In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who says, only using the phone to text and set dates worked great in the beginning. However, now that they are “official,” as he puts it, she is starting to complain that he does not text her to tell her about his whole day at length. He wants to know what he should do to keep her occupied until the day of their date. The second email is from a 24 year old viewer who found my work after he badgered his ex-girlfriend so much, she told him it was over for good. Eight months later he has convinced himself his experience with two new women, since he got dumped, makes him such a superior expert on texting, he thinks I need to embrace incessant, unnecessary texting when dating women, so they don’t get pissed off and feel like the man does not care. I discuss the art of texting, how to master it and what the real reason is why women reach out in the first place. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails:
First Viewer’s Email:
Hi Coach,What are the rules on texting your girlfriend? (That statement tells me you haven’t read my book yet. It tells me you’re watching videos and cherry picking advice. If you don’t understand the principles in my book, eventually you will fail.) The keep it minimum approach and using it to mostly set dates approach had worked wonders at the beginning, but now that she’s official, she’s starting to really complain about me not texting her often and not telling her about my whole day in length. (You shouldn’t be texting a girl and telling her every single thing that went on in your day, because if you get together for a date, you’ll have nothing to talk about.) So what I’m asking is, can you provide us with typical text templates or general ideas on rules for texting your girlfriend and keeping her occupied until the day of the date? (You don’t know the principles in my book. You are looking for a quick fix, but you need to read the book 10-15 times, because you’re sticking to one principle without understanding the rest of the stuff in my book. The idea is to have plenty of time and space between your dates, so she can wonder what you’re up to. Most guys will pursue a woman, but if she hasn’t heard from you, she will be thinking about you and wondering when you will call again. This makes her attraction level go up. The idea is to facilitate her pursuing you. At the end of the day, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I started following you after my girlfriend and I split after 3 years. I pushed it to that point, then after, she said okay, we’re done, and she said she had to move on. The rejection made me want her back immensely, as you say. (Rejection breeds obsession.) It was tough, but that’s how I found your and others work. That was about 8 months ago, and in that time, I’ve been very successful with women. While I still miss her, (That tells me you still haven’t gotten over her or met anybody who knocks your socks off), I’ve never been one to let a girl get me off my path. I am in my mid-twenties, living in NYC with a good career, where the opportunities are endless. A lot of what you write and talk about has been instrumental to my understanding women.
I have been an athlete my whole life and played multiple college sports. The athlete’s mentality is ideal for picking up new content and implementing new practices. With that said, the reason I’m writing you is to challenge you, because that is how we get better. Also, you haven’t posted as much content for women in a while, so I figured I’d spawn some new thoughts for you. (I can tell you think pretty highly of yourself.)
I have had a couple girls that I was dating casually, and I used your method of not texting more than 2 or 3 messages and focusing on setting dates. It made sense to me and works really well with some women. (It works with women with a healthy self-esteem who are busy professionals, comfortable in their own skin, have a good attitude and are flexible. It doesn’t work with women who are insecure, controlling and structured.) However, in some cases I truly believe, and they told me explicitly, my lack of communication made them think I don’t care. (That tells me you were either being a cold fish and weren’t implementing the texting protocol properly, or you were dating an incredibly insecure woman.) To this you may say, that isn’t the type of girl you want. I do feel that, is a cop out though. (If a woman asks for it, then surprise her with it once a week. She misses you and wants to see you more. You want to make her feel special, wanted and desired.) We can also say that she just wasn’t that into me to deviate from the “should be’s” within a relationship. There may be 100 reasons why we didn’t work out, and I recognize that, but I do want you to revisit your take on texting and how maintaining contact can be a good thing. (There’s nothing wrong with what I teach. It’s simply your understanding of it that is the problem. You either don’t know it well enough, or these two particular women were insecure. If a woman is reaching out and pursuing you, you’re not going to get dumped.)
I think it is a generational thing, and while that may seem a cop out to you, my empirical experiences prove it to be so. I know you’ve gotten emails like this before, but I think being dogmatic in your ways is detrimental to your overall success. (I’m not here teaching theory. I’m teaching things I know work.) Also, New York City may pose a challenge in and of itself, given the absolute grind everyone here is in. Mysteriousness is a good thing, but I think you can build attraction by maintaining a texting relationship while not overdoing it. (It’s completely unnecessary. You’re a young man, and you’ve become emotionally addicted to your device, like a monkey. You should be having experiences.) I’m in a prime position in New York, and I’m happy to send you anecdotes about my trials and growing experiences if it helps you continue to hone your understanding and craft in the ever-changing world, especially given our different contextual settings. (Since you think you’re such an expert, perhaps you should write a book and start your own YouTube channel.)
I appreciate what you write, have read your book over 10 times and think it can be an asset for men everywhere. I’m hoping to help you continually refine your expertise and help more people. (Two interactions with two different women is not enough experience. You need to take what’s in the book and move it from pickup and dating into a relationship.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Human beings tend to move towards what will potentially make them feel good, and away from what will potentially make them feel bad. Because of this, you should take everything you hear in the media, entertainment, TV, movies and advertisements with a grain of salt. Why? They all have an agenda to either get you to think and feel a certain way, or to get you to take some kind of action, such as buying a product or service. People buy based upon emotion, and they use logic and reason to justify their purchase. Before you blindly follow the herd and do what everyone else is supposedly doing, ask yourself if you really need do what you feel like doing, or if you have simply become emotionally anchored to a certain behavior by those who are purposefully trying to manipulate you for their own selfish reasons or financial gain.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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