Successful Date… Or Not?

How to know if your date was successful or not & what to do next.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who struggles with being robotic and a dead fish as he puts it. He lives in Poland and recently asked out a girl from his class at university. She took a week to reply, but on the date he followed the book and it went well. However, she revealed she had a boyfriend. He wasn’t happy about that. He asks for a critique of his performance on the date.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Successful Date… Or Not?”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s been following me for several years, I guess since he got out of high school. And so he’s 22 now. He lives in Poland. Or I should say he’s about to turn 22. And so a girl from university that seemed to be displaying some indicators of interest. He for whatever reason, he didn’t elaborate.

But he’s going to be taking a break from school, and he’s going to be moving to another city here pretty soon. So he thought, “You know what, let me shoot my shot, see what happens.” So he gets her number. And then when he texts her, she takes like a week to reply. Sets a date. They go out and they’re having a good conversation.

And so one of the things he admits is like he says, he struggled with being kind of too robotic and a dead fish on previous dates. But what you’ll see is the girl, she likes him. She’s clearly into him. And all he really has to do is not talk her out of it. And so the key is, I mean, really dating is a process. You’re creating an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out.

And when the signs are there, she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. Then you make your move. And then you escalate from there. And it makes things really easy because you’re just responding to her level of comfort. And as she becomes more comfortable and she’s doing most of the talking on your date and she’s asking you questions, and then you notice the signs that she’s feeling a little romantic, then you make the move.

However, in this particular case, in the course of their evening and their date, she basically reveals that she has a boyfriend. So he wasn’t happy about that. And he ended the date about 15 minutes later because he’s like, “I’m not gonna date somebody else’s girl.” And he also didn’t like the fact that she never mentioned a boyfriend. And he’s like, well, that kind of precludes her from being somebody to be considered for a relationship.

Because if you’re in a relationship with somebody, you don’t go, even if things aren’t going well. You don’t go accepting dates with other guys. He says, but he wanted me to kind of critique his approach. So let’s go. Because at the end of the day, the important thing is, as a man, what do you have to do?

You’ve got to show up. You’ve got to be brave, you’ve got to be courageous, and you’ve got to extend your invitation. And then you let the chips fall where they may. In other words, as a man, he showed up. He took the risk. He’s shooting the shot. It all seemed positive until obviously she revealed she had a boyfriend.

But if he didn’t give a damn, he probably could have been hooking up with her pretty easily. But there’s also the possibility that she’s not really happy with the guy she’s with. But the fact that she reveals she has a boyfriend, and yet she’s going out on a date with the possibility. In other words, she went on a date with the attitude of hey, she’s open to getting seduced.

So from her perspective, because as the book says, sex has got to be the guy’s fault. She reveals she has a boyfriend and then you proceed anyways, and then she sleeps with you. She can say, “well, it just kind of happened. I told him I had a boyfriend”, but the reality is, if she cheats on her boyfriend with you eventually if she’s not happy with you she’ll cheat on you that’s the way it is.

When I was younger, I used to look at that kind of situation and say, oh, I’m the better guy anyway. Screw that guy. If he was sleeping on his girl, he deserves to lose her. You think? “Oh, well, that’s what happens in the Disney movies, right?” You see this amazing woman, she’s with this guy that’s a schmuck who doesn’t deserve her, shouldn’t be with her. He doesn’t treat her well.

And then you think, “Oh, I’m going to be Mr. White Knight. Save her from that unhappy relationship.” Because obviously, if she was really in love with the boyfriend, she wouldn’t wait until she’s on a date with another guy to go, “Oh, by the way, I have a boyfriend.” So it just shows she probably is not a loyal person.

And if she ever gets freed up because you don’t want to end up in a Hialeah divorce, you can leave the door open for something romantic to happen. And actually telling her that you’re not going to participate because she has a boyfriend makes you more of a challenge. It shows you’ve got some standards. It’s like, in other words, if you had plenty of women in your life, you’re not interested in trying to rip off some other dude’s girl, because you know better.

And then who knows if she’s really not that into that guy, she’ll dump him and then tell you that, “hey, I’m single now” and you’re like, okay, well, that changes things. But she still went on a date with this guy. So you’ve got to pay attention to all these things because you can’t just get drunk and dopey on your feelings.

And sometimes you guys are going to go out with girls that are just absolutely the hottest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. And she really digs you, and she’s gonna drop one of these on you, and then you’re gonna get tested. Are you going to act as a person of high character, or are you going to risk a Hialeah divorce?

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been following you ever since I was in senior class high school. I’ve always struggled with being robotic and a dead fish because of my upbringing.

Well, at the end of the day, the good news is women tend to say about 8000 words a day. Us guys tend to see about 2000. So you don’t really have to say a lot. If you’re her Rock her mountain, she’s gonna be talking all the time anyways, and you can just be a good listener. That’s something. Even though I talk for a living, especially when I was younger, I was more of an introvert and I was always a good listener.

I always was inquisitive. I always asked questions. And when you hang out with really outgoing people, they talk all the time anyways, and they like having an audience, and that can really work to your advantage if you’re a good listener. Because at the end of the day, as the old saying goes, “you’ve got one mouth and two ears, so you should listen twice as much as you speak.”

In this case, especially on the first few dates, you want the woman to be doing almost all of the talking. Because then it helps you remain a mystery. And if you tend to be too robotic and a dead fish. And remember, attraction is not a choice. This girl already liked this dude, so his goal really is just to not talk her out of it. Granted, we know she ends up having a boyfriend. But he can still be masculine. He can still be a challenge.

He can still communicate that he’s got standards and he’s not going to participate. And who knows if the other guy, the current boyfriend, is just barely holding on by his fingernails, maybe you’re enough for her to go to kick him to the curb. But you also don’t want the girl only leaving her boyfriend because of you. You don’t want to be the guy that she’s going to monkey branch with. But sometimes you’re going to meet girls and they’re going to be in the process or on the verge of ending their relationship, and that’s going to happen.

But you don’t want to be encouraged disloyalty or cheating. And especially at the get go. Because if he lets her know, if it comes up, it’s like, because I guess apparently he hasn’t left yet, but some of the other girls know her and she’s been talking about him and their date. And what happens if these girls come up and start asking, “so what’s up with you? And so and so?” Or “I heard you guys had a date”. How would he handle then?

I’ve always struggled with being robotic and a dead fish because of my upbringing. I’m from Poland and soon I’m turning 22. I want to hear your opinion on a date I’ve been on recently. There’s this girl in my university class that I’ve always fancied, but kept contact limited to whatever is necessary from her to complete a given course. In person she is very alert, nervous, and perceptive of my body language, but only with me as far as I noticed when she’s around other men in my group It’s quite the opposite.

So this is what’s nice about really learning the book. You could just be sitting here and be observant, and the book teaches you what to look for, it gives you the cheat codes. So when it’s you and a bunch of other dudes are in a class, how do you know which girls in class like you, and how do you know which ones don’t? Or how about girls you work with? How do you know which ones are into you? And how do you know which ones are not?

Obviously with work it’s more of a risk than with university. But if you shoot your shot with a girl at work and you bomb, you can get yourself in trouble. And so I discuss in other ways other videos, guys that are in those situations, how to go the low risk way about that. But in this particular case, he’s noticed that she behaves a little differently around him than she does all the other guys.

So those are just the little subtle ways, just their casual interactions and chatting. You don’t have to risk anything. You just seem like a guy that’s friendly from class. Maybe you have a girlfriend, maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ve got ten girlfriends they don’t know. Bottom line is, you’re not hitting on her. You’re not trying anything. Which, if she already likes you, and then the other guys are hitting on her in class.

Then she’s going to wonder why you’re not liking her. Especially if she’s hot and all the other guys notice her. Then she’s gonna wonder, what’s with this Bob guy? Why doesn’t he pay any attention to me? Does he not like me? Does he have a girlfriend? Does he like my friend instead?

She always found an excuse to ask me about seemingly insignificant stuff related to uni. I took these as a sign of attraction but always had doubts whether it stemmed from shyness and potentially insecurity. As of late circumstances in my life changed, and they require me to change towns in the near future and that includes putting my education on halt.

Or we would say, on hold in The States.

And before doing so I decided to invite her on a date, as a little more experience would be nice and if any mishap happened, it would be minimal.

Yeah. He’s leaving anyways.

We had a period where there was a large 2 week gap between sessions and saw this as an opportunity to create interest and attraction. When the gap began I sent her the invitation via text saying quote “I’m checking out this cafe next Thursday at 1800, and I want you to go with me.”

That’s very masculine how he does it. “Hey, we should get together for a drink or, hey, I want to check out this cafe, and you should go.” It’s very masculine. You’re basically telling her what to do without ordering her. You must go.

The date was set a week in advance. Well, it took her a little less than a week to respond my invitation, and when she did it was quote “Are we meeting in front or inside?”. I clarified and said “infront” and kept no contact. She never initiated interactions during no contact. On the day of the date, she arrived early. I asked questions and let her talk.

See, this is for those of you guys that are shy and you’re like, “What the hell do I say?” You don’t really have to say a lot. Just have to be good at asking the kind of questions she would enjoy answering, so you can go on little conversation threads. Get her to talk about something she’s really interested in and excited about, and then you can ask her more questions about that topic. Maybe occasionally you relate something about yourself that’s obviously positive and makes you look masculine and confident.

I asked questions and let her talk, sometimes she would ask me something back. The conversation was effortless and my questions flowed naturally.

See, she already liked you. And this is, you know. And then on top of that, you’re asking questions that she enjoys answering. And the person that we all love to talk most about is ourselves. So he’s making it easy for an outgoing woman who’s naturally going to say more words in a day than a guy is anyway. So again, this takes all the pressure off having to perform or be a dancing seal on a date. Just have fun. Get her to talk about things she likes, and then that can create a whole conversation thread.

I kept my answers brief and would tease her when I saw a chance.

Yeah, 90% of the time charming James Bond, 10% of the time you’re breaking her balls a little bit. But if you go too far, and you see it in her body language that that she didn’t like that, you just go, “I’m just kidding. I’m just fucking with you.”

I struggle with teasing and sometimes come off as a jackass.

Well, again, you can always apologize. “I’m sorry. I had too much to drink. I’m sorry. I’m just fucking with you. Don’t take it personally. Not everybody gets my sense of humor.”

At one point she started playing with her hair and fiddling with her hands.

Indicators of romantic interest. It’s called preening. She’s like, “Oh, look at me. Oh.”

I had prepared a creative activity that would facilitate physical touch, but she withhold it and made no excuses to do so.

Again, it’s like Sherlock Holmes. You’re just looking for evidence that she’s into you. And so you get to the end of the day, you don’t really see that, but you see her playing with her hair and stuff, maybe keeping her hands to herself. And we know that she’s going to, at some point here, tell him that she’s got a boyfriend. And that would make sense why she’s not touching, but she’s clearly attracted, clearly interested because she’s playing with her hair. She’s showing preening activity.

She struggled with the activity and I decided to tease her saying that it’s because she’s just a lazy pie! I could tell that the remark pissed her off internally from her body language.

I’m just kidding. Don’t take it so personal.

But she ignored it and acted as if I had not said it.

I suppose she might have a little self-control. But again, you could tell it didn’t go over too well. And that’s the difference about trying to crack a joke over text or in person is in person or through FaceTime, is that you can see in her body language like, oops, I shouldn’t have said that. Let me back up a little. Hey, I’m just fucking with you. It’ll take you a while, but you’ll get my weird sense of humor.

About 1 hour in, she started gushing about her boyfriend, stating that he comes over every weekend and as of late his car broke down and couldn’t make it.

That’s when you can go. “Oh, I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. Well, hey, if it doesn’t work out, if his car breaks down permanently, he can never get around to coming to see you and you kick him to the curb. You definitely should hit me up, and we’d go out on a date. But I don’t get involved with girls that have boyfriends.”

And then you can say, you know, “it’s been really great, but I think continuing would be kind of inappropriate. And, you know, I’m going to respect the fact that you’re in a relationship because I like girls that are loyal to their boyfriends, and I don’t want to encourage any disloyal behavior. And quite frankly, I don’t like girls that are disloyal. So I like the fact that you told me you have a boyfriend, but it would be inappropriate for us to continue because you’re too cute.”

Inside I felt a spark of anger, but stifled it. I couldn’t come up with a silly remark about that and pivoted the topic somewhere else. I then ended the date after around 15 minutes, saying that I had to get up early the next day.

That’s kind of like, “yeah, check, please.” Kind of moment.

She protested, tried extending the date.

Again. If she’s protesting, it’s like, say you’re just decided to kind of end the date because you’re like, “what the fuck? I’m on a date with this girl and she’s got a boyfriend.” Because you’ll see her in a second, it’s kind of he’s like, he’s a little not happy about it, but she’s protesting. And so then when she’s protesting, you say, “You know, if you were single, I would absolutely love to hang out with you all night. And you know what? Things would probably get a little naughty between you and I later.”

“And that’s why it’s best that you and I just end the date right now. Because I don’t want you doing anything that you know your boyfriend wouldn’t like, and vice versa. But, you know, if it doesn’t work out with him, you’ve got my number. You should definitely hit me up. And we could pick up where we left off.”

“But it would be inappropriate for us to keep hanging out. Because again, I don’t want to be a bad boy. I don’t want to be encouraging you to do anything naughty or that you shouldn’t do, or you maybe want to do, but it’s not the right thing to do. And at the end of the day, I like girls that are loyal to their boyfriends, even if they’re not happy with them. Because if you’re not happy, I’d want you just to leave. Not leave because of me, but because you’re like, yeah, it’s run its course. He never got his car fixed or he never come to see me or whatever.”

And probed about what will I be doing. I said that it’s just work related and walked her to a bus stop. Before we parted ways she made sure to tell me all about the things she enjoyed on the date.

Again, if you had gone on the diatribe yet, you can go on right there. Yeah, “I would have loved to have hung out longer, but blah blah, blah. It gives you a couple options on how to respond if something like this happens next time. Because as a man, you’re supposed to set the table. You’re supposed to I mean, that’s basically you setting boundaries. You’re like, I like you, but you’ve got a boyfriend, so I’m not gonna, I don’t want to encourage you to be naughty.”

“Because quite frankly, I prefer women that are loyal and faithful to their boyfriends. I don’t like girls that cheat or disloyal. So thank you for telling me that you had a boyfriend. But, you know, internally, you’re like a fucking bitch.” She’s on a date with me and she’s got a boyfriend. And that’s basically, you know, Chad Thunder Cock who wouldn’t give a shit? He wouldn’t care.

He’d be like, well, it’s kind of like when a woman goes, “oh, I’m married.” “Well, well, how married are you?” I had a friend, one of my buddies that I went to high school with, who was also a Chad Thunder Cock, and he fucked whoever he wanted. But in his case, he didn’t really give a damn. And so one of actually one of the girls that he used to hook up with in high school, years later, he said that to her. He hit on her and she’s like, I’m married. He’s like, “well, how married are you?”

But I mean, they use Chad Thunder Cock. He fucked who he wanted in high school and he’s still like that as an adult. He’s happily married now. But I was like, damn, that’s a great comeback. “How married are you?” “Well, oh, you have a boyfriend? Well, how exclusive are you? I don’t want to encourage any bad behavior”, but those are good playful comebacks. It’s like, “well, are you guys in an open relationship?”

It’s like, “well, that’s just too bad you’re not an open relationship.” “You’re committed?” It’s like, “yep.” “Yeah, I can’t participate. You’re cute. That’s why it’s best just to end it now before we have a couple more cocktails and then get into trouble and do something that your boyfriend would not approve of.”

I told her that I’ve found it to be great and exchanged goodbyes. When the seminars began, I’ve overheard her and her girlfriends dissecting the date.

If she’s talking about you, what does that mean? I mean, she likes you. So again, this is the beauty of understanding that attraction is not a choice. You didn’t really have to do anything, dude. You just showed up. You didn’t have to be a guy with all these great stories and funny jokes.

You’re a guy that’s good at getting women to open up who already like you. And you’re just not talking her out of it. And unfortunately, she had a boyfriend. But you end the date early and you were a challenge. So it’s like show business, as the book says, always leave them wanting more. And so you left her wanting more that day.

That day some of the girls from my class group would give me a sly look.

If they’re looking at you and they’re giggling, just go and go about your business.

I even overheard a debate between them that I’m behaving as if I had a girlfriend (lol).

So now they’re like, “I can’t figure him out. I was like, why didn’t he go any further? Does he have a girlfriend?” And not only does this help you with her, potentially some of her girlfriends, hopefully they’re cute too. We’re will actually like you more. And if they find out the reason why you didn’t go any further was because she has a boyfriend, they’re like, oh. Then for them it’ll be game on. They won’t care that they’re all friends. You want to see another side of women? Yep.

After the date I never texted her and in person I treat her as i had done so before. I don’t initiate contact and so does she.

I assume that means she doesn’t either. I mean, she’s taken.

I just wave and say hi and she greets me back. Now, she seems to be kind of sad/awkward. What do you think Coach? I’d like to have a family, so this girl is off limits for me.

Yeah, but if she were single, or ever becomes single, she might reach out. And then you could hook, hang out, have fun, and hook up. But if you see it objectively, you’re like, yeah, it’s. So look what he says next.

She thinks it’s ok to go on dates other guys whilst having a boyfriend.

Yeah, that’s no bueno. That’s just like a good, loyal woman that’s family oriented, whose dad did a good job, he’d be very upset with her if he found out that his daughter went on a date when she supposedly has a boyfriend. It’s like, if you’re not happy with your boyfriend, you need to tell him the truth and break up with him. You don’t go out on dates with other men when you’re in a relationship with somebody, that’s shitty. Ratchet trailer park behavior. And I’m disappointed in you. That’s how a real father, he wouldn’t put up with that shit. He would set the standard.

I also think that she pretty much sees me in a platonic light, due to her not.

Well she was playing with her hair, so she was holding back. So you could go, well, you know, she didn’t touch me. She didn’t try to advance things physically. So you could say from that perspective she kind of was being loyal. But you know, she’s literally on the verge of that’s why she was saying, well, he still hasn’t got his car fixed.

It’s almost like, hey, I don’t really expect this to work out with the guy that she’s with anyways. That might be what she’s trying to communicate. In her mind she could be like, “hey, it was loyal. We just went out and had dinner. We had drinks.” Or whatever it was you guys did.

I also think that she pretty much sees me in a platonic light, due to her not initiating touch and perhaps the boyfriend serves other needs but is not making her felt heard and understood. She talked about him with the same enthusiasm as about her family.

One of my neighbors had his dog out in their backyard, because our townhouses and the dogs were all communicating and barking each other. So he’s out for school. So he wants my dogs to go out and play with his dog. So there’s that. Sorry for the interruption. It happens.

She talked about him with the same enthusiasm as about her family. Not to mention that she demonstrated low interest during the invitation phase. 

Well, I would say not so much low interest. I would say it’s because she had a boyfriend. So it was kind of in her mind. She was like, “should I go out with him? Should I not? Should I accept the date? It’d be kind of naughty, but it’s kind of exciting. He didn’t get pissed off. He didn’t get upset.”

Because what you revealed was that you didn’t get butthurt, you didn’t double or triple text. And she probably was deep down thinking if she hooked up with you, you would keep your mouth shut and not tell anybody. But it’s clear she can’t keep her mouth shut because we all know women can’t fucking keep secrets anyways.

P.S I’d also like to thank you for putting out your work into the world. The dating advice that others put out is terrible and always felt wrong.

Well, if you think I’m totally full of shit, you can read my book for free on my website. And you can apply it. You’ll get better results than you were getting on your own. That’s why, you know, again, I let you guys read the books for free because they sell themselves. You’ll see through your own actions and your own efforts that it works. Just like this guy pretty much saw this girl as she is, so I think he did great on the date.

But, you know, we recognized she doesn’t qualify for a relationship. But if she ever gets freed up in the future, he could definitely have some fun with her and probably get a couple of her friends as well. Because again, if they’re all talking about you, that’s good for you. Who knows, maybe a threesome with her and one of her girlfriends. So when you’re in college this is when all those kinds of things happen. Mom and dad are not around.

Unfortunately, I’ve always been a bad student and starting with this email I would like to change this.

Well, I mean, I think you did pretty good on the date overall. So I would have handled some of the comebacks a little differently. But I mean, you’re 22. It’s like, so I’ve been doing this a long time. But the idea that’s, you know, that’s what these emails do, is give me an opportunity to show what I would do or what I would say differently then not only you, but everybody watching this can get those additional lines or responses.

Because at the end of the day, you always want to have a better, more playful comeback. And you’re a challenge either way. And now you’ve got three, four girls in your class talking about you. And the one that you liked and wanted to go out with, and who clearly likes you, now she’s wondering, “does he have a girlfriend? Like, what’s going on?” So again, if one of the girls comes up and says, “hey, you know, so and so said, you guys went on a date.” He’s like, “yeah. Gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. But she’s a nice girl, but she’s got a boyfriend. So what are you doing this weekend?”

Go right in and ask her out. I was like, “well, she’s got a boyfriend. And I like girls that are loyal. And I’m not going to date somebody that’s got a boyfriend. But what’s your story? Are you single? Are you coming over here to hit on me? Are you a little sweet on me, too? Because I saw you guys all gushing about me earlier, so maybe I’ll give you a shot.” “Oh, well so and so likes you, too.”

I was like, “well, then we should all three of us go out together. I think that would be great. And we’ll see what happens and we’ll keep it just between us. We won’t tell anybody. At least I won’t. I know girls can’t keep a secret, but hopefully you girls can. But if you guys tell each other what happens when we’re together, it’s like, I’m not responsible for anything that happens. After that, it’s all on you girls and you can make a date.”

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