Texting, Facebook & The Finer Details

Jun 4, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

The proper way to handle texting, facebook & getting numbers to appear confident to attract & re-attract women. It’s interesting to read about how other guys are struggling when trying to handle the phone/texting/etc. when they are trying to re-attract a woman they were previously rejected by. You can learn from them so you can avoid their mistakes, but gain the knowledge their mistakes teach without experiencing the pain of rejection. The more you screwed up in the past and the lower her level of interest is, the longer it’s going to take for you to hear from her when you’ve walked away completely. Usually if you have not heard from her in 2 to 3 weeks, you probably will not hear from her again. A lot of guys get scared and start pursuing thinking they can force things instead of starting fresh with some new women. The following is an e-mail from a reader who was banished to friends zone by a woman he was dating. He’s told her on several occasions for her to call him if she changes her mind and is interested in more than just friendship. However, after not hearing from her for a week or two he gets weak and then starts calling her again. He’s done some things right, but he has yet to display that he has the balls to actually stick to what he tells her he’s going to do. He’s getting mixed results and flaky behavior because of his impatience. He also wants to know how to handle texting and contacting new women he meets through friends or Facebook, instead of being direct and asking for numbers in person. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Corey,

I wrote you a few weeks back about a girl who I had blown it with. I got stuck in the friends zone and I decided to cut her right out. I appreciate your response. Especially the parts where you called me a pussy. Cause I was being one, I agreed 100%. Tough talk is good and rare. (I never bullshit anyone. You won’t get any better with women if people blow sunshine up your ass.) Like you’ve said before, when you ask your girl friends for advice you get a lot of “oh maybe shes just scared” shit… I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to respond. To make a long story short, the timeline afterwards went like this. I stopped contacting her. I met a few new chicks and started having fun and was practicing your principles. I felt more confident, but instead of just leaving it alone after two weeks, I texted her about something and we ended up hanging out. (How is that being congruent with saying you’re going to walk and never look back because she only wants friendship? That’s totally weak dude. It makes her think you are full of shit and don’t mean anything you say. It’s a major turnoff. She still knows you will go back on your word when you say you’re walking. She simply does not believe you nor will she respect you as a man. If women don’t respect you they will never love you!) I noticed that my new found nonchalance had an effect on her. (I think you are deluding yourself. You told her you weren’t interested in friendship only, but to call you if she changed her mind… and then… you called her. WEAK!!! You are over rating her interest.) She asked me if I wanted to go for dinner that night. We went out for drinks with her and her best friend and I all but ignored her. (Under the circumstances that’s all you really could have done while with them. You agreed to meet her and her friend out. That was a friendship date only and why she had her friend there; so you would not think it was a date.) Instead I flirted with her best friend. We switched venues. Her friend went to the washroom and we kissed. Then a little later she went to the washroom and her friend told me that she had gotten angry with her for flirting with me. (Women are competitive and possessive over men.) So, naturally I forgot everything I had practiced. I went for a 2nd kiss. Then a 3rd and on the 3rd I got the cheek. (Nice job, she gave you an inch and you tried to take a mile thinking you could force things.) Then about twenty minutes later she said, “my friend and I are going to go.” I was a bit shocked. (I’m not. Predictable.) She said something about being “done with this” and left. (Translation: “You haven’t changed at all. We’re out of here.”) Anyways, the next day we talked shortly (Translation: “I got needy and had to call her seeking her approval again.”) and I just told her I didn’t think it was good to hang out as friends anymore and if she changed her mind about things to call me. (She’s thinking, “Oh really? You mean it this time? We’ll see about that.”) I have not contacted her since. I ran into her a week later at the mall. I smiled and said “hi” and I turned back to my friend. She came over, grabbed my arm and asked how I was. I just gave a quick “good” and returned to my conversation and she went on her way. (I would have said, “Awesome, but I’d be even better if you kissed me passionately right now!”) I don’t know if that was the right move. What do you think? Should I have talked more? (I would not have been a cold dick to her like that. That is not what I teach. You should be a charming James Bond 90% of the time and 10% of the time you’re the kid who flushed the M-80 down the toilet at school. What’s done is done.)

The line between being nonchalant and rude is a bit confusing for me still. I was doing everything right and it’s more then likely that I even deluded myself into thinking that it was having more of an effect then it was, (See, you know when you’re bullshitting yourself.) but I slipped before the night was through. Something I would suggest to your readers is that when testing these new principles out, because just like me they sought you out because they weren’t getting somewhere with a girl they were into, is that it is too late to try them on that particular girl. (That’s bullshit. It’s definitely harder because you are emotionally invested in her already. You knowingly know you’re fucking up, but you do it anyways. Every guy is different. It all depends upon your limiting beliefs and irrational fears and how much they influence your behavior, knowingly and unknowingly.) Until they become engrained in you, it’s too easy to slip back into your old pattern with people. (You don’t know the book well enough, and you are still cherry picking my advice and ignoring the stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable.) I have some questions that have to do with texting, facebook and asking girls out whom you know through friends. Question 1). I’m in my 20s and literally all anyone does is text. If a girl is texting you before the next date is even scheduled, or even if it’s inbetween two dates, what is the best response? Is it stuff like “oh well you’ll just have to wait til tuesday/wednesday/whatever to find out, etc.” (Yep.) or is it ok to engage in light flirty joke texts as long as they don’t go on for too long? (Read my book again. It’s very clear. The phone is a communication device to only be used to set dates.) Question 2). If a girl adds you to facebook that you met once or know through friends, but don’t have her number, is it ok to ask her out through facebook? (Send this type of message when you accept her friend request: “Hey you! If you get into anything fun you think I need to know about, shoot me a text and maybe I’ll meet up with you :)” This makes it easy for her to text you and invite you to do something. If after 3 or 4 texts she has not brought up getting together say: “So I suppose you want to get together?” Then be direct and set a definite date.) Question 3). If you met a girl but didn’t get a chance to get her number for whatever reason, you just didn’t think about it or you got pulled away from the conversation before you had the chance, but you have a mutual friend, is it ok to get the number from a mutual friend and call to ask her out? (That is weak stalker-like behavior. Men are direct and get to the point. If you did not ask in person when you had the chance, you blew it. Move on. If you see her again, then ask for her number in person. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)

Thanks,
D

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“The real battle is won in the mind. Its won by guys who understand their area of weakness. Who sit and think about it. Plotting and planning to improve. Attending to the detail, they work on their weaknesses and overcome them. Because they can.” ~ Marcus Luttrell “Lone Survivor”

Published on June 4, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hello Corey, I’ll shortcut to my question and I give you an example so you can tell me please were I am going wrong to fix and change it and in what do I need to focus next time regarding texting interactions (and the details: time between textes, qualities to transmit etc.).

    ¿What is the proper way to handle texting with an ex, if at the moment I don’t want to “walk away and don’t lookf bac”, also because it is LDR (Spain-States)?

    Example: This weekend she posted on my wall a drawing I did to her 1.5 year ago saying: “Thank you for this drawing that I’ll have all my life.” In prior occasions, she told me “Can I come visit? I for sure miss spain. I want to come!!!!!.”

    With this precedent and trying to be the man, the one who leads and decides, I texted her this in response:
    I think, or it seems, that you are missing me. Come here in August. Get a flight and meet me here. It is nice to see you appreaciate things from me still. Now I am into my exams week. I hope you are well and enjoying your weekend. Talk to you.

    Everybody has told me I am doing it wrong because I am jumping on every bite she gives me and I appear eager, needy, insecure, when I wanted to transmit right the oppossite. What is your view and how can I make sure I use texting as a positive tool for myself next time? Big Thanks !!!

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