In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is twenty-four and majoring in psychology. He is athletic and has an active social life. He mostly meets women through social media and when he is with his friends, having a good time. He says he generally dates women that are a six to an eight on a scale of one to ten. He says his game is tight in his opinion, but he knows it has room for improvement.
He says women seem to always treat him like an option instead of a priority, and even though they start out with high interest, they generally become flakey, disinterested and unavailable. He asks my opinion on what he is doing wrong in his texting and sexting game, so he can get out of his scarcity mindset and start having an abundant, romantic life. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Hi Coach Corey,
I’m 24 and deep into my studies now. I’m a third-year psychology student, I play social and indoor soccer about once a week, and I’m really into going to the gym 4-5 days/week. In short, I’m a passionate athlete. I generally meet women via social media and going out with friends when the school semester is complete. I generally date women ranging between 6-8 looks wise, so my game is somewhat tight but still has room for improvement. I’m athletic, good-looking, and intelligent, but I’m introverted, which might be to my detriment, (I would say absolutely not. If you are introverted, you tend to be a listener. If you’re good at asking questions and being a great listener, women will like that), because I’m generally a homebody who enjoys the occasional party/club vibe. My problem is that when I meet women and start talking over the phone and texting, women show high interest with flirting/sexting, but have different reasons for not meeting up, because they know I’m most likely to be home studying or something, so it’s like they can afford to wait on me while exploring other options. (One of the cardinal rules in my book is, the phone is used for setting dates only. You’re talking on the phone too much, instead of making dates.) This really bugs me, because I want to eventually end up with someone who genuinely wants to be with me, (You’ve got to be a person of value, and if you’re busy, you’re not going to have time to be talking on the phone for more than 2-3 minutes or sending more than 2 or 3 text messages), instead of having her make the logical conclusion to just settle with me, (Attraction is not a choice. The problem is you’re talking these women out of liking you by texting all of the time. They already like you, and women will help you when they like you. You should read my book 10-15 times), the only available guy around after they’ve done all their messing around. (This is your model of the world and how you perceive yourself. People will act consistently with how they view themselves to be. You don’t have a high opinion of yourself and think you have to talk women into liking you, but there’s nothing wrong with you. You are just employing an unsuccessful strategy to date and seduce women.) I would like some guidance on where things might be going wrong and what I should look out for.
Currently, this girl and I talk frequently via texting. (The phone is for setting dates, and you’re not doing that.) She’s 21 and highly interested, she initiates conversation a lot of the times and we flirt a lot. However, whenever it comes to phoning her or contacting her to hook up, she always has something going on that particular day, but never suggests an alternative day to meet when she is free. (Like I talk about in my book, countless videos and my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you’re only going to ask to get together on two separate, consecutive occasions when a woman reaches out to you first. You should have cut this girl off a long time ago.) She posts on social media what she’s up to, etc., and isn’t as busy as she claims to be, (She has more interesting things to do, because she already knows what’s going on in your life from talking to you on the phone), so I’m guessing she’s either playing hard to get, is seeing someone else or maybe is just interested in sexting, but not really looking to take things anywhere. (You should be focused on creating an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. If a woman reaches out to you, you should assume she wants to see you and make a date. You’ve talked this girl out of liking you, and now you’re in friends zone.) I know the obvious thing to do is ditch this one girl, but I want to know where I could be going wrong, because it’s happened a few times before. (You’re continually doing the same things wrong.)
I really appreciate your work by the way. I’m a big fan hoping to hear from you. (You need to be reading the book 10-15 times. From now on, this girl needs to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. If a woman is chasing you, she’s never going to be dumping you.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Too many men have been brainwashed by society and media into thinking they must talk women into liking them and prove themselves to women to win them over romantically. The reality is attraction is not a choice. A woman knows within three seconds of meeting you if she is attracted enough to date and possibly sleep with you. Guys who have lots of choices with women have no time to waste or to try and talk anyone into anything because, they have an abundant personal life with people who really want to be around them and who make the effort. Guys who are in a scarcity mindset tend to be too nice, try too hard and focus on doing and saying things to talk people into spending time with them. If you focus on being a person of value who only spends time around other people of value who value what you have to offer, you’ll never again chase people, because you’ll be so busy being awesome you will have plenty of people who would love to spend time with you. If you act like you are unworthy, people will treat you like you are unworthy.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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