Why shy people have the most to say and how to become comfortable talking to strangers anytime, anyplace and anywhere so you can get what you want in life. How you can finally break thru your fears of being accepted by others so you can take the action you know you need to take in order to make your dreams a reality.
In this article & video I discuss an email from a viewer who is a single divorced father. He’s been divorced for 10 years and his son lives with him. He’s dating a woman he’s letting walk all over him. He feels he’s never really got the kind of woman he’s really wanted to date. He feels he’s spent a lot of his life trying to live up to other people’s expectations.
All he’s mostly done is make himself miserable in the process. He feels trapped and terrible that he’s so scared to talk to women and strangers in general. He’s in sales and his shyness is causing him to not make sales calls he needs to be making. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I am a 42 yr. old man who has been divorced now for 10 yrs. I have a good paying job with lots of freedom to come and go, a great son who lives with me full time, and I am a good looking guy who is in great shape even compared to guys who are much younger than me.
That being said I was raised in a home like you described in your Stand Up! Be A Man video. I have always been an approval seeker (Seeking approval will always get you rejected.) from both men and women, never really having my own opinion or doing things that I like, and just going along to make other people happy. (You must be who you are or you will simply make yourself miserable.)
I have been in lots of relationships since I have been divorced, but it has always been with women who I did not really care about and that I ended up staying with for too long because I don’t have the confidence that I can get the women that I really want to be with. (You need to read and apply the pick up techniques I teach in 3 Ways To Seduce Women.)
I have always been very fearful of saying the wrong things or saying something stupid to a woman I want to meet so I usually just end up saying nothing, (You should learn to ask questions and opinions. Women and people in general love to give advice and help. People especially love talking about themselves.) which leads to lots of negative self talk and beating myself up after she has walked away. Or if I do talk to her then I am so in my head I cannot relax and end up sounding like a robot cause I am trying to anticipate what she is going to say or filtering what I am saying so as not to say something she won’t like. (You’re stuck in your head instead of living in the moment. If you were asking her questions and letting her talk mostly 70-80% of the time, it would be easy.)
I am currently in a long distance relationship with a woman that I really like but the distance and some of my past actions, being to available and open, have her pretty much running the show right now. I am at a point in my life that I want to have a relationship with a woman that I respect, enjoy being around, am attracted to, and is good to both me and my son. I need to get some confidence in talking to all types of people, not just hot women. (Do exactly what I teach in this video to improve your social skills.) I am so in my head right now about interacting with people that I am losing hope that I will be able to find a relationship that I really want to be in or having the quality friendships that I would like to have. The anxiety of it is really starting to affect me in all areas of my life and even in how I interact with my son. (That’s not good dude.)
I need a plan on how to overcome my fears and doubts about talking to people and overcoming the need to have approval of other people. (Stop giving a fuck and become ok with getting rejected by women. Why? Repetition is the mother of skill. The only way to get better and feel better about yourself is to practice what scares you.)
These fears are also affecting my work because I could be making lots more money if I would go out to do sales, but these fears and doubts keep me from going out to do this. (That is why most people don’t achieve their goals.)
I know my life could be much different if I can overcome this but just thinking about going to the mall to talk to people brings on an anxiety attack. (If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. ) Look forward to hearing from you.
P.S. I have read your book, and it has helped. (If you apply it, then it will help you even more. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When people fear being accepted by their friends, family, potential lovers, society, etc., they sacrifice and turn away from being and becoming who they really are in an effort to become what they think others want them to be, in order that they may gain the acceptance of others and feel good about themselves. The problem with this is that they almost never feel happy and end up mostly feeling guilty because expressing the true essence of who they really are, and their feeling of self worthiness are suppressed. Therefore, happiness and fulfillment are always dependent upon someone or something outside of themselves and their control.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne