Why every man needs to plan for and think about the logistics of creating an opportunity for sex to happen before planning a date to make a successful seduction possible.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose previous email I discussed in the article and video coaching newsletter titled, “When She Jerks You Around.” In this current email coaching request of his, he shares a recent success story of how he has been able to re-attract a woman who previously blew him off due to his mistakes. He ended up running into her at a nightclub when she was actually out with another guy. She ended up bouncing between his table and the other guy’s table who she came to the club with.
The next day, she contacted him and he set a date. He went to pick her up, but it is obvious from his email that he did not think about the logistics of sex happening or even thinking it was possible. He did a mostly good job up until the end of the date. I critique his game, tell him what he needs to do differently, and how to pull her away from the other guy and cause her to choose and chase him so he can complete his re-attraction of her and seal the deal in the bedroom.
I apologize for the long email but I just wanted to share my half-success story with you. The girl that blew me off and jerked me around from my last coaching email with you sent me a Whatsapp message after six weeks of no contact. She said “hey you” on a Friday night, and I responded to her Saturday morning so I wouldn’t seem too available. (Good. When someone treats you properly, they get the gift of your time. When they blow you off, they get the gift of missing you. You took your time responding since she had blown you off for so long.) We exchanged a few messages, and without hesitation I asked her “when are you free to get together? I’d like to see you.” She said she had exams the following week and she would get in touch with me the following weekend. (She’s not ready to see you yet. She’s just testing the waters.) I didn’t hear from her. The following weekend was also Valentine’s Day, and I bumped into her at a nightclub. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as last time and let her walk away from me, so I grabbed her for drinks, and we partied together and had a good time. Throughout the night, she stayed and left my table many times. I remember Corey using the cat analogy, let women come and go as they like, so I let her do her own thing. Later, I found out she actually came with her current/ex boyfriend to the club, and she was actually running back and forth between the boyfriend’s table and my table. (This is why she wasn’t ready to make a date with you. She should only really be a fuck buddy.) I kept my emotions in check, but inside I was a little angry. I left the club without saying goodbye, and an hour later I received several messages from her. She said she came back looking for me and sent me several kiss emoticons saying goodnight. The next day, on Sunday, she sent me another message asking what I was up to. I thought to myself, this is really effortless when she’s blowing up my phone. Again without dithering, I asked her when she was free to get together. We set up a definite date the following Wednesday, February 18th. I actually cancelled on her because I had forgotten I had made family plans. She mentioned re-scheduling, so I told her I needed to figure out my schedule and I would get back to her. (She was interested in seeing you and bummed out you had to cancel on her.)
Two days later, she sent me another message. (Over the course of several weeks, the power flipped.) Once again, she was hitting the ball over without me hitting it back. Again, I used the same Corey Wayne line and she responded with, “I’m free on Wednesday if you are.” I made a definite date for Wednesday, February 25th, and when the weekend came along, she messaged me again! She told me if I was going out, go find her at the nightclub. I had other plans for the night so I ignored her message until the next day and I replied, “Wow, you really can’t wait until Wednesday to see me, eh? I hope your not going to attack me when I pick you up.” She said, “You can say that, but I’ll contain myself.” I ran into her the next day at the club again, and she came with her current/ex boyfriend. (She’s bouncing between you and a another guy. Insecure and narcissistic girls have to have several guys in their lives. Women with high self esteem don’t do this.) I spent the night bantering with other girls at the club, but I noticed she was constantly in my orbit trying to get my attention. We didn’t contact each other until the day of our February 25th date when she initiated contact asking if we were still hanging out. I told her, “I confirmed with you last week I was going to pick you up from your place at 7 pm.” (As I discuss in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you don’t go pick anybody up that has blown you off. She has to come to you. Why? It doesn’t warrant any more effort than that.)
When I picked her up, she told me she thought I was going to flake on her. (She was worried. That tells me she cares.) My textbook response was, “I’m a man of my word.” She asked me where we were going, and my textbook response was, “That’s for me to know, and for you to find out later.” For the whole date, I kept my cool and I didn’t talk about anything regarding relationships. However, she did ask me a couple of questions that made me unsure if she was testing me or not. (They are always testing your strength. They want to know what you’re made of.) She asked me how I spent my Valentine’s Day, and I responded with, “It was eventful. I had couple of dinners here and there.” She also asked if I hit on waitresses. I responded, “I’m a talkative person, so whether they’re pretty or ugly, I can strike up a conversation with anybody. Is that considered hitting on?” Were these testing questions Coach? (It’s all a test bro.) I drove her home after dinner, and I went for the kiss! (Just think, if she had come over to your place, you could have been having sex. Logistically, you did not plan for sex.) She was surprised that I kissed her, but she didn’t give me the cheek. Then an awkward moment happened. She looked at me, smiled and she wanted to kiss me, but I thought she wanted a hug, so I ended up giving her the cheek! Do you think this killed my game Coach? (It didn’t help dude. She was obviously receptive, but you hugged her. You should have kept making out. You really should look at my article and video, “What Would James Bond Do.”)
It’s been seven days since our date, and I haven’t heard from her. I know you said, to re-attract someone who blew me off, they must do 100% of the calling and texting. Is this another test to see if she can get me to chase her? (No, she is probably still with the ex boyfriend because you didn’t properly plan for the logistics of sex. She should be coming to you for at least three dates in a row.) Or do you think she is too occupied by the current/ex boyfriend? (Yes.) Did I say or do something to turn her off? Your opinion is much appreciated! (You should be dating other women so you can practice the seduction process and the logistics of sex. You have to think about where you’re going to be at the end of the evening. Figure it out ahead of time.)
My response to him:
Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up like I talk about in my book. You need to think ahead of time about the logistics of taking her on a date some place that can later on lead to sex back at your place. It does not sound from your email like you even considered the logistics or the possibility of having sex with her. I can tell you have not read my book 10-15 times because of how you acted at the end of the date and the fact you had nothing lined up logistically that would facilitate sex happening.
Giving her a hug and kissing her on the cheek was stupid and beta male. But for the most part, everything else you did was great and textbook, especially maintaining your composure when you realized she’s still hanging out with an ex boyfriend. At this point, you should do nothing except move on with your life and assume you will never hear from her again. However, if you do hear from her, you should invite her to your place to make dinner together. You should follow this article and video on how to proceed with her going forward if she contacts you again: “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Plan your work and work your plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. As Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation. Without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” For men, what is a date really? A date is really creating an opportunity for sex to happen. Not locking a woman down to a commitment or imposing a relationship upon her. The reality is, that depending upon the values a man and a woman share regarding sex, relationships and marriage, sex is an inevitable result of the dating and courtship process. Most women will sleep with a guy by the second or third date. Therefore, in order for there to be a successful seduction, men should plan their dates to facilitate the logistics of privacy, intimacy and sex, in addition to having protection.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne