Should I Walk Away, Or Wait To Hear From Her?

How to know if you should walk away or wait to hear from her if her interest is dropping.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been seeing a girl for about 2 months. For the first month they hung out, had fun and hooked up on every date. The last month she has been cold, distant, flaky and has taken his time for granted on the last few dates they had scheduled. He is unsure if he should just walk away or be patient and wait to hear from her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s members only video newsletter is, “Should I Walk Away, Or Wait To Hear From Her?”

Well, this particular Member’s Only email is from a viewer. He says he’s been seeing a girl for about two months. And the first month things are great. They were hanging out, they were having fun. They were hooking up on every date. But in month number two, she’s been cold. She’s been distant. She’s been flaky. Taking his time for granted, changing plans at the last minute, rescheduling dates at the last minute, just basically jerking him around. And so, what that tells me is more than likely he hasn’t read 3% Man 10 to 15 times like instructed. He’s probably a cherry picker.

Cherry picking information in the videos. Maybe he’s just thumbed through The Book, or maybe he hasn’t even read The Book. And so, assuming this is a normal, healthy girl and not some kind of a Froot Loop, there’s no ex in the background or anything like that, that’s trying to get her back. What typically happens is most guys and even some of the recent, when we were discussing the Members Only stuff with, Caroline and Jade, some of the 3% Man Study Group, we were talking about that.

How a lot of guys are great for about the first three, four weeks, and then when they really get their emotions involved and attached, they start pursuing too much. Especially when a woman backs off and starts acting like a cat a little bit. Most men don’t react to it too well. They take it personally, they think there’s something wrong, and something they need to fix, instead of just letting the woman be.

And so, the more you chase after a woman, the more she’s going to become distant and flaky. Because you’re, in essence, acting like a girl that needs attention and validation from a man. And so, from a sexual polarity standpoint, it completely ruins it, and turns her off. So you don’t want to do things that turn her off. You want to create the conditions where she comes to you. But if you haven’t read The Book and you haven’t, take the time to really learn the information.

You’re going to miss the subtle nuances of how she’s showing up. And so, the more you’re forceful, the more she sees it or feels that you care way more about her than she does about you, you’ll get even more of that flaky behavior. And if you’re dealing with a girl that’s got attachment issues, it really exacerbates the situation. So what happens with girls with attachment issues is when you over pursue, they stay away even longer than the girls that were raised in a good family.

Whereas you just back off for a couple of days and the girls that are raised in a good family are calling and texting you again, whereas girls that got attachment issues, they may take two, three, four times as long to come back to you. So it’s super important. Remember Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” Super super important. And again, if you haven’t read The Book 10 to 15 times, that’s a big part of your problem.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

I’ve been seeing a girl for two months. For the first month we hung out, had fun and hooked up on every date. Since mid-February she has been under a lot of exam stress.

Well, if you’ve been doing everything right, you’re going to be her rock. You’re going to be her mountain. She’s going to want to come over and sit in daddy’s lap and tell you about all her exam stress. And then you’re going to beat up her pelvis. And she’ll completely forget about the exam stress while you’re beating up her pelvis and giving her lots of happy endings.

Because of that, and because she had two sinus infections in a row, we only saw each other three times in the last month and a half.

Don’t look at the number of times that tells me you’re going, “Corey, I dated for a month and we were fucking all the time. Ha ha ha. Now I’ve only seen her three times in month number two. This is not acceptable according to your book’s instruction. This does not compute. Ert. Ert, I don’t know what to do. Ert.” Don’t be like that. That tells me that’s kind of how you’re acting, and how you’re behaving.

So you got to look at how she’s showing up. And plus you got to take into account your own ignorance and your own lack of practice with the concepts in The Book. Again, this is the coaching manual. These videos, like the one I’m doing right now, is meant to help you. Here’s a special case how to apply what’s in here to the situation at hand.

Because everybody watching this, your situation is not going to be completely cookie cutter, exactly like this guys. But going through enough of these videos, you can kind of get a perspective because the idea is to get what’s in here, you know, my noodle and what’s in My Book, into your head so you understand it as well as yours truly. That is the ultimate goal because my goal as a life Coach is I teach self-reliance.

I want you to get to the point where you don’t need me anymore, because I’m not always going to be here. None of us are always going to be here. The idea is, can I take what I’ve learned and I know, and give it to everybody and as many men as possible, as millions and millions of men around the world understand this. The world is going to be a much better and a much safer place, and much more dangerous for bad people.

Because right now there’s a lot of bad people in positions of power, and it’s very dangerous. We’re in a very dangerous position. Because there’s so many weak and corrupted dudes and women for that matter, in positions of power. And we need more masculinity.

She’s still the first one to contact me, but she’s been flakey on the last dates. The details:

Date number 12 Corey.

The 12^th date: When I tried to set the date she had a sinus infection. She asked if she could come back and let me know as she wasn’t feeling well.

Well, it’s like you don’t want to go out with a girl that’s like, and snots rolling down her face, and it’s like, you don’t want to do it. You want it to be healthy. Because if you go out with a girl or whether you’re sick or she’s sick, you’re probably not going to be hooking up and you want to have a good time.

And so, if she’s sick and then she sounds like she’s sick, “babe, stay home, stay in bed. I’ll bring some chicken soup by if you need it.” Or you can send an Uber to deliver it to her. “I don’t want to get your cooties, babe. I’ll send an Uber with a nice chicken soup.”

I thought these were special circumstances, so I didn’t do the takeaway. I know my mistake.

Well, she’s not feeling well. She’s not feeling well so.

She didn’t get back to me, but contacted me the day after the date was supposed to happen and was very apologetic.

I would have just been like if she’s like, “I don’t feel well.” I was like, “yeah, why don’t we just give it a few days, see how you feel when you get better? We’ll just reschedule our date then.” You have to be okay with that. You can’t go. “Oh, my God. I gotta have a definite date in the future. I’m going to freak out.” You just can’t do that. You got to be okay with it.

Because this is part of what turns her on to you, is that you don’t come unglued. Remember, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free” like Thích Nhất Hạnh used to say. And so guys, you know, especially this dude’s looking like we only spent three dates the whole month. So he’s going to naturally be trying.

He’s thinking about the first month and how great things were and how not so great the last month has been. But he’s got to examine his own behavior. But part of the problem is he just, I can tell he doesn’t know The Book. He didn’t take the time to learn.

She said her infection had got worse and she needed to take antibiotics. Her voice didn’t sound good.

Yeah, I wouldn’t be wanting to. Why would you want to go out on a date when a woman sounds like shit? Even if you hook up with her, she’s not going to really be super into it. As when she’s healthy and feels good and feels at her best. You got to think about these things.

She asked if we could reschedule when she felt better. I agreed.

The 13^th date: After she had recovered from her last infection, we made plans to meet on Sunday 17 February. When she mentioned that she was going to work the Saturday night before I did the takeaway. She works as a part time waitress to pay for her studies. She said she would like to see me on Sunday and didn’t want to change the date.

So she kept the date.

On Sunday 17 February, four hours before our date, I got a voice message on WhatsApp saying she was tired from her job, so I did the takeaway. She said she was really sorry and didn’t want me to think she didn’t want to see me. She also offered to reschedule.

Well, if she’s bringing up rescheduling, as The Book says, and go ahead and reschedule. But the fact she’s like, “I’m just tired.” Do you really want to go hang out with her when she’s really super tired? Plus she’s basically saying, “Yeah, I’m tired. I don’t really have any enthusiasm to see you.” And if the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. And this girl you’ve been seeing is like, “Oh, yeah, I’m really tired.”

I’ll be going, “I’m going to go see my mom. I’m going to go hang out with my best friend. I’m going to go rock climbing. I’m going to go to the gym. I’m going to clean out my garage. I’m going to go hang with my buddies. I’m going to go have a beer with my best friend. I’m going to work on my project in the backyard.” Whatever it happens to be. Go be excited about that. Be excited like, “woo! I got some extra time to myself!”

Because you got to match and mirror somebody’s effort and enthusiasm. And if a girl in this case, she’s not sick, she’s just going, “yeah, I’m tired. I like to reschedule.” That shows her enthusiasm for seeing you is not real high. And so in that case, I’d be putting her off in the future. I’d be pushing out those dates and just be busy, “Oh, I’m sorry. You know, I just, you know, it’s been a crazy week. It’s crazy. Schedule is crazy, honey. Yeah, I’m sorry, but I can see you next week.”

And if she complains like, “Well, you’ve been sick and unavailable and you constantly want to reschedule the last few weeks, so I’ve been busy doing other things I got. It’s been good for me because I’m getting caught up on a lot of things. I was behind because I’ve been spending so much time with you and all this kissy poo the last month or so. So I’m getting back on track.”

The 14^th date: An hour before, she sent me a message saying she was on her way but would be late because she had to pick up the bottle of wine she had agreed to bring for the date.

Again. If she’s super head over heels in love, she’s showing up on time. “Oh, I miss you. I can’t wait to see you.” But that’s not happening because her interest is low.

She ended up being half an hour late. I teased her about it and left it at that.

“Well, at least you came over with a good bottle of wine and a smile on your face, and you look really hot in that dress. So it was worth the extra time to get ready. And I appreciate you, babe spending the extra time. And I’m going to really enjoy taking it off you later if you play your cards right.”

On that date she also said that she didn’t want to give me the impression that she didn’t want to see me and became emotional because of her upcoming exams.

We haven’t hooked up on the last three dates, even though she was the one who got handsy first.

Two steps forward, one step back again it’s in The Book. Doesn’t sound like you really know The Book or even have read it. So you got to do better, bro.

How would you handle the situation, would you wait to hear from her?

Yep.

And then arrange a date or would walk away and tell her that you love to see her and to get in touch when things calm down?

Bob

There’s no walking away. This is not No Contact. It’s just a matter of matching and mirroring her level of enthusiasm, which quite frankly, is low. Because the idea is if you’re hard to get a hold of, or you’re just busy all of a sudden, or like you just don’t have much time and she wants to see you and you’re like, “I can see you this weekend.” And today’s Monday. She’s like, “why? What happened?”

I was like, “well, I got all this stuff going on now. It’s like, you’ve been busy, you’ve been sick and you’ve been, you know, busy with school and you’ve been tired from work. So I mean, quite frankly, you know, I’m sad that we haven’t been able to see each other as much lately, but, you know, I’m being really productive. I got a lot done these last couple of weeks. So it’s not I didn’t miss you and didn’t want to see you, but it’s like, you know, I had a lot of shit to do and I got caught up on it. I even went and saw my mom and she’s real happy. I went and saw her Mother’s Day or whatever.”

That’s the attitude you want to have. You acknowledge that you hadn’t been able to see each other, but you don’t want to present the image that you’re pissed off or you’re butthurt or you’re angry. You’re just like, if anything, you’re all right, because if you talk to any guy that’s been in a long term relationship. And when he gets some time away from his girl, he’s like, “woo, this is great.”

They love having that time. I love having that time. It’s nice to have. Because when a girl is in love with you, she wants your attention all the fucking time. She’s stuck on you like a sucker fish. You can’t get rid of her. She’s always there. And so it’s nice to have some space. So it’s a fortuitous thing as a man, don’t be a needy little girl and go, “Ah why doesn’t he want to spend any time with me? He’s always rescheduling our date.”

How would you handle the situation, would you wait to hear from her?

Yeah, I would just wait to hear from her. But I would be put in my dates a little further off in the future, to the point where she gets a little frustrated because she wants to see you and you’re unavailable. You’re like, “oh, I got this, I got that, but I can see you Saturday. I’ll give you my undivided attention.” Because you want to see enthusiasm. I know it’s counterintuitive because you’re going, “I’ve only seen her three times in the last month. No sex. Corey, what is this? I have blue balls. I’m going to explode. And 304, and I don’t. I don’t want to break. I don’t want to break.” Don’t do it. Just be patient.

You got to go slightly slower than she is, and it’s pretty obvious that you’re irritated as fuck that you haven’t been spending as much time with her. But I would say probably that first month you were hanging out, instead of her interest going up, it went down. Granted, she did get sick, but you know, you tended to get butthurt, and you get a little mad and you got a little irritated. I would say she probably picked up on that. And the fact that she’s just so flippantly rescheduling just shows me that you’ve made it way too clear to her that you’re way more into her than she’s into you.

Scarcity creates value, and you’ve been to abundant, and you’ve been too easy going and too willing to just open your schedule wide open and you’re ignoring the fact that she keeps putting you off. I mean, the fact that she was healthy, it was like, “oh yeah, I’m just tired. Let’s reschedule our date.” That just means, like, “I’m not really excited about seeing you.” And if a girl has that attitude towards me, she’s going to have to wait at least a week, a week and a half before I’ll be available again.

And because then you want her to be going, “oh, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. Like, what’s going on? I miss you.” That’s what you want. Because then she’ll be excited to see you. And then you’ll be, “Boom Chicka Wa Wa.” But it is a new girl. And it’s also possible there’s exes in the background. You don’t really know, but it’s clear first month she was into you. The second month she’s been like, [fart noise] she’s keeping you at a distance.

And I would say if I was a betting man, it’s probably because you pursued too much, you acted too soft, you were too into her. And plus you’re a little too robotic because you don’t know The Book. Got to do the work, Man. You got to participate in your own rescue. There are no shortcuts to success. You got to put the time in with The Book, Man. You can’t just cherry pick from videos here and there. It doesn’t work.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.