Should I Go For The Kiss Or Wait?

How to know if you should go for the kiss or wait.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The first email is from a 20 year old viewer from Denmark who has been following my work for 4 months. He is wondering when he should go for the kiss with a girl from one of his classes. The 2^nd email is from a college student who went out on a date with a girl he liked from class, but only gave her a hug at the end. Now he’s having a hard time determining if she’s truly interested after he tried setting a second date. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of their emails.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Should I Go For The Kiss Or Wait?

Well, I got two different emails from two different viewers. And both of them are like early 20s, college age. I think one of them says he’s 20, but he’s in high school, but he’s in Denmark, so maybe their high school is a little older. Um, but both these guys are new. They’re young, so obviously they don’t have a ton of experience. And I got people of all stripes and ages coming into my work. So it’s just a good email because again, we’re always reviewing the fundamentals here.

I haven’t done a video on this topic in a while. I sometimes deal with guys that are widowers that are in their 60s 70s they’ve been with the same woman since they were 15, 16 years old, very happy, lived happily ever after. And they lost their wives. And then now they’re in their 60s, 70s, and they’re not ready to take a dirt nap yet, and they want to live. And but they haven’t really dated since they were teenagers. And now they’re in their 60s and 70s, and so, you know, this is the kind of stuff that new to them.

Because, again, they haven’t thought about this stuff or experienced it for decades because they were always pretty much with the same woman. So you just never know what somebody’s actual situation is. So let’s go through these emails. And the other thing to keep in mind is I remember when I was like this, just doing “The Kiss Test” that’s in 3% Man.

The first time you do that, I remember the first time I started trying that, it’s kind of nerve wracking when you’re sitting there with a girl and you look at her lips, and then her eyes, and then her lips again, and then, you know, then she looks at your lips and you’re maybe you’re in a public place or whatever, and you’re thinking, “Oh, damn. She looked at my lips.” And then you feel this warmth come over you and your face gets a little red and you start to have like a little bit of a sweat, a nervous sweat everywhere.

And your whole chest, your heart’s going, [Thumping] you know, like, “Oh, what if she rejects me? Oh, what that waiter sees me get rejected? I’m going to feel horrible.” But after you’ve done it enough, you don’t think about it anymore. But you know, that’s. That’s what it reminds me of when I read these. Because I remember one time when I was a novice, I didn’t have a lot of experience, and I was nervous or just approaching a girl in public and asking her out where everybody can watch and they can kind of overhear what you’re saying, and you either do well or you go down in flames.

And, you know, as I got older, I noticed that people really liked that. They liked watching that. They liked seeing that even if I was getting rejected because I had the balls to do it in front of everybody else. And because it kind of gives them courage, like, “Wow, man, that guy’s got balls. Just asked that chick out in public like that. He doesn’t care if he goes down in flames or not.”

First Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Hope you’re doing well. I’m a 20-year-old high school student from Denmark, and I’ve been following you for 4 months. I’ve read “3% Man” 12 times and am a premium member on Spotify.

Well, thank you for being a Premium Member. We definitely appreciate you guys. We get a lot of new Members coming in, so that is great. And I appreciate the fact that you like the content enough to subscribe to the Members Only on Spotify. And just one thing I want to say about Spotify for you Members is like Spotify, because I’ve noticed, like some of the guys on YouTube say that if they lay the phone down, that when it kind of goes to sleep, the video stops playing. And so if you’re one of those guys that really just kind of listens to the audio of Spotify, it’s probably might be the best platform to listen to that on.

But obviously on our Website, you get a nice discount if you do an annual plan. Plus you get the Email Analysis. But you know, other people just like to watch one YouTube Video after another and so that might be the better platform for that if your one video after another. Spotify does that too. But I haven’t heard anybody say they  when you’re just listening to the audio, it doesn’t go to sleep on you and the sleep screen comes on. But with YouTube that’s a problem. And that’s just because that’s the way their paywall works and I can’t do anything about it.

I found your work after I got dumped by my girlfriend of 3 months in May. Since then, I’ve started seeing myself in a different light, and it’s clear the results I’m getting are due to your work.

Yeah, because we have things as men inside of us that are natural and innate, and when we display them, women can’t help but be attracted because attraction is not a choice. And if you display your most attractive qualities that are already within you and you start acting masculine, women are going to notice that.

I hooked up with a girl while on a trip in Bulgaria, and she even tried to lock me down and told me she loved me, but I cut things short. Now I’m back in my final semester, and I’ve noticed quite a few girls looking in my direction. However, one girl in particular has stood out. We have physics classes and orchestra rehearsals together. She unfollowed me on Instagram, but after a quick chat with her and her friend, she followed me again the next day. It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve been playing it cool. I’ve noticed her attraction growing, likely because of my playful humor and inaction.

Yeah, so in situations like this, it’s kind of also like if you’re working at the office with somebody, what’s interesting is statistically one of the number one or number two places where couples meet is at work. But you got to be careful with that because sometimes the interest is not reciprocated. And so you’re likely going to kind of start out doing things in a group. And so like here’s what I mean. So in this particular case he’s at class. And so everybody’s at class. You maybe sit next to each other. You talk, you shoot the shit. Maybe before you’re waiting to go into the class, you’re talking and joking around.

And the reality is, is that if a girl likes you, she’s gonna put herself in your orbit. She’s going to come near you. And so if you see, you just start talking to her and asking her questions, and she’s playing with her hair and twirling her hair around her fingers and touching your arm, or playfully punching you in the shoulder when you break her balls and tease her and treat her like a bratty little sister every now and then. Or she’s just standing so close, like you’re in a circle of people and she’s kind of bumping into you. Those are signs that she’s interested in.

And as I discussed in 3% Man, the process of seduction is getting closer and closer to a woman until you ultimately end up inside of her. And so, in this case, because you don’t want to blow things, especially if you’re in a group of girls, maybe you got 2 or 3 girls that you like that are part of the same group, but you want to make sure that you’re initiating things with a girl who really likes you and who really is into you, and you’re kind of mysterious, and it can definitely work to your advantage. If you got 2 or 3 girls in class and they all like you.

And because if you get 2 or 3 girls that like you in the same class, and one of them starts making the effort to let it be known that she likes you, the other ones often become a little bit more aggressive. And that’s a great place to be, because the same thing can happen at work. Maybe you got 2 or 3 girls from work that all like you. And so if you’re at work, then if you’re talking to somebody but you’re not sure, you’re not going to make a move at the office or ask her out, or send her a message on company chat or anything like that.

But if you’re talking about, “Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” She’s like, “Oh, my girlfriends and I are going downtown. She’s like, what are you doing?” It’s like, “Oh, my buddies and I, hey, we’re going downtown to. Or we’re going to this festival, or we’re doing this or doing that. Well, you guys should join us. It’s like, well, hey, take my number. And if you guys are down that way, shoot me a text. Maybe we can all meet up and hang out and have a drink together or whatever.” And if the girl likes you, she’ll take your number and she’ll find a reason to reach out to you on that weekend.

And then you can invite her to hang out. Because maybe she’s got 2 or 3 girlfriends, and you’ve got 2 or 3 guy friends with you, and then you get your groups of friends together. You’re talking to her. Your friends can keep her girlfriends busy. And who knows, maybe some of them, you know, end up hooking up with their girlfriends or whatever. But in that kind of environment, again, when you notice the signs are there, she’s bumping into you. She’s touching you.

The idea is you could grab her hand and take her over to another table and talk and have a drink. If she’s playing with her hair and touching your arm, and you do “The Kiss Test” on her, and you look at her lips and then her eyes, and then back at her lips, then into her eyes, just like I talked about in The Book. And she looks at your lips and you’ve been hanging out for a couple hours. You should kiss her, because she’s going to kiss you back. If a woman looks at your lips when you’re doing “The Kiss Test”, it means she’s thinking about kissing you too. So go for it.

And if it’s outside the office, or in this case, it’s outside of class. Because you could do the same thing, if you’re hanging out in class before you go in, or even when you’re in class sitting next to each other, maybe before it starts, like, “Hey, what are you girls doing this weekend?” “Oh, we’re doing this. We’re going to this place. We’re going there.” “Oh, wow. Yeah. My buddies and I are actually going to be be downtown as well. Take take my number. Let’s exchange numbers. And if you guys are downtown, hit me up. Maybe we can all meet up in a big group and have fun.”

Because, again, you get everybody together. If a girl likes you, she’s going to put herself in your orbit. Just like if you’re at the gym. If a girl likes you at the gym, she’s going to come over and sit down next to you or in front of you, you know, with a machine that’s facing you. You might have noticed that she was doing all leg work. And then say you’re doing chest, and she sits in front of you and starts doing a chest exercise. When you notice that it looked like she was doing leg day and she’s doing light weight and she’s just staring at you and eye fucking you. Well, she’s there because she’s hoping that you’ll do something about it. That’s what women do.

They put themselves into your orbit. And so this way, by inviting them to reach out to you or inviting them to take your number, and if they’re down in downtown or where you happen to be going to the same event or the same venue or whatever it happens to be, and you tell them to reach out. If the girl likes you and she’s going to be hanging out, she’ll get in touch because it’s a low risk way to kind of connect and see if something happens. And then if she’s into you, then you can kind of slowly isolate her. And if you’re making out and you’re all over each other, maybe you can dip back to your place, or maybe she leaves her girlfriends and comes back with you, and you drop your friends off and you go back to your place.

I mean, you got to think about the logistics. What happens if you run into a girl or your buddies run into a girl? You guys should all talk about that before you go out. Especially if you got a group of girls from the office meeting up with you, and you think one’s into you. How are you going to handle the logistics if you and that girl are going to leave and go home? What are you going to do about her girlfriends, and what are you going to do about your guy friends? And you got to think about those things. You got to kind of strategize if you hook up or vice versa.

What if one of your buddies is going to hook up with a girl and he was the one that was driving, then what do you do? You got to figure these things out ahead of time, because you got to be a good wingman to your boys. And so you got to think about those things because guys are really surprised when they start applying what’s in The Book, how well it works, and how strong a woman comes on to them. Because so few guys, even to this day, still really understand this stuff. So that’s what I would do if I were you. And the opportunities there is. You’re trying to isolate. You’re trying to get her alone. You’re trying to create conditions where you can just interact to where, again, as he said, he’s totally using playful humor and inaction.

The fact that he’s not trying to seduce her, he’s not asking her out on dates because what he’s looking for is her to really. Because what women do when they notice that you’re not trying anything, even though they kind of think you like them, is they become bolder. They start touching you more, they get close to you more, they start asking you more personal questions. They play with their hair. They do all of these things. And if it looks like she’s interested, but you’re still not sure, like meeting all up in kind of a group where you can maybe isolate her and then the two of you can dip on out if things really advance physically in person.

It’s an easy, low risk way to not blow things up at your class or blow things up at the office and cause problems because, hey, if everybody’s hanging out in a group and you end up going home with the hot girl from the office and hooking up. Or the hot girl from class. Nobody’s going to know because, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. The only way anybody would find out is if the girl opened her mouth. I mean, that’s the way it should be.

Her friend, who I mentioned earlier, tried to test me yesterday, but I passed the tests and jokingly teased her as well. Now, I’m getting pictures sent from her too.

Yeah, this is what I’m talking about. So even though initially you think, “Oh, I should ask this girl out right away.” There’s 2 or 3 of them and it seems like all 2 or 3 kind of like you. And if you’re going to be in class all semester or you’re working together, it’s better to go slower than any of them go because this winds them up and it causes them to become more aggressive.

And then if you end up hooking up with one who didn’t seem to be as into you as the other one was, and maybe you end up hooking up with all 2 or 3 of them, and then maybe you get a couple of them to go for a twosome or a threesome. Or a threesome or a foursome, I should say. Anything is possible when you let women come to you. And then when the signs are there, you make your move. Less really is more. It’s always better if you’re going slightly slower than the ladies are.

Because if you’re going slower than they are and they like you, they start to like you a lot more. And it frustrates them that you’re going slow. And so they’re the ones that try to speed up things and they become really aggressive. They grab your shirt, they pull on it, and they start pulling the buttons out when they get really turned on. It’s like most guys have never experienced that before. And that’s what you want. And then obviously if you hook up, make sure you do a good job.

And so there is an article and video that’s referenced in The Book, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms” Before you go out, and if you’re thinking there’s a potential that you’re going to hook up, make sure you choke the chicken and you’re practicing the exercises. So if you do end up back at your house late at night bumping uglies. Even if you blow your wad right away, you’ll continue to stay hard so you can make sure you give her a good time. Because you want to give her a good time, and you want to give her plenty of happy finishes and orgasms.

Because guess what? She’ll come back for more. If you’re a two pump chump, then she’s going to probably laugh about it and tell all of her girlfriends and they’re like, “Oh yeah, he blew his wide right away. He didn’t even last two seconds.” You don’t want that reputation. So you got to think about these things. You got to plan ahead. As Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation. And without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” So you got to think about these things.

I’m curious if I should try to make a move during a break, or just hold off until “the right time.” I don’t want to fall into the illusion of action, but I also don’t want to bore her.

Well, you wouldn’t bore her if she likes you and you’re having fun together. Like I said, try to get the girls from your class to all hang out together. Because if 2 or 3 of them are kind of marginally interested in you, and then you got them all hanging out together and it’s just you, and there’s more girls there than guys, they become more aggressive. And you may be able to sleep with all 2 or 3 of them. So in this case, I like the approach that he’s taking. He’s taking his time.

We’re going on a tour in Germany in November, so I know for sure there will be lots of opportunities there.

Yeah, because you’re trying to take your time and maybe hook up with all three of these girls. All 2 or 3 of them.

Should I try to separate her from the group, even while having classes, and do the kiss test if the timing feels right?

Well, The Kiss Test always applies. You could be at school and say you hung out and had a few drinks the night before, and then you end up leaving early or whatever. But the bottom line is, when she’s ready to be kissed and you’re doing The Kiss Test, maybe it’s just you and her hanging out and she’s touching you playfully, and she’s standing extra close, and you do The Kiss Test. Go in and kiss her back. Make out. Right there. It’s hot. It’s fun that way.

I can feel the attraction, but I’m unsure how to move forward and don’t want to mess up my game. It’s a tricky situation because if bad word-of-mouth spreads, it could block other potential girls from my “practice squad.”

True. There’s nothing wrong, especially when you know you’re going to be hanging out together for the rest of the semester the next 3 or 4 months. So what if it takes a few weeks or a month or two. Because who knows, maybe you end up meeting one of their friends that you haven’t met yet and you really like her, and that friend really likes you. And then you end up running off with one of the girls from class friends. So that’s the beauty of it. It’s never a bad thing when cute girls like you and want to hang out with you.

Over the past couple of years, before finding your work, I had a reputation for chasing girls and talking them out of liking me.

I appreciate your time and help.

Thanks Coach!

Well, if they’re doing most of the talking and you’re asking the questions and leading the conversation, and then you’re taking advantage of the opportunities when the attraction is there that is discussed in The Book. You’re not going to get rejected. So let’s go through the second email.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach,

I hope you’re doing well. I’m reaching out to seek your advice regarding a situation that I’m feeling uncertain about. Earlier this year, I met a girl in a couple of my university classes. We shared some lighthearted moments, exchanged eye contact and laughs, and even had some playful interactions outside of class. After the semester ended, she reached out to me on LinkedIn about our grades, and we had a brief chat.

Well, if she’s reaching out, I would have said, “Hey, we should get together for a drink. Hey, we should get together and hang out. What’s your schedule like?” And just made a date.

Later, I followed up on Instagram, and after some friendly exchanges, I asked her out. She initially mentioned that she couldn’t meet on the upcoming weekends but suggested we could meet the following week. 

Well, make a definite day, definite time, definite place.

We eventually went on a date. A two-hour walk around the city that ended with a hug in front of her home.

Well, you should have gone to three different places. And if you’re walking her all the way home, I would have gone for the kiss. Because in that way, you know, if you spend two hours with a girl and then you hug her, again when you’re young, you don’t have a lot of experience, it’s kind of nerve wracking. It’s much easier to hug.

You don’t risk rejection, but then you walk away going, “Does that girl like me? Should I even go out with her again? Did I talk her out of liking me?” And then you spend the next few days, or the week or so just obsessing and replaying the whole evening in your mind, which is not helpful because you want to be able to know right away whether she’s into you or not. So you don’t waste any of your time or your money.

Afterward, we both left the city for about a month. Now that we’re back, I asked her out again via text, but she responded that she’s not sure about this week.

Well, the first time around, she suggested the following week and here she just seems to be saying, “Oh, I’m not sure about this week.”

I responded with a “No problem” and continued texting back and forth for a couple messages.

Well, the right thing would have been to have told her, “Hey, no problem, figure out your schedule and get back to me. I’d love to see you.” Just leave it at that and then she can either get back to you or not. I wouldn’t just say no problem and then just keep texting and talking. That’s a mistake.

And continued texting back and forth for a couple messages, and it turns out she has an exam coming up. I feel like her tone of texting changed after our first date.

Well, you hugged her. And if on a scale of 1 to 10, her attraction was a five and you’re kind of just barely holding on by your fingernails, and then you hug her at the end of the date when she could tell you really liked her. She’s going to think you’re a pussy. “Ah. He doesn’t have the balls to go for it.” And if she wasn’t that into you to begin with, and then you were a little cowardly and didn’t go for the kiss, then that might have been all it takes for her to go, “Eh? I don’t really think there’s much there.”

So that’s why you should go for the kiss. And again, what I would have done differently is I wouldn’t have just walked around for two hours. I would had at least 2 or 3 places to go, ideally three. And then when you take her home, you go for the kiss. That’s right out of The Book. The Book is not going to help you if you just do the opposite. And, you know, you basically bitch out when it comes to the kiss. So in this case, I would have definitely gone for it because again, you just communicated you didn’t have the guts to go for it.

I’m feeling a bit uncertain about how to interpret these signals and what steps to take next. I’d greatly appreciate any advice or insights you could provide on how to navigate this situation.

Thanks a lot.

Best regards,

Bob

Well, since you’re texting went nowhere and I would wait two weeks, I wouldn’t do anything. Because you want to see if she’ll reach out to you. And if she does reach out to you, especially after a week or so goes by, you make a date, she’ll be more enthusiastic. But if you don’t hear from her for two weeks, I would reach out and text her and say, “Hey you, I want to get together and I want to do this or I want to do that. Hey, I’d love to see you again. What’s your schedule like this week?”

And then make a date, see if she’s open to it. But like I said, if you haven’t heard from her, I would wait at least two full weeks and then try one more time. Because if a girl likes you, she’ll tell you when she’s available. And if she doesn’t really like you or her interest is low, she’s going to be like, “Oh, I’m busy. I’m not sure of my schedule.” She’ll put roadblocks in your way. And so the correct response is going to be, “Hey, no problem, figure out your schedule and get back to me. I’d love to see you.” And then you just leave it at that.

And then you’re basically creating the conditions where she can either follow through on that, reach back out if her schedule opens up or her interest changes, or to just never contact you again, and then you know where you stand because then it’s on her. But like I said, I would reach out to her one more time after two weeks of not speaking and try one more attempt to make a date. Because again, when a girl likes you, she makes it easy to hang out with her and if she doesn’t, she gives you excuses, tells you how busy she is, that kind of thing.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.