How you can avoid talking women out of liking you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who had been on four dates with a girl he really liked. They flirt, kiss and generally have a good time on their dates. However, they had planned another date, and then while they were texting, he tried being funny and cute and instead made himself look like a douche with no game.
Now, she hasn’t replied to his last message from over a day ago, and he wonders what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He’s was trying to make jokes and and be humorous through text, which, as I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, is not a good idea to do, because there’s no body language, there’s no tonality of your voice involved. If you don’t know each other well enough and you’re trying to crack a joke, she may not understand your sense of humor, and instead of something being humorous, she may get upset at something you say because it’s misinterpreted.
The phone is for setting dates, and so, you’re going to see that this guy did not follow that and he’s paying dearly. Because he had this date set up, supposedly, and now the girl just completely ignored him – stopped replying, totally ghosted his ass.
I recently met a girl through a mutual friend. We’ve been on 4 dates, meeting up and getting drinks. Each time, we kiss and flirt and have a great time. She texted me the other night saying, “thank you for a great night.” She has been texting me the past two days after the date, and we had plans for Thursday to get together and go whiskey tasting. We both decided we were too busy with school, and tomorrow would be better.
While I was at work, she texted me, asking me if I liked this bag she had sent a link to and messaged me back about the statement I had sent before, about how I needed a snow bunny to ski with this winter. I had told her she should put in an application.
Well, that’s a good response.
She responded well to that and said she hadn’t snowboarded much but loved skiing and ice skating. I thought we were going to hang out when I got off work, as she said “let’s hang out tomorrow.” I was excited and sent her this at 8 pm.
Well, you’ve got to make definite plans, because you’re only four dates in. It sounds like you just did a little kissing out on your dates. You never were alone at your place or hers. There was no sex or intimacy yet. You’ve got to nail down plans. You can’t get sloppy, because this will happen.
You can be great for four dates – definite day, definite place, definite time to get together – and then the fifth date you just kind of leave it up in the air, which shows a lack of leadership, a lack of decisiveness, a lack of masculinity, a lack of confidence. More than likely, if she’s a pretty girl, you’re not the only guy in her life, and those are the little slip ups that communicate you don’t completely have your act together.
And so, this is what he’s sent her:
“That is definitely your style. I like that it’s a fanny pack type look. Definitely a vibe. I would say, send it. Well, you teach me to ice skate, I’ll teach you to snowboard.”
Then on top of that, I sent her this: “Hey, I feel like I would like to kiss you in the next few hours, because you’re so sexy. People are probably coming over to my house and then going to bars. You trying to join and then maybe split off if we want?”
Does that sound confident? Does that sound like a man with a plan? That sounds like a guy who’s treating her like a girlfriend, even though he’s only been out on four kind-of-dates where there’s just little kissy-poo. So, now you’re trying to involve her with your friends, where potentially you could get cockblocked by your friends.
She doesn’t know you well enough, doesn’t feel close enough to you to be paraded around in front of your guy friends. It’s just a bad way to go. And then, just total lack of confidence, “You trying to join and then maybe split off if we want?” So, he’s asking her a question, basically telling her to make a choice and be the leader, and that’s not what she wants. She wants you to be the leader.
Keep in mind, she texts me big paragraphs on the usual about her life and flirting and such. Around 10 pm I tried to save it with: “If that came off douchey, I think I was just trying to say I’d be stoked to see you tonight.”
Yeah, no group dates until she’s your girlfriend, bro. Not after just four dates, where it sounds like you just kissed a little bit on your dates. Don’t treat somebody you’re just casually dating like a girlfriend, especially involving them with your friends and other people. It usually will blow up in your face. I’ve done lots of emails and videos over the years where that’s happened to guys.
I’m not sure what happened, but that was last night at 8 pm. She didn’t respond, and now it’s the next day and she still hasn’t responded.
I’m just so confused why me saying she was sexy would get this type of response.
Well, it was a combination of everything – not having a plan, not making a definite date, involving her last minute with something you’re doing with your friends. She’s not your girlfriend, she barely knows you, you barely know her, and now you want to bring her around all these other strangers.
The whole idea with seduction, especially if you meet a girl out the first night, is you want to isolate her. You want to get to a place where it’s just you and her. The purpose of seduction is to get closer and closer to her, until you end up inside of her.
And with involving her in group dates and other people, then you create the conditions where somebody might say something stupid that makes you look weak when you’re in the bathroom.
Or maybe you’ve got one of your “friends” who you think is a friend, and he starts hitting on the girl, because he’s had a little too much to drink and he doesn’t have integrity. You just never know what’s going to happen. Or she has her friends there, and her one of her girlfriends doesn’t like you or doesn’t like your friends.
If you’re trying to seduce a woman, the more people you bring into it, it’s like you’re adding a bunch of cockblockers into the seduction process. And that’s the opposite of what you’re trying to do. That’s why I say in the book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” no group dates until she’s your girlfriend and she’s in love with you, because it gets in the way of her emotionally bonding to you.
I don’t know what to do if she even does respond, because I really don’t respect when someone decides to just drop off like this when you have plans.
Hopefully you can help me out with this one.
Well, it doesn’t really sound like you had definite plans, but at this point I would wait to hear back from her. And if you don’t hear back from her, I’d plan on going to the whiskey tasting with your friends and don’t do it with her. And then, if you hear from her a few days later, then I would plan maybe like a week in advance. I wouldn’t do something so quickly, because she just ghosted you.
But, at the end of the day, you you were way more comfortable than you should have been with where you were at with this girl. And these texts did not make you look confident, didn’t make you look like you were a guy with a plan, leaving things up in the air, and then asking her to be the leader and join you and your friends. So, of course you’re going to get ghosted. I mean, it’s much more common, obviously, these days, but with texting, it’s just so easy to ghost people, and it happens a lot.
You’ve got to remember, a woman who is young, who is beautiful, has got lots of attention from dudes, maybe she’s got five different guys, and she’s trying to figure out which is the right guy for her. And when you send douchey texts like this and you act douchey, this is what’s going to happen. Because the other guys she’s talking to are probably making dates – where there’s a definite day, definite time, definite place to get together – and they’re going out, they’re hanging out, having fun and hooking up.
And you’ve just kissed her a little bit on a few dates. It doesn’t really sound like you had the logistics of sex lined up or planned anything out. And then on top of that, trying to involve her with your guy friends and leaving things up in the air. So, it doesn’t take much. Like I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” the higher her interest in you is, the more you can screw up and get away with doing things like this. The lower the interest is… that’s why it’s better to underrate her interest in you.
It looks like he overrated her interest in him, and he just said a few stupid things in text, and he gets ghosted because of it. You can say, well, that’s harsh on the woman’s part. Yeah, but if she’s got several other dudes she’s talking to and you act like a douche, well, she’s going to treat you like a douche, and she’s going to blow you off and spend time with Chad Thundercock who knows what he’s doing and doesn’t send stupid texts like this.
So, these are the kinds of things that hurt, they’re painful, but it’s how you learn. You recognize, “Well, that went over like a lead balloon. Probably not going to do that or say that again.” You’ve got to follow what’s in the book, man. These things are there for a reason. If you violate the principles, don’t be surprised when you get rejected.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The phone is for setting dates, not getting to know someone. Way too many guys start treating women they just started casually dating like girlfriends. They also try making jokes and being funny through text, which often gets misinterpreted and taken the wrong way. Then they get radio silence in return. When it comes to dating and creating mystery and sexual anticipation, less really is more.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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