The importance of positive labeling, viewing and looking for the gift in every one of your interactions with other people, and the circumstances of your life as ultimately being exactly what you need in order to grow and reach your full potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who went from feeling like his life was over, after his girlfriend suddenly dumped him for another guy she had only known for a week, to feeling like there is finally some hope and light at the end of the tunnel. He still is unable to comprehend how, after having one of the best weekends of his life with her and thinking that he may spend the rest of his life with her, the very next week she ditched him for another guy without any apology or remorse. On top of that, he shares some college classes with her where she seems to continually rub his face in her newly found happiness with her new man. He shares how he now feels like things are going to be okay in time, and he is focused on what he needs to be focused on in order to get to where he wants to be in the future. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
It’s not easy sending you a message like this. I didn’t stumble upon your work. I searched for you. When I found you a few weeks ago, the last nail was literally being driven into the coffin. I’m 26, 6’3,” 205 lbs. and in the best shape ever. (Dude, you’re so young. You’re just getting started. Imagine how much more you’ll know in twenty years.) I know I’m a good-looking guy, but I completely lack confidence. (Confidence is doing what you know how to do, and doing it really well. If there’s something you’re not confident at, you simply need to practice it until it becomes easy and effortless.) I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, and it killed me inside that I felt so lost. It wasn’t until 8 months ago that I finally decided to pursue mechanical & electrical engineering.
I was dating a girl for two years. She’s now 21. Exactly 4 months ago, she left me. We broke up over the phone, of course. Looking back, I know why she left, but there really weren’t any signs. I know. I’m sure there was. One day, she was head over heels in love, and the next day, POOF! (You just didn’t know what to look for at the time.) She’s gone and involved with someone else. I know in certain areas I became complacent. She could see I was hurting inside. I expect a lot out of myself. I want to achieve as much as I can in life, and the fact is, I wasn’t doing it, (That tells me you’re stuck in an instant gratification mode. It may take you a decade, or maybe twenty years, to get to where you want to be. You need to practice infinite patience), and I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I was being really hard on myself. I know I’m a great guy, but I lost all of my confidence. (You’re just not demonstrating confidence in the things you know how to do, and you’re in a fearful state.) The week before she rejected me, we literally had one of the best days ever when we went hiking in some canyons. I literally felt like the relationship was getting stronger than it ever was, which is why it was such a horrible shock to me. Well, I found out the next week that she left me for someone she only knew for a week! (That tells me she stayed with you too long. She stayed until her feelings were completely gone.) What tops it off is the fact that he lives overseas in Germany. Yeah, he’s an army boy who was back home for a week. He probably hit on her at work. She’s a server. (She kept you on the hook until she found the next guy.)
I become severely depressed. It got really bad. I barely passed my classes last semester. She even sat next to me in two of my classes, and we still had one month left. I tried to be strong about the whole thing. I never begged or pleaded. However, she felt the need to sit there and rub it in my face every day, wearing his dog tags, Face timing him right in front of me before class would start, and texting him the whole time. (Instead of focusing on her, you should have been chatting with other girls.) It was instant fucking love for those two apparently.
I’ve dated wonderful great girls before, but I somehow convinced myself that I was ready to spend my life with this girl. (You saw what you wanted to see.) I loved her more after 8 months than the girl I dated for 4 years. I already felt like I had nothing going for me, and then losing her was it for me. (Your happiness was really dependent on this girl being in your life. You made this girl the source of your happiness, and the reality was, you weren’t happy.) I was so scared that for a month straight, I would wake up thinking this was it. This is the day that I’ll eventually completely lose it and kill myself, because the pain has become unbearable. (Your whole identity was attached to her. It’s in those moments, when you hit rock bottom, that you can move in a new direction. You can let go of all the stuff that no longer serves you.) It really saddens me to ever admit to something like that. She never contacted me, never apologized, nothing. I meant nothing at all to her. (At some point you did, but by the time she left, you didn’t.) GUESS WHAT!! To top shit off, this kid proposed to her, and she accepted!! They’ve been dating not even 4 months, and they’ve probably only spent 3 weeks in person together, Lol. Fucking ridiculous. How the fuck does that even work?? (When you really, truly love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.)
I’m still dying inside Corey, but you have given me hope. All of my focus is directed on school and finding ways to make money. (Focus on doing something that adds a lot of value through a career or a service you can provide.) Eventually, the women will come flocking, I hope. (If you’re successful and feel like you’re making progress, you’re going to feel happier.) I sat down and started watching your videos — probably like 80% of them. Yeah, you’ve got like 1,000 videos. I then bought your book. I’m almost through it for the second time. Don’t worry, I’m reading this thing at least 20 TIMES. I wish I could afford and hour of your time. Maybe one day I will be able to for some life coaching. I want you to know that I’m not going to roll over and die. (Good, because the world is a much better place with you in it. One day, you’ll take your experience and help mentor somebody else through the same thing.) The next email you get from me will be when I’ve succeeded, because you helped inspire me to succeed. Each day I try to step forward in a positive direction. There is light at the end of the darkest fucking tunnel I’ve ever gone through. You saved a life. (I appreciate that sentiment, but you saved your own life. You made the conscious choice to make things better.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The right people, who really love and care about you, will always make the mutual effort to be in your life, in good times and in bad. Even people who may appear to only be bringing negative or bad things into your life, are actually some of your greatest teachers, whose real purpose for being in your life is to help you become a better version of yourself. When your life’s work and purpose are aligned with your heart’s desire, and your actions are congruent with making them a reality, the universe will conspire with you to send you exactly what and who you need to manifest your dreams slowly over time.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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