Strong Signs Of Interest On 1st Date. Got Rejected For A 2nd Date

Some possible reasons why you got rejected for a 2nd date after a good 1st date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had what he thought was a good first date. They kissed a few times and she seemed into him. However, a few days later when he tried to set a 2^nd date she said she didn’t think they clicked as much as she’d hoped. He says this isn’t the first time it’s happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Strong Signs Of Interest On 1st Date. Got Rejected For A 2nd Date”.

So this guy writes in kind of detailing what happens. He thought his date went well on the first date, but when he tried to set the second, he basically said that they didn’t click as well as she had hoped. And he says, this isn’t the first time this has happened after he’s gone out on what he thought was a good first date. So let’s go through his email and see if there’s any clues as to what might be the issue.

Because this girl looks like she definitely was into him, but instead of liking him more, she ended up liking him less the more time they spent together. So then the question becomes, “How do we figure out what it was so he can correct that behavior?” Just that, you know, because I went through this email once already, and the thing that jumped out at me, and you’ll see there’s a response in here that she has about putting her lipstick on, and it looks like he just came off as a little robotic.

Not very humorous, not very playful, a little too serious, and just wasn’t loose. And what’s the formula? Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up, when the signs are there, she’s ready to be touched, kissed and and seduced. So you got to be playful with her. You gotta sometimes, occasionally treat her like the bratty little sister and tease her. That helps build the tension and create the fun vibe, the fun, teasing and playful environment.

But if you’re always serious and like I said again, this comment, you’ll see it just kind of cracks me up. Because it doesn’t sound very humorous. And I assume because again, when we look at how she behaved when they first met, it really seems like she was into him; she even kissed him on the first date.

But when someone says the chemistry is missing, it usually means they’re not as loose, not as playful, not as fun as they could be at the end of the day. What she’s really saying is her attraction is not as high as it should be. Even though she probably would say something like, he’s a really good dude.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you are well, you have answered some of my questions in the past for which I am grateful. But this is not the first date I have had go similarly and I would really like your take. On May 2nd I was picking up my brother from a meetup event in downtown Boston, where I saw him chatting with the cute brunette. I joined their conversation.

The girl mentioned a venue that I had not been to, and I stated that if she shared the event with me I would take her there. She agreed while touching my arm. A few hours after we left, I saw that she texted me the venue, and I used the opportunity to set the date. On the date, I thought she had a high interest. She began to touch my arm again when we sat down by the bar.

These are all indicators of interest, so she seems into him.

We chatted for about an hour, I tried to make sure she was doing about 70% of the talking. We then proceeded to grab dinner. As we sat down, she began to fix her lipstick. She looked up at me to ask if it was ok.

And his response just. He sounds like somebody that’s kind of in the military. And so when I talk to guys, I can kind of hear it in their voice and how they talk. If they’re just too serious and not loose, not fun, not playful. Kind of like he’s got a broomstick stuck up his ass, that can come off as not fun and not playful and enough of a reason for a girl just to feel like you’re not really clicking. Because like, you’re not loose, you’re not comfortable. And so here’s this.

She looked up at me to ask if it was ok. I of course said, “not an issue”. She said, “good because there will be some on you later”.

You know, you should have a playful comeback to that. That’s like an invitation to play with me. It was like, oh, really? It was like, that sounds a little naughty. What’d you have in mind?

I thought I was doing great. Afterwards we proceeded to an arcade, where she pulled out her last piece of gum, and proceeded to share it with me by having us split it with our teeth. 

Well, I would have been definitely kissing her after we split it. I would have pulled her in and kissed her, even if it was just a brief one. Not necessarily any tongue. But of course, if she decided to put her tongue in my mouth and I put my tongue in hers. But you’re close. I mean, again, these are signs of a woman that’s clearly attracted and clearly likes him, but it just kind of, again, with that response that just tells me he’s probably a little too stiff and, and not very playful.

And so again, this idea here with the lipstick, that can be something that could be fun and playful to tease her back with. So she says, you know, you’re going to have something on you later. Well, you better be a good kisser then. Well, I hope you’re a good kisser if you’re going to get lipstick all over me and on my collar and make it difficult to wash off, especially if you got a white shirt. It’s always fun when you get makeup and lipstick on a white shirt.

There was good conversation, and at least I thought there was good rapport. I drove her home, and before I dropped her off we kissed several times. She even stopped to look if I had gotten lipstick on me. The date was on Saturday, and I texted her on Wednesday. I did not hear back from her until almost 18 hours later.

Yeah, it’s not usually a good sign. The longer they wait. Not good.

I got turned down. I attached a screenshot of the text below and my response. 

So he asks her out. I can’t see what he said to her because that’s cut off.

She says: Hi Bob I don’t think we clicked as much as I’d hoped

He says: No?

He says: Reach out if you miss me

He says: I’d love to make you a home cooked meal.

There was definitely some physical interest on her part, and this is not the first time this has happened. 

How can I avoid this in the future?

Bob

So if it’s me and she says something like that. I was like, “Well, then we need to go on a second date so we can work on clicking better and do something fun.” You have to have a always in the mindset of having a better, more playful comeback to things. And like I said, just a couple instances that I pointed out in the email where he just seems really stiff and not very loose and not very playful.

Because again, this is a girl that clearly likes him and she’s trying to engage him in flirtation and playful banter, and he’s like, “not an issue” when she asks him about the lipstick. So that tells me that’s the whole tone and the whole vibe of how he’s showing up on his dates. And so that’s clearly suboptimal. Because love is playful and fun.

You want to tease a girl when she says things, “oh, you’re going to get lipstick all over you later.” Your attitude should kind of be, it’s like, “Well, who said I’m ready to kiss you so far? Who said I’m ready? Who said you’re going to get any kissy poo later? Or. As long as you’re a good kisser, you can get lipstick all over me.”

But who knows? Maybe he had bad breath. You’ve got to think about those things, too. If your breath is really stinky. Or maybe you weren’t a very good kisser. Maybe. I don’t know how old this guy is. Maybe he’s younger, doesn’t have a lot of experience. So those things all play into it.

You know, it’s just like you hook up with a girl on the first night, and then after that, she ghosts you completely or doesn’t want to get together or says there’s no chemistry in spark. You’re thinking, we just had sex a couple days ago and you’re telling me there’s no chemistry, no spark?

Usually, as the girls have said in the podcast, many times when they get asked that question, it’s usually because the sex was not very good. And if on top of that you’re not very loose, then you’re probably not going to get the second date.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for my Exclusive Premium Members Only Content in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, or you can join on Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. And the good news is with my Website, you can do a seven day free trial to check out all the great content and extensive library of additional content that you get for being a Premium Member.

And if you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, sign up for a seven day free trial for a Premium Membership. And until next time, I will talk to you soon.