Sloppy Game Leads To Loss Of Attraction, Interest & Breakups

Why being sloppy in your romance game turns women off and leads to rejection, heartache & breakups.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s on the 7^th read of 3% Man. He’s been dating his girlfriend for about 2 years. However, her romantic interest in him has always been lower than his in her. He notices this, but still has sloppy game and is unwilling to exercise self control. He acts needy and tries to negotiate her interest and constant needs reassurance of where he stands with her. He constantly shows he lacks confidence in himself which is a big turnoff to women in general. Now she wants a break from him and he is still focused on locking her down so he feels better about himself. He wonders if he is the cause of her low interest due to his mistakes and unattractive behavior, or if something is wrong with her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Sloppy Game Leads To Loss Of Attraction, Interest & Breakups.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He says he’s on the seven read of 3% Man. He’s been dating his girlfriend for about two years. However, it’s like, you know, as I go through this email, you’re going to see, it’s like she’s never really been super into him because he’s just not been able to exercise self control and apply what’s in the book. He’s constantly acting needy. He’s constantly trying to negotiate her interest, and he’s always needing reassurance that she still likes, loves and cares about him.

And so the problem is, is he never has enough time and space away from this girl to where she becomes unsure of herself, because it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. That’s just a fact of life. And if a woman always feels like and thinks that you like her way more than she does you, she’s always going to be kind of backing off and going, oh, how do I feel about this guy? And so he never gives her enough space to really miss them because he’s he’s constantly trying to smother her.

As the quote said, you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, and it’s clear she’s never felt free. And so therefore she’s never fallen head over heels in love with this guy because he’s always   been over pursuing. He’s always coming from a place of neediness and lack and seeking her approval, in essence, constantly acting like an insecure little girl instead of a mysterious, confident, playful James Bond. And so he’s constantly communicating he just has no confidence in himself. And so he’s wondering, because now they’re on a break.

Because after two even, I mean, the whole way through, when a woman’s telling you she’s not feeling or she’s unsure, give her the gift of missing you. Because in essence, she’s basically taking you for granted. And so the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. And what this guy is not doing is he’s not recognizing this and self-regulating his emotions and backing off. Instead, he’s constantly like, mommy, mommy, I need an attaboy. Mommy, mommy, do you still love me? Mommy, mommy, do you still care about me? It’s typically guys that didn’t get enough strokes from mom and dad as a kid that behave this way.

And so his reaching out is mostly just trying to find out if she still cares or she still likes him. It’s not coming from a place of he just wanted to tell her that he loves her and cares about her, and wish her a good day. It’s always about his ego. And so she probably, if I was to talk to her, she’d probably say she feels like she’s always walking on eggshells with this guy because she doesn’t want to do something to upset him or make him feel insecure, because he’s constantly feeling insecure. And women want to be able to feel that way. But when a guy is always feeling that way, you’re basically putting her in the masculine role in the relationship.

You’re making her the man and she doesn’t want to be the man. She wants to follow your lead. And if he’s always treating her and acting like he’s a little puppy dog, it’s like she’s not going to respect the guy and she’s never going to fall deeply in love. And women only care about how they feel about you. And so even after two years of this, she never fell deeply in love. And she knew she should have, but she didn’t. And it’s because the guy is constantly over pursued and acted unattractive.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

I just want to start by saying thanks for your awesome work – I’m on my 7th read of 3% Man and it’s proven invaluable in helping me understand women. I started dating a beautiful woman back in March 2023 – and using the advice in your book, the relationship progressed to the point that she said she loved me by week 6 and asked to go exclusive by just after week 8.

So that was then. So he did decent, at least up until that moment in time.

On New Years’ Eve 2022 (into 2023), it became apparent that she doesn’t want to marry me or live with me; she actually said, “I can’t see myself living with you!”

So what had happened was is he probably did good for the first few weeks. She wanted to be exclusive, and then after that he probably reverted back to the way he was. He’s like, “oh, Corey got me to the promised land. I don’t need to read the book 10 to 15 times. I’m good.” And so he slowly reverted back to the guy he used to be before he met her, which was needy, which was insecure, which overpursued. And he never backed off. When the kitty cat got a little bored because he was worried she’s going to leave him. And so she says, I can’t see myself living with you.

I know you talk a lot about letting the woman come to you – and I had been trying to do that.

So in other words, he hasn’t been doing it. He knows he should, but he didn’t. He couldn’t resist. He failed to exercise self control and he’s paying the price.

I told her that if we want different things, we should probably go our separate ways.

What you should look at is like when she says, I can’t see myself living with you, is like, so you’re telling me I can have a couple of other extra girlfriends? Is that what you’re telling me? You wouldn’t be mad? So you want to be one of my girlfriends? Is that what you’re saying? I could date others. Is that what you’re telling me? Be playful. Love is playful and fun.

Don’t be so serious all the time. And so his response is like, well, let’s just break up and go our separate ways. And you don’t like me enough so you can tell he’s getting a little butthurt over that. You just have to. When you hear things like that, you got to recognize that, well, she was in love with me and wanted to be in a relationship. And now she says she can’t ever see herself living with me. So if that’s the case, what does that mean? Her interest is low, her interest has dropped since she said she wanted to be in a relationship. And so that should mean that you should back off.

And quite frankly, by this point in the relationship, she should be doing most, if not all of the pursuing. And if you hang out with her and you go on dates and you notice she seems to be taking you for granted, then see her less the following week, be more difficult to get ahold of. Be more unavailable yourself. Match and mirror her. Because the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. And so when you see a woman backing off and she’s being cold and she’s saying things like, I can’t ever see myself living with you, then that means she doesn’t really appreciate you and value you.

And her interest is low. So match and mirror that she shouldn’t be a huge priority in your life. When she’s telling you that she can’t ever see a future with you, in essence. So you got to give her the gift of missing you, because the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. Again, this is in the book, but he didn’t do that.

But over the next couple of days, I changed tack (with your “men are like dogs, women are like cats” thing in mind). I just said,” let’s take it easy and keep hanging out, having fun and hooking up, and let things happen naturally”. 

That’s how it should be.

Throughout (most of) the relationship, I kept the texting to a minimum and only used the phone to set dates. I realize I messed up sometimes – I would occasionally ask whether she loved me.

Ugh. [Gagging.]

When she pulled away or seemed to lose interest (I realize this is beta behavior). But at the same time, I never let her walk all over me and would put me in her place if she was out of line,

You would put her in her place if she was out of line, you mean. So if you’re asking a woman. Do you love me? Don’t you love me still, Mommy, I want an attaboy. That’s the opposite of confidence. You cannot fucking say things like that. It says right in the book. If what you’re about to say or what you’re about to do is not going to make you look more confident, more sure of yourself, more masculine, then you got to keep it to yourself.

And so, I mean, it’s just constantly like a little boy that didn’t get enough strokes or mommy and daddy. And so when you act that way and you say those things, you’re basically treating her like your mommy, your therapist, and your emotional support human. It’s disgusting and repulsive to women. You’re supposed to be the strong masculine one, and instead you’re treating her like a parent.

Which she definitely respected. She frequently referred to me as her “sturdy man”.

Well, not all the time. Especially when you’re gone. Don’t you love me, mommy?

*On a side note, she told me she has some kind of avoidant attachment style, whereas I have a more secure attachment style.

Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but at the end of the day, if you act unmasculine and unattractive, you’re going to get rejected. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

Over the last 2-3 weeks, I noticed her pulling away and texting less and less. I tried not to over-pursue.

I tried not to overpursue. He’s been constantly over pursuing.

but there was definitely a double-text here and there.

So what you say, what you do, the tone of your voice, how you say it is communicating that you don’t feel worthy of being with her. And that’s the problem. That’s the real core issue here. It’s been an ongoing problem since you started dating. And she fell in love with you very early on. But I would say probably you really spend the time with the book that you needed to, and your game was sloppy and it continues to be sloppy. Instead of her looking up to you, admiring you, and respecting you, you’re constantly treating her like your mommy. And that’s why she doesn’t get deeply emotionally bonded to you and hasn’t.

When I was with her, she’s usually very affectionate, but the pulling away was most apparent when we weren’t together. On Saturday 29th May, she told me that she wanted to take a break from the relationship by phone, and I said I was on my round to hers to talk about it face to face.

I got to confront her coach.

I stayed at hers until Monday morning.

It’s like, so everything is forcing himself into her life. You’re trying to shoehorn yourself into her life. These are the actions of a desperate, needy, insecure man who is, in essence, begging her not to dump him. Please, mommy, don’t reject me.

And she was all over me – we had hot sex on the Sunday, and she kept putting her head on my shoulder and holding my hand and being very touchy feely the whole time.

Yeah, it was probably a bunch of mercy fucks over the weekend because she felt guilty. Because again, you showed up and you’re like, mommy, don’t get rid of me. Please, mommy, mommy, I’m a good boy. Tell me I’m a good boy.

But at the same time, she said still wanted the break to assess what we wanted (specifically around living together).

To assess what we wanted. What she’s really saying is, you’re fucking smothering me. Give me some fucking space because you’re turning me off and you’re drying my pussy up. So I need time and space away from you to see if it’s possible for my feelings to come back. And the problem is, is that he never backs off. He’s just constantly smothering her again. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free and she don’t feel free.

Before I left, I told her, “I love you and I want to be with you. Give me a call when you’re ready to talk about the relationship. Please don’t contact me until this point; I’m not interested in chit-chat.” She was crying when I was about to leave and grabbed me and hugged me.

It’s her messages are not mixed dude. This is her mixed messages is due to your vacillation back and forth between acting like a man sometimes and acting like an insecure little girl. That’s all on you, dude. I see her behavior as being completely normal and completely predictable. You’re the guy that is a problem. You’re the one that’s the problem in this. Because again, you’ve been unwilling to control your neediness or just get a hobby. Go see your parents, go to the gym, go hang out with your friends, get a life outside of your girl, and stop fucking smothering her.

Do you think the mixed messages are down to my infrequent messing up.

You were messing up constantly.

Too infrequent my ass.

Or do we just want different things – and will she get back in contact?

Thanks in advance,

Bob

Well, when a woman, you told her not to get in touch until you’re ready to have a serious talk. But it takes time for a woman to fall in love. It’s like a curve that goes up. And then it takes time for her to fall out of love. And then it takes time for her to fall back in love. So it’s a process that takes many weeks. And you’re acting like women are a light switch. You just turn them on or off. And so you basically told her, hey, you only get back in touch when you’re ready to have a serious relationship again. I mean, the whole thing is like, you’re going away from this like a butthurt baby. And so even when she asked for a break, you’re pissed off and you’re upset and you’re perturbed. But the guy that you see in the mirror every day is the one that chased her out of your life.

You have refused to exercise emotional self control. You’ve known what to do, but you’ve chosen not to do it. You’ve chosen to do the opposite of what’s in the book. And so you should not be surprised that you’re in this position, because again, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what a great guy you are or the fact that you spent two years with her. All she knows is that her feelings are not in the same place where yours are, and women want to feel love for you. They want to feel like they respect you and that they admire you and they look up to you. But when you constantly treat them like your mommy, then this is what’s going to happen.

This is inevitable. So the only thing you can really do at this point is wait to hear from her. Don’t be all serious. Well, are you ready to be back in a relationship or not? It’s like you don’t be all serious like that. Just. Hey, babe, it’s great to hear from you and invite her over. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out and have fun, hook up. And when she leaves say, call me later and then wait to hear from her. I would let her do 100% of the calling, texting, pursuing from now on, and when you hear from her, just make the next date. Stop trying to lock this girl down and clean your game up because it’s fucking atrocious.

It’s terrible. If you behave this way with every single woman that you date, you’re going to get rejected for exactly the same reasons. You learn enough from the book to get yourself a few weeks into the relationship. But after she said she loved you and asked you to be in a relationship, you just reverted right back to the needy, insecure dude you were before you came across my work. It’s like, so you got some attainable success, but you couldn’t sustain it because you didn’t really take the book seriously. And you’ve been following me for years and you barely got seven reads in, so you read it enough to where you got the girl in the beginning, but you didn’t care to learn the rest of the stuff.

You didn’t care to really own the material, and that’s why you’re experiencing the pain of rejection. All I can do is put the information out there and go through these emails and teach this stuff. But you got to participate in your own rescue, man. I can’t fix this for you. You got to fix this yourself. And if you don’t control yourself with this girl, you’re going to have exactly the same problems with the next girl. You’re going to turn the next girl off for exactly the same reasons. So you got some work to do again, you got to participate in your own rescue. You can’t make your girlfriend, your mommy and your therapist and your emotional support human. That’s not what they’re there for. You’re supposed to be the strong one.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.