Have you ever been stuck in the friendship zone with a girl “friend” who you really wanted to turn into your girlfriend? Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Why does that shit happen?
When a guy acts like a male girlfriend and butler instead of man who wants her, but who also has plenty of other choices if she says BS lines such as… “I’m not ready for a relationship right now… I have to get my head together… etc.” she’s going to feel wishy-washy about him inside. She won’t trust his masculine core. He is seeking her approval. Not seeking just to hang out, have a good time and see what happens like he should.
When a woman says a bunch of crap to a guy when he reveals his true feelings for her such as “I gotta get my head together… or I’m not ready for a relationship right now” and then days later she’s bangin some other guy, what she was really communicating was that she just does not want a relationship with you. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings so she tries to let you down easy with a half truth BS evasive answer, that actually leaves you hanging and holding out hope when there is none.
When a guy tries to trigger sexual attraction and turn his girl “friend” into his girlfriend, its usually with someone he has known for a while. When he no longer can take holding his feelings in, he blurts them out. It usually creates an awkward moment for the woman. Another thing I used to do was to purposefully become friends with a girl in hopes of her becoming my girlfriend down the road. It never worked out. When I would reveal my true feelings it would turn her off because she would feel my friendship was a fraud to get in her pants. Which it usually was. I wasted months and years of my life in these imaginary potential relationships.
What happens is guys will think since they know each other well, that their girl “friend” will instantly become their exclusive girlfriend as soon as its discussed. Instant relationship. The reason this happens is because most men do not understand that a woman falls in love slowly over time as she feels more and more comfortable by going out on dates and being courted. When a guy gets all serious on his girl “friend” out of the blue and starts taking about a relationship or being together, he’s doing things out of sequence. Women will bring up when they want to be exclusive. The guys job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen by taking her out on fun dates or just meeting out for some drinks and letting things evolve over the evening. The more things you do right, the more she will want to see you. Once she falls for you, she’ll bring up being exclusive. Until then, have fun!
Another thing I used to do is try to get some certainty of where I stood with the woman after revealing my feelings. That communicated neediness and insecurity. Women like confident men. Not pleasers who are afraid to say no to them. Confident guys know that when he’s doing everything right she’s going to decide and let him know when he’s her’s exclusively. So as far as a guy’s concerned, relationships is a topic for only her to bring up.
Here’s an email I got from a reader. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his email:
I don’t know if you reply to email’s (I can’t promise I will respond to every email, because I got to take care of my paying customers first, but if I think your question would make a good article I will use it) but I sure could use some advice.
I have a crush on a girl, and I am afraid that it has turned into a “friendship” and I don’t know what to do (blue balls… no fun).
We had been mutual friends for a couple years. Her relationship with her past boyfriend was coming to an end around the first of the year.
I told her on New Year’s that I really liked her, and she said she liked me too. So she she broke up with her boyfriend, and moved in with her mom, as a transition. We have been hanging out ever since then, and in the beginning we took it really slow (you took it too slow by being the nice guy. When a guy waits too long to make a move on a woman once she knows he likes her, she will interpret this as weakness and lose interest in him romantically), just a little texting and talking on the phone. I never really told her how hot she was (doesn’t matter, she knows), or how much I liked her… (she knows. She can tell. Women can feel it dude) I just acted like we were friends because I didn’t want to be that “rebound” relationship (Bad move. This is what I would have said to her in a playful way when she said she just broke up with her boyfriend… “Awesome! I think you should come over right now so we can have some amazing rebound sex. I can’t have you running around getting all sexually frustrated. Otherwise you will kill your next boyfriend when you finally have sex again :)” she’d laugh and then you make plans to meet out for some drinks. You go out and have fun with no serious talk. Just party time. If she wants to share stuff about her boyfriend you can just say each time she brings him up playfully… “I don’t care about him. He can keep you busy when you’re not with me”). Now I feel like I really should of shown her more affection (you should have gone out for drinks and gone for a kiss at the end of the night instead of waiting for her to give you permission someday in the future. A confident guy goes for and asks for what he wants).
Anyway, now she still has all her stuff at her ex-boyfriends house, it’s been 6 months, and says she isn’t motivated to move it (she’s leaving the door open for him to do something about it. Maybe he is. Maybe she’s still sleeping with him and not telling you because she knows you want her and she does not want to hurt you. Or maybe its just a bunch of junk she has over there and no longer wants it back. Not enough info here for me to be able to know for sure). I asked her what she thought of me (weak, confident guys know when a woman likes him), and she said that she wasn’t ready to start dating (that means… she’s just not ready to start dating you). She thinks I’m awesome, her words, but for now she just wants to be friends (say… “friends with benefits?” Playful banter. You’re being all serious and talking about things you should not be talking about at this point. You are doing things out of sequence).
Am I crazy for thinking that there might be a future? (maybe) What can I do to get her to tell me if there is any chance of a future, or if we are going to be “friends” forever (You want her. She wants to be friends. You don’t want that. Stop calling her. Only respond to her calls and texts. Next time she contacts you, let it go to voicemail. A few hours later. Text her back and say “why don’t you grab a bottle of wine and come on over and hang out?” If she won’t or can’t say “well give me a call when you are free and want to hang out again.” Do nothing. If she calls you great. If not, its her loss). Is it possible that she does really like me, she’s just confused (this girl shows only signs of low interest. The only thing you can do is walk away. If she has feelings and is confused she will contact you after she has not heard from you. If she does not have feelings for you, then you will never hear from her again. If she has some romantic feelings for you and you stop contacting her and only respond to her contacting you, it will cause her to chase and contact you more. If she does contact you, just maintain your message… “grab a bottle of wine and come on over and hang out”, if she says “no…” say “ok, call me when you change your mind”. She will either come over or stop calling you. Part of being a man means standing up for what you want. See yourself as the prize that she has to win. Never try to keep someone who does not want to keep you. If she’s not reciprocating interest, she’s wasting your time and money. Focus on meeting and dating new women no matter what she does, you should have other options and dates until she communicates and earns your being exclusive with her).
Any advice would be so appreciated…..I like this girl so much, but if there’s no future I have to move on. What can I say to her to find out? (stop trying to nail her down to something, she will only try to squirm out of giving you an answer. You will torture yourself if you keep doing this. Just be playful. Stick to your purpose… Your purpose and what you state you want is her. You extend a romantic invitation and hold it out when she calls you. She’ll either accept or reject it. If she comes over, go for the kiss at the end of the evening. Or during the evening if things are going really well you can say to her… “I think you need to come over here and kiss me.” If she’s ready and wants to she will).
I really could use some advice.
What you really need to do is read my book. The comments I left in your email (in bold brackets above) can get you thru the next several days or so if you follow it while you are reading and learning my eBook “How To Be A 3% Man”. You need to learn how to understand women and properly interact with them if you want to prevent yourself from getting into these emotionally draining and hurtful experiences in the future. Since human beings only retain about 10% of what we read, hear and see, you must read my book 10-15 times to the point that you could give a seminar on it. You must know the material inside and out. That way you don’t have to think about it and you will always do everything right with women. If you don’t learn the material you’re going to continue to unnecessarily blow it with women you could have had.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The strongest negotiating position is, being able to walk away… and mean it.”-Michael Yon