Surviving & Maintaining The No Contact Rule

Aug 2, 2021 by Coach Corey Wayne
Photo by iStock.com/Deepak Sethi

Surviving and maintaining the no contact rule to take your power back, so you can attract better and reach your full potential.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who went through a bad breakup about a year ago. He says that his ex broke his heart into pieces and my work helped him get through a very dark time. He says she is stalking his social media and calls from different numbers, but he has not given into weakness or the urges to let her back into his life.

It’s an interesting account of a man’s journey to self-love, self-respect, healing and overcoming a toxic relationship that no longer serves him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Surviving & Maintaining The No Contact Rule

This is something that everybody struggles with, whether it’s maybe a good friend that you grew up with and you’ve known your whole life, who just consistently screws you over and does things that aren’t kind. Kind of like what I talked about Mastering Yourself. I had an old friend of mine, and I got a brand new exotic car, something I had been dreaming about for years, and drove it to work one day. He wanted to take it and borrow it the next day, I let him do it and he wrecked the damn thing.

And that was just one of many things that this particular guy had done, which was just a dick move on his part. I kept making excuses for him. Eventually, he was working for my one of my business partners, and then he got mad because they had a falling out or a disagreement, because he felt like he should be entitled to also be a partner because he was friends of ours. And then he left and just said all kinds of nasty things, and I didn’t hear from him for years.

Every once in a while, every few years, I hear from him, but toxic people, they’re not going to change. And I’ve said this many times, people don’t change who they are. They may become a better version of themselves, but they don’t change who they are. I had another friend of mine that was over this weekend who also knows this old friend, and he was texting him. He called him and was talking to this particular guy, and then it was funny, I was just kind of listening to the conversation and I was like, “I don’t want to talk to him. Fuck that guy.”

Photo by iStock.com/wernerimages

And so, as he hung up the phone, the first thing he said was, “He’s still full of shit.” It’s like, the dude hasn’t changed in twenty years. And it’s tough. Like I said, I grew up with this guy. I went to high school with him and he was a good friend for a lot of years, but he just kept dicking me over and doing shitty things to me. And the same thing, you could date a woman that you love and she’s just toxic and she refuses to get any better. She refuses to communicate like an adult. She refuses to make things easy and effortless and refuses to reciprocate.

At some point, you’ve just got to cut people like this loose, and it’s hard when you care. Maybe you’ve got a parent that’s toxic, or you’ve got a brother or a family member that you’ve just got to cut off because they can’t get their shit together. And it’s painful because your emotions are involved, but you have to do it for your own sanity and also to enable you to reach your full potential.

Just remember, no drama allowed. It’s easier said than done. Because you want to see the best in the other person. You want to see that they’re going to come along, that you can gently lead, you can gently suggest and try to help them be a better person or improve who they are. Unfortunately, a lot of people just are not going to be up to the task. And it’s not your job to fix or save people that are just simply unwilling to help themselves.

You know, it’s interesting when you look at the homeless problem that is really rampant in certain states in the country. When you look at the people that are actually on the street, a lot of these people got drug and addiction problems. And the reason they’re out in the street, a lot of them have been in and out of jail, so they can’t get a job. But what’s interesting, you see a common thread in a lot of them is that their families have just given up and finally cut them off, because they just told one too many lies, went back on their word one too many times and were unreliable. They just didn’t make the right choices.

If you’re trying to live a healthy life, especially if you’ve got other kids or family members that you’re trying to mentor and parent properly, you just can’t allow toxic people to be around, because you are who you associate with. And it’s harsh, but sometimes you’ve got to cut people loose.

Photo by iStock.com/Vladimir Vladimirov

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

Your book and YouTube videos helped me out of a lot in darkness. About myself, I am a 30-year old Indian guy. I entered the USA in 2015 to build my career. I got a master’s degree in computer science. I am currently working in my field job located in the sunshine state, Florida.

Also known as the free state of Florida. What’s interesting and what I love about our governor DeSantis is he was keeping everything open. There were no mask mandates, no lockdowns. And there’s a woman named Nikki Fried, she’s the Agricultural Commissioner he’s running against, and you could just tell she just is chomping at the bit to get in there and start telling people what to do and ordering them around, forcing lockdowns, and closures, and mask mandates, and social distancing and all this other stuff. It’s just like, man, there’s a lot of tyrants in this world.

You’ve got two types of people in life. You’ve got half of the population who wants to be left the hell alone, and you’ve got the other half that wants to order everybody else around, and tell them what to do, and run and regulate every aspect of their lives. I mean, I see in Australia the police are going door to door to make sure people are at their homes and that there’s nobody at your home who doesn’t belong there. It’s like, that’s fascist tyranny. What it’s fascism? As Mussolini said, it’s the perfect merger of state and corporate interests.

I keep learning to get better every day. I love going to CrossFit 3 days a week and doing weightlifting 2 days a week. Plus, I play beach volleyball, cricket, and skeet shooting on weekends. This year, (after a breakup), I’ve finished the rucking marathon at “green beret fitness” with my CrossFit group with 30 lb. weight on my back and ran a half marathon a month after it. 

Photo by iStock.com/GCShutter

Well, good job dude. I know that is not easy. See, that in and of itself, doing stuff like that, doing those kind of marathons, that’s great at building your mindset. Because in order to achieve those things, and I also wrote about that in “Mastering Yourself,” which you can read for free on my website, is that it requires you to become comfortable being uncomfortable.

It’s not fun and enjoyable to be running a marathon, because your body is going, “Alright, let’s take a break. Let’s take a nap. Let’s jump in a cold pool.” And if you’ve got a commitment to complete whatever it is you’re completing, maybe it’s just a simple workout when you don’t feel like working out, that builds your mindset. It builds your mental muscle.

How I survived and maintained the no contact rule:

Today is the one year after she broke me into pieces, 100% because I let her walk into my life so quickly and my needy behavior for sure. Right now, I’m following the no contact rule because I still miss her for no reason.

Well, rejection breeds obsession. And since she dumped you, that’s understandable. But it’s important to look at needy behavior. Needy behavior comes from not feeling like you’re worthy, not feeling like you deserve to be loved. And so, when love has been withheld from you, especially in childhood, what typically happens is you start to resent it. And then you try to force things, because you’ve been conditioned to believe that you don’t deserve love and you’re not worthy of love.

Then somebody comes into your life who you feel love for and you can tell there’s interest, but because of that irrational fear, it causes you to constantly seek validation and attention from that person. And what you’re really doing is communicating that you don’t feel worthy. And when it comes to women, if you communicate that you don’t feel worthy enough, eventually, she’s going to agree with you and say, “You know what, you’re right,” and ditch you, or dick you over.

Photo by iStock.com/gawrav

I realized my ex is cowardly, stalking me for a year now. She can’t text me from her real id or phone; I think she feels shame and guilt. I received N number of IG requests from the different fake accounts every week after the breakup because my profile is private. (FYI, that’s just me; I never had my profile in public before/after the breakup.)

I have received phone calls at 3:00 a.m. from a Google number. I don’t know who the person is. Instead of wasting time to find out who the person behind the mask is, I have controlled myself by ignoring the calls, texts, IG requests, etc., like promotions and sales calls/texts.

So, it’s like, everything is his mindset. He’s making himself stronger because, again, he’s emotionally stuck on this girl. And so, you become aware of your problems or you become aware of your shortcomings. Like in his case, he became aware that he was needy. And I talk about that a lot in “How To Be A 3% Man,” how important that is as a man to make yourself attractive by not being needy.

I made myself believe she is dead, who I loved once with my whole heart, who broke my heart into pieces, disrespected me, welcomed me in the darkness, depression, anxiety. I have a lot of requests and unknown phone calls. I’m holding myself not to jump in the dirty water again and allow her to hurt me again. Well, I’m not saying I’m scared, Lol. I know I’m not going back to that darkness ever because I learned how to fight my own weaknesses; I don’t have time to waste for a low-class mindset.

You really get a sense of the battle that’s going on. It’s like, we all have to deal with it, especially when somebody is close to you. Maybe it’s a friend or a family member that you’ve got to cut out of your life and you don’t want to do it, but it’s a drama free zone, no drama allowed. It is definitely easier said than done, because when your emotions are involved, we tend to let it override. We become hijacked by them, and it overrides everything.

Photo by iStock.com/dolgachov

The person I was, who let the low-class mindset people walk in my life, I eliminated that mindset from my head because I don’t want to be in the same situation ever again, so I changed myself to get back up.

I think it was Rocky Balboa that said, “It doesn’t matter how many times you get hit or knocked down. What matters is how many times you get back up.”

I believe this is the greatest IMPROVEMENT I ever had!!! I see this improvement everywhere at my workplace, in social connections, in interviews like Google, Amazon, etc. I’m feeling confident and strong. I bought the new house, doubled my income, touching PR in the gym, (thanks to my Marine friends and CrossFit group). I feel excellent and healthy, I have put on 15 lbs. of muscle weight. I am talking to a beautiful woman who respects me, gets excited to see me, and wanted to talk to me.

That’s the important thing, you want somebody that actually reciprocates interest. When you extend an invitation, she jumps at the opportunity to spend time with you. Not people that are just like, “Ehh… yeah, I’ll think about it. Maybe.” You don’t want somebody to be sitting on the fence. You want somebody that would jump fences to be with you.

For sure, I’m not going back to her in any circumstances or let her come back to me. She doesn’t deserve my selfless love. I have a good heart, and I saved it!!! I have no hard feelings for her. I don’t want her anymore.

Things I have learned in this journey:

Never change the way you love someone; learn how not to get disrespected. Learn to reject/flush the dirty-minded people from your life. I believe a real one is searching for me and ready to give me more I have ever expected. 

Thanks for your time,

Bob

Well, in order for that to happen, you’ve got to create a space, and that’s what he’s doing. He’s maintaining his emotional self-control, keeping a space open. Obviously, he’s armed with what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man” now, so he can make a better choice the next time around.

So, if you’d like to get my help personally, maybe you’ve got a challenge in your personal or your professional life, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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“Intense human emotions cause weak minded people to make poor choices. Reaching our full potential really is about winning the mindset battle that happens between our ears. We often know what we need to do to participate in our own rescue, but we become hijacked by our irrational emotions and fears. Successful and strong-minded people simply choose to do what is right, even when it doesn’t feel good. Fear that we don’t have what it takes to succeed and fear that we won’t be loved causes us to hold back, avoid risk and cower from life’s challenges. To reach our full potential, pushing through our fears, worries and doubts and taking action in spite of them is essential, necessary and unavoidable.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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Published on August 2, 2021

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