Like attracts like. Any company, sports team or organization is made up of people who have similar interests, values and goals. However, everyone is aware of sexual-harassment, and most companies have policies regarding office romances. You better know what you are doing if you plan on making a move on that hot girl from work. Otherwise, you will end up looking like a bad pickup artist who gets fired! Many times people who work in office environments, are often in unfulfilling or dysfunctional relationships. An office affair can sometimes be what people who are in unhappy relationships choose over leaving or ending their relationships. How often have you heard of the secretary who is sleeping with her boss who keeps promising he will leave his wife for her? What usually ends up happening? He usually stays with his wife.
If you or someone you know has become involved with someone whose in a relationship with someone else, you/they are playing with fire. There are so many beautiful single women in this world, so why would anyone in their right mind screw around with someone who is a cheater? The following is an e-mail from a reader who is sleeping with a woman from his office who lives with her boyfriend. My comments (are in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hi Coach Corey,
I bought your Kindle eBook recently and realized I was making major mistakes in the current “situation” I’m in it… which is sticky: here it is. The email is long but interesting, so keep reading and give me your feedback! You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man.
I met this woman at work, where we’ve been alongside for about 5 months. At first, at least for me, I never thought of being more than friends, even if she is quite cute, (really?) since we got along so well.
Slowly but surely, we spent more and more time talking everyday. Our other coworkers even mentioned we were the office “couple” since we were together all the time, but not in a girl-friend type way. We’ve always sort of challenged and teased each other a lot in a playful way. (You should be that way with all women. Always playful and fun. Women love to banter and tease.)
Anyway, about two months after we started working together, I started wondering if she was attached or not. Usually girls will mention something right away or very quickly. Strange, because she never did with me.
Turns out, about 2 months ago, we were out together at a cafe after work, and everything went very well. Then at the end I asked her who she lived with. At that point, we both knew we kind of liked each other. So, she told me: “I’m afraid to tell you, you’re not gonna like it”. I answered “why not? Just go ahead and tell me!” Then the bombshell: “with my boyfriend of 6 years.” (Red flag)
When I asked her why she never mentioned anything, she replied: “well, you never asked”, although apparently all the other coworkers knew; 3 others. Needless to say, the evening ended quickly with me leaving shocked. (That’s a buzz kill. You should have said, “Give me a call if it doesn’t work out.)
The next day, we had an office party, and we talked a lot about what had happened the previous night. She admitted that she was very attracted to me, but that she wasn’t the kind of girl to cheat on anyone… (Translation: “I’m normally not the kind of girl to cheat, but I can be persuaded.”) BUT after she gave me “the eyes,” we ended making out in a big way for about 1 hour. It became very hot.
So, ever since then, we’ve been seeing each other after work a couple time per week for 2 months, and usually it lasts from 7pm to 12am. (Do you honestly think this woman would not do the same thing to you with another guy if she were unhappy with you? If you think you will be different, you are deluding yourself. She’s a friends with benefits or sex playmate only. Not good relationship material. Most men don’t like their women sleeping with other men. Have you thought about those consequences if he finds out?)
But I made it very CLEAR that I don’t want to be 2nd, and that this can’t continue for very long… she feels the same. (What? Right now, she can have her cake and eat it too. What’s the incentive for her to leave him for you? She can simply screw around with someone else if you break it off. You need to be realistic about where you really stand with her. You’re the guy she’s cheating on her boyfriend with.) I encourage her to tell someone about it, but she wants to keep it to herself for now. Why? (Because she likes the setup. She gets laid and has some excitement in her sex life, but still has old faithful at home for security and comfort.) Because all of her friends are “interconnected” with her boyfriend. (Old Indian Proverb: “If tribe not to know… keep mouth shut!”)
Also, she always tells me things like: “If I didn’t have a boyfriend, we’d been together already without a doubt.” (Probably true, but what does “together” really mean to a woman like her?) Or, “why do you have to be like this, it’s too hard, I wish it was more simple.” (Translation: “Why are you trying to force things? Just go with the flow and enjoy getting laid. If you push me to leave my boyfriend you will complicate my life. I like cheating and keeping this from him because its easy and low maintenance. Lets just enjoy what we have.” You should start applying what my book teaches to meet other women so you can get some more experience… and… some more options. Especially, if you are really looking for girlfriend material. This woman you are having the affair with is not girlfriend material.)
When I tell her that I won’t be here for her forever, she tells me the last thing she wants is to rush things, and hurt the last person she wants to hurt: her boyfriend. She told me they kind of “grew up” together and that it wasn’t as simple as I seem to tell her all the time. She is 26, he is 25 and have been together for 6 yrs. I am 29. (Translation: “My interest level is not high enough in you, for me to go through the hassle of breaking up with him.”)
Instead of saying: “ok, clear your mind, then get back to me when you’re done with him”, I’ve become more attached. (Lose the attachment, by becoming attached to other women romantically and sexually. This will make you more desirable to all women… and… give you SWAGGER.) Consequently, she’s become a bit more distant, feeling I’m speeding things up. (Women want to feel safe and comfortable. You are making her feel uncomfortable when you try to force things.) All she wants is time to think clearly, because she never has time for herself. Moreover, she always keeps things for herself, she HAS to talk to one of her friends! (Translation: The more you push me and try to force things, the less I am going to want to see you.)
So we decided to slow things down for a couple weeks. 5 days into it, 3 days ago, she texts me saying she wanted to see me, but that she might finish work very late”. So, around 8pm, I text her asking if she’s about done, and she says “shame, I have to stay at the office.” (Mistake, right here you are putting your personal life on hold for a woman who is unavailable. Never do this! It puts you in a weak position, and will cause you to do things based out of fear instead of certainty and confidence. Decisions based upon fear will always make things worse.)
I was kind of pissed off, because she initiated, then canceled. (Behind anger is always FEAR. F.E.A.R.=”False Evidence Appearing Real”. You wanted to see her, but were disappointed. Fear of loss. “Fear of loss is a pathway to the darkside.”-Master Yoda.) I know for a fact that she DID have work that night, so I’m wasn’t that mad. I also know that she will finish very late for the next week… important project, short deadline. (You are obsessing over this woman. Bad idea.)
However, I had hoped for some reason she’d be getting out around 8pm, so I made the effort to be near the office around the time she texted me that. I answered back saying: “too bad, I’m near the office”. Then replied: “come smoke a cigarette with me, let me know when you’re there.” (Pretty weak. You are chasing her. Chasing her will guarantee rejection.)
So I got there, and spent 15 minutes together, but quality minutes… after kissing goodbye, she says: “I finally talked to someone about us: one of my best friends” with a smile… which I replied to: “well, what did she say?” She says, again with a smile, “she said… you are young….” (Translation: “Young and over-eager. Unsure of what to do so you are making mistakes unnecessarily. You are her sex playmate and friend with benefits.”)
Then we parted ways and have not talked since. I’m not sure what to do next… and especially I’m not sure, although I have an idea what she wanted to communicate to me when she said her girlfriend told her “you’re young…”
Anyway, my plan is to wait it out, not contact her until she does. If my intuition with our last short encounter is right, then she will contact me and end things with her boyfriend. (You’re reaching here. You have not mentioned anything that would lead me to believe she will leave her boyfriend.) She told me she thought about it strongly last month. (She obviously decided to stay with him. Women vote with their feet.) We’ll see… I’m hoping to hear from you Corey. (Just keep hooking up and having fun if you’re not worried about getting the crap beat out of you by her boyfriend. Forget the future and where its going; its going nowhere. Get busy meeting other women so you can get some better options, and improve your skills. Let her contact you exclusively. Only respond to her texts, calls and emails and have her come to your place. Don’t go out with her in public. Just keep her as a sex playmate. That’s what she wants. That’s all she can be or offer right now. It is what it is. This woman has done nothing to warrant you giving your heart to her. She has a boyfriend and you aren’t her boyfriend. Proceed with caution.)
Khaled from France.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Sundown, ya better take care, if I find you been creepin round my back stairs.”-Gordon Lightfoot from his hit song “Sundown”