In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who says she has never been successful in relationships. Over the past few years, she has really worked on herself to become better. She has tended to attract low quality men who were not loyal or self-confident and often were narcissists. She says she had a difficult childhood. She also has trouble trusting men. Last year, she dated a guy she originally thought was her soul mate. She says they, “…had such a great time together, lots of great conversations, lots of fun, we never argued and for the first time in my life, I had a real, great relationship.”
After a year, things started going sideways. He told her, “…he doesn’t want sex with the same woman anymore, cannot imagine himself being with only one woman forever, probably wasn’t mature enough yet and similar things.” She sometimes misses him and wants to know what she should focus on so she can move on and meet someone new. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Dear Coach Corey,
I’ve been watching your videos for a while and, although I am a woman, I love them, and I am learning so much. I think your philosophy is wonderful, and life would be a paradise on earth if everyone lived like this. Thank you! (Thank you. It’s my purpose. It’s really about teaching people self-reliance.)
A little bit about my situation: I was never successful in relationships, and I always attracted guys who were not loyal, not self-confident, narcissists — all the worst things you can imagine. (It’s really about how you view yourself. If you feel you don’t deserve something great, you’ll be attracted to people who create drama. If you attract low quality people into your life, you’ll get a low quality relationship, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.) I guess it is natural since I had a difficult childhood and I had self-trust issues also. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life back then. However, I was working a lot on my psychology and everything else, and I have improved a lot. I became an IT Specialist, without any related background, and I achieved a lot in that area. I even have managing positions right now, and I am proud of myself. (The best things you can invest in is self-improvement. The better you become, the more valuable you become to others. It pays the best dividends.) Also, I invest a lot in my physical appearance. I am a sports enthusiast, and I take good care of myself. Naturally, my self-esteem raised a lot. (When you focus on making yourself happy, taking care of yourself and taking care of the quality of the people you allow into your life, you’re going to be happier.)
Last year, I met a great guy. I felt like he was my soulmate. We had such a great time together, lots of great conversations, lots of fun, we never argued and for the first time in my life, I had a real, great relationship. I am 28 years old now. We were together for a year, and at the end of the relationship, things started to fall apart. It all started when I asked him about why things were not as good between us sexually, and he opened up to me that it happens to him after some time in a relationship. (Sometimes, you grow apart in relationships. Maybe at some point your goals and values are no longer aligned.) He doesn’t want sex with the same woman anymore, cannot imagine himself being with only one woman forever, probably wasn’t mature enough yet and similar things. (Sometimes people will get bored and outgrow the other person, but if you really love someone, you’ll want them to be happy. In this situation, you could tell him to go find what he’s looking for, and tell him to contact you if he changes his mind.) I told him that this was not acceptable for me, and I want a real, intimate relationship where partners invest in each other, take care of each other and it does not end after some time. Then we broke up, and he never reached me after that. (That relationship ran its course. Now you’ve experienced a decent relationship, so you will know what to look for and what to avoid in future.)
I moved on with my life, and I enjoy being alone, but sometimes I feel like I miss him so much, maybe because it ended so unexpectedly. (Deep down, you’re experiencing fear from this breakup, but you’ve got to move forward. Take the gifts and the lessons, and attract a better person.) I never contacted him on purpose, but I met him a couple of times unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad every time. I haven’t met anyone else yet, although I try to live my life to the fullest, take chances, go out and keep myself busy. It looks like all gentlemen have disappeared into the dark. (The idea is, now that you’re reading my book, you know what to look for. You’re able to tell which guys have their shit together and which guys don’t.) I was hoping you have something to say that could cheer me up and keep me positive during those sad and weak moments. (You should be working and focusing on becoming a better version of yourself, because the sooner you get there, the sooner you’re going to vibrationally align yourself with the kind of person you really want.)
Warm and sweet wishes… your biggest fan,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You attract how you act. Women who have a high level of trust in their fathers tend to be able to trust men and recognize which ones are trustworthy and which ones are not. Women, who did not have a high level of trust in their fathers often have a hard time trusting men and can be jealous, insecure or controlling. They might also have a history of attracting men who cheat, are weak or narcissistic. Why? Anyone who is driven by their fears will attract people and circumstances into their lives that can help them overcome their fears, weaknesses and limiting beliefs so they can make better choices in the future from a position of strength, balance and self-love. The healthier and more loving a woman’s relationship with her parents is, the higher the likelihood will be that she’s great relationship material. The better you understand yourself and human nature, the better the quality of choices you will make in your personal and professional life.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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