How to know if a relationship that ended, because of the other person’s personal problems and baggage, can be resurrected in the future so you can have a second chance if you believe that you are soul mates and destined to be together.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who broke up with her boyfriend of one year recently. He dumped her. He says that he needed space and that he depended upon her too much for his happiness. She knows that she needs to move on from him and she says that she put a lot of her needs last in order to help him with his personal problems. She says that she feels like the way they met was destiny, that he was everything she could have ever asked for, and that they changed each others lives.
She wonders if it is possible that after they work on themselves, solve their own personal problems, and have gotten over each other, if they could potentially get back together again in the future and fall in love a second time around. It’s obvious she is hoping for a second chance someday. I give her my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I was wondering what you think of the possibility of falling in love with the same person twice? (It’s possible.) I recently got dumped by my boyfriend of one year after he said that he depended on me too much to be happy. He needed some space. Now that’s something that I can accept. (It sounds like he needed to work and focus on himself. You have to be happy with yourself before you can consider getting in a relationship with someone else. You have to take care of you first. It sounds like he’s doing that now.) I also know that I have to move on from him, as I put a lot of myself to the side in order to make him happy and help him with his personal problems, which is the whole reason why we broke up. (It sounds like you were trying to fix him, and that was your first mistake.) However, I believe with my whole heart that he and I are special. (All relationships are special. You have a gift for him, and he has a gift for you.) I have never experienced anything like our connection. The way we got together felt like it was being controlled by destiny. (Of course it was. You were supposed to meet.) He was everything that I could ever have asked for in a person, and I didn’t even know what I was looking for. We changed each others lives, and we had a good run where we would take turns taking care of each other, until something happened to him that ruined his ability to trust anyone but me. This is what led us to break up. He needed to place that trust in himself for the first time, after depending on other people for his whole life. (“When you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.” ~ Wayne Dyer)
There was nothing really to do about the breakup, but I’m wondering if you have any thoughts about this. Can we ever fall in love again after we’ve gotten over each other completely and worked on our personal problems? (It’s possible, but the objective should not be to get back together. It should be to become the best version of yourself that you can be.) I’m open to the idea of finding relationships that are better for me than this one has been. I believe that I can, but I don’t see how they can beat this one in terms of personal chemistry, (That is societal conditioning right there. You are emotionally wrapped up in this guy, so your ego is looking for reasons to justify staying hung up on him and waiting on him. It’s a bad way to go, because you won’t be able to move on with your life), as I really believe that he and I are soul mates that got separated by personal problems. (Again, this is just your ego wanting to hold on to this. However, he unilaterally changed the terms of your relationship. He was no longer willing to participate. Keep moving and circulating. Eventually, you’ll find somebody else that has the same goals and values as you in the future. If you’re supposed to be together, eventually you will run into each other, and it will just happen. That’s just how the universe works.)
Thank you for a lot of inspiration,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Every person that comes into your life is there for a reason. There are no accidents. Our relationships and interactions with other people serve a purpose. That purpose is to help each other grow, become more and help us reach our full potential. However, not everyone is going to stay in your life forever. People who are meant to be in your life will make the effort to stick around. People who are just passing through often will be gone just as quickly as they came. Therefore, do not become attached to people, but instead simply focus on being grateful for your shared experiences, no matter how long or how short they may be. Sometimes it might be many months or even years before you are able to look back and understand the gift that they were, the wisdom they gave you, the purpose and reason why they came into your life, and why they did or did not stick around.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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