Talking About Your Future Together Too Soon Leads To Rejection

Why you should not talk about your future together too soon or you will turn women off.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy who got too dopey too soon after meeting a woman he really liked and started to tell her that he could see a future together. That went over like a lead balloon and she started backing away. She dumped him and tried to friend zone him which he declined. He’s surprised that being honest and talking about his feelings led to rejection. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Talking About Your Future Together Too Soon Leads To Rejection”.

Well, as I say in the book, a man’s job in the courtship really is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, that are laid out in the book, you make your move and you seduce her. The hooking up typically comes at the end of the date, and when it comes to relationships and bonding and connecting and receiving love and opening up, that’s all feminine energy. That’s the woman’s department.

And when a guy is focused on locking a girl down and getting her to commit before she’s ready, she’s going to typically bounce on you. And so this guy got too dopey too soon after meeting a woman he really liked, and started to tell her that he could see a future together. And of course, that went over like a lead balloon and she started backing away. And then she dumped him and tried to friend zone and he declined. He says he is surprised at being honest and talking about his feelings led to rejection. He’s kind of like, “why can’t I just be honest with a woman and tell her I feel? And it just works like it does in the movies?”

Well, attraction is not a choice, and you have to let a woman earn your time and your attention and most importantly, your commitment. You just create a fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen, which is what a date is in the first place. If she’s having a good time laughing her ass off feels close to you. She’ll come on to you and you can take her to the Promised Land. It’s very simple when you follow the book, obviously.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m based between Barcelona; she’s in Milan.

So I assume he’s in Barcelona, Spain. She’s in Milan, Italy. I don’t know how long that train ride happens to be. Or a plane ride. Maybe it’s an hour or two plane ride. Europe’s pretty close. It’s pretty interesting. When you really look at it, and you look at the map, it’s not that big.

We met earlier this year and the connection was instant. Great chemistry, humor, and shared ambition. In August we traveled through Italy together, and it felt effortless: strong communication, laughter, genuine partnership energy. During that trip I playfully said that I could see us building a life together one day.

It’s better if you let the woman talk about that first and bring that up first. When you just start dating and then you’re saying, “oh, I could see a future for us.” It’s too overwhelming because then the woman starts thinking, “well, I’m not really feeling that yet. Why is he there? Why does he think that way?” And then they typically start pulling back. And when the woman pulls back, it becomes a little more distant. The guy thinks “The Illusion of Action.” “I’ve gotta fix it. I’ve gotta save it. I’ve gotta do something to get her back to the way she was.”

And then usually when they go to other women and ask for advice, they go, “just talk about your feelings. Tell her how much you like her and you really want to be with her. Maybe she doesn’t know how much you care.” And then the more they vomit their feelings and talk about the future, the more woman’s like, ah. It’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

They will like you way more if they think they’re more into you than you are into them. And when you communicate the opposite, when you’re all focused on your feelings and your emotions and how much you like her. Like this guy is. And trying to win her over instead of letting her win you over, you’re going to chase her right out of your life.

It wasn’t pressure, just honesty about my intention.

Well, you just basically said, “well, I’m ready to live happily ever after with you.” Women like you more if you’re a challenge and they have to work to get you. You just said, hey, congratulations. You won the Stanley Cup on our first date.

She smiled and said it was a lot to take in.

Well, that’s a lot to take in. In other words, she’s saying, “I don’t get why you’d say that to me, or you feel that way. How could you possibly know that? We just met.” That’s what she’s thinking. In other words, “there’s no way I’m in the same place you are. We’re not on the same page.” You’re like, way out over your skis.

But nothing negative followed.

Oh, really?

Everything still felt aligned.

Well, that’s because you were focused on how much you liked her, and you didn’t realize what it meant when she said, well, that’s a lot to take in. So she says that, and afterwards her feelings start going, eehh, ooh, oh, I don’t know. I’m confused. I’m unsure.

After Italy she traveled to Greece for a week, and when she returned I came from New York to Paris. I stayed with her about ten days before heading to Marseille for a shoot, then we met again and flew to Morocco for a short trip. Around that period she began hormone treatment to collect her eggs.

Well, if she gets on hormones. Her emotions and feelings are going to be like a tennis ball. And that’s why you can’t get too caught up in that. If she needs space or she’s distant, just. “Hey, hit me up when you feel better. Hit me up when you miss me.” Just be okay either way. Be totally indifferent to it. Unbothered and unperturbed.

She admitted it made her feel “crazy,” bloated, and disconnected from her body.

Well, babe, I can help you feel reconnected to your body.

Later that month she went to Ibiza and came back sick and drained.

Because she was partying and getting her brains out in Ibiza by Chad Thunder Cock and Bob Thunder Cock and Don Thunder Cock and maybe even getting train run on her. Who fucking knows. So that’s pretty clear in her mind. She’s single and ready to mingle and she came back walking like a duck. She probably got her pelvis beat up. Girls go to Ibiza by themselves, they’re going to party and get laid.

When I returned to Paris for work at the end of September, I initially booked a hotel for a few nights to give her space, but after I mentioned it she offered for me to stay with her instead. A day later I took her up on the offer, joking that I’d rather spend the money on flowers.

Okay, well, that’s kind of funny, actually. But you only buy flowers for your girlfriend.

She’s had a hard past.

So here’s his rationalization for her behavior and low interest. Which, again, nobody wants to take any responsibility for fucking up or turning her off. It’s, “well, Corey, she’s just had a hard past. And this is you know why she’s feeling this way has nothing to do with my behavior or my neediness and neuroticism. And over pursuing and focusing on a relationship and talking about our future together.” And she goes, “well, that’s a lot to take in.” And then she goes to Ibiza and gets her brains out by Chad, Don and Tom and Bob Thunder Cock, Jesse Thunder Cock. Tyrone Thunder Cock. She had a good time. Came back worn out.

She lost her brother seven years ago, and it took her a long time, with therapy, to find her footing again. Since then, she’s kept her world very contained and hasn’t had a relationship last more than a few months.

Well, probably because most guys can’t handle it. And quite frankly, she might be the town bicycle. Might be like a, uh, a doorknob. Everybody gets their turn.

The day before I left, she brought it up calmly. She hadn’t been “feeling enough” since Italy and thought she should be feeling more by now.

In other words, she’s saying, “you’re a really great guy and I should be really into you, but I’m just not. And I don’t know why.” And the reason being is women don’t understand how attraction works. All they know is they don’t feel as into you as you’re into them. And this is part of the problem by over communicating your interests because after a while I start to feel guilty and they spend enough time with you and they’re like, well, my feelings aren’t really going anywhere. Well, it must not be the right guy.

Even though, in her words, “no one has ever treated me this well.”

In other words, you’re such a nice guy. You’re just too good for me. In other words, you dried me up. I don’t know why. All I know is you’re a good dude, but I don’t feel anything for you. And women don’t care about how well you treat them or what a good guy you are. The only thing that matters is how they feel about you. That’s the life. I didn’t make them that way. If you don’t like it, talk to the big man upstairs.

I told her I valued her honesty and said, “What we had meant a lot to me. Take care of yourself.” There was no argument, no pleading. I left with my dignity intact. She suggested staying in touch. I declined friendship.

Well, again, if a woman’s saying, “hey, let’s be friends”, it’s like, “I’m not interested in being friends. We can be friends with benefits.” And she’s like, “well, I just want platonic friends.” Like, “I’m not interested in that. But if you are feeling a little lonely one of those nights and you need somebody to beat up your pelvis, hit me up. And if I’m still single and ready to mingle, I might just take you up on your offer.”

Since then it’s been No Contact. She still watches my stories occasionally but hasn’t reached out. I’d appreciate your take on how a man should handle this kind of breakup when he’s been clear about what he wants.

Read the book, Dude. You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. You’re not going to solve this by cherry picking and watching a couple of videos here and there. You have to understand what is going on. How to show up, what your behavior should be like, and what an attractive man behaves like because you clearly don’t have a clue.

You’ve seen too many movies where you think if you just tell the girl how much you really super-duper like her and you’re really nice to her, that she’s going to think, “oh, let’s live happily ever after.” That’s not how it works. You’re acting too much like a girl. That’s the problem. You’ve ruined a sexual polarity, and you weren’t ready for the friends with benefits comeback. Because, again, you haven’t been a very good student.

There’s no drama, and yet the woman quietly detaches.

Because you chased her out of your life.

My instinct is to stay focused on my mission and let her come to me if she ever feels ready, and if she does, have her travel to me, not the other way around.

Yep, she fucked it up. Now she’s got to fix it. So she wants another chance she can come to wherever you are.

I’d love to hear your view on whether that’s the right posture, and how to maintain masculine composure when closure is polite but unfinished.

Thanks for all the guidance you share every week. Your material kept me grounded through the whole thing.

Best,

Bob

You’re not going to get closure out of her. She’s not going to tell you that you dried her up like the fucking Sahara Desert with your unattractive beta male behavior. But that’s what happened. So don’t be looking to her for closure or think you’re going to talk her into being wet for you again. You got to act like a man consistently, and you clearly don’t know what you’re doing wrong that’s turned her off. Again you’ve got to read the book. You got to take this shit seriously. Because if you stay in No Contact, there’s probably a good chance in the coming weeks that she’ll reach out to you.

And if you still don’t read the book, you’ll go right back to the same behavior that turned her off, and she’ll reject you again for the same reasons. I just did another Video Newsletter yesterday, actually. I can’t remember if it was a free one or the Members Only one, where the guy did the same thing you did. He went No Contact after the girl was like, “I can’t do this” because she was fresh out of a marriage and he pressured her to be in a relationship, and she bounced. And she’s like, “well, maybe in a few months we can reconnect.” Well, she waited a whole week and then she wanted to see him again. They went right back to hooking up.

But what did he do? He went right back to over pursuing again, and she once again dumped him. And now they’re in No Contact for the second time. And at least he realizes what he was doing wrong, that he was over pursuing and acting like a big fucking man-gina, which you just cannot do. It’s not going to work that way. You have to let women come to you at their pace. Focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up, not talking about your future and what your kids are going to look like and all that shit. Let her be the one to bring it up. Be a challenge. In other words, she’s got to be the one to earn a chance with you.

She’s got to be the one to earn you as her boyfriend. Women like you a lot more if you do that. Telling them how much you like them and how much you want a future has zero effect on their feelings and their emotions towards you. And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what a good guy you are. It only matters how a woman feels about you. Pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.