In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is forty-three and kind of a late bloomer in life. He has never had much success with women and has never had a girlfriend. Five years ago, he started his own business and it’s starting to do really well now. He’s also lost thirty-five pounds in the past five years and gotten into really good shape. The side effect of his business and life success is, now women are starting to notice him, and he’s getting more opportunities to meet and date the kind of women he’s always wanted. He’s worried about what to say when a woman questions why he’s never had a girlfriend. He typically never gets past the third date. After he blew it with a woman he really liked after having sex on the third date, he found my work. He asks my opinion on what he should be focusing on to make his success with women more lasting. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I am 43 years old and have never been in a relationship. I was one of the nerd kids and was ostracized in school. (The past does not equal the future. The only thing that matters is what you do now, going forward into the future.) Childhood self esteem and confidence issues left me without any social skills or any experience dating at all. (These are things everybody has to learn.) After high school, I was always unsuccessful with women. I’m 6’1 and 205 pounds. I’ve been told by many women that I’m very good looking. (At the end of the day, if you don’t think feel like you have anything to offer, you can’t help but display that in your body language, and people will pick up on that.) Women my age like that I’m tall, slim and have a full head of hair, which I style, and I try to wear stylish clothes that fit. I started a business 5 years ago at 38, I’m an independent contractor, and it is now doing very well. (Congratulations. That’s awesome.) I’ve lost 35 pounds too in the past 5 years. Last year I bought a speedboat and a crew cab truck. (Now that you have some nice toys, the vibe you’re putting into the universe is “Now I want to have some cool people to hang out and do these fun things with.”) I’m living my dream late in life, but doing so never the less. I’m actually starting to attract women for the first time in my life. (You’re happy, successful and you feel like you’re making progress. That’s the real reason women find you attractive.) The problem is, I have never made it past 3 dates in the last 5 years of trying, and I never got a date until online dating in my 30’s. Now that my new life has been taking shape, it’s been easier to get their attention, but I fail every time, and I am let go by the third week consistently.
I recently dated a customer who owns a styling salon. She is 44, and the prettiest girl I have ever dated. She’s got double D’s, she’s 5’1,” blonde with blue eyes and a double zero waist — really fucking cute. Her interest level was higher than any woman I have taken out, and she was the most attractive woman I have ever taken out. No one has ever looked at me like that before. (Attraction isn’t a choice. All you had to do was show up.) We had sex on the second date, the first day we kissed. However, once we talked after sex, she was confused and distrusting of me. (It sounds like you put your foot in your mouth.) I did so many things right at first, but after she dumped me the third week, I found your videos. I realized how many things I did wrong listening to other men fail just like I did. I wish I could go back and fix it, but I will have to move on and hope you and your material can help get more pretty girls, more frequently. (Read my book 10-15 times so you can learn the fundamentals.) Less attractive women fall at my feet and overlook my problems. (That’s because you’re treating the women you really like differently than the ones you don’t care about. You need to treat all women the same. It’s clear you haven’t read the book yet.) Online dating is full of less attractive women, and I know I could pick up really pretty women if I just knew how. (Watch my video, “Improving Your Social Skills.”) With women, I have only tiny successes and have failed to ever make it past 3 dates/weeks, and I’m very insecure about that. (You just have a knowledge gap that you need to fill. You are lacking confidence and are not putting out the right vibe that matches the way you look on the outside.) I know I am sending vibes that are causing them to run away. I want to be happy and live a life with women in it. I’m not truly living my dream, or to my potential, without women and a sex life.
1) I am solo a lot. I don’t have friends to go out with frequently. (It’s better to go out by yourself so your friends don’t cock block you.) They’re all married, or the single ones would hurt my chances. I don’t know where, or how to pick up women. (These are basic rookie questions that are answered in my book.) My last was a customer and that made it easy, because I was able to see her naturally and she was referred to me by a mutual acquaintance. That never happens. What products can help with approach and the initial dating process? (Again, read the book. Also, watch the video, “Improving Your Social Skills,” go to the mall and do exactly what it says. After you rehearse that, you can meet women any time, any place and anywhere.)
2) I have no good way to get past the question of, what was your longest relationship? I constantly fail trying to get past this. (Don’t answer it. It’s none of their business.) The truth just creates distrust and puts me under a microscope from the get-go. Is there something wrong with this guy? NO relationship…ever?? Is he a player? A loser no one ever wanted? Then I hear them say things like, I’m being more reserved with you, while teasing me sexually. It is killing my chances with women, because they just think something is off. Do I lie? (The real problem is that it’s bothering you, and they can tell. Just tell them you don’t want to talk about your past relationships.)
3) Because I have no experience at all, I know I come off like a child in the way I react to them one on one. (That’s why you need to read the book. How can you change your behavior if you don’t know what to do differently?) I’m 43 with the experience of a teenager in this area. I don’t know how I can fix that. (Read the book 10-15 times, and ask out 100 different women over the next 30 days.) I am seeing a counselor to help me with my personality quirks, but she can’t help me in the dating game.
I know because of my lack of experience, I project a lot of negative vibes, to say the least, when I am with them alone, and it sucks because I’m just clueless. (The baseline knowledge you need is in my book. If you are serious about it, you will see results. There are no shortcuts to success.) It is killing my chances at a more fulfilling life. I wish I were younger, as many women my age have let themselves go, and I can’t keep blowing chances with the best women if I can land them. I need more opportunity too. I know if I picked up one really hot 44-year old babe, I can again with your help. I’m clueless and want to enjoy my life, with women in it. I don’t know why I like the very pretty ones so much, but it makes me happy. For the kind of help I need, what products do you suggest? I’m solo a lot too, and can only use my boat once they are comfortable enough to go to a lake.
Tired of failing,
My response to him:
Congratulations on your business and life success. If you want to get this part of your life handled once and for all, you need to read my book 10-15 times. Watching my videos is not a substitute for reading the book. You need to learn the basic fundamentals of what my book teaches, and start applying it. Ask out 100 different women over the next thirty days. I will answer your questions in numerical order.
1) Again, read my book. Saying you don’t know how to pick up women tells me you have been too fucking lazy to read my book. You are making this way more difficult on yourself than it needs to be. You must participate in your own rescue. You must take action. Watch my video, “Improving Your Social Skills,” go to the mall and do exactly what it says.
Meeting women is a side effect of having a great life you enjoy. Just like this last woman you screwed up with. You met her while going about your life. You don’t need a wingman to meet women. It’s better that you do it alone anyway without having unsuccessful guy friends cock blocking you in the process.
2) Your past relationship history is none of their business. I never discuss this with women I am dating. If it comes up, I just say, “Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. I’m not interested in talking about all my previous girlfriends or relationships. They were all great experiences and a gift. They all made me into the awesome man I am today, that you have the pleasure of getting to know.” and then I change the subject. If they ask why you are not married say, “I have not met anyone who I wanted to marry yet. Are you proposing already? Can we get to know each other a little better before we talk about marriage?”
3) Repetition is the mother of skill. You simply need to apply the things I teach in my book and start practicing on as many women as you can. The past does not equal the future. It is irrelevant. If you apply what my book teaches, it will work for you. Get off your ass and participate in life.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be. Even if you are not very happy, fulfilled or successful with members of the opposite sex, you can instantly become more attractive and happy by focusing on and pursuing a mission and purpose in life that excites you. Being unhappy and lonely is unattractive and repulses potential lovers. Being happy and single is very attractive and makes everyone notice you more. Even if your goals and dreams are still decades away from becoming a reality, having an emotionally compelling vision and mission for your life will instantly make you more desirable, attractive, interesting, and approachable, so you can start enjoying your life right now, instead of putting your life and happiness on hold while you wait for the perfect moment, which usually will never come.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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