The Most Cringe Date Ever

Why dates sometimes go sideways & turn into a cringe fest to be avoided.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a good first date with a woman he met on Hinge. After the date she started blowing up his phone and asked to come over to his place to watch the world cup and make dinner together. However, she arrived tired, had low energy and was cold and distant. She started insulting his home and belittling him. She then left giving him the middle finger as she walked out the door.

He doesn’t understand what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This email is from a viewer who had a pretty good first date with this girl that he met on Hinge, and then after the date seemed like she liked him. She’s like blowing up his phone constantly. Then she asked if she could come over and watch the World Cup with him and make dinner together. So he thought, “This is great!” So he invites her over. She shows up completely different. Low energy, vibe is totally off. Then after a bit, she starts insulting his home, how it’s decorated. She starts belittling him, commenting on his appearance. Then she starts telling him he’s too nice, and then he basically invites her to leave if she doesn’t want to be there. Then basically she gets up and leaves and flips him off with the middle finger as she’s walking out the door. Now he’s like, “What do I do now?”

So it definitely sounds like he encountered somebody that’s probably a fruit loop. It’s not normal behavior going over to a guy’s house and do that, but it is an entertaining email, and the more you date, yeah especially if you’re dating online, you’ll eventually come across a girl that kind of acts like this in some way, shape, or form.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I recently met a woman on Hinge. After a great  phone call, we went on a first date.

Well, that’s what I always recommend to do. If you’re meeting a girl online, you’re gonna have to send three, four, five messages back and forth either in the messaging app, and once you got a little bit of rapport, then you can say, “Here’s my number. Give me a call or send me your number and I’ll give you a call. Let me know when you’re available and we can chat and then maybe meet up for a drink,” because you want to get her on the phone. You want to see if the conversation flows well, because if you can’t connect on the phone, it’s not going to go better in person typically. So you can save yourself the time, and especially you guys that are on a budget, not waste your money on a fruit loop.

Dinner and drinks went smoothly, and she said she was having a great time. I shared that I liked her, and she reciprocated.

After the date she kept blowing up my phone and asked if she could come over to my condo with a bottle of wine to watch a World Cup match and cook dinner together.

That’s basically her saying, “I like you. I’m ready to sleep with you as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” Especially when a woman is suggesting that probably she’s on the rebound. Maybe she just had a breakup and she went right to the dating app. So I would have to assume that’s probably what’s going on with her.

However when she arrived, her energy shifted completely. She barely greeted me, lay on the couch and complained about being tired, work, traffic and waking up early. This was surprising as she had confirmed the date just two hours earlier and that I only have known her for two weeks (very unprofessional).

When I asked if she wanted to go home to rest because she seems very low energy today, she agreed but remained vague. She then began criticizing me saying I am “too nice,” questioning why I liked her after one date, calling my life “simple,” and commenting on my appearance.

“So you’re saying you want to have sex with me? Is that what you’re trying to communicate?” She’s calling you too nice and it’s like, if it’s me and she’s saying something like that, which obviously is not going to happen, but when I was younger, I might have gotten these kinds of responses. I wasn’t doing a lot of online dating. I always did better in person. Wasn’t a big fan, never actually. Never any of the girls that I ever met online, not a single one of them I ever dated long-term, but say it’s something like that if she says you’re too nice, it’s like, “Are you trying to tell me you want to have sex with me right now? Because you’re pretty low energy, and although I might be inclined to have sex with you, you gotta have some energy. I like a girl who gets into it. You’re like, about ready to fall asleep. So as long as your energy goes up, maybe you can talk me into a little kissy-poo. Maybe a little indoor Olympics if you play your cards right, but you got to be nice. You can’t be insulting me or commenting on my appearance.”

She also criticized my spending on furniture and appliances…

Because she’s trolling you and testing you because she thinks you’re too nice, and she’s just looking for you to stand up to her and put her in her place. It seemed like you were just too nice. You didn’t push back.

…But I stayed calm, stood up for myself and asked her to leave if she wasn’t feeling like her “sweet, loving self.”

OK, that’s good.

She didn’t like that and continued insulting me, but I kept my composure.

At that point you go, “Well, if you’re not going to be nice, then you need to leave. Like we had a good first date and you come over and you’re acting like this. I’m not a fan of it. If this is how you normally are, we’re clearly not compatible and I ain’t the right guy for you. So you got two choices: You can apologize and then come over here and kiss me, or you can be mean and grumpy and go home and be grumpy with somebody else in some other place other than here, because I want to have a good time and watch the World Cup.”

She eventually said this wasn’t going to work. I responded that it wasn’t a big deal and she could call me if she changed her mind. I also mentioned, smiling, that I didn’t appreciate last minute cancellation but I understand that shit happens. She then stormed out slamming my door and giving me the middle finger!

What a delightful girl…

So if I’m a betting man, I’m in Las Vegas. I’m gonna put all my money on the fact that she doesn’t have a good relationship with her dad, probably doesn’t like him very much either, because any man who raised his daughter, even if she goes out on a date with a guy, goes to his house and treats him this way, he’s gonna be like, “I’m really disappointed in you. Why would you talk to somebody like that? What are you even going over to the guy’s house for? That’s embarrassing. You should apologize. Even if you don’t want to see him anymore, you need to apologize to him.” That’s what a good dad’s going to do, but clearly, she probably grew up without a father.

That’s always a good question to ask, especially on a first date or even on a phone call. Like you get the girl, you get her number, you call her, she calls you whatever, you’re talking and it’s like, “So, are you and your family really close?” See what she says. “What about your dad? Are you really tight with your dad? Do you love your dad?” And she’s like, “He’s an asshole. My dad’s a narcissist. Oh, I never knew my father. I don’t have a dad.” Then when you hear something like that, you go, “Uh oh, probably not good.” So you should ask if the girl has a horrible relationship with her father. 99% of the time, those girls are not going to go to therapy or counseling or fix themselves so they can behave somewhat normally. They just go through life giving the finger to everybody because they’re probably hot, and there’s dozens of other dudes that are willing to put up with their crap.

There was no physical contact beyond a hug after the first date.

My questions:

1. What signs did I miss between the first and second dates?

Well, she didn’t give any, but she walked in with a completely different attitude. Like I said, I suspect what it really was is she wanted you to put her in her place initially, especially when she told you to were too nice. You have to understand, if a girl suggests to come over and she’s going to bring a bottle of wine and you guys are making dinner together, that’s basically like, “Hey, I’m down to fuck. I’m down to hook up as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” So when she’s calling you too nice, then that’s the time to not be nice because she wants to see a little bit of your edge. That’s why I would say, “Well, first off, you need to apologize for treating me that way and then come over here and kiss me and I’ll show you how nice I really am. I’ll show you how nice I really am in the bedroom if you play your cards right. If you apologize and you’re nice to me, then maybe you’ll get lucky later, but with this foul attitude, you ain’t gonna get none. There’s gonna be no sex for you, girlie.”

2. How should I handle sudden changes like this without becoming defensive or over-explaining?

Using humor and taking things to the next level. Like I said, the fact that she came over, she has a different attitude, she’s just basically looking to be put into her place and then have you beat up her pelvis, but because you didn’t really push back until a little later, you weren’t really playful. On top of that, quite frankly, should you be sleeping with a girl that’s behaving like this, she’s probably cuckoo. I mean, she’s already acting kind of cuckoo, So right away with that kind of behavior, fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s it. Wear a raincoat always. I would not wife a girl like that that behaves this way and definitely would not date her seriously, but you can have a little bit of fun before you send her on her way.

3. I am going no-contact now. Is this OK?

It’s like yeah. I would be like, “Why would you even reward that behavior?” You told her to reach out, and you know what? There’s a 50/50 shot if a week or two goes by and she’s like, “I haven’t heard from that guy,” and that’s gonna probably rub her the wrong way. Like piss her off. Like, “Doesn’t he know how hot I am? Well, wait till he gets a load of my magic pussy. Then we’ll see.” Then she might reach back out and then you can say, “Well, if you’re in a better mood and you got more energy and you’re willing to make it up to me by coming over and being sweet, playful, and affectionate, we’ll make some dinner together, have some wine, and if you play your cards right, you may get lucky, but I can’t promise anything. It all depends on how nice and sweet you are and how charming you can be. You’ll have to use your feminine powers of persuasion, because your performance on the first day was pretty good. The second date was atrocious, and quite frankly, your behavior doesn’t really warrant me giving you another chance or a third date, but if you’re willing to apologize and it turns out you’re a pretty good kisser, well I might give you another chance.” That would be my attitude, but I would never call, never text for any reason.

Even if she does reach out, she comes over, you guys hook up again, wear a raincoat, and then she leaves. I would never call. I would never text. I would never reach out again. Just on that kind of behavior, I would not get serious with a girl like this. Again, you want to practice safe sex because you don’t want to get the gift that keeps on giving, and you don’t want to slip one past the goalie. You want to control the controllables, because it’s not fun. It started out and you’re like, “Alright, this is good.” Now she’s coming over and I mean, sometimes those things happen. Sometimes the girls are a little loopy, but under normal circumstances, a normal, healthy woman is just not going to behave this way. On top of that, she’s raised right, she’s probably not going to suggest coming over with a bottle of wine either for the second date like that, but when you encounter these kinds of girls, at least you can have some fun with them, get a little bit of experience, blow out the barrels, clean the pipes out, and then send her on her way.

I feel she may have personality issues…

You think?

…And am wary of encountering similar behavior in the future. She seemed truly crazy.

Thanks for your advice,

Bob

I would be like, “Well, that’s probably because she is,” but I’ll tell you what, the crazy girls are fucking crazy and bad. So even though you got to deal with the crazy, they’re always great in bed and down to do pretty much anything you want to do, and they’re usually very flexible because a lot of them do yoga. So there’s that. So girls that can do yoga, which a lot of them can, especially if they were a former cheerleader, it’s always fun when their body contorts like a pretzel. Gives you a lot of interesting positions and things that you can do.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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