Should You Tell Her That You’re Not Sleeping With Anyone Else?

How to determine if you should tell a woman that you’re only sleeping with her.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been sleeping with and raw-dogging it with a new girl for a few weeks. He says he blew off the other girls he was dating because they really didn’t do it for him romantically. She keeps asking if he is sleeping with anyone else since they aren’t using a condom. He tells her no. However, he feels like she should be thinking that he is still sleeping with other women because he’s worried if she finds out she won’t like him as much, but he doesn’t want to lie. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “Should You Tell Her That You’re Not Sleeping With Anyone Else?” So this particular question actually comes from a paying YouTube member in the Members Only Area. His handle is @McTash100. So he posted this particular question in the comment section on one of the new Members Only Videos I did on YouTube.

So I thought it was a a good question. So he’s been seeing this new girl for a few weeks. And when he initially started dating her, he was seeing other women, but he quickly kind of zeroed in on this particular girl, because the other ones really didn’t do it for him romantically. And so, they’ve been having sex, they’re raw dogging it, not using a condom, and she keeps bringing up, “Hey, you’re not sleeping with anybody else, right?”

Because, you know, as long as he’s not sleeping around, she’s cool with raw dogging it. But he’s worried that if she knows there’s no other girl in his life, that she’s going to lose interest. So I would say more than likely if I was a betting man, he probably hasn’t read 3% Man 10 to 15 times yet, because this is when you read The Book that many times, you know it backwards and forwards.

You understand the pickup skills, dating skills, relationship skills, and you’re just not going to have an overwhelming sense of fear because you know what to do. But when you’re just kind of learning The Book and you’ve maybe been through it once or twice, things like this will happen and you’re watching videos, you’re already in a fearful state. You just don’t have a grasp of the information well enough for things to, “Boom!”, just come to you and for you to respond instinctually. In other words, you’re just kind of stuck in your head a lot.

And that’s where, “I must do what The Book says. Uh, I don’t really know what The Book says.” You know, you don’t want to turn into a robot, which is what guys will do when they overthink things. And so, they’re trying to overcome this. And so, what will give you peace of mind and which will calm your soul. Because masculinity is calm, after all, is going through the book 10 to 15 times. Because you go through The Book that many times, you could literally teach it. You’ll know pretty much The Book backwards and forwards.

And when you do that, you don’t have to overthink everything. But if you’ve only been through it once or twice, the littlest things are going to kind of freak you out internally just because you don’t have enough time applying these things, and enough time in a relationship with a girl that treats you and responds properly so you can see all the patterns in The Book showing up in your own life. Because repetition is the mother of skill.

And so, if this is new, which it is for a lot of guys, especially like when I was younger, the girls that I really liked, I didn’t get very far with, and they didn’t stick around for very long, and I never understood why that was. And when that’s been your reality and all of a sudden you come across work like mine. And now you’re starting to get success where you’re kind of always used to failure, you’re emotionally conditioned and anchored to expect failure.

And so, it’s going to take some time being present with the material in The Book and also interacting with women in a relationship or women that you’re dating, or meeting and dating and seducing women, to get to the point where you don’t really have to think about this stuff anymore. It just kind of becomes part of you. It becomes instinctual. So let’s go through his short comment it’s only a paragraph.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

Love the videos, I’ve got a question, I’ve been seeing this girl for weeks and she keeps asking me if I’ve slept with anybody else so we don’t need to use a condom and I said no. I was seeing multiple girls but they didn’t do it for me so I broke things off. I’m not seeing anybody else at the minute. I’m not wanting to tell her basically I’m not sleeping with anybody else but I don’t want to lie, and make up that I am, since I’m not into lying and it seems like every time I lie in life it backfires.

Well, I agree. You should not be lying to her. And so, if you’re following what’s in The Book, because again, what the process, the typical process that happens is you start out with one day of a week. Most women sleep with a guy by the second or the third date. And if you’re just following what’s in The Book, what it does is it causes you to actually go slightly slower than the girl is. Which is going to be a new thing for most guys.

Because most guys are like making a mad dash to the finish line to put a ring on her finger, or to lock her down, or get her to commit to be the girlfriend. But in this case, when you’re going slightly slower, what happens is she can feel that she’s more into you than you are into her, and she seeks to get more of your attention and validation and starts to become stuck to you like a sucker fish. Because when a woman really likes you, especially when she falls in love with you, she wants your attention all the fucking time, all the time, all the time. Constant text, constant phone calls, constant FaceTime calls.

That’s what happens when you get further down the road. And so, you were doing everything right. You were dating multiple women, but this girl was just better than anybody else you were dating. And it seems from what she said to you, that that’s the case with her as well. And so, your raw dogging it, and obviously she’s, you know, being smart, she doesn’t want to risk getting a disease or anything. But she wants to make sure you’re not sleeping around. But the fact that she’s bringing this up tells me that she’s in a place where she only sees, and she’s only wanting to sleep with you.

So that tells me that you’re doing a good job of attracting her to you. And so, you need to create the conditions where you let her come to you, because love is allowing. It’s like the idea is The Book creates the conditions where you give women enough space to miss you and to wonder about you and to think about you. And then they reach out to you more. And the more they reach out, the more you set dates. The more you set dates, the more you see each other. And if you’re seeing each other all the time, you’re not going to really have time for anybody else.

So it’s a natural process that other girls that you’re dating when you first meet. When you meet somebody that you really like, it’s like the other girls over the weeks just fall away. And this is the natural process. This is what naturally happens. So there’s no need to lie about it. And there’s no need to volunteer anything. It’s just if she asks, it was like, “No.” It’s like, “I’ve been spending all my time with you. I don’t really have enough. If I had 2 or 3 other girlfriends, it’s like. I don’t have the time for that. All my free time goes to you. Which is pretty sweet and delightful.”

I have dated other women since then but wasn’t really into them so didn’t sleep with them. I was wondering what you would do in this situation?

Well, if she’s bringing it up, if she’s concerned about you sleeping with other women, that’s a good sign. It shows that she cares. And it shows that she’s concerned about these things. But it’s still early. It’s just a few weeks. And typically, if you’re following what’s in the book to a T, it’s going to take week six or week seven before she falls in love or is in love and starts saying, “Hey, where is this going?” And wanting to lock you down, be boyfriend, girlfriend, that kind of thing.

And so, you’re obviously progressing towards that. So again, the idea is you’re just trying to go slightly slower than she is. So she wants more of you, and she’s doing the chasing and the pursuing or most of it, I should say. You know, if you can get away with it and most women will normal, healthy women, will let you get away with them doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. They prefer it that way. It’s more fun for them. That way, when they’re really missing you and really thinking about you, that’s when they reach out.

And that’s why it just goes so well when you give them the space to do that, and then you just set dates when you hear from them, and it doesn’t have to be official dates. You can just be like, “Hey, come over.” If she’s texting you at 10 or 11:00 at night. And she’s like, “Hey, what are you doing?” Just say, “Come over.” Doesn’t have to be. “I’m going to take you out on Friday night. I cannot see you until then. I’m going to have to hide and limit my contacting with you.” It’s just if she’s reaching out, you assume she wants to see you; make the next date. And if it’s late at night like that, 10 or 11:00 at night, she said, “Hey, what are you doing?”

It’s like, “Come over, get your cute little ass over here. Come stay the night.” Just like that. Just invite her over. Hang out, have fun. Hook up. That’s it. It’s all you got to do. And so, there’s no reason at all for you to try to give her the perception that you’re still sleeping with or dating other women. And at this point, it can backfire on you. Especially if she’s moving towards, which it seems like starting to see you is her potential next boyfriend.

So it’s like you don’t need to talk about other women. You don’t need to mention it. You don’t need to. If you’re really liking this girl, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve got to let women come to you at their pace. And it seems that she is doing that. But it would help you if you’d read The Book 10 to 15 times so you’re not so fearful. So you understand the material better. So it’s just much easier to do the right things instead of doubting yourself.

Much love from Scotland. I get you probably don’t answer questions on comments but if you decide to use it for the podcast question would be cool.

Well, thanks again for being a paying subscriber. And so, I answered your email or your question and a Members Only Post.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.