The Cure For Women Who Display Flaky & Incongruent Behavior

The cure for women who display flaky & incongruent behavior.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 41 year old viewer who’s been a student of my work or 6 years. He started seeing a woman who the first 3 dates went smooth. However, after sleeping together she started acting flaky, incongruent and started canceling dates. They’ve been on 6 dates over several months and he says there’s no momentum. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “The Cure For Women Who Display Flaky & Incongruent Behavior”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s 41. He’s been a student of my work for about six years. And so he started seeing a woman who, the first three dates seemed to go sequentially in order. And I think it was the third date they slept together. But after that she started acting flaky and incongruent. She started canceling dates. And so after a couple of months, he says they’ve only been on like six dates because the next time he saw her was like three weeks later.

One thing to always keep in mind, if things are progressing normally and then as soon as you have sex, her behavior becomes squirrelly, she becomes distant, or she ghost you completely. Usually that means you weren’t very good in bed. Because if you’re really good in bed and she really enjoyed it, she’s going to definitely want to get together and do it again. Just something to keep in mind.

But, I mean, this girl does come back. But as the book says, if you set a date and then she cancels for a BS reason and doesn’t offer a reschedule, then the best way to handle that is even if she reaches out, unless she brings up getting together, you’re never going to ask her out again. So say she cancels a date a couple hours before. “Oh, I can’t make it. You know, I’ve got to be there for my friend who’s just broke up with her boyfriend.”

You hear those stupid excuses a lot. I see it in the emails as well. It’s like girls use the same tired, worn out excuses no matter where they are in the world. And the bottom line is that you had a date. You set your evening aside for her, and then an hour or two before she cancels for a BS reason. She doesn’t mention anything about a reschedule. So when she doesn’t mention a reschedule, we assume her interest is low. She doesn’t want to see us.

Maybe there’s another guy in the picture. It really doesn’t matter at that point because unless she brings up getting together, even if she continues reaching out, you’re never gonna ask her out on another date unless she brings it up first. Because if she doesn’t bring it up first, then you ask her out again, she’ll probably just cancel the next date on you as well. So this prevents you from getting your time wasted.

And it makes the woman work extra hard to get your attention after she screwed up by canceling on you. So you want to kind of match and mirror that level of effort and interest and respect. So if she blows you off like your time is not worth anything, well, then you’re just not going to offer it up, because that’s the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. So she’s going to have to ask for it.

She’s going to have to ask about getting together or seeing you again. And so say she’s cancelled a date and in 4 or 5 days she reaches out. “Hey, what are you doing?” “I’m doing great. How are you? Blah blah blah.” You send a few texts back and forth and you say, “Hey, it’s great hearing from you, I’ve got to run, I’ll talk to you later.”

If she calls you. Same thing. Talk for a few minutes. “Hey. Gotta run. Talk to you later.” And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll just stop contacting you. Because again, if you keep asking dates after a girl cancels and then she calls a few days later, or texts a few days later and you make another date, there’s a good chance she’s going to blow you off again or jerk you around.

And there also might be another guy in the background, maybe an ex. So when things look like they’re going to go well with him, she disappears. When things look like they’re not going to work out, then she shows back up. And so but again, when a woman starts wasting your time by canceling dates and apparently this has happened multiple times, I don’t think he really handled it properly.

Probably because he really likes her, she’s hot and he wants to see her again. But again, if you keep trying to make dates after she disrespected your time, then she starts to learn that there’s no consequences for it. Whereas if she wastes your time and doesn’t offer a reschedule, you’re going to be polite. You’ll be nice, but you’re not going to ask her out anymore.

And then she’ll feel that she’ll notice that, and she’ll notice that you’re cutting your conversation short, and it seems like you’ve got something else to do. So when she feels that, that you’re not no longer moving forward, if there’s still interest, she’ll bring up getting together with you. And then you can make a date. And nine times out of ten, she’ll keep those dates.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I found your work maybe 6 years ago and you’ve been a life saver. I’ve read and listened to the book at least a dozen times and frequent your channel. I’m 41 and I’ve recently been dating a girl who’s 34 that I met at a concert. Not my typical approach but we locked eyes and couldn’t get away from each other. This girl is a total smoke show and extremely successful in her career.

Well, that’s why she’s super hot.

I set up a first date which turned into a night of bar hopping and she slept at my place. Our second date was 10 days later. She met at my place and we never left, talking all night and making out. The third date was at a museum and after we went to her place and had sex. Seemed like things were great but then started going sideways. After that date she started testing me, canceling some dates.

Well again, it doesn’t sound like; it sounds like she cancelled a date and then as soon as she talked to her next time, or maybe you reached out to her and she blew you off again. That shouldn’t be happening that way. But here he admits that he obviously didn’t do that.

I didn’t set boundaries properly at that time and might have set myself back a bit, being too accommodating.

Well, there you go. Because if you don’t value your time, nobody else will either. If you let a woman waste your time, then she’s gonna see you as being soft and compliant and she can waste your time with no consequences, and therefore she’ll do it again. So don’t give her the opportunity to do it again. So if she cancelled a date like I said at the beginning of the video, that should have been it. No more reaching out on your part. No chasing, no nothing.

You just literally stop making any effort. She can reach out to you. You’ll chit chat back and forth, 2 or 3 text replies max. And then you’re going to say, “Hey, I gotta run. Talk to you later.” If she calls, same thing. Talk for 2 or 3 minutes. Hey, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. And she’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll disappear. In this case, since she’s been over and she’s already slept at his house, and she’s treating him this way and she’s cancelled a date. I wouldn’t even take her out on a date.

I’d invite her over to make dinner at your place. If she brings up getting together. And for the next three dates in a row, they all have to be hang out, have fun, hook up. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Hang out, have fun, hook up. And she does that, then she continues to reach out, then you can meet her out and pick her up. So in other words, what changes her mind is her feeling that you’re no longer moving forward and she’s got to work to get to know you women like a guy that is a challenge.

I did a pull back at one point and she reached out a week later and after 6 weeks passed with some back and forth we finally got back together, and had yet another spectacular night.

And so what it looks like is that even though she cancelled a date on him, he reached out to her to set the next date and then she canceled on him. So even though he’s been following me for a long time, you can see why. He didn’t set boundaries. Because why? She was smokin hot, that’s why. Smokin hot and successful in her career. So because of that, he was too nice and too accommodating and she got wind that she could jerk him around and waste his time.

But notice the attitude change. When he stopped moving forward, she finally reached back out. And then he had another spectacular night, as he says. But again, when a woman’s cancelled the dates and she’s done this, what he’s doing is he’s reengaging the pursuit, which he shouldn’t do in this case. So that’s where he’s going wrong. As he said, he’s being too nice and accommodating. You don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate.

And the other thing is the more women think you’re soft and weak and compliant, the more they’re going to fuck with you and and jerk you around and try to test you and see if they can get under your skin or piss you off or waste your time. So don’t give them the opportunity. If she’s chasing you and trying to spend time with you, then you’re not going to get rejected. Women don’t dump guys they’re chasing.

Overall we’ve been on 6 dates, each one basically terrific with laughing, great chemistry. The issue is there is some real flakiness in the mix. She’s been late for every date but improved slightly after I talked to her.

Well, some women are just like that dude. Easygoing, easy to get along with. She’s flexible. She listens to you. You told her she needs to be on time. If she continues to show up late and disrespects your time. Well, again, she’s super hot, so she’s been training her that she can get away with it. That’s why she keeps doing it.

When we’re together she says a lot of really intimate, emotional things, how we could move to London together, she wanted me to meet her parents, oh let’s go do this and that fun thing next weekend, but then the moment she leaves it’s like she gets amnesia.

Again, what would solve this problem is you not moving forward at all. No more reaching out, no more pursuing. Again the first time she cancelled a date that should have been the end of your pursuit. But because she’s super hot and you got a little pussy whipped, you were willing to jump through your butt to please her. And that’s why she kept jerking you around. Because she’s hot and she’s successful and everybody wants to fuck her.

So she wants the guy that’s going to put her in her place and not put up with her bullshit. And so you keep proving over and over that you’ll put up with her bullshit, her disrespect, and her jerking you around, but you are able to recover enough when you just back off and wait to hear from her. So I would take it a step further and just let her do all the reaching out. And then you make dates. But I wouldn’t take her out or pick her up or do any of that shit.

The next weekend idea gets canceled, she doesn’t bring her parents up, etc. Each date feels like we’re starting from square one. She’s extremely slow/erratic in her texting pattern.

So what that tells me is he’s texting her and she takes a long time to reply. So again, he’s not pumping the brakes. And this is what’s hard for guys that haven’t mastered what’s in the book yet. They start dating a woman that knocks your socks off and they start compromising. They stop setting healthy boundaries, and women get a whiff that you’re kind of soft, and that she’s basically your Kryptonite and you can’t handle it.

And that’s why you’re getting jerked around, Dude. You’re not pumping the brakes. Texting and talking and dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you wait for her to get back to you. When she’s extremely slow and erratic in her texting pattern again. This is why you should not be reaching out at all to this particular woman.

Because again, the first time she canceled on you, that should have been the end of your reaching out. Especially when she cancels and doesn’t offer a reschedule. And so what happens he gets together, has a great date, and he goes back to pursuing doing the once a week thing, and it’s not working for him. This girl will like him way more if she has to do all the reaching out. So that means he’s just got to wait to hear from her.

She claims she’s a bad texter.

So that tells me also, he’s complaining about her texting responses. And so her excuse is, “Oh, I’m a bad texter.” Which when you say that to him, all she’s going to do is do it more. It’s a bad way to go. He’s just not exercising self control even though he’s been following me for six years because this girl’s hot. He, like takes the book and he’s like turns it into a frisbee and he’s getting his ass handed to him.

She claims she’s a bad texter but I know it’s BS. Setting up dates feels like pulling teeth and we’ve been on a date every 2 or 3 week pace now. 

Well, that’s because you keep pursuing. You’re chasing after a woman who’s disrespecting you. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. So you’re inviting this girl to jerk you around, and of course, she keeps jerking you around because she can waste your time and get away with it and you’ll keep pursuing. That’s where you’re screwing up.

She tells me she’s healing from a failed long-term engagement almost 2 years ago.

So she also might be a little bit of a screwball.

I also think there might be another guy in the picture.

If I was a betting man, I’d say there’s definitely another guy in the picture.

I’m struggling to understand the gap between our chemistry in person and her challenging pace and emotional withdrawal after each date. Despite the sparks, we still have almost no momentum.

Well, quite frankly, if you were actually following the book and exercising self-control, you wouldn’t be giving her any attention. When she leaves, you’d be like, “Call me later.” And then you’re not going to reach out at all. And if you never hear from her again. So what. She’s cancelled multiple dates on you. You’ve got to pay attention to that. And again, as he’s admitted earlier in the email, he was sloppy with setting boundaries. He didn’t set him. He just let her get away with it. And just again, because he’s really thirsty for her.

I’m happy to go at her pace but I’m confused about how into this she feels.

Thanks,

Bob

Well, you say you’re happy to go at her pace, but what happens is when she finally does reach out and you have a good date, then you go right back to pursuing and you should be able, under normal circumstances, if you really didn’t give a shit one way or another, that’s how you’d operate. But because she’s super hot and you’re not used to being with a super hot girl, you’re compromising because you’re still driven by fear. And what you’re doing is you’re rewarding her bad behavior, her canceling dates, and her flakey behavior with attention.

You only give your attention to women who deserve it and who earn it, and she clearly has not earned it, so stop giving it to her. So if you do the things I’m talking about, one of two things will happen. You’ll start seeing her a lot more again. My ex-girlfriend with the daughter. This is where I really mastered this stuff. Because this is exact shit that was going on with her. I’d start pursuing again as soon as she came back. We’d have 2 or 3 good dates, and then we’d go right back to the flaky behavior.

And once I decided I’m not reaching out at all, then she became totally bamboozled. Her interest went through the roof, and she was calling and texting me just about every day, suggesting to do things, and things got really serious after that. So I know it’s hard to do, but you’ve got to pump the brakes and you’ve got to stop pursuing this girl at all. Let her do 100% of the reaching out and then just make dates when you do hear from her.

But in this case, because it looks like she canceled the last time you were together, I wouldn’t even bring up going out on a date until she brings it up first, and then you go and you have a good date. Then after that, when she reaches out, then you can make dates. But you just got to let this girl do all the reaching out. Because, you know, with multiple cancelled dates in only a couple of months, that’s a you problem. That tells me you’re not really following the book because again, as you said, you’re not enforcing boundaries properly.

You’re letting her get away with it. And that’s why she keeps doing it. Because this is how women are. If they sense a chink in your armor, they’re going to keep exploiting it. They’re going to squeeze some lemon juice in there. They’re going to dump some salt in that wound. They’re going to stick a hot poker in there, really see if they can get under your skin. That’s why the best move in this case is no move at all.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.