Should I Get The Phone Number Or Set An Instant Date?

How to know when to get a phone number & when to set an instant date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for 2 years and listened to 3% Man, 20 times. He’s in college and does plenty of cold approaching with women he finds attractive. However, when he gets their number, most of the time he doesn’t get a reply after texting them. He asks if he should try setting a date on the spot instead of getting their number and waiting a few days. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Should I Get The Phone Number Or Set An Instant Date?”

Well, as I discussed in The Book there, I give you multiple examples and multiple instances. In some cases, you’re going to get a phone number and call her, three, four, five days, a week later for a date. Other cases you might be, maybe you’re traveling. Maybe you’re staying at a hotel, and you go to have a few cocktails at the hotel bar, maybe some dinner, and some smoking hot woman sits down next to you, and you start chatting up each other.

You’re not going to get a phone number and call her a week or two later, or a few days later. You can make a date on the spot. But really, The Book is up to you depending on the situation. Because sometimes you’re going to meet a girl and you can start a date right there. Sometimes you can meet a girl and you’ll have a date a few hours later. Other times, just because the circumstances or schedule, you’re going to have to take the number and get back to her. So the idea is based on the situation and your schedule and her schedule and availability, it creates the conditions where you can meet a girl and have a date and seduce her that night.

Or maybe a few days later or a week later or whatever it happens to be. It’s up to your discretion. So this particular email, this guy, he’s been following my work for a couple of years. He’s listened to 3% Man 20 times. He’s in college, does lots of cold approaching, but he says oftentimes when he gets a number, 2 or 3 days later, he texts them. They don’t ever reply. They just completely ghost him. And so he’s kind of wondering if he should set a date up on the spot instead of getting their number. And so the answer to that is yes.

Absolutely. If you’re available to do that, make a date and spot. Take the girl by the hand and lead her somewhere and go have an afternoon adventure or an evening adventure because you never know. Maybe you’re at a fraternity party or something like that. And there’s a cute girl there, and she really likes you. And you’re making out. You’re not gonna say, hey, let me get your number and I’ll call you in a few days later, because then she’ll probably end up with some other dude that night if she’s down to bang. It’s just it’s the way it is. It’s a case-by-case basis.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Hope you’re doing well. My name is Bob. I’m 19, from Miami, Florida. I discovered you through Logan Doung and I’ve been a fan of your work for the past 2-3 years.

You guys remember Logan when he came to visit?

I have read How to Be a 3% Man seven times and listened to the Audiobook at least 20 times. I consider myself a confident guy and have never really had trouble attracting women. Whether I’m walking around campus or out at the bar, I often notice girls checking me out. When I approach, I always keep it light-hearted and fun, and I try to make them smile and laugh during the interaction. Since moving to Orlando for University, I’ve noticed the same thing happening. The only issue I’ve been running into is closing.

So if you’re out bar hopping on a Friday, Saturday night in Orlando, which I know very well. It’s been a lot of years, 25 years living there. You got to keep in mind if you’re doing a bunch of cold approaches and the girls have all been drinking, and you’re texting them 3 or 4 days later after that, they’re probably not even going to remember you just because they were buzzed. And the evening is kind of hazy. So something like that. Invite her to join you and your friends, or her and her girlfriends to join you and her friends.

And if you guys get frisky and you’re all over each other, then you can head back to your place. So you should plan for those things, the logistics of sex. You should have a pact amongst your guy friends. It’s like what happens if you meet a girl and you want to take her home, if you’re the designated driver or whatever. Or maybe you guys all took an Uber or whatever, you got to figure those things out ahead of time because you and your wingman, wingmen. The goal is you don’t want to cock block each other, you want to facilitate.

Hey, if one of your buddies has got a girl and she’s down to hook up, you want him to go off and do his thing with her. You don’t want to feel like he’s got to stay there and entertain you guys. But there’s going to be other times where he’s going to want to hang out with the boys, so he might meet a girl and hang out for a while. The key in these instances is she’s sober. And did you spend enough time building rapport with her. If you go up and you talk to a girl for two minutes and it’s 11:00 at night and she’s been tipsy and drinking, and you get a phone number and you call her two or 3 or 4 days later or a week later, she probably remember talking to you because she was hammered.

So that’s kind of common sense. But you got to think about those things. What is the context of meeting? Because under normal circumstances, most people meet their significant others or people they date through work or through school. Maybe you have a class and this hot girl sitting next to you in class. You chat her up, you get to know each other for a while. You’re going gonna see each other the next day or the next time you have class. Or if you’re at work, you see each other every day. You work in the same office.

And say, everybody goes out for happy hour or whatever, or a company dinner or something like that, and then a group breaks off and then everybody goes out and has, you know, happy hour or something like that. Those things are going to happen. So there’s social pressure to treat each other good because you know each other. But if you’re just some random dude and you talk to a girl for two minutes on the street on a Friday night at 11:00, 12:00 at night after she’s been drinking with her girlfriend, she’s probably not going to remember you. So you got to have some common sense around those things.

If you go to a buddy’s barbecue in the weekend or right now or in the middle of the hockey playoffs, and the NBA playoffs. And so friends are like, hey, we’re having people over to watch the NBA playoffs or we’re going to watch the hockey playoffs. Why don’t you guys come over, have a barbecue? They got a bunch of people there. So you get introduced, you know, you have mutual friends and then you’re hanging out for multiple hours together. In a case like that, you’re going to get the phone number and you’re going to go pick her up and you know her.

Or I should say, you know her friends that know her and vice versa. And so if she’s to treat you shitty, she’s going to be concerned about the blowback from the mutual friends you guys have in common, and vice versa. You’re not going to dick her over if she’s your best friend’s wife’s girlfriend or coworker, you’re not going to dick her over because you’re not ever going to hear the end of it. And, you know, so you got to think about that. If you’re just meeting a girl online, that’s why so many of them will blow you off, it’s because you don’t have any rapport with her, and she’s talking to so many other dudes.

From a leverage perspective, you basically have none. So you got to take that into consideration as well. If you’re meeting a girl in the middle of the day and you’re talking, you’re sitting next to each other in class for an hour, hour and a half hour or 45 minutes, 45 minutes, depending on what you know, how many days a week your class is with her, then you know you’re going to see her the next day or the day after that and she’s going to be in class. So if you’ve spent some time getting to know each other, the likelihood of her being flaky or jerking you around is going to be low. So you got to take those things into consideration.

Whether it’s a group of girls or just one, we usually hit it off. I’ll get their number or Snap, wait the 2-3 days, and then send a message—but either I get no response or a dry one.

Again, if you’re meeting girls out on a Friday or Saturday night or ladies night in the middle of the week and you’re talking to her for 2 or 3 minutes, that’s to be expected. You don’t have enough rapport, and she’s probably not gonna remember you because she was drinking. So you got to have a little common sense around these things. It really depends on the level of rapport that you build with her. Again, if you’re hanging out at school, for ten, 15 minutes shooting the shit before you go into class, you got plenty of time to talk to her. Plus, you’ve kind of gotten to know her because you’re going to see her between 1 to 3 times a week, depending on how many days a week you have that particular class.

When that happens, I just shrug it off and move on, but I’m genuinely curious why that’s been happening. The conversations usually go well, and there’s often some physical contact. They’ll touch me while talking, etc.

Well, if she’s touching you, and you can always do the kiss test. It’s when you really know this stuff well that’s in The Book you can meet a girl and within 30s you make out with her and then you can break off with her and go hang out. Hey, let’s go down here and have a drink and chat some more. And you say, “oh, I’ll meet up with my guy friends. Well, you can meet up with your girlfriends a little later.” So it just really. It really depends. Other times, you know, if you just meet a girl for the first time, typically it’s going to take 3 to 5 hours before they’re ready to go home and sleep with you.

Sometimes it’s quicker, sometimes the girl really likes you and she’s looking to hook up and she feels comfortable with you. In a few minutes, you, you could take her home. So again, it just, you got to see how things are. It depends on the level of rapport and how open she is. Just obviously you’re not going to take a girl home. That’s just totally sloppy drunk or blackout drunk because then you know, you can have problems there. She doesn’t remember what happened.

So I feel like the interest is there. I’d love some feedback or texting advice. I’m also thinking I should just try to set up dates on the spot instead of waiting—would love your input on that too.

Thanks, Coach.

Well, again, if you meeting a girl at midnight on a Friday night and she’s pretty tipsy and you’re making a date 3 or 4 days in advance, and then you talk to her for a minute or two, she ain’t going to remember you. So you got to think about that. You got to have some common sense. Versus say you’re traveling, you’re a business professional, and you go to a hotel bar and have some dinner or whatever. And a really beautiful woman sits next to you and she’s on a business trip as well.

Well, you guys could sit there at the bar and chat, or you can move over to a table where it’s a little more intimate. And after you guys get done with your food, you can go for a walk. Or maybe you invite her up to check out your room or to go raid your minibar together. All depends on the level of rapport. Again, The Book is gives you the tools and the setup to know when to move forward, when to back off. But like I said, if you’re meeting girls when you’re out partying and bar hopping, they’re probably not going to remember you.

But if you’re meeting them sober in the middle of the day, at school, and you got plenty of time to talk to them, or you go to a friend’s party on the weekend and you’re there for 4 or 5 hours and you’re watching games or whatever and hanging out, and you spend an hour or two just you and her mostly talking, or you and her and the mutual friends that you have in common talking. In those cases, you’re going to have a high level rapport.

You’re not only going to get her phone number, but you’re going to get her address, and then you’re going to go pick her up and take her out on a date. So it really depends on the level of rapport and the situation. You’re going to take it as a case by case. You meet a girl in middle of the day, or you’re hanging out with a girl in class and she really seems to like you. You can invite her to go do something after class, and then spend the day together or the evening together. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. It’s pretty simple.

So I would say that’s probably your problem. You’re talking to girls that are buzzed and have been drinking. Again, you only talk to them for a minute or two. You got no rapport and they don’t know you. You’re just a stranger in the street. So it’s not like you have mutual friends in common. It’s going to give you peer pressure or anything that’s going to basically keep her honest and making sure she treats you well because she doesn’t want to hear blowback from her peer group. Something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.