Should I Be Concerned About Her International Male Orbiter?

Some things to consider if your girlfriend has an international male orbiter.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in Chile. They’ve been together for about 6 months and exclusive for 3. His girlfriend has a male orbiter located in the US who he doesn’t know if they’ve met in person. She texts with this guy day and night. He doesn’t feel comfortable, but is worried he will appear insecure if he brings it up.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Should I Be Concerned About Her International Male Orbiter?”.

Well, maybe not so much somebody that’s in another country, but just the fact that she has a male orbiter who clearly is not just interested in being pals. Especially when they’re sending good morning and good night texts every day and are in constant contact with your girlfriend.

No guy wants to deal with that. Because at the end of the day, no man, especially a guy in another country, is going to be constantly texting some other dude’s girl, at least on some level, if he thinks he’s got a chance with her. And the fact that she allows it to continue shows she’s open to giving him a chance and she likes the attention from him.

So when you’re vetting for loyalty, these are not the kind of things that you want to see because then it’s going to question call into question her ability to be loyal to you. And as a man, why should you commit, especially with the downside risk and divorce court and the fact that you’re literally risking half of your assets for somebody who thinks it’s okay to chat with other guys and give other guys a green light to seduce her.

Even though they’re just a friend and you have nothing to worry about. So this particular email this guy has been dating this girl for six months. They’ve been exclusive for three. They live in Chile and she has a male orbiter in the US. He doesn’t know if they’ve actually the two of them have met in person. But she’s pretty much texting with this guy. He’s sending good morning texts and good night texts.

Like they’re laying in bed at night at like 11:00, 11:30, and a text comes in from him. He sends these long voice notes and stuff to her. It’s again, if you’re in a relationship and you’re committing to a woman, everything, especially if you’re going to get the state involved in your relationship, and she’s doing this kind of thing. It’s like, I would not be you need to have a conversation about that because it’s the behavior that’s the issue, not where this guy is actually located.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

First of all, I want to thank you for all your work, which has changed my life and helped me overcome a difficult period. Your teachings are something not all men have the chance to receive, and having your book is a blessing. I’m currently on my seventh reading and wanted to know your perspective on my situation. I’ve been in an official relationship for three months, but we’ve been dating for six.

We had some initial “differences”. She was a bit atypical, but over time she brought up the topic of exclusivity, and we’ve been getting along well. Specifically, my question is this: my girlfriend has a “friend” who lives in another country. We’re from Chile, and her friend lives in the USA, with whom she chats regularly.

So unless this guy is gay, which I don’t think he is. He’s clearly probably some lonely dude, autistic, hoping that eventually this girl from Chile, he’s going to get his shot with. And the fact that she maintains these open lines of communication is going to give any guy the impression that he’s got a chance. And a lot of guys, unfortunately, seen too many movies where they come across an unhappy woman in an unhappy relationship. The guy’s a jerk.

He neglects her or whatever, takes her for granted. And some white knight dude comes along who’s lonely, kind of a loser, and they click. And of course, he doesn’t care about the marriage or the relationship or the other dude. I mean, let’s look at Titanic, for example. That was a very famous example from the 90s where we’ve got Leo DiCaprio and you got Kate Winslet, I think is her name. She’s betrothed to be married to some dude, and she’s marrying him because her family’s broke.

Her father died, left him in debt. And they need the money. Her mother’s pushing for it. They’re big into society and this stuff. And so she meets this Jack dude who’s an artist, and he’s just like, “Hey, I’m going to America.” And of course, in the movie, they get together. And at the end of the day, Jack doesn’t survive. She survives. The guy that she was supposed to marry survives, but she lets him think that she died in the sinking. And then she goes on to live this great life. Well, this is reality here.

And so when guys see those kinds of movies, they think, “I’ve got a chance. I’m going to save her. I’m captain Save-A-Hoe. I’m a white nightor. Save her from that terrible life and that terrible man. And we’ll live happily ever after.” And so it’s pushed in the culture, which is basically, hey, go ahead and try to rip off somebody else’s girl. Go ahead and mow another man’s lawn. You’ll be okay. Won’t end in a Hialeah divorce.

When she told me about him, she introduced him as someone she met on a language app. At first, I thought he was just a casual friend she spoke to sporadically. I don’t know if they have ever met in person. But over time, I started noticing a “good morning/good night” dynamic every day, she would receive long voice messages from him telling her about his day.

Yeah. Again, you’ve committed to this woman not to date anybody else, to be exclusive, to give all of your romantic attention to her. And she’s getting these long, droning on voice notes from some dude in America. It’s like, come on, tell him you have a boyfriend. Tell him to go get his own girlfriend.

It seemed like when we were out walking or in a trip, she records videos to send him, she has told me this guy knows about me, that I’m her boyfriend. Once, we were lying together, cuddling, late at night, 23:0/11:00 pm, when she got a message from her friend saying, “good night,” which she quickly swiped away because it made her, and me, uncomfortable.

Yeah, so what does that tell you? I’m assuming he didn’t have to talk, but he noticed that it was this dude, and she’s like, whoops. So what does that say? She knows it’s inappropriate. She should be saying again, if she’s a loyal, family oriented girl, she’s like, “Hey, it’s 11:00 at night. I’m laying in bed with my boyfriend and you’re texting me goodnight. It’s kind of inappropriate.” She should be doing these things automatically. You shouldn’t have to tell her. But here we are.

She’s incredibly loving and affectionate. We intimate regularly, we take trips together, and she’s even made a few jokes about our “house together” and things like that.

Well, I wouldn’t go any further. Moving in together or anything like that as long as this dude’s still in the picture. Because good morning and good night text is something you send to a significant other. And more than likely, if this guy’s a good student, he’s not even sending good morning and good night text to her because it’s not attractive. When it becomes predictable and boring, it lowers attraction. We want it to be spontaneous and a delight. An unexpected delight. Oh, there’s my girl.

I understand that at the end of the day she might chat with a thousand other guys, but she goes to sleep with me, I’m the man she is choosing to have sex. But there’s a part of me that feels like this kind of dynamic, this constant emotional investment, should only be with a boyfriend or partner.

I agree.

What are your opinions on this, and what would you recommend? I’ve thought about talking to her about it, but I don’t want to come across as jealous or insecure.

Thank you very much.

Well, the issue I mean, this guy is in another country, but what if he was in the same city? No man is going to be constantly sending good morning and good night texts to a woman, unless he’s gay, unless he has romantic interest. That’s the bottom line. He on some level, this guy in the United States is hoping that he’s going to get a shot with her. He doesn’t care that she has a boyfriend to him, it’s just, oh, that’ll probably pass.

And so we don’t know what she’s actually talking about. We don’t know about the voicemails, but at the end of the day, the next time it happens, if you’re laying there in bed and it’s 11:00 at night and you see that, you just say, “Honey, I committed to you to be exclusive with you and to only give you my attention. You don’t see me laying here in bed at night and getting texts or phone calls at 11, or long droning on voice messages from some hot girl from the office.

You wouldn’t like that. I wouldn’t want you to think something was going on. I would never do something like that. And yet you’re constantly in contact with this man in the United States who doesn’t obviously either have zero self-awareness or he doesn’t give a shit. He should know that since you’re in a relationship with me, this is just inappropriate behavior. And quite frankly, as my girlfriend and I committed to you, when I see you behaving like this, every time you send him a voice message or good morning, good night, you send him.

That shows that you’re giving him the green light to continue. And he’s not your friend or your pal. Deep down, he really wants to get in your pants. And so I look at this and wonder, why are you giving this guy the impression that if he just sticks around long enough, he might have a chance with you? Like that just does not, those are not the actions of a woman who values loyalty, family, monogamy. You joke around about our house, but we’re not going to have our house.

If this kind of relationship is going on with this guy or other dudes in general. You know, this is why we date. We want to see that we’re compatible that we share the same values. And one of my values is loyalty, monogamy, and exclusivity. And you’re constantly entertaining attention from another man. And on top of that, you’re giving him attention. You’re recording voice messages and sending him long notes, and you’re texting him good morning and good night.

These are conversations you should be having with me, not some random dude who’s trying to get in your pants. He’s not interested in being your pal or your friend. He’s hoping someday he’s going to get a shot at dating you or sleeping with you. That’s the only reason he stays in contact. And if you want me to stay with you and to commit and take our relationship, eventually the next level, this is going to have to come to an end.

You’re going to have to have a conversation with this guy and say, I’m in a relationship, and it’s just inappropriate to be sending good morning and good night text and these long messages. These are the kinds of things you should be sending to your girlfriend or somebody you’re dating and not me. I have a relationship. I’m in a relationship. And so it’s just inappropriate. It’s not okay when we’re in bed at night and you’re sending me long voice messages or you’re sending me goodnight messages.

I never even have met you.” I mean, again, this is a conversation you’d have with her next time it comes up. And so “I’m expecting you to tell this guy that he needs to back off, respect our relationship. And if he wants to occasionally say hi, that’s fine. But this good morning, good night shit. And you send in voice messages back and forth. I don’t like it at all. I wouldn’t do it to you. And it needs to stop if you want me to continue to be your boyfriend. Because it’s disloyal behavior.”

“Because every time you message him back or you send a long droning on message to him, he thinks he’s got a chance with you. And you’re giving him chances. And I don’t appreciate that. And you should know better. I shouldn’t have to talk to you about this stuff. This should be common sense. So if you want to be if you want me to consider you as somebody a good long term relationship prospect, you’ll cut this stuff out. But if it continues, then I’m going to realize that you’re just not really a loyal kind of girl, that you want to have your cake and eat it too.”

“You want to be in a relationship with me, and yet you want to give other guys a green light to try to seduce you. So you need to have a talk with this guy and let him know that it’s inappropriate. And he shouldn’t be texting you late at night when you’re in bed with your man. I don’t want to see that stuff. It’s like I look at that. It’s like, I’m not doing that to you. It’s like, why do you think it’s okay to do it to me? And again, this guy’s not interested in being your pal. He wants to fuck you. That’s the only reason he stays in touch. That’s it.”

“And every time you respond, he thinks that you like him. And you deep down, feel the same way. And eventually, if you and I are together, then he’ll get a shot. That’s the way these guys think. Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant. You’re giving them the green light to try to get in your pants. And I don’t like that. I’m not giving other girls a green light to try to seduce me. And you need to stop giving other men the green light to try to seduce you. It needs to stop. They need to know that you’re taken. You’re off the market.”

“And unless it’s something that’s brief or an occasional hello, maybe once or twice a year, it’s unappreciated, it’s unwelcome, and it needs to stop.” So that’s pretty much how I would handle it. And at that point forward, if it continues to happen, then you know that your girl doesn’t really value loyalty if she came from a broken home, has a bad relationship with her father, hates her dad.

Especially if she says she hates her father, then more than likely the behavior will continue and she’ll call you jealous and insecure, that kind of thing. And it’s like, no, it’s just called respect. You want me to commit to you? Then you’ve got to commit to me on the same level. And, you know, if you’re going to continue to have male friends like this that think it’s okay to text you at 11:30 at night while we’re in bed together. Then that just tells me your value system and my value system are not aligned, and therefore we’re not a good match.

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