interest is really low. You guys did have a breakup. I assume she dumped you. Maybe you groveled and begged to get her back, I don’t know, but she clearly has all the power and you’re just kind of going along with it.

She plans friend trips once a year, which I am forever not invited to.

Yeah, so you’re just not a priority and you’re not important. Maybe you should just propose, “Hey, why don’t we just be fuck buddies? Because if you’re going to treat me this way, then we’re really not that close. We don’t mean that much to each other, and for you to say, ‘Oh, you’re never going to come with me, and I’m going to take ex-boyfriends on friend trips?’ Nope. It’s not going to happen. Not with this dude.”

That was last week, and she has been distant ever since. I invited her to a vineyard this weekend. Here is the text exchange:

Her response:

“I’m going through something and I need to figure it out or fix it. So yeah I’ll be dealing with what I need to deal with.”

Well, that’s pretty vague. Doesn’t sound like a girl he’s really close to. It just sounds like a fuck buddy. Like it almost sounds like a girl he’s been out with a couple of times. Is too busy to see him.

My response:

“Sorry to hear that. If it happens to be anything I can help with, or if you just need someone to talk to, I am here for you. Hope you get it sorted out. Let me know when your schedule opens up.”

Her response:

“This is something you can’t help with, and thanks. Enjoy the vineyard.”

The daily phone calls and texts from her have stopped, so we haven’t spoken in three days. Interest has obviously dropped significantly, and I’m seeking your advice on how to turn this around if possible.

Well, you told her to get in touch when her schedule freed up, and it’s pretty clear she doesn’t want you around. If she doesn’t want you around, if you don’t hear from her in 30 days, well that obviously means you’re single and she’s probably hooking up with somebody else. It looks like her interest is low and she’s trying to decide between you and another guy. Maybe this guy, maybe there’s somebody else you don’t know about, but I know you guys have been together for a year, but there is no intimacy, there is no closeness in your relationship. Again, you guys just sound like you’re occasional friends with benefits, not a serious relationship.

This is what happens when you don’t read the book 10 to 15 times. What happens is guys like you that are lazy, you focus on the pickup skills, some basic dating skills, you start getting your dick wet, and then you think you’re an expert on pussy and you don’t need all that other stuff, and you never bother reading the book, or you only read it once or twice. Then when things go sideways after a year of being with somebody, it’s like you never really advanced beyond the pickup and casual dating stage with this girl. I know you’re exclusive and everything, but there’s so much that you miss because you don’t know the book and there’s no way I can go through it all in a video. You got to put the time in with the book. There’s no shortcuts to success.

What it looks like is you’re about to get dumped again, and she doesn’t really give a shit about you. You’re not important to her. You’re not her man. You’re just a guy that she apparently has agreed to be sexually exclusive with once again, but it really looks like she’s tapping out. If you’ve been together for a year, you’re supposed to be her rock, her mountain, her source of masculine strength, and she’s like, “Oh, this is something you can’t help with. I’m not going to tell you.” So he doesn’t even know this girl and she doesn’t really know him.

Again, you didn’t bother reading the book, so you never learned any of the close, intimate relationship wisdom that’s in the book. So you’re like casual fuck buddies that have been kind of exclusive for a year and probably got back together again because you begged her or did things that were the opposite of what I teach, because you clearly have no power in this “relationship.” Again, it’s like fuck buddy, friends with benefits. Other than that, there’s no closeness or intimacy. You’re just not that important to her. So you need to read the book and figure out what you’re doing wrong, because this girl, like I said, looks like she’s heading for the updates.

Thanks for the plethora of free information (I’ve begun reading the book again), and any input you have on this is greatly appreciated. I can also provide more context if needed.

Thanks for everything and wishing you all the best.

Bob

Nahh, I got enough! Like I said, there’s just a total lack of respect and attraction and there’s just no intimacy. I know you think you’re exclusive with her, but really, it just seems like you locked up your occasional fuck buddy, and you’re so not important to her and she’s got something major going on in her life, and you don’t even know what it is. She doesn’t even want to tell you, so you don’t matter to her, dude. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it is what it is.

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