How to know if taking a break from your wife or girlfriend, doing a trial separation or breaking up is the right thing to do if she has lost interest, no longer makes the effort to make you feel loved or she has developed feelings for another man and is confused about whether or not staying in your relationship is the right thing for her.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been with his girlfriend for seven years. He admits he has gotten complacent and lazy regarding dating and courting her properly, and he has not been very ambitious about pursuing his purpose, mission and goals. He says he is now paying more attention to her and dating her again, but she does not seem to be making much of an effort. He feels like he is more into her than she is into him. On top of that, one of her male co-workers has expressed romantic interest in her and is encouraging her to leave him so they can be together. She says she is confused and does not know what to do. He asks me if her moving out is a good idea to create attraction again.
I just want to say thanks for what you do. Your work is something every guy should know and live by. I wanted to contact you as I’m at a loss about what to do in my current situation. My fiancé and I have been together for the last seven years. We currently live together, and she recently had a “meltdown” about our relationship. She has a friend at work who has expressed interest in her, wanting her to leave me and be with him. (This shows a huge lack of integrity by her co-worker.) She is confused and worried she might not love me, and is worried she might make a mistake by marrying me. (Tell her it’s okay if you don’t get married right away, and try to work on the relationship. At the end of the day, both people have to make the effort to stay together.) However, she is also worried leaving me might be a mistake as well. She is attracted to him because he is driven and pursues her, but he is also much younger, and I feel, only after her for sex. (Let her know that is inappropriate. Tell her to tell that co-worker to back off or you will let her boss know he is trying to ruin your relationship.) I was devastated to hear this, but I know this is my fault. I got too comfortable and complacent, I stopped pursuing her, and I lost my drive and passion for her, as well as my own goals. (It’s not about pursuing her, but courting her, dating her and making her feel loved. You need to focus on your mission and purpose first and foremost. I put a huge emphasis on this in my book. That is what creates attraction.)
I just don’t know where to start. She expressed she wanted me to be the man in the relationship again, which lead me to you, and I have been trying to apply your teachings to my efforts. I’ve been planning dates and making efforts to let her know and feel my interest, but I’m afraid I want her more than she wants me at this point. (You have to call her out on that.) I just want to know if we should take a break, as living together complicates the situation even more. (Hell no. You keep living together and work it out, but she has to make an effort.) I don’t want to take a break, but from what I’ve read, we need the time apart to build attraction and get a “fresh start.” (No, you just need to start courting her again. Hang out, have fun, hook up and create an opportunity for sex to happen. You have neglected the fundamentals.)
Your help would be greatly appreciated. Please email me when you can. (Take a look at my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively” for tips on how you can help re-establish intimacy.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The courtship never ends in a relationship. If a man stops dating his wife or girlfriend and becomes lazy and complacent, eventually another man will come along and date her instead. Talk is cheap. Saying that you love and care for someone, but not backing those words up with actions that are congruent with them will cause a loss of respect and romantic attraction. What you do to make a woman fall in love with you is what you must always do to keep her in love with you. Couples that continually play together stay together.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne