Talking & Texting Too Much After Meeting Turns Women Off

Why talking and texting too much after meeting a woman you like turns them off.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 23 year old viewer who is new to my work and just got rejected by a girl he really liked. He’s read 3% Man, twice. He made several rookie mistakes that led to her telling him there wasn’t enough chemistry and romantic interest on her part towards him. He spent way too much time on the phone talking and texting and basically talked her out of liking him. After they hooked up he started pursuing even more. It’s a good email to show how quickly things can go sideways after meeting and hooking up if a man displays too much unattractive behavior. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Talking & Texting Too Much After Meeting Turns Women Off.”

So this particular email, this guy is 23. He’s new to my work, so we can’t break his balls too bad. And he just got rejected by a girl he really liked. And so, in the past week he says he’s read 3% Man twice. He’s made too many rookie mistakes that even though they hooked up, he was thinking, “oh wow, that’s going to be my next girlfriend.” She ends up canceling the third date and basically says, there’s not enough chemistry, there’s not enough spark.

And that is typically what happens when you call too much. You pursue too much, you’re too serious too soon. I think you end up spending like four hours talking on the phone one time. And this is why in The Book, in 3% Man, the idea is the phone is for setting dates, especially in the very beginning stages when you’re trying to get to know somebody. Nine times out of ten, when a guy tries to get to know a girl through text or through the phone, instead of doing it in person because you raise her interest in person.

Anybody that’s in sales knows this instinctively that you got to get face to face. And if you’re dating, you want to be face to face because you eventually want to seduce this girl. But if you spend all your time talking and texting, what you’re going to find is she’s not going to be available to meet up with you in person when you try to get together in person. And this email is a really good email that just illustrates how that happens so you guys can avoid it.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I just recently came across your content and I’ve read your book 2 times in the last week. I’m 23 and after meeting lots of people, this was the first girl I actually really liked. We went for drinks and made out the first night.

So far so good. That’s a good first date.

The following week she went on vacation and was texting me a lot and actually bought me a shirt as a surprise.

Well, at least at this moment in time, if she’s buying you gifts, she really liked you. And you. You were mysterious at that point.

She asked when she’s gonna see me again, so I saw her a couple days after she got back. She started to open up and told me she had a boyfriend for 4 years and they broke up 6 months ago after he cheated on her multiple times. She asked me if I was talking to anyone else and I said no.

I would have just said, “well, I’m only talking to you right now, obviously, cutie. What about you?” Remember, whenever you get backed into a corner with those kinds of questions, the best thing to do is always to answer a question with another question. Because whoever is asking questions is the one running the conversations.

Two days later she drove an hour to see me where I was staying for work, I made dinner and we had sex. She left the next morning and I sent her a playful text and we talked that day. She reached out to me the next day saying she had a crazy day, asking how I was and being very invested. I gave her a call and we spoke for 4 hours that night and she was really opening up and talking about her past traumas.

Yeah, so that sounds like you became her emotional tampon and her therapist. The phone is for setting dates. So if she was willing to drive an hour to see you and stay the night. And if she reaches out, I would just say, “you should come over. Come see me again.” And have her come drive to you. But instead you spend four hours on the phone. It was a bad way to go. How bad? Well, look what he says next.

I noticed she started pulling back a couple days later. We saw each other again that weekend, 3rd time that week.

Wow, three dates in one week. That’s a lot. But if she’s the one doing the reaching out, that’s okay because it’s her idea.

And she told me she’s been trying to distance herself because things were moving too fast and she just recently became okay being by herself.

So it’s too much too soon. And what you got to understand right now, in this moment is where the cat analogy applies. We have to understand is that the vibe that you’re giving her, is now it feels like a relationship. And that you’re looking at her and talking to her as if she’s already your girlfriend or about to become your girlfriend.

And as Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, you have to understand when a woman gives you that kind of feedback, it’s not the end of the world. It just means you’re doing too much, too soon. You’re talking to the phone too much, and you need to slowly back off and become more scarce.

She said she liked me but wasn’t ready for anything at the time. I said I’m not looking to date right now and just want to see where things go. We didn’t talk much the rest of the week until she invited me out to get drinks with her sister.

I wouldn’t have gone on a group date. I would have said, “I’m sure your sister is great, but, you know, we just met and we’re still just trying to get to know each other. So I just like for you and I to, for the time being, go out and have fun together. And, you know, down the road if things develop and we end up getting serious and you fall mad head over heels in love with me, yeah. Then we can get together and introduce each other to our families and stuff. But it’s, you know, you just said last week things are moving too fast, and now you’re trying to introduce me to your sister, which I appreciate. I’m honored that you want to introduce me to your sister, but let’s just kind of keep things casual and see where it goes.” And then make the next date.

We had a good time and got back home and basically had the same conversation. I said I didn’t want to waste my time if she was still pursuing other people and she said she wasn’t.

You just basically said, I want a relationship with you. Again, he’s new to my work, so we can’t expect him to know these things.

Still beating myself up for this one. I went No Contact for 5 days and reached back out to give her a call to catch up.

Because your job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. So it was a bad move going, and agreeing to a date with the sister because it’s just too much, too soon. Those are the kinds of things you do when she’s in love with you and you’re in a committed relationship that she’s asked you for. But when you’ve only been out a handful of times, it’s just too much, too soon.

She said she was busy and wanted to be honest that “I’m a great guy, she had fun, but that she is at a weird place right now and doesn’t feel a connection with me that she would need to in order to continue something.”

There it is.

I said “I didn’t mean to get so forward, I had a couple drinks the other night and wasn’t fully there.

Oh, so he’s getting drunk and calling her and texting her. That’s a bad way to go. How many emails and video newsletters have I done over the years where guys get hammered and they say and do stupid things when they’ve gotten too drunk?

I thought we had good chemistry and if you ever come around to feel free to reach out.” I forgot something at her place and have to get it. Should I talk to her or just get it and go? I really liked this girl, do you think there would ever be a chance to get her back, and if so how?

Thank you and I appreciate your time,

Bob

You got to let her come to you at her pace. And depending on what you left there, let a couple of weeks go by. If you don’t hear from her for 30 days, I would just send her a text, say, “oh, hey, I left my sweater or my hat or whatever it was. Here’s my address. Can you mail it back to me? That’d be great.” And that’s all I would say. But she’s pushed you away. Therefore she messed it up. And she’s got to come back. And so what happened was you’re just coming on way too strong and you’re smothering her.

Plus you’re talking and texting and you know this. “Oh, I don’t want to waste my time unless you want to be serious with me. Or if you don’t want to be serious with me.” It’s just too much. You can’t be having those kinds of conversations. Even though she was the one that suggested meeting her sister, more than likely, she wanted you to meet her sister because she wanted her sister’s opinion because she wasn’t sure of you.

And that’s another reason why you don’t do group dates, because it’s too much, too soon. And plus, now she’s got a cockblocker or a clam slammer, in this case. That’s going to get in the way of a successful seduction. And that’s what it looks like when you went and you hung out with her and her sister. No seduction happened. And then when you guys got back together or you were alone later that night again, she’s feeling smothered. So keep reading The Book.

But you got to back off and you got to let women come to you at their pace. And you’re clearly not doing that. But again, we’ll cut you some slack because you’re new around here. But other than that, you were great. Those first date or two. You did great. But then once you started drooling all over her on the phone and being serious and talking about your future, women like you more if they think that they’re more into you, than you are into them.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And you just made it way too obvious, and you made a bunch of mistakes that I pointed out that go against what’s in The Book. But again, you’re brand new here, so we can’t expect you to know those things. But you’re going to need to clean that up in case she comes back, and for any other girl that you date in the future. Because if you act this way with other women, you’re going to get the same response. And again, that’s stuff that’s right out of The Book.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.