The biggest obstacle that stands in the way of most men keeping their wives or girlfriends in love with them long-term is becoming lazy and complacent. Most men work hard to do everything right during the courtship phase to get the woman of their dreams to fall in love with them.
However, after they get married or they’ve been living together for several years, the man slowly stops doing the things that made him successful to begin with. They stopped doing all of the little things that caused their women to fall in love with them. What the woman sees is that the guy is no longer making the effort to properly date and court her. If you don’t date your wife or girlfriend, some other guy… eventually will!
Another thing that tends to trip guys up is that once you are in the relationship phase, dating and attraction skills used in pickup are not as important to the overall long-term success of the relationship as are the relationship and communication skills I talk about in my book. You have to learn how to communicate and talk with women if you are going to keep them happy and in love with you long-term. Here’s how to keep women in love with you long term and how to prevent unexpected breakups.
The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He got lazy and complacent after several years of being with his girlfriend. He did not pay attention to the fact that she was slowly falling out of love with him. Not only was he not treating her right by dating and courting her properly, he also was not taking care of himself and being a stable source of masculine energy for her. He and his ex-girlfriend have been dating other people, but have also been hooking up with each other. He wants to know what he needs to do to get her back. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Listen brother, I have this situation where I would seriously appreciate your great advice… Now I’m also coached in the matters of being a challenge, cocky and funny, and other actions that cause a girls interest level to rise, and then if u offer love, affection,and respect as your maintenance program, you’ll keep her forever (Learning how to communicate with women is essential to maintain the relationship.)… Now here’s the thing… My EX and I, broke up before about 2 and a half months ago on Nov. 09…. we had a 3 year relationship I wouldn’t trade for anything in existence. I started getting lazy, lost my job and money wasn’t flowing anymore through the house. (A man without a purpose or job that excites him is very unattractive to women. It makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe in the relationship. Women want you at your best.) I had my own business but it didn’t go well, and then all the other physical problems, emotional problems, she started talkin to another guy, right after our break up or maybe even before. I understand now I lost her interest level in me and she started seeing the bad in me. (In the beginning of a relationship, people focus on what they like about the other person. Before the breakup, they are focusing mostly on what they do not like about the other person.) All because I stopped offering the maintenance program… we saw each other on different occasions and bumped heads many times. All through me dancing with other girls, and she doing the same with another guy she just randomly grabbed with a hurt revengeful look on her face. One thing led to the other, we ended up having sex plenty of times, and man it was amazing. (Makeup sex is fun, and is most often… intense!) One of the last times she tells me she wanted to have my children and be my wife, (She meant it in the moment she said it. That was then, this is now.) and all this while she was still dating this other guy… well she was lookin for me on a Friday and I blew her off.
So she chilled the weekend with her date… on Monday the guy dies in a terrible motor accident. She is torn to pieces. I had to console her on a Thursday after the funeral. I gave her my listening ear, warmth, comfort, etc. while she grieved his death. While remaining in silence she revealed to me how much she actually felt for this guy, and that she only kissed him, but he wanted more, and she would always come back and fuck me. When he would see her the next day. He would be like “u saw ur ex last night right”…she was like “YES”…he would say “I know u did.” More he was there as an emotional pole she can lean on while trying to get over me, but when I spoke to her I tried to initiate comforting sex… she was totally against it… now the other day, I go see her and tell her I want to work things out. To give us a try… she wants God in her life. We were living in sin, and the same thing she said in the beginning of this break up situation… she said she didn’t love me anymore… that she loved me, but she’s not in love with me. (Translation: you lowered my interest level in you from the 90% it used to be.) This girl is a great catch and I really want things to work out, but as of one week to now she has changed her attitude towards me. (So if she was such a great catch, why did you stop putting your best foot forward? Once you go back, the same things that turned you off to begin with are still there.) She called me back that same day of the second break-up as soon as I left sounding like she was crying; that she didn’t like the way I upped and left after she told me what she told me. That she didn’t want to hurt me. I made her feel a little my point of view as to why we went downhill in the previous relationship when we were still together. (You should not have taken it personally, her honesty with you. It was a simple statement of fact about her true feelings for you. You should have realized you simply needed to do things right going forward to cause it to go back up so she falls in love with you again.)
Now I’ve been lookin at your videos and am subscribed to your newsletter. So I sent the second chance letter with a little apologies and recognizing and owning the problems. (Talk to her in person and say those things to her. Not in a letter.) Then speaking a little about how I enjoy the fact that shes the only person I can talk to about any subject. How we can dance to any tune, simply affirming how wonderful she is. Making sure to say that I’m ok with the break up and that how we both needed space. That something wonderful happened to me life altering, but I’ll tell her in the future… all that man. Now, we haven’t spoken in two days. No text or talking. She told me to pass by the place she works with my friends to get drinks and I blew her off. Just told her I was busy and never went. I just sent the second chance letter. What should I do to win this girl back man? (You should download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man. You definitely need to learn the knowledge you are missing that is causing you to make mistakes with your girl.) I bought Andrea Bocelli tickets cuz it’s her favorite singer, but I’m waiting for her to contact me. Giving her space. I agreed with the breakup in the second chance letter. Giving her thanks for this freedom, but I’m waiting for her to contact me and give her a chance to miss me. I swear if we get back I will marry her for sure! (Dude! Slow down! You don’t know you will feel the same way after you have had her back for several months. Breakups cause the interest level of the dumpee to double.) Help me Corey… coach!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“There is a lesson in almost everything that you do, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It is how you enrich your spirit.”-Oprah