Here’s a recent email I got from a client:
Thanks for your book, I’ve learned a lot from it and try to put it into practice every day. I also enjoy all your great emails with examples of what to do or what not to do. It’s so true what you say about confidence. On those occasions that I have been feeling really good about myself and attractive, (more deluded than confident if you ask me), it’s amazing the way women approach me or indicate, by staring and smiling, that they are interested. However, my problem is that I seldom seem to be able to capitalize on their interest. Assuming it’s true, that if you do everything right with such a woman, you will be successful, I usually seem to do something wrong, or in the case of women that stare and smile, I don’t know what to do. Also, sometimes the women are so young, (and I’m 57), that I even worry about if they’re legal, so I have a hard time believing they are really interested in me, and don’t want to get arrested for hitting on them. I might want to make use of your coaching services, especially if you could give me a “post-mortem” analysis of what I did wrong in given situations.
Here’s my response:
Thanks for your questions. You bring up some really good points. Every guy working on this area of his life goes through the same things and tries to conquer the same fears. The problem is not that you don’t know what to say or do when you see a beautiful woman smiling at you. The problem is that you are not used to interacting with and talking to strangers. We incorrectly assume that we only use these skills when we are talking to or meeting a woman we like, and who we think likes us. Think about it. If you always talked to men, women, teenagers, old people, clerks, waiters, bartenders, etc., as you go about your daily life standing in line, walking down the street, shopping at the mall, etc., talking to a beautiful woman would come totally naturally. However, since you are waiting to talk to only someone you like, it comes off as being unnatural and awkward when those situations happen. You probably walk away feeling frustrated and ticked off at yourself for not following through. The key is not to beat yourself up.
“Nothing is ever wrong. We learn from every step we take. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. Be proud of you.” ~ Unknown.
Forget about phone numbers for right now. Just focus on having interactions with people. Say hello to as many strangers you can. Start conversations with random small talk. What this does is it gets you into the flow of talking to anyone and everyone you meet. When you meet a pretty girl, it will be just like talking to anyone else. When you get good at just talking to random strangers, talking to beautiful women, you will find, is just as easy. Then, once you feel comfortable that you can easily meet the goal of just having interactions with people and women in general, you can start using the techniques to gauge interest level, found in my book. You’ve got to break things down into bite size chunks. If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will just continue to get frustrated and not progress very fast.
From my heart to yours,
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur