When you should allow a girl you’re dating to come over when she asks, if you’re worried about spending too much time together too soon.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for over a year now. He’s dating a girl who is really into him who says that she’s addicted to him. She sometimes calls and wants to come over on short notice, and he’s unsure if he should allow it when they already have plans for the weekend.
He’s concerned that if he sees her too much it will turn her off. He asks my opinion on what he should do and how to respond to her when she asks. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This guys says he’s been following me for about a year. This girl he’s been dating, he’s been seeing her about once a week, and he’s been following what’s in How To Be A 3% Man. And what I’m noticing, I’ve been getting these questions and seeing these more in my phone session lately, so I thought I’d be a good topic to go over. And so, as I discuss in the book, a guy — especially in the beginning when he starts dating a woman he doesn’t know, she doesn’t know him, maybe they met on a dating app or they met in person for a little bit — typically, what you want to do is go out on one date per week.
The idea is you want to create the conditions where you’re kind of moving just a little bit slower than the woman is. Because the reality is most guys are in a real rush and want to have multiple dates in the first week. They start treating a woman that they just met like a girlfriend and they smother the girl. And then she starts saying, “I’m confused, we’re moving too fast,” she backs away, and the next thing he knows, he gets ghosted. He’s thinking, “What the hell? We had a good time, we hooked up and now she blew me off.”
All of us have seen this same theme that’s in the movies and TV shows, that you better hurry up and lock her down, or some other dude’s going to come along and rip her off. But you’ve got to take your time, especially when your emotions get involved. And in a lot of the phone sessions, I see guys are just simply getting involved with toxic women because they’re projecting their fantasy onto these women and just hoping that the women like them. They’re in the mindset of “How do I get her to like me?” instead of “Is she a good person? Is she loyal? Is she honest? Does she come from a good family? Has she been loyal and faithful to her previous boyfriends or husbands, or not?”
These are all important things that guys need to know, but most men just typically get caught up in their emotions and they ignore everything. They think, “I’m going to be different. I’m going to save her. I’m going to fix her. I’m going to solve her problems. I’m going to be such a good guy that I’ll turn her into a good woman.” And oftentimes, like I like to say, they try to turn a hoe into a housewife, and then they’re shocked when they later find out that she’s sleeping with their friends or sleeping with other guys.
In many cases over the years, I’ve had conversations in phone sessions, with guys that not all of their kids are theirs, because they married women that cheated on every guy they were with and they thought, “Hey, we had such a connection, she would never do that to me.” And when her interest drops, since loyalty doesn’t mean anything to her, they just go and sleep with somebody else, and they’re surprised this happens. So, it’s really important, especially in the beginning, that you exercise emotional self-control and take things slowly, not be in a rush, because you’re trying to figure out what she’s really like.
You should be in the mindset of “Is she good for me? Do I like her? Is she trustworthy?” You need to know all these things. And most guys, they don’t think about it. They just feel butterflies. They’re like, “Oh, she’s perfect. She’s my dream woman.” They project their fantasy. Then a couple of weeks or a couple of months into it, they start seeing red flags, but by that point they’re totally infatuated and they don’t care. They just ignore it. They want what they want.
Whether it’s buying something in life, or making business decisions, or purchasing decisions, or when it comes to relationships, we make our decisions based upon our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify it. And so, if a guy projects all of his emotions and his high interest onto a woman and ignores all the red flags, he uses logic and reason to justify why those red flags aren’t really a big deal. And then he ends up suffering the consequences.
And then those guys that suffer the consequences, because they’re terrible at pre-qualifying women, because they haven’t read the book, they get into the toxic part of the red pill community and they’re like, “All women suck. It’s horrible out there. Don’t get married, don’t have relationships. Just hook up, pump and dump.” So, it’s like you’ve got a bunch of dysfunctional man babies that don’t want to take any personal responsibility for their crappy choices and their lack of investigating and taking their time with women, because they just rushed into it, one marriage after another, whatever it happens to be.
And then they live in certain states where, quite frankly, if you go through divorce court, it doesn’t turn out well for the guy, but they don’t care because they’re emotionally invested in her. And then their attitude is “all women are horrible,” and it’s just a way to absolve themselves from any personal responsibility. If you’re a self-reliant human being, if you’re a self-reliant man, if you depend upon yourself, then all your choices, everything that’s in your life is there either through your thoughts, your words, your actions. You have to take personal responsibility that you drew those people into your life, good or bad.
The only way you’re able to solve anything in life is if you accept personal responsibility for where you’re at and what’s in your life. And if you screw up, be a man and say, “Hey, I screwed up.” As Confucius said, “Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.” And it doesn’t do any bit of good to go on the internet and cry about all horrible women are because you’re trying to absolve yourself from any personal responsibility for your bad choices and say all women are the same. That’s a loser mentality. That is loser think. And I have no interest in those kind of toxic people. I see them on my YouTube channel and I just block them.
Any time I have an email from a woman that I’m answering, I get a dozen or so dudes that just bash women and say horrible things about them, because they’re a bunch of bitches, they’re a bunch of pussies. They don’t take any personal responsibility. And I’m all about self-reliance and owning your fuckups. If something happens, it’s my fault. That’s the way I always look at it. Everything I wrote about How To Be A 3% Man, I don’t blame anybody for that. It was all on me. I did it all, but I learned from it and I became better. And I share these things with other people, so they can avoid making the same mistakes.
So this is a really super important thing to understand. You want to take your time. And so, in this particular email things are progressing and going well with this girl, and he’s been doing the one date per week thing. But she said recently she’s addicted to him, and so she calls him a lot more because their interest is rising. And even though they might have a date set up for the weekend or later in the week, she’s like, “Hey, can I come over in twenty minutes” or “Hey, can I come by later tonight?” He’s like, “Should I say yes? Or should I just say, hey, I’ll see you on the weekend.”
And as I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, if she’s reaching out to you, it’s her idea. And if it’s her idea, if she’s chasing you, she’s pursuing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped. You don’t have to worry about getting blown up. But you also have to take into consideration that women are like cats. And if you have a date set up on the weekend, and she wants to come over two or three nights in a row and then you hook up, you might notice when you go out with your date that you had set on the weekend that she’s not as excited as she was the previous two or three times that you got together earlier in the week when she just kind of came over.
And so, that’s what you tend to notice, that if you spent a lot of time together, it’s almost like she kind of gets a little bored. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you anymore. It’s just the ebb and flow of feminine energy. Don’t take it personally. You want to be an imperturbable man. If she wants to spend time with you, hey, it’s the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. And if not, that’s okay too. It doesn’t matter, because you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. You give them the freedom to come and go.
Because most of the guys in our society are trying to lock women down. They’re chasing, they’re over pursuing. You’re going slightly slower than she is and you’re not in a rush. If you have choices with women, you’re not a rush. And so, you don’t care. You’re not worried or threatened by other men that she may be dating or talking to. You’re just trying to determine whether or not you should even proceed to continue seeing her or if she’s good relationship material. If you’re just thinking, “I’ve got to lock this girl down,” that’s when you get into the danger zone and you end up locking a girl down who’s toxic or who’s a liar or who’s a cheater. And then obviously, you suffer the consequences of that because you were driven by your emotions.
If you’re a man who’s driven by your emotions, you are not exercising emotional self-control. You’re acting like an emotionally irrational little girl. Men are in control of their emotions. That is what masculinity is. You can be angry and pissed off, but it doesn’t mean you get violent on people. You’re present with your anger, you experience your anger, but you don’t let it hijack you and run your life.
Like I often mention, when you watch these older movies 60, 70, 80 years ago at this point, these things are pretty old now, that’s what you see. The men are the prize, the successful guys that all the chicks are after, they want to marry and have babies with them. Yeah, he’ll be a great provider, but he’s just a good guy with integrity. And since he has a lot of choice with women, he’s got the same attitude like I was talking about earlier in the video, “Is she good for me? Is she a good woman? Does she have integrity? Should I continue seeing her?” They’re in no rush.
I think one of the best examples of old school Hollywood is the “It’s a Wonderful Life” movie. You have Donna Reed’s character who’s this wholesome, goodhearted, good woman, who has integrity, who has morals. And you’ve got George Bailey, Jimmy Stewart’s character, he’s like the big man in town now that he’s taken over his father’s business after his father suddenly dies after a heart attack. He does the hard things. He sacrifices a lot of his goals and his dreams to take care of his family, to take care of his family business, to make sure his younger brother goes off to college. He’s always looking out for other people, but he still has his big dreams.
All of the women in town want to lock him down, are trying to get his attention, and he’s really not that interested in that attention, because he knows what he wants, he’s got his goals and his dreams. But then Donna Reed comes along, and he can’t help but be enchanted by her beauty, and they fall in love and they live happily ever after. That’s the way it’s supposed to work. And people that don’t know any better, guys that are butt hurt babies don’t know any better and say, “Oh, it’s because he had money.” It’s not because of the money. That’s part of it. It’s because he has success. He has success because he is competent. He’s a competent man.
We have too many incompetent men in our society that are butt hurt and pissed off that women don’t choose them, instead of just saying, “Hey, I’ve got to be better. I’ve got to read a book like Corey’s. He even gives the damn thing away for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, and he allows me to read his second book, Mastering Yourself totally for free!” The book is totally about self-reliance. I get a lot of grief about it, because I talk about gun rights, and the Constitution, and politics and self-reliance in there. And people that want the government to be their mommy, they don’t react too well to being told that they have to take personal responsibility for their lives. And they can cry all they want, I don’t care. A man does what he must, despite the consequences.
My new book Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations is out on Amazon, and it’s available on Audible. It should any day now be available on iTunes as well in the audio book format. The digital version should also be on Google Play in the next few weeks.
I’ve been following your stuff over a year now. I’m dating this girl who is totally into me, she said with her own words, “I’m addicted to you.” I’m pretty sure I pass plenty of her tests. I am also still flirting and seeing other women just so I have that abundance mindset, but she is still my favorite.
That’s what you should be doing, especially when you’re learning what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man,” because you only learn through doing. You can watch all the videos and read all the books you want on the topic, but if you’re not actually out there experiencing and getting better, it’s just an intellectual circle jerk. It’s not going to improve your life. You learn by doing, that’s how you get better. Repetition is the mother of skill. So, it’s great that you’re doing this.
She is optimistic, beautiful, works hard and is ambitious, really smart too. Thank you for your knowledge and helping me and other people join the 3% club.
She has been doing 90% of the pursuing…
Because like I talk about in the book, the guy should never do more than 20-30% of it. And if a woman’s calling and texting you two to three times a day, there’s absolutely no reason for you to even be reaching out first, because in essence, you’re always responding to her messaging. And this is what typically happens in normal, healthy relationships with a man who has his purpose and mission first and foremost.
The women are always trying to get their attention and validation, not the other way around. I get a lot of grief for saying that as well. But the reality is healthy, feminine energy is submissive. It follows the man’s lead. Everything a woman does is to get a guy’s attention. That’s why they do their nails and do their hair, they wear the nice clothes, they put the makeup on. They want to look good. They want to be attractive. They want to attract the best man that they can get.
…always initiating texts and calls and I take the opportunity to set the dates. Twice now she has called me and ask if she can come over to my place at night. On both occasions I have agreed, and we have fun and have such great sex.
So, she’s calling you up and she’s like, “Hey, I want to see you if you’ve got nothing going on and you’re hanging out at home.” I mean, she’s coming over for a booty call. It’s great that you have a date set up, but this is typically what happens. And when you’re in a relationship, you might have a big weekend planned. Maybe you’re taking her away for the weekend somewhere. Maybe you’re married, maybe it’s your girlfriend, maybe you’ve been dating six months, whatever. But the point being, even though you’re going to spend the whole weekend together, if she’s head over heels in love with you, just like I talk about “How To Be A 3% Man,” women want your attention all the fucking time when they’re in love with you.
They want as much of your time as they can get, and they pursue you to get that. It’s not because you’re manipulating them, or being a dick, or you’re not making any effort, it’s just natural. This is what women naturally do — normal, healthy, natural women, not lunatics. Everything in my book is based on the premise that you’re dealing with a healthy woman, not a lunatic. Chicks that are lunatics don’t react too well when guys apply what’s in my book, and that’s what you want.
It’s to help you screen out the crappy, low quality women that all these bitchass butt hurt beta males and the toxic part of the red pill community are always complaining about. But if they’re not going to learn anything about it, they’re going to keep making the same mistakes over and over and over. And they’ll keep showing up my YouTube channel, and I’ll keep blocking their asses, and so will my assistant. I don’t have time for pussies who don’t want to take care of their own life and accept personal responsibility for their own lives.
My question is this, when she suddenly calls during the week and asks, “Can I come over in 20 minutes?” or “Can I come over tonight?” if I do agree with her and tell her, “Yes, you can come over at 10pm,” even though our date was set on the weekend, does that mean that I’m letting her have her way with me?
This is exactly what the book teaches. This is why you start out with once a week. Because what’s happening is you’re just doing your once a week thing, and now she’s starting to text you and call you every other day, and maybe even every day you hear from her. This is the whole point of applying what’s in the book. Because she’s chasing and she’s pursuing you. You don’t have to worry about getting dumped.
Now, if you were chasing and pursuing her like that, she’d be dodging your calls, taking longer to get back to you, and then eventually you would get stuck in friendzone, “Oh, there’s no spark. There’s no chemistry. There’s something missing,” because you don’t give her time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you and for her feelings to grow. This is natural, this is the way it’s supposed to be. Women naturally behave this way. Don’t get pissed at me. I’m just the messenger. I’m just telling you the way they are. You can accept that or you can cry like the dudes in the toxic part of the red pill community.
Should I instead say, “Baby I’ll see you on the weekend. We’ll have so much fun and you’ll have all my time then”?
Only if you want to act like a robot. She’s chasing you. She’s pursuing you. She’s reaching out to you. She wants to see you. You can say yes, but you’ve also got to understand the more you see her, say she comes over three nights in a row during the week and you hook up all three times and have a great time, but you notice on the weekend there’s a little bit less enthusiasm on her part. That’s totally natural. This is where you have to be imperturbable. You cannot be bothered by this.
You have to be cool either way, “Hey, babe, come over.” It’s okay. She’s busy? That’s okay. She gets upset? That’s okay. This is what women do. She may seem like she’s all into you one moment, and then the next, a little bored and distant. And that’s why you just back off. Back off and let her be. She has a couple of days, doesn’t hear from you, doesn’t talk to you. She starts to miss you again. She calls you up, she texts you and she’s all excited and enthusiastic again.
This is just the way it is. It’s like getting upset at the weather. Which, I still get irritated when it rains and I’ve got to do stuff outside, but the point being with women, you don’t want to get upset either way. You don’t want to be bothered either way, because if you do, you show weakness. You show that she’s able to cause you to get butt hurt and lose your shit, and that doesn’t go over well. It does not help attraction and go in the direction that you want, which is up. It goes the opposite way.
Or is it okay if I allow her to come over, and we have fun and have great sex, then also see each other later on the weekend just to have more fun and have more awesome sex?
If she’s calling and texting you wanting to come see you, I don’t want you canceling plans with your guy friends, because a lot of guys will do that. They’ll blow them off, “Oh, my girl wants to see me. Hey man, I can’t see you. My girl’s coming over. We’ll get together next week.” Those are the guys that end up getting dumped down the road, because they changed. These are the people pleaser guys, because they dump their hobbies, they dump their interests, because she maybe complains about something one time or whatever as a test of your strength.
And women are always testing your strength, especially if they’re pregnant. Are you going to be raising children together? She wants to know, are you going to be able to handle it? Are you man enough to handle taking care of her and the babies and paying all the bills when she’s a stay at home mom? And that’s why women test, especially. They can smell and they can sniff weakness. They naturally do this. They need to make sure that you’ve got your shit together. And when they test you and you pass, they feel safe and comfortable just letting go and following your lead and submitting to you. It’s naturally the way it’s supposed to be.
I look forward to your response! I grew up with a pretty damaged childhood with toxic parents, so I spend a lot of my life having trouble with relationships. But after applying what you teach, I’ve found a really great girl and were so happy together, it’s amazing.
Thank you Coach!!
Well, it’s still in the beginning, and it doesn’t sound like you guys are committed because you’re still dating other women. But the most important thing, emotional self-control and always be asking yourself, “Is she good for me? Does she have integrity? Does she say what she means and means what she says? Is she reliable? Is she dependable, or is she flaky?” You also have to set and enforce healthy boundaries if they try to display flaky behavior, not by getting angry or getting upset, but being more playful and more humorous and being imperturbable, really super important. Imperturbable, I love that word.
So if you’d like to get my help, you’ve got a personal or a professional challenge you’ve need help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Most men are driven by fear and scarcity when it comes to dating and romance. They have seen too many movies with the theme that men must lock their dream women down to a commitment as quickly as possible before other men do. The beta males who make these movies don’t understand women and wish they acted in ways that are simply unnatural to how women really are and what attracts them to men. Men who watch these movies but don’t know any better behave this way and chase women right out of their lives. The reality is that women will chase and pursue men more and more as their interest rises. This creates the conditions where women naturally are the drivers of commitments and relationships. Love is allowing. Love is freedom. By allowing women to come and go as they please, men simply just have to say yes when women open the door.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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