When it comes to improving your success with women, and creating the life of your dreams, it’s okay, and I actually encourage you to succeed at your own pace.
Life is like a game of golf. You’re the only one playing and you’re only playing yourself. “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”–Confucius. Once you have decided what you want in your life or what you want to change, you simply have to create an action plan and then follow your action plan.
You must lose your attachments to the amount of time that you think it’s going to take in order to become successful or to realize your dreams. Why? At the beginning of a new goal or change you have resolved to make, you simply don’t know what you don’t know.
We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in a year, but we tend to underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. As long as what you are striving for or hoping to accomplish, is emotionally compelling to you, you simply must stay the course taking persistent relentless action until it becomes a reality. If you think something is going to take you two years to accomplish, it may actually take you five. I know when it comes to starting businesses, it always takes a lot longer than you think it’s going to take to figure out a successful and profitable business model. It also always takes more money than you initially thought it would to make it a success. That’s why you should only pursue things that are your true heart’s desire in life. The following is an e-mail from a guy I did several coaching sessions with last year. He’s had some successes, but for the most part he’s taken his time to really get clear about what he wants. Now after a year and has gone by, he’s really starting to feel some internal pressure to start implementing what he decided he wanted last year. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hey how are ya? I hope the new year is treating you well. Since I am OOC (out of commission) for a bit due to surgery, I wanted to write as it has been awhile…
Right off, I did not write to complain about anything. Just had a few questions is all, as I am really really struggling big time and endure a lot of fear, emptiness and despair for the obvious reasons… never done anything to improve myself before, and am ever cynical due to ongoing attitude problems and thought patterns. I have also never asked for help of this kind before and you would of thought I’d have done at least something by now, but no. You said something to me last year that kinda stuck with me about not being in a hurry to improve and take action. You were right, but now I feel time is running out cuz I’m about to turn 37, and I don’t know shit yet. (You’ve got to go at your own pace. You took your time and now you are feeling some internal pressure to move yourself forward. That’s a good sign!)
Do you remember I had brought up a certain chick several times from Peoria, IL? Well, it has been almost 9.5 years and I cannot get her off my mind for nothing. Truth is, I don’t know any better and she is still the only one I even care to think of due to the fact that I believe she is the hottest thing and only thing ever created. I know I will never see her again, as this gal doesn’t even associate with people like me really anymore, therefore, I ought to not worry about it. I know you’re not a psychiatric doc or anything, (life coach) but what do you recommend? (You sound like you’re stuck in the past. That’s a good article to read to help you move forward.) I’m just asking for real help, friend to friend. You have to know that there are truly pathetic human beings out here & I am not one of those. (Nice that you now admit that to yourself finally. Last year at times you mentioned you were one of them. Glad to see you have accepted the fact you are not brother.) I know that I continue to put this girl on a pedestal and she deserves nothing… not even so much as a single sliver of a thought. But at least it gives me something to aspire to… quality fine ass women in my life. (Yep, that’s what you like physically. You should read this article and do the exercise to help you attract the perfect woman for you.)
I tell ya what, if I had been working on this stuff all last year, I maybe wouldn’t be writing this shit to you now. (Probably not. Are you happy that you have let a year go by with almost no effort to help yourself and better your situation? So the question is, are you going to take action now so you don’t send me another email like this next year?) As I have expressed before, I’m just concerned that this kind of thing will take me until I am 40 or so… (It will if you keep sitting on your ass, or worse, it will take longer. When is NOW a good time to make a change for the better?) and who the hell would want to wait that long. (I agree. So get your ass busy.) Especially since there are dudes in their teens who could smoke me in the dating game. That’s what bothers me the most, the time it’s gonna take to get my shit together. (It’s easy to be a quitter. Quitting lasts forever. It’s hard to motivate yourself to chase your dreams and improve to be at your best personally.) Fucking right I am pissed off that no one ever bothered to tell me about these kinds of things when I was way younger, especially when I was active duty Navy. (Most people don’t know this stuff anyways.) Granted, I did exceptional overseas in places like Spain, Italy, and former Soviet-bloc countries. But now I’m in the ‘good-ole’ USA, and it’s tough as hell. (Of course its tough as hell when you just sit on the couch and never venture out into the real world very often. Mrs. right is not going to kick your door down to come find you. You got to get off the sidelines and into the game. You did it here in this article, so I know you can do it!)
I am not afraid of anything this fucked up world has to offer, but when it comes to beautiful women, I choke. (Not always. You simply hardly ever talk to women, so unless you’ve got your drink on, its somewhat awkward for you. Practice makes perfect. You can’t get any better unless you talk to more women.) Sucks, since I know I can do better. (Yep, you said it!) Didn’t you suggest one time to ask out 100 girls and just see what happens? Never did it cuz it seemed like a waste of time. (Sure did, that was a over a year ago! You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start in order to become great!) I know exactly what I want 100% to a “T” but I know I’ll never get her… (Yep, if you keep giving it a non-effort, I guarantee you will never get her. Unfortunately, she will never get to meet you because you are not in the game yet. She’s waiting for you…) and you had mentioned to me bluntly to get to work and I’ll find someone 10X hotter 10X better 10X more quality. Do you think I still can attain that kind of success? (Of course. Nothing has changed. Only a little more time has passed.) The only reason I am asking is cuz I WANT TO BELIEVE in something better and real and that I can have better because I deserve better. (Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage.) I’m just a good dude askin for help man. Ya know, I finally realized a lot of shit recently… My best friend told me the other day that he is disappointed in me that I’m lettin life pass me by. (Yep, they’ve been tellin you this for years. Maybe you’re finally ready to listen?) I realize that I do envy a lot of my friends because they all got kids or are married and I have nothing to speak of. I envy the guy who marries my dream girl and I dunno how to quit thinkin of that kinda damn shit. (Once you are too busy taking action, you won’t have time to think about silly nonsense like that.) I’m gonna be gettin laid gain a lot just as soon as I heal up. A coupla hot older gals, but they aren’t what I want at all. (Gotta blow the barrels out my man. It’s good for ya!)
I want to believe that it’s true when someone changes the way they view things and/or changes their attitude, that great things can/will happen. I am at the point now man, that I’m ready to go fucking crazy and ratchet up the volume and kick a lot of ass. (Good for you! It’s time to get busy now.) I told my best friend the other day… “If I had known I would live this long I would have hit life twice as hard, and the places I chose not to go, I would have most assuredly have gone… twice.” He texted me back that he agrees that it ain’t never too late to make this life work for ya instead of against ya. I guess I just need to focus is all. (Focus and take action) Anyway Corey, I appreciate you taking the time to help me and others. Truth is, I really need to do a fucking 180, but I just get down too easy because there are way too many dudes I gotta compete with out there and it’s hard not to get down about stuff, and how much more advanced they are and better they are at life. (That’s how you bullshit yourself into not taking any action at all. If you continue to not take action, nothing will change.)
Oh well, I don’t want to take up too much of your e-mail inbox. Another question, I am gonna be off for about a month cuz of this hernia repair… is there anything I can do in the meantime besides think and stew and ponder over dumb shit? (Set up your online dating profile is a good start and study the top 5 ways to meet more women article of mine.) I’m gettin a laptop of my own finally, (Get a Mac!) and job hunting will be so much easier, as well as looking at taking up residence in another state. (Now you’re talkin!) A state that respects it’s citizens’ gun rights! I thought about getting on match.com and Christianmingle.com and gettin rollin on that dating kind of thing again. Yeah, I’m in a hurry to get up to speed. Would you still be willing to help me tweak my profile like you mentioned? (Use this article as a guide to help you create your online dating profile.) Thanks a lot Corey. I appreciate the good ones like you.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.” – Jerry Rice