Should I Wait 7 Days To Reach Out Or Is That Too Long?

How waiting 7 days to reach out can help reveal if she’s easy going & flexible or structured & difficult.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s been following my work on and off for 10 years. He’s read 3% Man, 9 times, but clearly seems to just now be trying to apply it for the first time. He had 2 dates with a woman he met on Facebook dating. After the 2nd date he waited 7 days to reach out to plan the 3rd date, but she ghosted him. His friends think he waited too long and now he’s unsure of what to do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Should I Wait 7 Days To Reach Out Or Is That Too Long?”

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He’s been following me for a long time, since 2015, so basically a decade. However, he says it’s been kind of off and on. So he really hasn’t been a serious student. But over the last decade he’s gotten through, or at least he says he’s gotten through 3% Man nine times so far. I don’t know when the last time was, but it looks like he just now, after a decade of following my work off and on and not really taking it seriously, that he’s starting to date, he met a girl on Facebook dating and they had a good second date, which was better than the first.

He says they were pretty sweet on each other, and he waited seven days to reach out the next time, and then she totally ghosted him. And so now he’s talking to his friends who probably have less experience than he does, and they’re telling him that he waited too long, so now he’s kind of unsure what to do. But first things first, if you’ve been following me for ten years and you’re just now getting into actually applying it. I mean, The Book is great, but it’s only potential power. It only becomes power when you actually apply it, and you have to apply it with enough different women and get enough different experiences.

So you see the patterns that I discuss in The Book showing up in your own life. You can’t just watch videos and read The Book and think you’re going to change. You actually have to go out and interact with other human beings, especially women. You’ve got to do approaches. You can’t just hide behind your digital device because you tell yourself that you’re a young Gen Z guy, and that’s just how people your age communicate. You’ve got to develop your people skills because at the end of the day, if you meet somebody online, you still have to get together in person. So you got to be able to carry a conversation. Be curious.

You got to take time practicing the things that are in The Book. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to ruin good chances with women who already liked you. And that’s just part of the process. It’s a rite of passage for us guys. Because everybody starts out as a novice and repetition is the mother of skill. So if you’re a novice for a decade, basically, and you’re just now at least he’s getting around to starting to apply it. So that is the important thing. So let’s talk about getting a number. And then how long until should you call a girl. So I discussed multiple scenarios in The Book.

It’s not etched in stone because there are things in The Book I refer to. You can meet a girl and then you’re going for the first time and then you’re taking her home later that night. You could be. I also talked about an ex girlfriend of mine that I was on a trip with, so it’s not like I’m going to get the number and then call her a week later. She lives in another country. I’m on vacation for ten days. This was my English ex girlfriend, Katie. So I met her and literally was on a date with her the next night, because I could tell the way she was looking at me and eye fucking me. She was totally into me. We were doing it to each other.

So it was obvious I was 100% certain she was into me and really liked what she saw. It was just a magical connection. That doesn’t happen, but maybe once every 2 to 3 years. And on a decade long timeline, you’re 1 to 3. Max is typically what I found, and I had that confirmed thousands of times from guys all over the world the last 20 years that I’ve been doing this. And so the idea is that, like under normal circumstances, you get somebody’s number, you can call her after 2 to 3 days. So say you meet her on a Friday when you’re hanging out with your friends, and then maybe Monday, Tuesday, maybe even Wednesday, you call her or you text her to make a date, and then the date might be the following week.

So by the time you actually go out, it might be two weeks after you initially met. The idea is you’re trying to go slightly slower than the woman for a number of reasons. Big part of it is the vetting process, because what you want is you want a girl who’s really into you, who has a hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you kind of attitude. And most importantly, she’s flexible, she’s easygoing, she’s easy to get along with. We’re trying to weed out the difficult, the insecure, the needy women, the angry women, the boss girl, women that are just a pain in the butt. The structured women. The women that have all these hoops and rules that you have to jump through in order to get to first base and second, third and fourth and so on.

So you got to take all that into consideration, because you’re trying to find out as quickly as possible when you start dating somebody. Is she easygoing? Is she easy to get along with? Is she nice to you? Because if you follow what’s in The Book, it’s designed to piss off the insecure girls, the controlling girls, the feminist girls, the boss girls, the structure girls. You’re just going to get upset at that. And you want to make sure you know, especially if you’re one of those guys who’s on a budget, you don’t want to be wasting your time and money taking a girl out who’s just not even into you, but she’s looking for a free meal or a few drinks because she thinks, “Well, at least it’s something to do.”

And who knows, maybe she’ll meet somebody. Maybe one of your friends, or maybe some other guy when she’s out on a date with you. So the goal is to make sure you’re spending your time with a high quality romantic prospect. Not something that’s going to waste your time or somebody who’s got an attitude problem. Again, easygoing, easy to get along with. Who’s nice to you. Who communicates like an adult and is excited to hear from you. Right. Come on, come on. So that’s what you’re looking for. So let’s go through this guy’s email. Because I think he said he lost his virginity. He was 28. I don’t know how old he is now. But he’s been following me for ten years.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I have been following you on and off since 2015. I have stayed consistent with you for the past year and even Subscribed as a Member to the YouTube page. I have limited dating experience.

Well, that’s a big part of the problem. You’ve been following me for a decade. I can tell by reading this email, it seems like this is the very first time you actually went on a date or had a date. Just the way you talk. You don’t talk like a guy that’s got any experience to speak of, or much experience to speak of.

I have limited dating experience and only lost my virginity at age 28, your work helped me with that. However, even though I’ve read the book 9 to 10 times I have some doubts. I matched with a girl on Facebook dating a few weeks ago. She initially did a lot of the texting and couldn’t wait to see me on the first date. I was 30 minutes late to the first date because of some car trouble but we had a good date. She did about 60% of the talking, we didn’t kiss (no kiss test) but I was confident it would happen on the second date.

So the idea is you’re trying to make sure she does 70, 80, 90% of the talking. So I would say you probably talked a little bit too much. And the reality is, is you’re not going to get everything right. You have to give yourself permission to screw up with girls and lose girls that you otherwise, if you’d have been more experienced, you would have gotten. That’s just the way it is. And if you’re going to do online dating, you’re going to have to understand you’re going to have a higher, much higher incidence of flakes. You might have a girl that’s really into you at first. Then all of a sudden she kind of dips. And she either dips because you turned her off.

She found somebody she liked more and connected better with. Or just because sometimes a girl has an attitude change. Or maybe an ex-boyfriend came back in the picture. But you really don’t know. The idea is the girl, the right one for you, it should be easygoing, easy to get along with. Things will naturally progress the way they are in The Book. So if you’re going out on a lot of first dates and you never get a second one then there’s obviously things you’re doing and saying on those dates that are turning them off.

Assuming you’re going out with a woman who really likes you to begin with in the first place, and that’s what The Book is designed to do, is to help you weed out the women that are time wasters and the structured women, and to identify the ones that have a good attitude that were raised right, raised in a good family, and they have an easy going, easy to get along with attitude.

Because I was reading a story yesterday. It was actually on Twitter. A guy was giving his account of a woman he had dated, and they were kind of traveling around the world last few years. She’s an attorney, just a lot of boss girl energy. And because she’s an attorney, she just liked to argue about anything and everything became a debate and these things would go on for days. That’s not easy going, easy to get along with. And despite the fact she was really super hot because he had pictures of her, it’s just, you don’t want to deal with that. It’s just too hard, it’s too difficult. Let somebody else who’s got more patience or that likes that kind of thing deal with that, because life is hard enough.

So again, you’re looking for a girl who’s nice to you, who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, not a pain in the ass. That’s structured and got all kinds of rules. And a woman who gets pissed off easily. Which, you know, there are some signs here. He did notice some red flags. And hanging out with her, he identified that she seemed to be pretty structured, and she seemed to get a little insecure and a little butthurt and a little upset. Well, if you’re seeing that and you’ve only had two dates with her, that’s not a good sign.

You’re two dates in and the girl’s already getting mad and pissed off at you and assuming the worst, she presupposes bad things because of her upbringing, or maybe other things that have happened with other guys that didn’t treat her right. And so she’s not really responding to you. She’s responding to how she has behaved in the past and how other guys have treated her. So back to our email here.

I have limited dating experience and only lost my virginity at age 28, your work helped me with that. However, even though I’ve read the book 9 to 10 times I have some doubts.

Well, if you’ve been following me for ten years and you’ve read The Book 9 to 10 times, I’d want to know when was the last time you read it? Was it over the last ten years? You read it once a year? Because if you’re just now starting to apply The Book, you need to be going through it several times. And you can put the AudioBook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or physical copy, and then you’ll be able to get through it in four hours. That’s the best way to do it, to really concentrate on the material.

Because like I said, when I’ve read through this email, even though he’s been following me off and on for a decade, he looks like a guy that’s a complete amateur and doesn’t really have any experience. He should be way farther along by now. He should have had a few girlfriends by now if he was really taking this seriously. But he’s struggling just to get on dates with women, it looks like. And then when he’s on dates, things are a little shaky. He should be way more experienced and better than he is. But hey, everybody is going at their own pace.

I matched with a girl on Facebook dating a few weeks ago. She initially did a lot of the texting and couldn’t wait to see me on the first date. I was 30 minutes late to the first date. She did about 60% of the talking. At the end of the first date she mentioned going on a second date, so when I got home I tried scheduling another one for the next weekend, but she seemed busy, so I told her to reach out when her schedule was free.

Well, if you’re on a date and she suggests making a second date, you should make the date right then and there on the spot. I wouldn’t be going home and then texting her later that night to try to set a date. So what you notice there, she suggests a second date instead of making one on the spot when she brings it up, now you’re waiting for her to reach back out. And what does she say? “Oh, she’s busy, works crazy. She doesn’t have time.” So she’s obviously not super excited to go on a second date, at least in that moment in time. So that’s kind of a little sloppy the way he was there. But again, he’s new to this stuff, even though he’s been following me for ten years. Better late than never.

Apparently, she had texted me earlier in the week that she would not make it on a day we had talked about, but I didn’t set anything because it was a “maybe” for her. She assumed I was upset at her because I didn’t text her back but realized the text never went through.

Well, that’s part of the problem there, is that she texted you and then from her perspective, you never even replied. So it looks like you ghosted her. So if you say, “oh, hey, you know what? Sorry, I sent this text right after we were talking last. And my bad, I just realized it never went through.”

This is where the pursing stopped on her part.

Well, yeah, from her part, it looks like you just ghosted her. You ignored her. So from her perspective, you didn’t really care. You weren’t really into it. And so it makes sense that she would stop pursuing because again, it looks like you just ghosted her.

She went on a trip, so I waited a week and a half to text her, but same story.

So in other words, a week and a half goes by, he tries to set a date, and she’s just basically, she’s too busy. So he asks her when she’s available. She says she doesn’t know. So again, these are not the signs of a woman with super high interest. Come on. A woman who has super high interest is actually going to be excited to make a date. And she’s going to tell you what her schedule is like. But when she tells you, “she doesn’t know and she’s unsure”. I mean, if it’s Justin Bieber, you think she’s like, “Yeah, I don’t know. Um, I’ll have to see. I’m not sure my schedule is.”

If she really likes the guy she’s gonna make time. That’s the bottom line. If the girl’s really into the dude she’ll make time for you. So these are little things that you should be paying attention to. She’s not super excited to make a date and you’re calling her a week and a half later. If her interest had gone up, she should have been more excited to see you. But then again, from her perspective, you ghosted her. So it was, what, a week and a half, two weeks before you finally got back to her. So that’s a screw up on your part. It’s not like you’re deviating from The Book.

And again, you can make a date on the spot as soon as you meet somebody and spend the rest of the day, and then end the night and evening with her, and maybe even the whole weekend. It’s a case by case basis. You can wait 2 or 3 days. You can wait four days, you can wait a week. It just depends on when you get the number and when you meet her out. But you’re meeting a girl online and so you should expect a higher incidence of flaky behavior. It’s much better to meet women in person. So the fact that it looks like you’re exclusively trying to meet women through hiding behind your electronic device shows me you probably also need to be working on your social skills and what you do for fun to practice, and to get better. So.

So I told her to let me know when her schedule would be free, but she was adamant about making a date before I got off the phone. The second date was even better and we were both smitten.

He’s assuming she feels the same way. So I’d say he’s probably a little more focused on his feelings and just assuming she felt the same way. So he probably overrated her interest a little bit. But again, remember, this is a girl that he’s asked her out twice and she’s like, “oh, I don’t know.” So again, that’s not a woman that’s really willing to go out of her way to make her schedule available to you. It’s almost like you’re an afterthought. And so that would be something that you should expect, especially if she’s on Facebook or one of the other dating apps is because she’s got other choices. She’s probably got other guys she likes more than you.

And the reason why she doesn’t know her schedule is because she’s hoping to hear back from them first, before she decides whether or not or when she can see you. But she’s saying, “Oh, I really want to see you.” But when you try to make a date, she’s not really making herself available. So you got a little bit of a carrot dangling going on there from her part. And like I said, it looks like there’s probably other guys that she really likes more. Or maybe she just has more time with them. Maybe she’s been dating a guy for a couple of weeks, and she’s hoping to hear back from him before she sets the next date with you, because she’d much rather hang out with him than you, especially if he’s already beating up her pelvis.

We made out in front of her car, and I didn’t have to do the kiss test, she basically went for it.

Well, that’s a good sign.

It was great. However, I noticed some red flags based on the couple of dates and texting. She came off petty, structured and clingy at times.

So if this is stuff that’s happening a lot in text, well, he’s probably spending too much time talking and texting on the phone and not enough in person. So that’s something he also needs to look at. The phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. And it looks like you were trying to get to know her. If you’d met her on Facebook dating, you text enough to exchange numbers and then you should get her on the phone so you could talk to her and see what she sounds like. See if the conversation flows to see if you like talking to her, and if a conversation flows. Because if it doesn’t flow on the phone, there’s no reason to meet in person. Again, especially guys that are on a budget. You want to make sure the girl is really into you, and not a girl that’s going to waste your time and your money for that matter.

She came off petty, structured and clingy at times. She looked irritated, when I mentioned visiting people I knew who worked at other restaurants/bars.

Easygoing, easy to get along with, and a girl who’s nice to you if she’s already copying an attitude when you talk about going to visit other people, that’s not a good sign.

She even mentioned taking me to a wedding all the way in October on the second date, when it was still late February.

Yeah, that’s kind of unusual.

That freaked me out a bit and I waited 7 days to text her again but she did not respond. It’s been two weeks since then.

So if she really wanted to take you to a wedding and you waited seven days to reach out, because what are you doing that for? Well, you’re trying to see how she responds. Obviously, you saw some things you didn’t like, so you kind of backed off a little bit. Maybe you took a few days to think about it, to think, this girl’s already copied an attitude in the second date and getting irritated at things that you just, quite frankly, don’t really want to have to deal with. So those are not good signs. Easygoing, easy to get along with. And I’m not seeing any evidence of that.

The only evidence I’m seeing is that she’s kind of a pain in the ass. And like I said, the fact that she’s putting you off, even though she suggests the next date and then you try to make it, and then she tells you she doesn’t know her schedule it. More than likely there’s another guy in the background that she really likes that she really wanted to see more, and so she’s waiting to hear back from him before she tells you when she’s available to see you next. And then the fact you just get ghosted all of a sudden when she kissed you. Maybe you had bad breath. Maybe it wasn’t a good kiss.

But at the end of the day, after your first physical interaction and then you reached out to set another date, you never heard back. So maybe things progressed with the other guy and she got serious with him. And that’s why she blew you off. Because you were just one of the guys that she was seeing, so you shouldn’t take it personally. It’s not the end of the world. Again, there’s really no evidence here that she’s a great prospect just because, again, you’ve already kind of noticed some things that are red flags. And so you should want to be going out on a date with a girl who’s easygoing, easy to get along with. Come on, come on, come on.

A friend of mine who is really good with women said I should have texted her in two days, but to be fair I was not going to be available that weekend.

Again, easygoing, easy to get along with. If she was easygoing, easy to get along with, she would have been happy to hear from you. But if you waited seven days and she got pissed off and that’s the reason she ghosted you, it’s like, well, then, you know, you shouldn’t have progressed with her anyways. Even if you’d have waited two days. I mean, when you’ve tried to pass, she never makes a date right away. She’s always putting you off and telling you she doesn’t know her schedule. So that just looks like you’re one of the dudes that she’s seeing.

Like you said it’s better to use the phone to set up dates, but he said a quick text to find out how she was doing would have suffice.

Again, based on her behavior it didn’t justify it at that point. Come on. Come on up. Come on, you little pain in the ass. See how women are. Ocean’s a little whiny drama queen. She’s like, “oh, oh, pay attention to me. Pay attention to me, Corey.” That’s kind of the way they are. And they get a little cranky. You give them some attention.

I now have doubts, maybe I followed your instructions incorrectly, but like I said she stopped pursuing me even though she had high interests. Which was why I waited seven days.

Well, again, she stopped pursuing you when it looked like you ghosted her and that’s on you. So that could have been enough to send her into a negative spiral and get her pissed off but it was an honest mistake. The text didn’t go through. Sometimes those things happen, especially with an iPhone. If you’ve got somebody that’s got a Samsung, you’ll send a message. Then the next thing you look a couple days later and it’s got the little, red exclamation point saying message not received or not sent or something like that. And then you click to retry.

Those things are going to happen. But if that’s all it took to piss her off and go, “ah, screw this guy.” Well that’s not easy going easy to get along with. This girl’s got kind of an attitude. You already saw that she had an attitude. And this is why you’re taking your time. You were unavailable anyway, so it shouldn’t be the end of the world. I mean, the late, great Doc Love used to say, “Whenever you get a number, you should always wait 7 to 9 days.” Just because again, you’re trying to see, “Does she have a good attitude?”

“Is she flexible about it, or does it rough up her ego and get her pissed off to where she retaliates?” And if she gets pissed off and retaliates, it’s like, well, you don’t want to be with her anyways. And you already kind of saw that from some of her behavior. So you shouldn’t blame everything on yourself with this particular girl just because there’s some signs that she’s not what you’re looking for. She’s not easygoing.

I’m 29 years old going on 30 this October.

Okay, so now he’s almost 30.

My generation is very used to texting and being on the phone nonstop.

Well I’m still dating women that are your age so that’s a bunch of bullshit.

My friends think I was the one being odd for waiting that long. 

Do they have a point?

Well, again, as you said, the reason why you waited seven days was because you weren’t available anyway, so that shouldn’t be a reason for her to get pissed off and ghost you. But she did. And that’s why you never call or text her again for any reason. Maybe a month from now, or six weeks from now, or two months from now (you can speak to her). This is why you got to date a bunch of women. You should be talking to dozens and dozens of women going out on dates, because you’ll notice those patterns. You’ll see that. And it also looks like there probably was another dude in the background.

Just judging from the fact that even when you try to make a date with her, she wouldn’t make it with you. She always had to get back to you. That tells me she’s trying to see when Chad Thunder Cock is going to respond, and then after she makes plans with him or not, then she’ll reach out to you because you’re basically a backup plan. And so that again, if a girl gets upset and ghosts you after seven days; she’s got an attitude. She’s probably structured. She’s not that into you. She’s not easygoing. She’s not easy to get along with.

If you want to date those kind of women, go ahead. Go date the structured women see how that turns out. I’ve done countless Video Newsletters on women like that, and it never ends well. The attitude is, especially as their interest goes up and their feelings go up, things tend to get squirrely and go sideways and they become more difficult. So you’re trying to find out as quickly as possible. Do you have a good prospect or a chick that’s just too difficult and too much of a pain in the ass?

What should I do going forward in my dating life?

Bob

Well, you should get out of your house and go mingle with other women. Number one, you said you had one of these guy friends. You said he was pretty good. But again, a girl that really likes you and he’s easygoing, easy to get along with is not going to blow you off after seven days like that. So again, that’s why you do these things. You’re trying to weed out the bad ones, so you can identify the good ones that you should be spending time with. So that’s what really matters. And you got to get more experience.

You know, to be following me for a decade and be this much of a greenhorn when you’re trying to set a date and scratching your head and having a hard time with it. And then now doubting yourself, it’s like, man, you got to get serious about this. I mean, you’ve been at this for a decade. Not really. And kind of half-assing it, basically. You got to participate in your own rescue. So you need to talk to a lot more women. You need to go out a lot more dates, and you got to get experience.

Because when you have a good sample pool of women that you’ve dated, that you’ve talked to, that you’ve got numbers from, because just because you get her number doesn’t mean she’s going to go out on a date with you. Just because you have 1 or 2 good dates doesn’t mean that she’s going to have the right kind of attitude and the right kind of temperament to date long term. So you shouldn’t be ready to throw The Book out the window just because you got ghosted one time. If you’re going to get a few practices in properly of what’s in

The Book you’re still going to get ghosted a bunch, especially if you’re going to constantly want to hide behind your cell phone because you’re too shy to approach women in person, which is a mistake, especially that you younger guys, you guys are kind of socially awkward and stunted because you’re just so used to hiding behind your device electronically, so you got to get out and participate and go do things where you can meet other like minded women that like to do the same kinds of things that you do. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue and to be following me for a decade dude.  You don’t want to spend your whole life. You don’t want to spend another decade before you get a date with somebody else. It’s like you should be having 2 or 3 different women per week that you can go out on dates with.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our Paying Members Only Content in the video description of this Video, there are links to join on YouTube or Spotify or our website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there, and you can do a seven day free trial so you can check out what content you get for your money. You can do a monthly plan or an annual plan. With the annual plan, you get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab and do a seven day free trial for our Exclusive Premium Members Only Content today. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.