How to carefully balance your texting exchanges with a woman to turn her on instead of turning her off when you wonder if you should text her or let her text you next.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been with his girlfriend for about five months. He has come to realize he was smothering her and turning her off, which led to her treating him more like a friend than a lover lately. Recently, he was texting with her after his car broke down, stranding him at work, but instead of showing concern, she seemed to fade away and stop replying as the evening wore on.
The next day she reached out, and he ignored three of her text messages until she became concerned. He’s wondering if he should text her next. He’s struggling between texting and pursuing too much, versus coming off as being a cold dick to her. He asks my opinion of his next moves, and how to find the texting sweet spot so she stays attracted, respectful and interested. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I have a question. I am currently in a 5-month relationship with this girl. Through reading your material, I understand that I have been smothering her too much recently, and she’s push me away and is trying to treat me as a “friend.”
(She’s moving you over to friend-zone.)
Recently, there was an incident where I had a small problem with my car and got stranded at work during one of the nights. I was texting her at that time,
(Remember, the phone and texting is for setting dates. There’s a lot of chit-chatting going on here. If you’re texting your girlfriend at all hours of the day and night, what are you going to have to talk about?),
so I informed her about my car situation. She initially texted me a little that night, and stopped responding as the night went on.
(So you were stranded at work, and she just blew you off. What that should tell you is she’s just not that into you right now. You’re definitely on the verge of talking this girl out of liking you dude. You need to read my book 10-15 times and learn the fundamentals.
As I talk about in the book, a guy really only has to pursue, most of the time, for the first two to three weeks when he starts dating. As she starts to feel safe and comfortable, she’s going to reach out. She’s going to want to bond and connect and talk to you more, because her feelings are starting to grow. That is all part of feminine energy.
If your girl is contacting you two or three times a week, there’s really no need for you to call or text her at all, because it’s actually counter productive. That way when she misses you, she thinks about you. Then she reaches out, you make a date, you get together, and the emotional bonding and the connecting continues to deepen. If you’re constantly calling and texting all day long, she never has time for those feelings to develop.)
The following morning, she replied to me to see if my car problem had been resolved. I was disappointed that she did not put much effort and show much concern over my situation,
(What it revealed was, she just wasn’t that into you. Most women who really love their men would come to you),
like a significant other would, or what she did in the past,
(Women respond to how they feel in the moment, and if she’s not feeling it in the moment, she’s not going to show it. In this moment, she’s just not that into you. That’s what I talk about in the book. I teach the guy to always notice what is coming from the other side. Notice how much the other person is putting in effort or lack thereof),
so I ignored her text.
(Well, I don’t teach to ignore, but obviously you were punishing her, which is not good. That’s passive aggressive behavior.)
She texted me again 6 hours later in the afternoon to see how I was doing? I still did not respond to her. She then followed up with “Hey, I am just a little concerned with you and hope you are okay,” and “Have a great day!”
(Overall, it ended up having a positive effect. It’s not like you ignored her for several days. In this particular case, I would say you’re alright with that, but you don’t want to wait 24 hours to get back to her. Just because she’s an ass doesn’t mean you have to be an ass, but you can definitely make her wait.)
I felt bad, so I replied, “Everything is fine. Thanks for the concern.” That alarmed her, and she asked me if I was “Okay?”
(Women are very intuitive. Obviously, things are not okay. When she asked if you were okay, you could have said, “We were talking last night and my car broke down, but it didn’t seem like you cared, so quite frankly, I would really appreciate an apology. You should come over and make it up to me by making me a nice, home-cooked dinner. How would you like it if your car was broken down and I just blew you off until the next day? You wouldn’t like that. You’d be pretty peeved.” That’s part of standing up for yourself.
If you say it in a loving way, and she says, “Yeah, you’re right,” that actually creates attraction, because as a man, you’re standing up for yourself. By asking her to come over and do something nice to make it up to you, like making you dinner, it communicates you deserve to be treated a certain way. You ask her in a loving way to do it, and you give her the opportunity to make it up, because she knows she fucked up.)
I said, “Everything is fine. We are good,” and then she asked me, “Are you sure nothing is wrong?” I said yes.
(When a woman says everything is fine, it means it’s not fine, but you’re just not getting it, so I’m not going to talk about it. So when you say that to a woman, she knows everything is not fine. She knows something’s up, but you’re being evasive.)
After that day, she just became more distant and we stopped communicating through text. It’s been 3 days of no contact between us at this point. I’m am feeling I might have been a “cold dick” to her, so I’ve been having mixed feeling about hitting her up again.
Should I text her back? Or should I let her text me back?
Thank you for your time,
(At this point, I wouldn’t do anything. If you haven’t heard from her in a week, then I would reach out to her and say, “Hey, I’m sorry if I was kind of cold last week. I was pissed off because you just didn’t seem to give a shit that I was broken down. But let’s get together over dinner at my place, and we can talk about it. I miss you and I want to see you.” Then you make the next date.
I would say there’s probably a good chance she will have reached out by that point, but if you haven’t heard from her, reach out to her and that should resolve it. She may seek to punish you back by saying, “No, I’m mad at you,” but then just say, “Let’s get together, talk it out and have a nice dinner.” Hang out, have fun and hook up.
You need to read the book 10-15 times, because I can tell from your email you don’t know the fundamentals. You’re focused on techniques, plus you’re punishing her and being passive aggressive, and that’s not helpful. The idea is to sit down and talk it out, and she’ll respect you. The attraction will grow for you if you stand up for yourself and communicate where you’re coming from.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People will treat you in ways that are consistent with how you view yourself to be. If you value and love yourself, you won’t tolerate people who cross the line and mistreat you without standing up for yourself. People will respect your healthy boundaries, especially when you are willing to let them go forever if they continually violate them after you have lovingly asked them not to. People who don’t value themselves tend to tolerate disrespect and mistreatment. If you don’t respect yourself, nobody else will either. Tolerating disrespect only invites more of It.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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