Slow Your Roll

This is an email I received recently:

Dear Corey,

Thank you for your emails. A lot of what you say makes sense. I deal with my pain and hurt by talking to my counselors. First God, and then man. With time, and this is key, I am able to heal and find solutions. I am teachable and know about the Law of Attraction. I always try to be balanced.

I am not sure if I told you this, but a girl named Samantha who resides in the UK, whom I met in the US several months ago, just emailed me. She is of the same faith, and we had spent a couple of weeks together in the US. We had an awesome chemistry going, but knowing she was returning soon, I laid it on a little too thick. However, I stopped communication after not hearing from her, and I basically wrote her off. In the meantime, she was wondering about me, her cat curiosity got the better of her, and she sent me an email about cancer and said to pass it on to anyone that I cared about. She was trying to tell me, in an indirect way, that she cares for me. I guess I made a bigger impression on her than I realized. I also think she was just getting over a guy that had hurt her, and maybe she has had some closure. How long should I wait before I reply to her email? In her email, she basically just asked how I was doing and to take a look at some cancer news. I did forward it to you. Let me know if you received it.

Sincerely,

Tom

Here’s my response to his email:

Hi Tom,

Nice to hear from you again! I did find that email you were talking about. I get a tremendous amount of email, as you can imagine. In the future, if you want me to look at something, please send it all at once, not spread out over a few days. It saves me time trying to dig through dozens and dozens of emails to piece together your questions. Thanks!

One thing you tend to do, (most guys do it also), is project your own high interest level onto the women you like. You tend to read too much into things instead of looking at the signs and a woman’s actions. Actions are the only thing that really matter when it comes to judging whether a woman likes you or not. Don’t try to rationalize every thing a woman does and assume it has something to do with you. However, from experience, many women keep potential replacement men in the background if they are not in any serious relationship, or their relationship is going sideways. They like to keep their options open. It’s easier to move on when you’ve got several possibilities around for replacements.

There are several things you need to consider regarding this woman. She lives in another country. If something developed between you two, eventually someone would have to move. I dated a great girl from the UK for a few years. Immigration continually questioned her more and more every time she came to visit. They have the authority to say, you’ve been here too many times. You have to get on a plane and fly back.

It does not sound like anything serious had a chance to develop between you two. Judging from what you said, it sounds like you chased her off by trying to pin her down. I used to do this. In our own insecurity and neediness, we try to constantly get certainty of where we stand with a woman. All this does is turn her off and make her want to get away from us. You’ve gotta slow your roll. Love is fun and playful. Not serious. Stop trying to meet someone, fall in love and run to the alter all in a matter of a few days. Women are going to do what they want, when they want and with whom they want. Women want to be in a love story. Here’s an article I wrote on the topic: “Women Want To Be In A Love Story.”

Your job, at the most basic evolutionary level, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Sex is just part of the natural progression of playfulness and fun between two like minded souls. You’ve got to let it happen. Just create an environment for fun, and then see what happens. I had a girlfriend once who told me to “slow down and stop trying to force things.” Forcing things communicates weakness and insecurity. Both are a turnoff to women. My advice is to wait a few days, and then write her back. Keep your response short and simple. Tell her briefly how things have been great, that you hope she is well, etc., and then ask her what she has been up to. See if she writes back. If she does, send a few emails back and forth, (keeping it funny and light). Then, if her responses are lengthy, (not one or two sentences), and sound like she is enthusiastic about writing you, ask her, “So when are you going to fly over and visit me?” Make some definite plans with her, and then tell her you will see her at the airport. If she isn’t willing to come see you, what’s the point? She lives 20 hours away by plane. You want to spend your time talking to and interacting with women, not sitting around waiting on women that live in other countries.

From my heart to yours,

Corey Wayne