Should You Wish Her Happy Birthday When You’re Just Casually Dating?

How to determine if you should wish her happy birthday if you’re just casually dating.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man, 8 times so far. He moved to Sweden because he always felt called to be there. A few months after arriving he met a woman who knocked his socks off. They started casually dating, but she went traveling for a month and he didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. He reached out thinking she would be back, but she said she extended her vacation and said she’d contact him when back. Her birthday is coming up and he wonders if he should reach out to wish her happy birthday. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Should You Wish Her Happy Birthday When You’re Just Casually Dating?”

Well, you really have to determine how long you been dating for. How close you are. So this particular email is from a guy. He’s read 3% Man eight times so far. He’s done well with it, and he says what he always wanted to do was to move to Sweden. He said, that’s like, I just felt it’s my purpose to be in Sweden. So he moved there. And then a few months after he arrived, he met a woman who knocked his socks off. They started casually dating, it seems like maybe only for a few weeks or so. And then she went traveling for a month, and then he thought she was going to be back.

He reached out to her to set another date. Like two weeks went by. He didn’t hear from her or anything. And then she said that she was still traveling, and decided to extend her vacation for a few weeks, but that once she got back, she would get in touch with him. And so now she’s got a birthday that he knows is coming up and he’s wondering, “Should I reach out and wish her happy birthday? Or should I just let her be?”

So the simple answer to that is, obviously if it’s your girlfriend, then yeah, you should wish your happy birthday. If you’ve been dating and you’re pretty serious, you’re seeing each other two, three, four times a week. Yeah, you should wish her a happy birthday. If you’ve been out on 2 or 3 dates and you’re seeing her once a week, if you guys are hooking up and you know her birthday is coming up, just a simple text. “Hey, happy birthday. Look forward to seeing you Friday or whatever.”

But in this particular case, because they’re they’re not boyfriend girlfriend. Plus she’s been gone. He went a couple weeks, and didn’t even hear from her. So I would say not. But let’s go through his email because this is something this actually is a question I see quite often. A lot of guys are going, “are we really close enough to where I need to do that? And if I don’t tell her happy birthday, is she gonna get pissed off?” Me personally, I’m not. I’m somebody that doesn’t like birthdays or really care about it.

And so I’m not. You know, and I’m the same person. It’s like I have a handful of friends that are on my calendar that I purposely reach out and tell them, happy birthday, just because I know it’s important to them. But for the most part, I don’t give a shit. I don’t care. As a matter of fact, I would prefer that people don’t reach out and go, oh, happy birthday Corey!

I’m just like, birthdays don’t really mean much to me. I think it’s more in my opinion, birthdays are more special for kids because, you know, but as you get to be an adult, I don’t really give a shit about birthdays. But it is nice that, you know, people have been here a long time when they reach out and wish you a happy birthday. But again, that’s just me.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I have been following you for some time now and I have to say I can’t complain how my life with women has changed over the years. I read your book 8 times so far. I have been in a relationship for 9 years broke up because I felt my purpose was moving to Sweden so I did that.

Well, that takes a lot of balls. After nine years with one person to say, see you later. I’m moving to Sweden. Good for you, man. Life is a journey and it’s your journey. You shouldn’t live your life according to other people’s expectations. If you’ve got a feeling like I was talking about this in a podcast we were doing, or actually maybe one of my recent Video Newsletters because I was like that when I was younger, I wanted to live in Orlando, and that was a hard thing to decide to leave everyone and everything behind.

Even though I knew just I think two people up there when I moved, but it felt right and I was like, what an exciting journey to leave the city that I’d pretty much lived in my whole life and grew up in to go live in another part of the state where I know, like two people there, and to get a job and to move up there and get an apartment and do all those things. So I think it’s great. I think it’s great if you have that calling. I actually had an email. I remember last week a guy was he was conservative. He lived in a liberal state.

He wanted to move to one of the southern states where the politics is conservative and it’s warmer, and that’s something he feels he wants to do. But his girlfriend, loves her family, is real tight with her family, and she’s kind of apprehensive about going. And he’s like, what do I do? Man does what he must. So I think it’s great that he upped and moved to Sweden. You can always move back.

But, you know, those are the kinds of things. If you don’t roll the dice and go for it and take the risk. Then you don’t want to be at the end of your life and going, damn, I should have moved to Sweden. Damn, I should have moved to Orlando. Oh, man, I should have moved to a different part of the country. I should have moved to the mountains or whatever it happens to be. Because when you run out of time, it really doesn’t matter. The clock is ticking. The game clock has ended.

After a while I met this chick who just blows my socks off. We were having a great time so far with lots of indoor activities. She went away for over a month now, so I took that time to focus on myself, get in even better shape and reconnecting with myself. I contacted her about a week ago after a little over 2 weeks of not talking to her asking how things are going and when she’s free again assuming she would be back at that time since it was what she told me but.

So the thing that kind of jumps out at me is they were hooking up, hanging out, having fun, hooking up. Then she goes away for a month, month and a half and two weeks go by. He hasn’t heard from her in over two weeks. That’s over 14 days. So what I can tell you from personal experience is if you’re hooking up with a girl and she goes traveling for a month, month and a half and you don’t hear from her for over two weeks, you’re not that important to her. That’s just a fact of life.

You were a fun booty call while it lasted, but if she’s traveling, quite frankly, she’s probably hooking up with somebody else in her travels. That’s what you just have to assume. Because if you were really into her and she was really into you, you guys would have at least made a Skype or FaceTime or some kind of video app date at least once a week. She would have been texting you every couple of days sending you memes, but it sounds like they had just started dating and hooking up.

And then she’s gone for a month and a half, so they really weren’t close. And especially if two weeks go by and you haven’t heard a peep from her, you’re not that important to her. And wishing her happy birthday is not going to make her go, “oh, he’s so great. He’s so amazing. I’ve decided I’m in love with him because he wished me a happy birthday.” That’s not going to happen. Just it has no effect on her interest. Now, if you were dating and you were in the same city and you were seeing her every week, and you’re three weeks in and you’ve been hooking up and, you know, her birthday is coming up.

Yeah, you should probably text her and wish her a happy birthday. But when it’s something like this, I wouldn’t really do it because you’re just not that important if you’re dating 3 or 4 other girls. And this just casually, one of the girls you’re hooking up with and you’re not that important to her, she’s not that important to you. Again, if you’re not that close, it’s I mean, I have close friends that don’t even wish me happy birthday because they know I don’t give a shit. And I’m like, oh, he didn’t call me on my birthday, man, I thought you loved me. It’s like, I don’t care. It’s kind of annoying. I’m not a birthday guy. But then that’s me. But like I said, if you’re not that close, and especially when you went two weeks, nah, Yeah, I wouldn’t be texting her anything.

She said she went back on vacation with friends and asked me “Can I let you know when I’m back Sweden”.

So she went back on vacation. So that tells me that she came back into town. Still didn’t contact him and then left again, not saying, “oh hey, darn it, wish we could have seen each other.” It just means she didn’t care. He’s not that important to her.

“Can I let you know when I’m back Sweden” to my question when she’s free. I replied with “Perfect, yes you can just get back to me when you are back in Sweden and know you are free. Enjoy your vacation Jessica and we talk later” it’s been over a week now and her birthday is coming up. I know through friends she will be back home by that time.

I wouldn’t do anything because the other thing is important is, she says, “can I let you know when I’m back in Sweden?” So she comes back into town and you never hear from her again. Because one of the things I say often is that you have to give women the time and space to follow through on their plans and commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. And so she’s told you she’s going to get back in touch when she gets in town. So you got to give her the space to do that.

And if she never does and you never reach out to her again, and you never, ever speak as long as you live, then you know that you weren’t that important to her. And probably the sex wasn’t that great. Because if the sex was good, if it was good dick, she’d be coming back for more. And if she doesn’t care, well, maybe she met somebody else. She could have gotten back together with an ex. You don’t really know. But the point being is you’re not important enough to her. And she’s clearly, it looks like she’s more important to you than you are to her because she’s not even staying in touch. Yeah.

Should I contact her on her birthday just for the sake of wishing her a happy birthday without mentioning getting together again?

No I wouldn’t.

This birthday stuff has never happened before so I’m a bit unsure since I’m still waiting for her to let me know if she gets in touch and is about what’s she says or not.

Appreciate your time reading through and helping out.

Bob

Yeah, it’s a good question. Because at this point she’s gone away. If she likes you and she’s interested in you, she’s not going to be okay with you disappearing forever. And plus, you want to give the woman the follow through on her word. If she says she’s going to get back in touch with you when she comes back into town, and then she doesn’t. Well, you weren’t that important to her. I mean, granted, you went over two weeks without hearing from her, so just that alone tells me she doesn’t really care.

Maybe because she was focused on vacation or whoever she was hanging out with, but with the amount of time that you spent with her and all the hooking up you did, and the fact you really haven’t heard much from her, when she gets back in town, because you want to make sure you’re with somebody who also wants to be with you. Somebody who has enthusiasm for you, a girl that has enthusiasm for you is going to get in touch when she gets back in town. A girl that doesn’t give a fuck, you’ll never hear from her again. And so if I were you, I wouldn’t do anything.

I would wait for her to get back in town and to reach out. And if you know she’s back in town in a couple of weeks have gone by since she’s been back in town, and she doesn’t reach out. Well, I would assume you’re never going to hear from her again. And whatever mutual friends you got, I wouldn’t mention it to her at all. If they’re like, “hey, have you heard from Jessica?” I was like, “no. She said she was going to get back to me when her schedule freed up and she got back in town. She’s going to get in touch.” And if they’re like, “oh, well, she’s been back for a couple of weeks.”

And then your response would be like, “oh, she hasn’t gotten in touch with you.” Like, “no.” It’s like, “she must be busy. I’m sure she’ll get in touch when her schedule frees up.” And then change the subject. Don’t go anywhere with it. Don’t go. “Oh, I can’t believe she didn’t get in touch. Oh, I’m so bummed.” Just be like. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure when her schedule frees up, she’ll be in touch.” And if she doesn’t on to the next. That’s what I would do if I were you. You guys are just are not that close. And quite frankly. Will she get in touch? Will she actually follow through? It’s a 50/50 shot.

But if she does reach out. And the other thing to keep in mind, if she does reach out, she may just say, “hey, how you been?” She won’t actually tell you her availability. It’s still up to you to be direct, decisive, get to the point and make a definite date and bring it up. Just say, “hey. Well, you know, it’s great to hear from you. I’m glad you’re back. I really want to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And then just make the next date. Hang out, have fun. Hook up. Pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.