The power of walking away and meaning it when you are disrespected, abused and taken for granted.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a German viewer who shares a success story of how using the power of walking away and meaning it helped him to take his power back and stop emotional and mental abuse from some family members. They were abusive towards him and his wife, and he didn’t tolerate it.
After four years, they recently got in touch and apologized for their behavior. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a great success story of how employing this to set and enforce healthy boundaries in your own family is sometimes the best medicine for people who just simply will not stop their abusive behavior.
I have a success story here, which shows one more time that your book works. Here is what happened:
So, we flew on vacation with my family. Two of my family members actually had a wedding in this time. We had been to a beautiful hotel with an amazing view. For some reason my family was not happy, and later on I noticed why. Lots of stuff went wrong with their wedding, and to be honest, I felt sorry for these guys. They spent a lot of money on their special two weeks, and everything that could go wrong went wrong.
So, with that in mind I was prepared for something. I knew something came up, because you know how these fucking emotional vampires are. If shit hits the fan, they try to find a way to make your day miserable.
Human beings tend to attack in other people what they’re disconnected from within themselves. So, if you’re a very happy person and you encounter people that are just miserable and unhappy, they’re going to resent the fact that you’re happy and they’re going to attack you for it. If you’re in a happy relationship and they’re not, they’re not going to be nice to you, because they’re going to be upset that you have what they want.
If they can make you miserable and bring you down to their level, then they don’t feel so bad about their choices. Because misery truly does love company. And so, when you see people, as he refers to being energy vampires, trying to bring you down, we all project what’s inside of us, good or bad. We project what we don’t like inside of ourselves onto other people, and then that’s how we disassociate and say, “Hey, that’s not mine. I don’t have to do anything. I’m good. See that person over there, they’re the bad ones.” That’s just what people do. So, when you understand that, you can choose not to participate.
There was a quote, I think it was the Buddha, he was in a village somewhere and somebody came up, was being very harsh and saying nasty things to him. And after that person walked away, one of his disciples came up. He’s like, “How could you remain so calm in the face of all that?” And he says, “When someone gives you a gift and then you do not accept that gift, to whom does the gift belong?” So, as long as you don’t take it on board, it has no effect on you. As the late, great Wayne Dyer used to say, “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business.”
If you want a good laugh, go to my TikTok account, @CoachCoreyWayne. Hoo boy, a lot of feminist feminazis. There are a lot of people who did not react too well to my red flags on women video series. I did three short videos on it, got a lot of abuse, and it really brought out the haters. But these people, mostly unhappy women, are all projecting their self-hatred and self-loathing onto me – the worst kind of personal insults you can think of. It’s kind of hilarious. But I’m glad I could help them with their grief therapy.
We got into the line of fire, because some of our family members opened a bottle of shit up and dropped it on us. They were very nasty, calling us names, etc. But, we stayed cool. We walked away and never looked back.
So, yeah, they’re projecting their own self-hatred and self-loathing. And this particular viewer and his wife said, “We’re not going to accept that gift. You get to keep it, and therefore it’s your gift. It still belongs to you.”
My wife and I have a drama free zone.
We alone decide who rides the party bus with us, and these guys got kicked out, while the bus was driving.
So, anyway, my wife and I walked away and never looked back. It took almost four years, and now we got a letter from these guys. It was an honest letter. I am in the process of getting trained for a new job and fixing my PTSD. They actually wished me all the best and have been very nice. I decided to answer the best way; I called my father and asked him, when there is time to meet up with them, and we met up the next free weekend. They came, and I used what I learned from your book. The other side was talking 80% of the time. We solved the issue, and the respect is back.
Yeah, because they didn’t have a choice. “This is how it’s going to be if you’re going to be in our life, you’re going to be kind, sweet and loving to us.” And the reality is, you want the other person to feel heard and understood. This is literally right out of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” When you take a sincere, authentic interest in hearing the other side out, like he did, they feel heard and understood.
One of my favorite quotes by Stephen Covey, he talked about how “most people listen with the intent to reply, but not to understand.” And you can also see that in the TikTok comments as well. These people, they don’t care to hear what I’ve got to say. They’re just upset, and in their trauma, and looking to project it, to absolve themselves from having to do anything to fix their shitty lives, and their shitty attitudes, for that matter. The girls and I have really enjoyed the responses to them, and we’re going to film some more of those today. So, we’re going to do a longer response video to some of these hate comments. Some of them are pretty funny.
My wife and I have been told that we have a lot of respect since we not contacted them for four years. We basically treated them like they passed away.
In other words, “Hey, you’re dead to me. If you don’t change, then we’ll never speak again.”
They never thought we would hold up that long. They knew they did something wrong and wanted to make peace with us. It’s rough, especially when it comes to family, but it worked.
Thanks for everything, and I wish you a great new year in 2022.
Well, Bob, congratulations on sticking to your guns, because someone needed to teach these people in your family a lesson. And obviously, after four years, they learned their lesson. Because if you had just kept hanging out with them, there would be no consequences for their abusive and toxic behavior. Therefore, not only are you inviting them to do that to you guys again, but it validates their life choices.
Because it’s not just you, they’re probably doing it to other people, or were doing it to other people in the family, and now they’ve learned there are real consequences. Literally, “Hey, you’re dead to me and we’ll never speak again,” and they decided that they didn’t like that, that they wanted you in their lives, and so they came back. You set a healthy boundary, it took four years, you enforced it, and now they’re respecting your boundaries. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
So, you can read “How To Be A 3% Man” at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. You can also read my second book, “Mastering Yourself ” for free there. And the latest quotes book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations” is also available there. And these are all available in audiobook wherever audio books are sold, paperback and hardcover format.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. If people don’t treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated, you should give them the gift of missing you permanently if they do not change their behavior and treat you properly. Otherwise, whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is essential to have an easy and effortless life free of unnecessary drama.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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