The Freedom Of Self-Love

Apr 29, 2016 by Coach Corey Wayne
iStock.com/PeopleImages
Photo by iStock.com/PeopleImages

How the freedom of self-love and learning to love and accept yourself will bring you freedom in your life and relationships, bring you purpose and open the door to reaching your full potential and keeping you in a peaceful and relaxed state.

In this video-coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a female viewer who shares how my work is helping her to get in touch with her feminine side and let go of a toxic ex-husband she has spent the past seven years waiting for and hoping would change and come back. She shares how she has finally seen the light, started loving herself, is now focused on taking her power back and is no longer letting others control her life and destiny.

The second email is a success story from a musician who lives in Sweden. He shares how my work has helped him to learn to love and accept himself and no longer seek validation or happiness in a woman in hopes it would make him happy. His career is taking off, he got signed to a record label and he no longer takes it personally when a woman does not reciprocate interest. These are two great success stories of how powerful and freeing it is when you learn to love and accept yourself, instead of hoping someone or something outside of yourself will make you happy. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.

First Viewer’s Email:

Corey,

iStock.com/coloroftime
iStock.com/coloroftime

COME ON MAN!!!!!! I love that line. It’s a hoot. I am a 48-year old woman, and I have one child, 13 years old. I’m not in touch with my feminine side, and you’re helping me with this. My husband left me 7 years ago. I hoped he would change and come back. He invited me to L.A. to spend Christmas, which is my birthday, and New Years with him and his family. He and his soul mate, both cheaters and liars, seemed to have A LOT of problems, and they broke up. (If you’re into traditional marriage, you’re just not going to be able to have a healthy, monogamous relationship with somebody like this. People who cheat tend to have lower self esteem, they tend to be selfish and narcissistic, and loyalty doesn’t mean anything to them.) I went to L.A., but he was miserable, unhappy and not loving, when he had asked me to come and had talked about getting married prior to me going. (You haven’t even spent any time together dating again and he’s talking about marriage. If you’re contemplating marriage, you have to ask yourself why you want it, and is it your idea to get married, or is this what society or what someone told you to do? It’s not necessary to be married in order to have a great relationship. Make sure if you decide to get married, it’s because it’s something you want to do, not because religion, friends, family or your peer group told you it’s what you need to do.) For two months, he courted me; called me every 3 days to talk to me and check on me, was sweet, nice, kind and very excited that I was coming. THEN, HE GOT VERY UNHAPPY, and I was just happy go lucky. My heart was open and receptive. (It’s not about completing one another. It’s about two people coming together in their completeness. When you focus on yourself, everything will fall into place.) I CAME BACK BROKEN HEARTED AGAIN, and then I found you.

iStock.com/Susan Chiang
iStock.com/Susan Chiang

He did not make me feel loved, safe, comfortable or even wanted. I am learning from you, and it really changes your whole perspective on life. He would have kept me right there FOREVER… and I would have stayed, but no more, no way. (Good for you. It’s not so much you loved this guy and wanted another chance with him. What you really wanted was the fantasy of who you thought he was or who he could be.) On the 7th of January, I called him and said, “Do you want to try,” and he said, “I don’t know.” (That’s a total bullshit statement.) I told him, “Then that is a no, because if you loved me, you would know.” (Absolutely. There’s no certainty there. Plus he’s an unhappy person and he needs to work on himself. A lot of people get into relationships with people who have all kinds of problems, and they think they can save or fix them, but it’s not going to work out. What you need is someone to share your completeness with, and if you don’t feel complete, you need to focus on yourself and getting to a place where you don’t mind being single. It’s important to let go of the attachment to the way we think things need to be.) I told him, “I don’t love you, I don’t want to marry you, I am not an option for you, and STOP CONTACTING ME. I gave you my time, and you threw it away.” (Never spend your time with people who are on the fence about you. You want to be with people who would jump fences to be with you. That also includes your friendships, clients and the people for whom you work.)

iStock.com/vladans
iStock.com/vladans

It’s been 3 weeks, and I am listening to you ALL THE time. I feel like I am free. (True love is freedom.) I have been holding on so long, I am not sure what to do, so I am just trying to go with it, holding that burden for so long and finally putting it down, words can not express. (That’s because you let go of the story that locked you in for the past 7 years, and you see him for the bullshit artist he is. Besides, if it didn’t work the first time around, 99.9% it isn’t going to work the second time around. That’s just reality. But for those who want to get their ex back, and you’re the one who got dumped, at least once you get the person back by applying the things I talk about in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and you get that experience the next time around, you can be the one to end the relationship and have a sense of inner peace about it that, at least you know.) It was so hard to stop thinking about him and to start to think about what he did. I let him control me. IT IS A MIND SET. (No one will ever say or do something to you that you don’t invite them to say or do.) I was so worried that I did something wrong AGAIN. THEN I THOUGHT, “Fuck off jackass. You should have been kissing my ass. You are not good enough for me. This is me walking away, ASS!!!!” You are fabulous just the way you are. (Good for you. After seven years, you are finally free of this, and you can have whatever kind of relationship you want.)Samantha

Second Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach,

iStock.com/PeopleImages
iStock.com/PeopleImages

I know I need to read the book more, and I will. I have read it one time and will continue to read it. I have been an awkward, charming musician for years. I use to read about pick up and found much success. The problem is, I could get laid, but never had the relationships I wanted. I would meet a girl and throw myself into a relationship. (You see a lot of this in the pickup and seduction community. These guys are always on to the next girl, and the overwhelming majority of them are looking for validation by hooking up with women.) I am sure this has a lot to do with my parents’ divorce and living with a bipolar mother. One day, I decided enough was enough. I decided to train for a marathon and move to another country. (You hit rock bottom, and decided it was time to do something different. People will not change their belief system until it is no longer working for them.) I moved to Sweden, and within a week I was dating a 10. It failed, and I felt like shit. I continued the pattern again a few years later. After feeling lost, I found your work. I realized that I really did not love myself and would stop doing what I loved when I met a girl. (This is the danger of what happens when you seek validation in another person.)After this last relationship, I threw myself into my music and playing shows. (You focused on your mission and purpose in life. You will be most attractive to other people when you are healthy and happy.) I ended up working a distribution deal with a label in Sweden. This is not a plug. I just have my dreams coming true. (What you focus on expands in life. You focused on your passion, and you got noticed.) The reason I have not read it 15 times is, I have been going after this, working a full time job and working in studios. (That’s your excuse. That’s the story you tell yourself about why you haven’t learned the principles I teach. There are no shortcuts to success dude. You have to be prepared.) I stopped trying to please and stopped the negative thoughts within myself. I also stopped throwing myself into a relationship. If it is worth it, then it is worth taking it slow. (Good, true statement.)

iStock.com/Yuri
iStock.com/Yuri

I have slept with over 50 women in Sweden in 3 years. I don’t see this as success. I realize now, this was about trying to find validation or love. No amount of sex will make you feel good, if you are just doing it to not be alone. (If you listen to the way guys who do this talk about other people, they really don’t have an affection for other human beings. Everything is transactional. They tend to be very shallow.) I hated sleeping alone, and I thought this would make me happy. I stopped trying to search and stopped throwing myself into relationships. I started loving myself. I used to overthink everything. I use to feel I was so weird. I would kill the charm that the girls fell in love with. (The charm was, you were happy.) I now love myself. If a girl cancels on me for a date, I move on. I no longer blame myself. I plan on reading the book more, but I think at 28, I will focus on doing what I love and hope to be doing that when I am 58. (Again, you’re making excuses about reading and learning the book. When a really awesome woman shows up and you’re not prepared, you’re going to fuck it up.) This is a success, because I realize the ultimate goal is doing what makes you happy. I don’t need a woman to be happy. (Nobody can make you happy but yourself. Life takes on the meanings we give them.) Bob

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Corey Wayne
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur

“One of the smartest decisions you can make in life is to learn to love and accept yourself as you are and where you are, and to no longer look to or expect someone or something outside of yourself will make you happy. When you make your happiness dependent upon the actions of others matching your unreasonable expectations, or upon your life circumstances being a certain way, you set yourself up for unnecessary suffering and disappointment. The superior approach is to love as your gift to others, instead of loving and expecting something in return. Love is about giving. You should also focus on creating a life and lifestyle that is emotionally compelling, which gives meaning to your life and existence. When you love your life, yourself and you give others the freedom to love or leave you, then you create the space and freedom for the right people to show up and stay, because they want to, not because you need them to.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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Published on April 29, 2016

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