The Cure For Rude, Condescending & Abusive Women

The best way to handle women who are rude, condescending & abusive to set healthy boundaries.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He’s been following me for several months and has read 3% Man, 3 times so far. His wife has really become abusive, snippy, condescending, sarcastic and loses her temper at the drop of a dime. It’s clear she has totally lost respect for him. He’s struggling to set and enforce healthy boundaries. She seems to avoid him most of the time and she is just simply unpleasant to be around. She has totally lost respect for him, and they only have physical intimacy every few months. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, The Cure For Rude, Condescending And Abusive Women.

Well, this particular email is from a guy who’s been following me for several months, and he says so far he’s read 3% Man, three times. So, he’s been he’s a very successful guy. He’s been with his wife for about nine years. I guess. I’ve been married for about two of them. And he says things have really been going downhill the last year or so. He didn’t elaborate, but some things happened in her family that were kind of shocking.

And then he says his in-laws like, move next door. And so, now he’s basically constantly getting treated like a second-class citizen. She’s bitchy, she’s grumpy, she’s cranky, constantly picking at him. Typically, when women are bitchy and rude like that, it’s because the man has been acting weak and has not been being the leader and the household. And so, it’s obvious she’s lost a lot of respect.

Plus, they’re only having sex every few months. And statistically, numerically, long term relationships that stand the test of time, they’re typically always having sex at least 2 to 3 times a week. Something to remember, especially for you guys in the long-term relationships, because it’s easy to get lazy, you get complacent, you’re busy during the week and you’re like, “Yeah, I need just need a release. Need to bust a nut in the weekend. It’s all good.”

But even when you don’t feel like it, you should be given your girl the meat missile at least 2 to 3 times a week, even when you don’t feel like it, just to give her a bunch of orgasms. Because intimacy is important. Keeps the two of you close and it keeps her happy. Orgasms are really great to make sure your girl has a good attitude. When she’s not getting enough of them, especially when you’re going every few months and you’re not being the leader. That’s not good.

And also, she’s constantly, I need space. It’s like she just acts like she doesn’t want to be around him. And so, what this guy has failed to do, obviously he hasn’t been a leader consistently, and I believe he’s addressing that. But the other thing is, is that he’s not setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. And so, this is super, super important for all relationships, because when women think you’re soft, they become a little bitchy, they test you a little bit more.

They can’t help it because when you act soft or you act weak, it makes them feel scared and afraid, like they can’t trust your masculine core. And so, they act up, they misbehave, if you will. They bring some chaos into your life to see how you handle it. Because they’re hoping that you stay calm, and you put them in their place respectfully and lovingly.

But if their abuse continues, you’re just going to go do other things without them. Because you’ve decided ahead of time that you’re going to be happy. And if she wants to be a cranky bitch, well, that’s great. She can go be a cranky bitch. But you know, what I would do in these cases and have done is like, “Hey, if you’re going to be in a shitty mood, go hang out with your mom and then you guys can go yell at each other.”

It’s like, “I don’t want to deal with this shit. Be nice to me, be sweet, be kind because I don’t want to deal with a cranky bitch.” Sometimes you might have to say it just like that. Just like, “You’re unpleasant to be around. I don’t like this. I’m always nice to you and calm and you’re just bringing an attitude all the time just because you’re in a bad mood. If you got something you want to talk about, I’m happy to listen. But I’m not going to be your punching bag because you’re in a shit mood today. So, you change the attitude or change your location. I’ll help you pack.”

So, with that in mind, let’s go through his email because this is a pretty common thing. But if it’s not corrected, it will lead to the end of this marriage. It will not last.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey coach, thanks for all the free videos. I’ve watched your channel for the last several months and read 3% Man 3 times so far. I’m a successful architect.

So you are definitely the prize dude.

And have never had an issue getting good looking girls and have always had confidence. I’ve been with my wife 9 years and married for two. Things went downhill after some really unfortunate events for my wife’s family and when we moved into our new home, to make matters worse, my family moved in next to us.

So, they’re neighbors. So, you can’t help but feel like you’re under a microscope. It’s nice that you’re close to where your parents want to live next door to you. But if things aren’t going well with the wifey and she’s already mad at you, it’s just she’ll use that as a reason to complain because everything is a complaint.

My wife has gradually gotten an attitude with me over time, very snippy, condescending, sarcastic, and flips at the drop of a dime.

No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. And the reason she’s gotten this way, is because you’re not standing up for yourself. You’re letting her treat you this way. You’re letting her get away with being sarcastic and condescending and snippy, and you just take it.

And when you just sit there and take it, and you don’t stand up to her, that’s displaying weakness. And that’s why she misbehaves even more, because deep down it scares her, because she knows she’s out of line and she’s hoping you’ll stand up to her and put her in her place and set and enforce healthy boundaries.

To the point it is embarrassing when in public.

You just say, “Hey, you’re drinking too much, you got to knock it off. You’re saying things that are out of line and you’re embarrassing me in public.” It’s like, “You need to knock it off. You don’t knock it off. I’m not going to be seen in public with you anymore until you start treating me nice.”

She’s pulled away from my family (who is not overbearing at all and respects our space) and is now pulling away from me. I think it may be a combination of first time living with someone and my family close, so she feels like she’s under the microscope.

No, it’s not. It’s a matter of attraction and respect. And her attraction is dropping and obviously your respect is dropping because you basically have been teaching her that it’s okay to be an ass to you and not putting her in her place. And then you rationalize it, and you make excuses for her going,” Oh yeah, yeah, we’re living and living together, and yeah, the family’s right next door.” It’s like that’s not the issue. The issue is your wife is not attracted to you because you, in essence, have been acting like a bitch. Let’s be honest. You’re not being a man, consistently. That’s the problem.

She makes plans any chance she gets with friends and acts like she doesn’t have any time for me.

So, that tells me that he’s seeking her attention and validation and he’s butthurt that she won’t make plans with him. Instead of having the attitude of, “Oh, this is great. Now I can go hang out with my mom and dad. They’re next door. I can go dinner with my friends. I can clean out the garage, I can get caught up on some extra projects. I can go to the gym. I can go hang out with the boys, have a few beers.”

When your girl doesn’t want to hang out with you, you should be excited about that because you’re the driver of the fun bus. And if she’s being a cranky bitch, well, that’s okay. Go be a cranky bitch somewhere else. Go call your mom and go hang out with her and be a cranky bitch. You guys can go yell at each other. And once you’ve worn each other out, then you can come back home. That should be your attitude.

But just the fact that this sentence here, this tells me everything.

She makes plans any chance she gets with friends and acts like she doesn’t have any time for me.

So that tells me he’s focused on trying to get her to spend time with him. So, your sexual polarity is flipped. You’re the chick in the relationship and she’s the man. You’ve been letting her abuse you, and you’re not setting and enforcing healthy boundaries, so you’re acting like a bitch. And she’s walking all over you, treating you like a doormat, being disrespectful.

And you’re not only are you sitting there taking it, but you’re upset that she won’t spend time with you. Whereas your attitude should be, “I don’t want to spend time with her when she’s being a bitch.” So, you have to lovingly give her the chance to know when and how she’s out of line and ask her to respectfully talk to you or to treat you better. And if she continues the abuse, then you leave. It doesn’t mean you move out.

It just means you go do something else without her, because your attitude should be, “I’ve decided ahead of time that I want to enjoy my life and I want to enjoy my family, my family’s next door. I love my family.” And if my wife wants to be a bitch and go hang out with her friends, it’s like, whatever. “I’ll go hang out with my family. I’ll hang out with the boys. Maybe I’ll take a little weekend trip and go fishing. I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to have a good time.”

I’d love to spend time with her, but if she’s a cranky bitch, it’s like, I want to have a good time. That’s not fun. And if she won’t respect the boundaries, if she wants to continue the abuse, then you get to you’re going to give her the gift of missing you. Again, It doesn’t mean you’re breaking up with her and moving out. It just means you’re going to go do something without her with other people.

If you got kids, then you take the kids and go do something fun so you and the kids can have fun together. And she could stay home, be a cranky bitch. And what it communicates to her is no matter what attitude she’s in, the fun bus moves on with or without her. You’d love to have her, but if she wants to be a bitch, she can stay at home, so she doesn’t ruin everybody else’s fun.

And you could say something like that to her, it’s like, “I’m going to go hang with my girlfriend.” It’s like, “I think that’s great because that way you’re not here to ruin my fun and my family’s fun or my friend’s fun. We’re going to have a blast without you. And when you’re sorry and you’re remorseful and you want to apologize for all the abuse you’ve been giving me these last several months, I’m happy to hear you out.”

“But when you act this way, it’s like I don’t want to be around you. And I’m certainly not going to miss you when you’re not here. I’m going to be glad you’re not here because I’m actually going to get some peace and quiet and I’ll get some work done. I have some friends over. We’ll watch some football. It’s football season.” Go dolphins by the way, they crushed the Patriots last night. Good game, though. It was really close.

Even when sitting at the dinner table together. Complete loss of respect. Sex MAYBE once every few months.

That again tells me he’s focused on the fact that he’s not getting laid either. Whereas if your girl is being a complete bitch, it’s like, you don’t want to have sex with a chick who’s being a bitch. Sex is a reward for a good attitude, being sweet, being kind, easygoing, easy to get along with, playful, charming. The other thing this guy should do is pull a stick out of his ass, and not take himself so seriously, and joke around and laugh and not take shit seriously when she’s being a bitch.

It’s like, “Oh, I love it when you’re this way. It’s so sexy when you’re so bitchy and grumpy. You know what it does? It makes my penis just go up. It actually, when you talk to me like this, it actually makes the gonads go back up inside my body.” It’s like, “It makes my dick shrivel up. Please continue talking to me like this, this is amazing.” It’s like, “Have a joke about it and make fun of it.” It communicates you don’t; you can take it or leave it.

You’re calling her out on her bullshit. But you’re also it’s kind of funny when you talk that way. It’s funny. You got to have jokes. You can’t take life too seriously because it’s hard enough. But if you’re mad, and you’re butthurt all the time, which you’ll see here in this next sentence, which he admits to. Remember, the men always set the tone in the house. Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of.

I’m usually hot tempered.

That’s your big problem. Masculinity is calm. And so, what’s happening is you’re chaos. So, you basically got two chicks living in the same roof. You and your wife. You’re hot tempered is like, “Pfft” and she’s being a bitch to you, and you’re surprised; come on, dude!

I’m usually hot tempered, and don’t let shit go but after learning from you, I’ve taken a step back.

Good job.

I started staying at my shore house a few days a week.

Great.

Giving her space, and trying to make my points and be decisive but walk away to hold ground.

It just means that if she’s sweet and she’s kind and she’s playful and she’s loving, you love having her around. As soon as she turns into a bitch, you’re going to call her out on it. And if she continues being a bitch after you’ve set the boundary, then you’re going to do things without her. And if she complains about it, he’s like, “Hey, man, I want to have a good time. And you’re just always in a shit mood.” It’s like, “I want to have fun. My parents live next door. I have a great life. I’m an architect. I’m successful.”

It’s like, “I don’t have any problems other than you being in a shitty mood all the time.” And so, “I’m happy when you go to your girlfriend’s house. I’m happy when you go do things without me, because I get some peace and quiet and I can have people over that want to treat me nice. And so, that’s great.”

Seems to have some effect. Minimal texting and following your 70% rule.

Well, in this case, it’s like she should be doing 90 – 95% of the pursuing. So, continue to back off until it gets to that point because you’re still doing too much.

However, when I’m with her I do sometimes feel like I do too much to “chip in” around the house. She says she wants to keep working on this but is unsure, keeps wanting space.

Again, you should be glad that she wants space. It’s like, “Hey, that’s awesome. Take all the time you need. I’m going to have the boys over. Maybe go stay at your mom’s. We’re going to have the boys over. We’re gonna have a football Saturday, Saturday is College football, Sunday is NFL football. We’re going to have a great time. We’re going to swim in the pool, Jacuzzi. Maybe we’ll call some hookers. No, I’m just kidding, babe. But we’re going to have a good time.”

And is cold as a rock when we’re together so I usually don’t attempt to make conversation unless she does.

Well when she comes home, first thing you should say to your wife is like, “Hey, babe, how was your day?” Get her to talk. You got to get her to talk and open up.

Half the time I get shit if I even go up to bed the same time as her and God forbid I put on a show I want to watch.

Yeah. If she starts complaining about what you’re watching, just turn the volume up. It’s like, “What? What? I can’t hear you. What? No. What? You got to speak louder.” If you’re going up to bed at the same time her and she’s complaining, pinch her in the ass. Pinch her in her nipple. I was like, “You’re so cranky, I think maybe you need a hot beef injection. That’ll change your attitude.”

“Eh I’m not touching you.” It’s like, “Well, you know, you’re definitely not going to touch me with that attitude. But if you’re sweet and you’re kind and maybe you bring the lotion to bed or the lubricant to bed, or maybe some of the toys in the bed, I might be inclined, if you ask me nicely and sweetly, to give you a few orgasms, and give you some happy finishes.

But if you’re going to be cranky, then I’m going to do my best to make sure I snore really loud tonight. Hopefully it keeps you up and you go sleep in the couch because it’s so loud. I want to snore so loud it shakes the walls in here. Maybe just shaking the walls that way will make things vibrate down below for you enough to stimulate things so you have a better attitude.”

Love is playful and fun. It’s not serious. And so, when she’s being an ass and she won’t stop, you should make fun of it, and tease her and communicate you don’t care. “Oh, you’re really mad. Oh, no. Oh, no. You’re not going to sleep in the room with me tonight.” It’s like, “At least I don’t have to worry about anybody stealing the covers. I’ll get a good night’s rest.”

Half the time I get shit if I even go up to bed the same time as her and God forbid I put on a show I want to watch.

Like I said, dude. Joke around, laugh a little bit, get her to talk more. Back off. If she won’t respect your boundaries, then go be somewhere that she’s not.

And it’s like, “Don’t you want to go to your mother’s and yell at her? Don’t you want to go to Aunt Bethany’s and bitch at her or something?” It’s like, “Because it’s beautiful out. It’s a nice day. I even cut the lawn. I don’t know. I may swim in the pool or the Jacuzzi. I’m not sure yet. I want to have a good time today. It’s the weekend. I’ve had a long week and you’re in a cranky mood. If you’re upset, I’m happy to listen. But if you just want to be in a cranky mood because you’re in a cranky mood, it’s like, why don’t you go do something else? Why don’t you go to your mom’s, go hang out with your girlfriend Susan or whatever. Just go do something else. Go for a walk around the block. And then that way I can have some peace and quiet and then come back when you’re ready to be sweet and charming and nice to me. And maybe I’ll give you a little kissy poo.”

Any help is appreciated!

Thanks!

Bob

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.