The Attraction Cure For Men Who Have Been Told By Women They’re “Too Nice” Their Whole Lives

Apr 12, 2024 by Coach Corey Wayne
Photo by iStock.com/RyanJLane

The cure for being friend zoned and told you’re too nice to date by women you want romantically.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 50 year old viewer who recently started turning things around in his dating life after being told by women he’s “too nice” his whole life. He shares a recent success story of how he messed things up with two women he met and really liked. After reading my book, 3% Man, he took corrective action. He shares his progress and how things turned around and are now getting better after he thought she was done with him.My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

The Attraction Cure For Men Who Have Been Told By Women They’re “Too Nice” Their Whole Lives

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “The Attraction Cure For Men Who Have Been Told By Women They’re “Too Nice” Their Whole Lives.

Well, I’ve got an email. It’s kind of like a little success story. So this particular guy, he’s 50 years old. And his whole life he’s like, women have been going, you’re just “Too nice. You’re such a great guy. But I just I only think of you as a friend.” So this guy went his whole life till he’s 50 years old.

And he started dating two women that he met, and it went sideways with both of them, he’s like, “What the hell, I’m tired of this.” In other words, he got to a point in his life where he was like, “This, this does not make sense. I don’t understand why these girls lost interest in me.” And so, he started googling and searching, and then he comes across yours truly. Read 3% Man.

And then he was like, “Aha!” Then he knew he needed change his approach. And so, with one of these particular women, he was able to start kind of turning things around from where she wanted nothing to do with him. To now she’s feeling attracted and starting to pursue him.

Viewer’s Email:

Coach,

I’ve only been aware of your teaching for a couple of weeks. I just turned 50, am a nuclear engineer with a six-figure salary. I’m in the final stages of a divorce, and only recently back into the dating world.

I recently had two beautiful women respond to my profile on a Dating App called Stir. 

I have not heard of Stir before. That must be a new one.

The first woman and I went on a first date, and I thought everything had gone well. Then she told me she really didn’t have time in her life to date.

Photo by iStock.com/RyanJLane

Well, she just didn’t have the time in her life to date you. That’s what she really meant. Because women don’t want to hurt your feelings. I did a video with Caroline recently where we were talking about this, and she openly admitted she’d had guys that when she was younger, when she would reject them in person, and they’d be dicks. “What? You think you’re better than me?” And they get pissed off, and they cause a scene, or they’re nasty.

And this is the experience that all women have had. And so, they learn, and they realize, and they have to adapt that most guys can’t handle the truth. If you ever saw the Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise movie, from the 90’s. “You can’t handle the truth.” Most men cannot handle the truth of rejection in person. And so, women have to come up with a logical excuse that sounds reasonable, but it’s not really the truth. It’s just meant to hurt the guy’s feelings. Because, again, most men can’t handle the truth.

The second woman and I went out. Up to this point she and I had been texting constantly all day long.

Ooof. The phone is for setting dates, Padawan.

I even made the mistake of telling her about tickets I had purchased for a Broadway show and a dinner cruise a couple of months out. I realize now that everything I had done with both women had been ultra-needy.

It’s like, “Oh, I’m going to spend a lot of money on you. I got this cruise coming up. I got Broadway tickets, I got everything going on. I got basketball tickets. I got court side seats. I got it all. Please go out on a date with me.” That’s what you’re communicating. Which obviously he’s come to recognize. It’s sub-optimal and it doesn’t work. You’re basically using stuff and expensive events as a bribe for sex in a relationship. Doesn’t go over well.

And the only guys that talk that way are guys that don’t think they’re interesting enough to a woman for her to want to spend time with them. So they try to make up for it with stuff, or talking about their accomplishments, or what kind of car they drive, or how much money they’re going to spend on them. In this case, he’s talking about a cruise. It’s like when you lead with that stuff. It’s like, what happens when you dump a bunch of garbage in the street. You get rats and cats and everything else. Bugs, flies. So, you want to have a nice, clean environment. You want to attract good quality people.

Photo by iStock.com/stuartwainstock

The second woman concealed our second date at the last minute. I continued to text her, even though her responses got fewer and further apart. Then she told me she had been talking to someone else and that she didn’t want to go out again. 

In other words, she did want to go out with him again. Because he had turned her off. In other words, he chased and talked both of these women out of liking him. And as he recognizes, this was/ has been his pattern in life.

Due to this failure, I started looking around the internet for dating advice. Then I found some of your videos. I watched several of them and I was amazed! I immediately went on Audible and purchased your book 3% Man book and started listening. Again, I was shocked. I had done every single thing you say not to do when dating a woman. It was incredibly obvious that I had chased the girls away, and talked both of them out of dating me.

It’s like just knowing that and understanding that and being able to connect those dots. It took me a lot of years. It took me decades to put those things together, that you can read a 250 page book, and boom, get it. Without all the grief, and all the decades of missed opportunities and blue balls.

In the space of 3 days, I listened to your book 3 times and watched tons of videos.

Your book gave me the confidence to reach back out to girl #1 and ask for a second date. I was dubious that she would go, since I had done such a terrible job with her. 

Well, roll the dice. What’s the worst she can say? No. She can ghost you or whatever.

To my surprise, she agreed. Both of us have small kids, so we decided to go to a museum and let the kids play.

We met for the date, and I started practicing some of the skills you talk about. In short, they worked immediately. We extended our daytime date into dinner and had a great time.

Photo by iStock.com/Nastco

After she and I parted ways, she texted to say she had a good time.  I replied briefly letting her know I also had fun. The old me would have kept pursuing and immediately asked for another date. I did not give into this temptation.

The next day she contacted me to ask a silly question about some flooring I had recently installed. 

“I’m calling about some tile tips, Bob.”

I provided her with some pictures, but her reply told me this was just a pretext for contact. 

She’s not going to come right out and go, “Bob, I’d really like to see you again. And I’m definitely down for the hot beef injection, if that’s on the menu for the evening.”

I went for it. I invited her over for a nice dinner at my place. She had previously (before I read your book) turned me down for this exact thing. She immediately accepted.

Aha! Look at that. What a difference a few weeks makes.

She and her daughter came over for dinner. The kids played in another room while she and I hung out and talked. She fascinated me. She is also an engineer and highly intelligent. I kept watching her body language, but she wasn’t putting out signals for physical contact, so I didn’t try anything. However, it was obvious that she had found a new level of attraction for me. I am working to repair the damage I had done.

Well, I would have still gone for the kiss at some point. The other thing is, I would not have been mingling my child with this total stranger. Because you shouldn’t be bringing new women in and out of your kids’ lives like that. And plus, the kids become cock blockers. They get in the way of any sex and intimacy.

I mean, her daughter is in the next room with your child, and you’re not noticing any signs of attraction. The dinner date in the evening at your house should just be the two of you. So romance can happen. And so, even though you’re a new student, you’re still doing things that are really kind of contrary to what The Book teaches.

Photo by iStock.com/filistimlyanin

That was last night. She texted today and I responded briefly, but didn’t ask her out again yet. I plan on waiting until next week to ask her for another date. I’m still learning.

Yeah. The other thing is, you’ve got to look at the fact that she wasn’t all over you. There was no kissy poo. She wasn’t showing any obvious signs of attraction. So what you’re doing is you’re realizing, “Yeah, she’s contacting me and I could set another date, but I’d rather just back off and let the cake bake for a week. Let’s see if waiting a few days and then I contact her next week does anything.”

Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so, if she doesn’t hear from you for several days and you haven’t asked her out, she might think, “Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore. Maybe he met somebody else. Maybe he’s getting back together with his ex-wife. Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore. What am I gonna do? Heyyy!”

And then she sends you a text that says, “Heyyy!” And so, in this case, based upon the fact she wasn’t super touchy feely, a romantic. Again, you want to kind of match and mirror the actions. So you don’t really want to reward her lukewarm behavior by a date in a day or two. You want to make her wait. Because the reason why you want to make her wait is. So when he calls her next week to ask her out on a date.

If it’s going in the right direction, and if she is into him, she’ll be more excited to hear from him. She’ll be more enthusiastic. And then when he proposes a date, and they both get babysitters for their children so they can spend time together getting to know one another, then she should be excited and submissive and go along with that. You notice that she didn’t want to come over for dinner in the past, but did when he asked this time around.

But again, she brought a cock blocker with her, which was her child. And you had your cock blocker. I’m just saying, for the logistics of things involving your kids with a first or couple, you know, third date, it’s just too soon in the process. That’s something I would only introduce a child to somebody new you’re dating once you’re kind of serious, and things are moving in that direction. It’s just too much too soon. Plus again, you get in the way of any kind of seduction.

Photo by iStock.com/Denis_Vermenko

And the reality is you still don’t really know if she has romantic interest or she’s just hanging out because you kept her kid busy, and entertained her kid, and she got a free meal out of it, and some companionship. Because again, there wasn’t any signs of interest in romance. So it is the right thing to do to wait till next week to try to set another date. Even if she continues calling and texting you throughout the rest of the week. Now, the only way you’ll make another date before next week is if she brings up getting together first. Other than that, make her wait and then see how she behaves next week.

And am currently on my 3rd read through of your book. I’ve already watched dozens of your videos and am continuing to learn. I also purchased a paperback version of your book so I can read the printed words in addition to just listening. 

I have to say that your techniques work. This is coming from a man who has been told I am too nice by women my whole life. I gave gotten several other responses to my dating profile and am looking forward to more practice!

Thank you very much for everything!

Bob

Well, Bob, thanks for sending that in. Congratulations on your incremental. It’s a little bit of progress, and we don’t know whether or not this woman is really interested in romance at this point, but it’s possible. Like I said, the next date needs to be with just you and her and not involving your children so you guys can get to know each other.

But if she insists on bringing her kid, you just say, “Oh, I don’t have my, I don’t have my son or my daughter this week so, why don’t we just. Why don’t we just do it another time when your schedule is more free and, you know you can get a babysitter?” Cause you might have to use a takeaway on her. Because again, you’ve been “too nice.”

Photo by iStock.com/RyanJLane

And when a guy is “too nice” he’s too soft, he’s too compliant. He always goes along with what the woman wants. And oftentimes women will bring their kids along to prevent any kind of hanky panky, any kind of sex or romance from happening. So you got to keep that in mind. If a woman is always insisting to bring her child, number one, that’s not good.

Because a woman should not be constantly introducing her child to brand new people she’s dating. That would be a red flag to say, “She might not even be a great parent.” You might not have the same parenting styles, and you might not have the same values as a parent as she does. You might not agree on how to parent. So those are all things you have to consider, my man.

But either way you saw better results. So you keep learning, you keep applying what’s in The Book, and ideally you meet somebody who’s super excited to see you and you do everything right from the beginning. So it’s easy and effortless.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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Published on April 12, 2024

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